Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[Blue Spiral]

You might be sitting on a plane, train, bus, whatever. There might be a woman next to you who could help connect you to a job, other people, some interesting opportunity. You just never know unless you are open to it.

 

You know, I sort of tried networking, but it was so mind-numbingly boring and empty that I just couldn't make myself do it. I'm sure that it's greatly hurt my "career," but I'm simply not built for that. I can barely force myself to be social in everyday situations. And people can tell that I don't enjoy it, and that I'm horribly awkward with all things social. Expecting me to pretend to be interested in some other person for job reasons...that's way too advanced for me.

 

You should become a monk and go live in the mountains

 

I already live in the mountains, I've been celibate for a while, I'm not around people very much...I already am a monk, basically. Plus, I'm super-enlightened and have lots of secret wisdom.

[Blue Spiral]

More Blue Spiral bullet points (actually dashes, because I'm too lazy to do bullet points on here, assuming they're even possible):

 

--that would-be FWB keeps sending me pictures. But she's increasingly clothed in the pictures, like she's trying to convince me that she's a Serious Mature Person who's moved beyond her wild phase. I imagine that would work on most guys--sexual double-standards, etc.--but I'm one of the few who doesn't care about that! Bad luck for her.

 

--I actually got mad at someone, today, which almost never happens. But I maintained self-control and rode it out. They sort of criticized me, and the "problem" was...a bit exaggerated, shall we say. Any reasonable adult should have been able to deal with it just fine, but this person is a squeaky wheel. I'm just not used to any sort of real conflict. I can shrug off major "life" problems, but it takes energy, and it can leave me sort of exhausted and hypersensitive, so minor problems end up bugging me, instead. Thank god I managed to censor my actual reaction. You know, now that I think about it, I haven't actually raised my voice to anyone in about a decade, if ever. I'm a surprisingly good person! I didn't even argue with my gfs, and I can't ever remember yelling at anyone. I'm so hard on myself.

 

--I should know better, but, I keep responding to that other woman, the one that "just wants to talk". Maybe I just feel the need to get the last word in? The way I feel about her is no doubt the way many of you feel about me: "Is this person from another planet??" She honestly can't figure out why I don't want to talk to her, why I don't want to go out with her ("But going out is fun, even if it's just platonic!"), and why I'm anti-relationship in general. She made a crack about how I'd have to "do better" if I wanted to "prove myself" to women. When I asked her why a woman wouldn't have to prove herself to me, she went dead quiet and then acted like I'd said something in a foreign language. She's hot, so I think she's used to guys sucking up to her and overlooking the inane crap that she says/does. I need to stop talking with her; I have enough stress in my life as it is.

 

--today was partially productive. I should have done better, but I have a legit excuse, for once, because things really did get in the way.

 

--none of my favorite cam models are on, tonight. A meh ending to a meh day.

[Silverbirch]

Perhaps you should change your username to Brother Spiral/Swami or something.

 

If you are genuine about wanting to remain celibate, the Budhist monks can teach you a thing or too. They have special meditations for that purpose which supposedly work.

[Blue Spiral]

Perhaps you should change your username to Brother Spiral/Swami or something.

 

If you are genuine about wanting to remain celibate, the Budhist monks can teach you a thing or too. They have special meditations for that purpose which supposedly work.

 

I don't want to remain celibate. I'm stuck being celibate, at least until worthy options come along.

[Firiel]

So, this is going to sound snarky, but I don't mean it to be.

 

Would a realistic sex doll be your best option? You can pick exactly what you want it (her?) to look like and you wouldn't ever need to deal with conversation or drama.

[Blue Spiral]

So, this is going to sound snarky, but I don't mean it to be.

 

Would a realistic sex doll be your best option? You can pick exactly what you want it (her?) to look like and you wouldn't ever need to deal with conversation or drama.

 

I'm holding out for a robot, and I'm not even kidding. But, assuming that they invent one in my lifetime, the price probably won't come down until long after I'm dead.

 

I was born a few hundred years too soon. If a Gemma Arterton-looking robot was around, ENA would never have had to put up with my complaining!

[Blue Spiral]

Ugh, I'm frustrated with people. I'm taking a five-hour break from them, starting...now!

[Blue Spiral]

My break helped!

 

As did this hilarious thing I read in another thread. "Good Men Project"...oh my. I had to text my best friend and tell him about it, because it's just that, um, awesome. He was convinced that it was some sort of parody, but I finally managed to convince him it was real. We spent way too much time pointing out the best comments to each other.

