Mr_LFA Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 I've run out of ideas in this area. lift weights at the gym and/or tell her you've got a 'big one'? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 5, 2016 Author Share Posted November 5, 2016 lift weights at the gym Once I escaped from my final gym class in high school, I vowed to avoid gyms as much as I could. and/or tell her you've got a 'big one'? lol I'm pretty sure that I discussed that with her at some point in the past...but, good point, maybe she's forgotten...! When I went to see the movie, several below-my-league women checked me out, and one almost-exactly-my-league woman did the same. In addition to my good looks, I credit my crisp new jeans (i.e., the jeans that I just found at the bottom of the drawer this morning, and didn't realize I had). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 I didn't want to drag LW's thread off-topic, but I did want to mention this comment that JJ made to him: I mean, you have said in the past that you've "had it out" with people on Facebook, have posted sad/depressed status updates...this is all very, very unattractive to women. Women tend to like men who at least seem relatively happy, fun to be around, genuinely confident. Wow. Just speaking for myself: sometimes, I'm happy. Sometimes, I'm not. I can't imagine having to hide how I feel in order to get women. It's the same when it comes to "faking" things like confidence, ambition, whatever. It just never even occurred to me to do that. Despite being focused on the sexual/physical when it comes to women, I'm much more emotional than most men, and that's definitely worked against me. Pesky gender roles. Still, I'd rather be myself, all things considered. If I have to be celibate because of this, so be it. I won't be happy with that, but the alternative sounds like a miserable, dehumanizing nightmare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Speaking for myself, the negativity that some men have (about themselves, that is) is unattractive not for the sake of negativity, but rather it comes off to me as attention-seeking and compliment-fishing, and that's unattractive to me for anyone, male or female. I've never dated a guy who didn't have some form of insecurity about themselves - I think that's normal. I think it's also normal to feel depressed at times or anxious. But if someone is harping on about "oh boo hoo me, this and that" all of the time, I can't really take that. I can't stand it when girls do it either. "Arrrrggh, I'm soooo ugly, I'm soooo stupid, I'll be alone forreeevar". It's annoying. And it feels manipulative, like they are fishing for compliments or wanting me to come and say "Oh no sweetie...!!" I just don't have the time for that really. In terms of other negativity (like towards women), I actually find that I can take a certain amount because I understand that people have been burned before, as long as they realize it and don't treat me like crap because of it. My ex N (who I lived with) was like this. He actually talked quite a bit about how traditional feminine energy actually has an inherent negative element in it that is underlying and usually present. We agreed that it was there, we disagreed on why it was there. I think it's there because statistically (myself included) women are more likely to engage in "fatalistic" thinking than men, so there is more doom 'n' gloom. But people who spend a lot of time whining and fishing for compliments - no, can't take it. There are either 3 things you can do when you're unhappy with relationships: 1) Try to become more desirable to net the sort of person that you want. May or may not be possible. 2) Lower your standards, either all of them or selectively, deciding to forgo some "must haves" to expand your pool. (Note: I have done this very early on with looks. I realized early on that I valued intelligence and I didn't want to be with someone religious or someone that has/wants children. I am not picky about looks and never will be.) 3) Accept your circumstances or at least be working on this and make an effort to do so. If someone isn't willing to do one of the options above, well, I don't know what to say. What do they want me to say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 Huh, that's odd. Every woman I've ever interacted with has been attention-seeking and fished for compliments. It's never bothered me. Granted, I think that confidence is strictly a neutral trait, as opposed to a positive one... For the most part, the only time I'm negative is when I'm on ENA. Once I get away from people, I'm just fine--happy, even. Yeah, there are times when I'm around hot women and I get depressed/frustrated, but it usually doesn't last long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Anytime anyone airs their dirty laundry on fb...I think, "WHY?!?!" It IS attention seeking...and it does make me think...trash or loser....every time....make or female. I think like attracts like, and those people that like airing their dirty laundry...they find each other and think it's great...for me...they get unfriended...I don't want to deal with that kind of drama in my life...I got my own laundry...that I'm dealing with privately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 8, 2016 Author Share Posted November 8, 2016 It IS attention seeking...and it does make me think...trash or loser....every time....make or female. I think like attracts like, I wasn't really thinking of "dirty laundry" re: attention-seeking, but I guess it could fit. I've