 

I had a surprisingly productive day...and I broke a personal record in one of my video games! Aww yeah. I also did other, arguably more mature things, which I will not bother recounting.

 

A rare clothing-related comment: I'm extremely skinny, so most of my shirts look baggy on me. But I finally found some shirts that actually fit. They're the same size as the baggy ones, and they all look the same in the store, so I have no idea what the difference is. I know that sizes, like, vary or whatever, but this seems a bit ridiculous.

 

Edit: wow, look at the top three most popular threads, right now. The woman that's afraid all men are pigs...and then the next two strongly indicate she might be right. You have the thirty-year-old who's infatuated with a teenager, and the guy that's mean to the girl he's using as a booty-call, but she stays the night anyway. Anecdotal evidence is just anecdotal evidence, but I see it everywhere I look, and I honestly don't think that it's confirmation bias. Our genders shouldn't trust each other...

[Mr_LFA]

Your writing reminds me of the dialogue in The Big Bang Theory, in particular from Sheldon Cooper. Brilliant!

[Blue Spiral]

Your writing reminds me of the dialogue in The Big Bang Theory, in particular from Sheldon Cooper. Brilliant!

 

Intelligent but emotionless? Well, I think that I'm a reasonably emotional guy, but I come to ENA for analytical reasons.

 

...I don't like what I've seen of that show, though. Geeks aren't like that! The show is presenting watered-down, safe-for-the-mainstream geeks. In real life, the pop-culture and science references we make would go flying over the heads of CBS' elderly audience. Ugh. "Oh, look, he's wearing a Flash t-shirt, so he's a geek!" Come on, I see hot women in Superman and Batman shirts all the time, and even those new Wolverine hoodies. You put this Sheldon guy in a Red Tornado shirt, and we'll talk.

[Blue Spiral]

Well, I obviously haven't had much to say, lately. As it turns out, looking at women is a lot more enjoyable than talking about them.

 

I have some ideas for how to continue this journal, but I'm torn. Should I do an emotional post about my second girlfriend, or should I do a post that could short-circuit ENA forever? (Yeah, yeah, I'm probably being melodramatic.)

[Firiel]

Did your time here overlap with Rose21? Trust me-- nothing you could post would short circuit ENA forever. Not if Rose21 didn't manage it.

[Blue Spiral]

Did your time here overlap with Rose21? Trust me-- nothing you could post would short circuit ENA forever. Not if Rose21 didn't manage it.

 

I have no idea who that is. But I'm sure you're right; I'm anticipating a reaction more along the lines of "omg, what is that crazy Blue Spiral doing now??"

 

In other news, I'm apparently supposed to appreciate the fact that certain people only have a limited amount of contempt for me, as opposed to the normal, presumably larger amount. Um, thanks?

 

I take a week off from my journal, and my social skills go even further downhill. Wow.

[Silverbirch]

Try not to worry too much about them BS.

 

Gosh, I would love to know what Rose did?

[Silverbirch]

I think that perhaps you are under-estimating people's open-mindedness. Sure there are bigoted people here, but not everyone!

[Blue Spiral]

I think that perhaps you are under-estimating people's open-mindedness. Sure there are bigoted people here, but not everyone!

 

I appreciate that...but, just for the record, I don't think that people on ENA are bigoted against me. Maybe a teensy bit for the non-monogamous stuff, but that's probably a cultural reflex more than anything else. I don't blame women for being suspicious about men that, well, say negative things about women. Feminism has been around for a while, now, so men have gotten to where we can distinguish between "She's saying a lot of negative stuff about men, but she doesn't hate men, she's just worried about her own gender" and "She's saying a lot of negative stuff about men, and she pretty clearly hates men". The idea of men speaking out on behalf of our own gender is still pretty new, so I can see why they'd lump me in with all of the usual types that just want to hold women back and undo progress. I apologize for the mental image I'm about to inflict on you, but, it's pretty easy to imagine a female version of me in the 1950s, railing against the then-current culture and gender norms, and being told that I shouldn't complain, because I'm protected and have someone working a full-time job to take care of me. Gender unfairness is gender unfairness, regardless of the time or place or which gender we're talking about.

[Silverbirch]

LOL, my elderly mother has kept a cartoon I drew and wrote something under it. She says I was 15. I don't remember it. she says I was always different to her other daughters. I could live a very financially stable life, and I guess kept in many ways, but I couldn't live a lie.

 

Anyway, the cartoon was of a school girl saying something to the effect of why study and pursue education if All I'm going to do is marry, have 4 children and live in the burbs.