never really thought about that part of it...didn't seem relevant. As I said, I have no problem with attention-seeking, and I found it to be correlated with FWB-willing women. But I'm not sure about the "like attracts like" part. I'm a pretty private person, and I don't think that I'm particularly attention-seeking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 8, 2016 Author Share Posted November 8, 2016 Earlier this week, Deedee messaged me to tell me about her problems...and sort of check in with me. Another woman I used to know texted me for relationship advice. I kid you not. I gave her my thoughts, but I also made it clear that I'm not one of her girlfriends, and don't really want to hear about that sort of thing. Other than the two of them--and, god help me, a few relatives--I haven't interacted much with women in the last few weeks. Can't say I regret it. Seeing what other ENA men are going through...it makes me realize how lucky I am. I'm enjoying my life, keeping to myself, and avoiding a lot of nowhere-near-worth-it hassle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 I've had a quiet, uneventful week. Over the last few years, I've let myself get distracted by a few things...but I'm focused, now. I'm putting together a plan that will hopefully take me through the next few years. After not having hung out with my friend for a while, I did so today. I said (or rather, didn't say) one thing that absolutely flummoxed her. Normally, I'm very good with words, but I'm horrible when it comes to words that have no relevance to my life. As such, I briefly forgot the word "commitment". She was talking about some friend of hers, relationship-related stuff came up, and I tried to remember the word and failed horribly. "Yeah, uh, a lot of people have trouble...you know, um...that thing where two people, like, get...together...but not sex, uh..." Unfortunately, this led to me being the center of attention in the coffee place. I was the only guy there, and she loudly exclaimed about how I didn't even know the word "commitment" and how that did not bode well for her gender (my paraphrase). She thought it was darkly hilarious; she wasn't making fun of me or anything. But all of the women there looked my way, and I kind of got freaked out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 21, 2016 Author Share Posted November 21, 2016 Obviously, 2016 isn't over, yet...but, on the whole, it's been a very good year for me. It shouldn't have been this enjoyable. My family is having a lot of problems, my football team fell flat on its face, the elections were a mess, and my love life is non-existent. But I made a conscious choice to avoid women as much as I could, so that I could focus on the parts of my life that I actually enjoy, and it's been paying huge psychological dividends. I haven't been this happy in years. I've always thought of my approach to women as being very low-effort, but I never realized how emotionally draining all of this is. I knew that it was bad, but I didn't know that it was this bad until I gave up entirely, and found that I now had more willpower for other things. Please note: I'm not saying that there's more to life than sex. I'm saying that there's more to life than people. My take has always been that human beings are only good for sex, and I stand by it. I'm certainly not happy about what I'm missing out on, in that area, but the risk isn't worth the reward. I've probably said this before, but...I feel like an idiot for not doing this sooner. And, frankly, for trying in the first place. If I could time-travel and talk to 19-year-old me, I'd tell him to stick to cam models, avoid relationships and FWBs, and focus on what's really important. If I'd done that, I suspect that my life would be much different, now. And even better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 How do you feel your life would have been different if 19 year old BS heard and heeded your present advice? Other than psychological/mental improvement (due to reduced stress), do you think your life would have changed course in a different way? Would you be living somewhere else? Having a different job? Just curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 21, 2016 Author Share Posted November 21, 2016 Hmm...I might have been a bit more successful, as I wouldn't have wasted so much time and energy on this stuff...but, overall, that's a separate issue, and it has little to do with women. The female-related part of my life doesn't have much overlap with my real life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Some quick updates: --I'm continuing to have way too much fun. My life has been incredibly stress-free, lately. --I'm close to finishing a major project! --as far as I'm concerned, the 2016 NFL season never happened. --I heard from a former FWB, who did the usual "oh, we need to talk more often" only to vanish afterwards. --I also heard from Deedee, who said pretty much the same thing, but also claimed that she'd message me tonight. We'll see what happens. --I also got a call from my favorite cam model. I was actually out in public, for once, so I got to have some fun with it. Things that I said to her included "Hey, sexy" and "What color is your bra, today?" You wouldn't believe the dirty (not in a good way) look that I got from the store clerk. I never talked to my girlfriends or FWBs much on the phone, so I never got to do things like that...from here on out, I plan on capitalizing on every type of opportunity I get, in every area