 

BTW, I was born VERY late 1950's, but my teens were in the 1970s, and in many ways, we were nowhere near conservative as the young people today are. I have heaps of friends who have said things like, "How did my kids get to be so conservative." I heard it t

Recently with accounts of what her daughter and been saying, and we rolled around with laughter.

[Blue Spiral]

I don't think that young people today are that conservative. They're basically radical within the system, for the most part. I may not be out protesting and railing against the status quo and wearing tie-dyed shirts (I look like a total straight arrow), but I don't believe in monogamy, I'm pro-gay-marriage, and if they decided to do away with capitalism tomorrow, I'd shrug and be fine with it. But that's another subject.

 

Your cartoon reminded me of a conversation I had with some extended family members, back when I was a teenager. They asked me if I had a girlfriend, yet. I said no. But wait, wasn't I excited about dating and then getting married, someday?? I said no. They laughed and said that that'd change. Well, it's twenty years later, and...!

[Silverbirch]

Hi Blue Spiral,sorry, I didn't mean that to come accross as patronising.

 

 

When I was a teenager, AIDS had not been even been heard of. I think that a lot of people were revelling in the relatively new freedom also from birth control which became easily available at that time. The womens movement was in full swing, and there were just a lot of social changes. Most of us also had relatively more financial freedom than today - especially I think that in Australia at least, more young people moved away from their families - very often in their teens as did I, 2 of my sisters and my sons father. My son, on the other hand lived with a parent until quite recent times. We had more money so were able to.

 

I have a son who is only around 3 years younger than you. He seems more sensible than we were.

[Silverbirch]

BTW, my son has always said he isn't going to get married, and as far as his father and I are concerned, that is okay. We just want him to be happy. From time to time I have thought that it would be nice to have grand kids, but really, that is not my sons problem. Really, I could be just as happy with my small dog and fur babies, maybe more happy than with grandchildren.

 

Do you think that maybe you are just too down on yourself for never wanting to get married. That is a very legitimate choice that a lot of people make.

[Blue Spiral]

Hi Blue Spiral,sorry, I didn't mean that to come accross as patronising.

 

It didn't at all. You're absolutely right that certain cultural and economic circumstances have changed, making people a bit more cautious than they were in the past...but I'd argue that other circumstances have changed, as well, which has balanced that out. Our situation may be a little less carefree, but, psychologically, I think that people are much more accepting and forward-looking than they used to be.

 

Do you think that maybe you are just too down on yourself for never wanting to get married. That is a very legitimate choice that a lot of people make.

 

Actually, I'm not down on myself about that at all. Oh, back when I was looking for a relationship, it made things a lot tougher...but that isn't a factor, anymore. I'm relatively loud and proud about my anti-marriage stance; I've never felt bad or guilty about it.

 

In other news, I had a surprisingly-good Thanksgiving. I avoided conversations with my extended family, I watched some football, and I received some great pics from a female friend.

[Blue Spiral]

Holy crap. I...I think I had two different women flirt with me, today. In-person! I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do. (Okay, even if I hadn't been shocked, I still would have been pretty awkward.) It gave me a boost of self-confidence...but I don't actually have anything to use that self-confidence on. Rats.

[annie24]

Holy crap. I...I think I had two different women flirt with me, today. In-person! I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do. (Okay, even if I hadn't been shocked, I still would have been pretty awkward.) It gave me a boost of self-confidence...but I don't actually have anything to use that self-confidence on. Rats.

 

I feel this way when guys flirt with me - like, "are they flirting or are they just being nice? maybe they are bored??"

[itsallgrand]

Holy crap. I...I think I had two different women flirt with me, today. In-person! I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do. (Okay, even if I hadn't been shocked, I still would have been pretty awkward.) It gave me a boost of self-confidence...but I don't actually have anything to use that self-confidence on. Rats.

 

lol That's awesome...

 

flirt back!

[Blue Spiral]

I feel this way when guys flirt with me - like, "are they flirting or are they just being nice? maybe they are bored??"

 

I'm usually uncertain if women are flirting with me--with my (lack of) social skills, women have to be extremely obvious for me to realize what's going on--but this time, I'm sure that they were.

 

lol That's awesome...

 

flirt back!

 

I'm incapable of in-person, real-time flirting, for the most part. Also, I'm celibate now. I'm sure that those women look at me and assume that I'm mostly normal, but I don't want to inflict my various issues on them. (Incapable of monogamy, don't want marriage or kids, distant, etc.) But it's nice to get a bit of attention and external validation, for once.