of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Glad to hear it! So, what does BS usually get up to at Christmas; family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 I don't have much to do with my extended family. I may do something with my parents...briefly, hopefully. Christmas is mostly just another day, for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 --I also got a call from my favorite cam model. I was actually out in public, for once, so I got to have some fun with it. Things that I said to her included "Hey, sexy" and "What color is your bra, today?" You wouldn't believe the dirty (not in a good way) look that I got from the store clerk. I never talked to my girlfriends or FWBs much on the phone, so I never got to do things like that...from here on out, I plan on capitalizing on every type of opportunity I get, in every area of my life. hahaha, I was walking with a friend a few weeks ago and telling him how I lived in a very dog friendly part of town where all the businesses had dog treats - the liquor store, the kitchen supply store, the sex shop, etc.... you should have seen the looks on peoples faces when i said "sex shop" lol!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted December 3, 2016 Author Share Posted December 3, 2016 hahaha, I was walking with a friend a few weeks ago and telling him how I lived in a very dog friendly part of town where all the businesses had dog treats - the liquor store, the kitchen supply store, the sex shop, etc.... you should have seen the looks on peoples faces when i said "sex shop" lol!!!! You were saying it innocently; I was being evil to get a reaction. I enjoy that sort of thing a little too much. Also, despite being a self-described hedonist, I have no idea if my (small) city has a sex shop or not. Maybe I'm more of a moderate hedonist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 New plan for the weekend: look for a neighborhood sex shop. Bonus points if they give out dog treats. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted December 3, 2016 Author Share Posted December 3, 2016 I feel as if that plan of action could be...misunderstood, shall we say? I think that I'll stick to my usual weekend plan: watching football, taking it easy, and hoping that Kate Upton and/or Hayley Atwell are magically teleported into my home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 You were saying it innocently; I was being evil to get a reaction. I enjoy that sort of thing a little too much. Also, despite being a self-described hedonist, I have no idea if my (small) city has a sex shop or not. Maybe I'm more of a moderate hedonist? The good sex shops are gone where I live. Don't know why - increased rents I guess. One remains that is skewed to the male gay community (butt plugs, size large only! Ben Wah balls - hardly any!) and its stuff is lower end quality. ''Tis a shame. We used to have several wonderfully naughty stores. One snarky with fun and funny toys t shirts etc. Two sex positive as if latex oxygen deprivation suits were as normal as khaki twill. I guess people didn't buy enough stuff. Possibly, all spaces are now occupied by higher end restaurants. I don't know what that means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 We have a great sex store here, open 24/7. Just don't go at night. They have a dark room with private "booths" so you can go in, select the porno you want to see, and Jack off in there. Lots of older men come at night to do it. I guess they don't have Internet or they are concerned about the wife finding out? (to be honest, if I were them, I would rather my partner be wanking off to computer porn in the cleanliness and privacy of our home, not sitting in some dirty booth, paying too much for crappy porn, in a dark room but that is just me!) Anyway, I've been there for lingerie and some toys in the past and some other stuff I don't want to say. It's a good store. Nice employees too. They have been open for a long time and I hope they stick around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted December 3, 2016 Author Share Posted December 3, 2016 The good sex shops are gone where I live. Don't know why - increased rents I guess. One remains that is skewed to the male gay community (butt plugs, size large only! Ben Wah balls - hardly any!) and its stuff is lower end quality. I don't know what those things are, and I don't want to know. That said, "lower end quality" could be either a good thing or a bad thing, in this context... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Lol thats funny re lower end quality. There is a high end lingerie store here that sells ben wa balls in a cute little package for exercise. Completely desexified so as not to offend the sweet moneyed clientele. Makes me laugh a sardonic laugh: so, ladies with money are protected from a directly sexual conversation, but ladies with less are not? Isn't it possible that money is entirely unrelated to sensitivity to sex talk? ..... I just had an idea of putting on a performance of the vagina monologues (US) inaugural weekend. Perfect counterpoint to trump taking office. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted December 4, 2016 Author Share Posted December 4, 2016 I try to be pure and clean and not think about sex until it's cam model time in the evening, and ENA is just corrupting me...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 I think pure and clean and sex can co-exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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