TMifune Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I agree. It's not the rejection, it's that many women reject with shaming. Like you should have known you were beneath her before you even tried to talk to her. Hope you find what you're looking for....or barring that, something you never thought to look for but love having found. Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Yeah, that's a very good point. The shaming has always bugged me. If you don't have perfect social skills, or make a certain amount of money, or aren't a certain height, too many women just get incredibly offended that you're breathing the same air as them. They seem to expect men to automatically know what they (women) want and "deserve". On a related note, I've noticed a growing trend (even here on ENA) where women insult men who are socially awkward. I think that's pretty sad. This is just a theory, but, I suspect that social skills/relationship experience are a sort of social proof, and that women judge men based on it. If you haven't developed social skills or relationship experience, well, other women must not have wanted you, so there must be something wrong with you. And, thanks, TMifune. I have most of what I'm looking for, but I'm still working on that last 10%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I think it's great that women have broken out of their old gender roles, and I look forward to men being able to do the same. Now, when we do this, it's going to make some women uncomfortable, and it'll mean that they have to put in more effort--which is the same thing that we had to do when the shoe was on the other foot. But I'm sure they'll be more than happy to accommodate us...! I look forward to men exercising their choices and helping to drive this change. It's happening in little increments where I live because most households have two wage earners and often times the man earns less. This provides more choice in a small way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 I look forward to men exercising their choices and helping to drive this change. It's happening in little increments where I live because most households have two wage earners and often times the man earns less. This provides more choice in a small way. To be completely honest with you, I don't really care about that aspect of it. Meanwhile, in Deedee news: as I said a few pages ago, she messaged me the other day. She's still having a lot of problems, and she's still as un-fun as ever. Kind of sad. In more exciting news, I added another five '80s songs to my mp3 playlist! I grew up in the age of the walkman, but I never owned one, because I didn't see the appeal. Well, now I do. With an earbud-equipped mp3 player, you can wear earbuds in public to keep people from talking to you. I think I've just hacked social interaction. Early next month, I'll be making a journey to the fabled "other side of town" in order to see Doctor Strange. That will be my longest trip anywhere since last spring, when I went to see Captain America: Civil War. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Doctor Strange looks interesting. I may see it. Is there something special about the theater on the "other side of town"? There is an AMC theater that is kind of far from me but it's worth the trip if I have the funds because they have reclining seats and you can put butter on your own popcorn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 It's the only real theater here, Fudgie. My "city" isn't really much of a city at all. Also, Doctor Strange is currently very close to 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, so if reviews matter to you...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Ah, gotcha. Yes, reviews matter to me quite a bit, especially with this genre. Almost 100%? That's spectacular. I expect I'll be seeing it then! Good to know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 To be completely honest with you, I don't really care about that aspect of it. Meanwhile, in Deedee news: as I said a few pages ago, she messaged me the other day. She's still having a lot of problems, and she's still as un-fun as ever. Kind of sad. In more exciting news, I added another five '80s songs to my mp3 playlist! I grew up in the age of the walkman, but I never owned one, because I didn't see the appeal. Well, now I do. With an earbud-equipped mp3 player, you can wear earbuds in public to keep people from talking to you. I think I've just hacked social interaction. Early next month, I'll be making a journey to the fabled "other side of town" in order to see Doctor Strange. That will be my longest trip anywhere since last spring, when I went to see Captain America: Civil War. Yes, re earbuds. That is my approach in the gym and on the airplane. The best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Outside of one social-interaction-related issue, I'm having a very good week. I've had a few good weeks in a row, in fact. Also, the FWB I mentioned a few pages back sent me some new pics, so that's enjoyable, as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 On a related note, I've noticed a growing trend (even here on ENA) where women insult men who are socially awkward. I think that's pretty sad. This is just a theory, but, I suspect that social skills/relationship experience are a sort of social proof, and that women judge men based on it. If you haven't developed social skills or relationship experience, well, other women must not have wanted you, so there must be something wrong with you. Not just on ENA either, Blue. A few years ago I was 'seeing' this woman who informed me I was socially awkward, to make me feel like there was something wrong with me and put herself above me. Unfortunately, I was so smitten that I put up with it for sex, but she 'dumped' me not long after, and used the excuse that I didn't pay for her lunch one time! Took me a while after to regain my confidence and self-esteem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 Not just on ENA either, Blue. A few years ago I was 'seeing' this woman who informed me I was socially awkward, to make me feel like there was something wrong with me and put herself above me. Unfortunately, I was so smitten that I put up with it for sex, but she 'dumped' me not long after, and used the excuse that I didn't pay for her lunch one time! Took me a while after to regain my confidence and self-esteem. Ugh, I'm sorry, that sounds horrible. I'm very lucky, in that I've never had a woman say anything like that to me. I can, however, relate to being smitten for sex-related reasons. There have definitely been times when I've put up with something ridiculous in order to get sex. That's been one of the great ironies of my life: when I was younger and even more sex-obsessed (if you can imagine such a thing), the women in my life complained about it. Now that I'm older and not quite as fixated in that area, the women in my life complain about how I don't pay attention to them like I used to. "Hey, we never talk, anymore." "It's been a long time, I just wanted to text you and say hi." "Why did you stop contacting me? I miss you!" They don't see the connection, somehow. I'm a man. I don't believe that gender defines personality all that much, but I think it's safe to say that men generally care about sex. If I break from my normal routine and acknowledge the existence of women, it's probably because of sex. If sex isn't part of the equation, I don't have any reason to communicate with them. It's sort of amazing to watch women deal with this on a psychological level. Apparently, they believe the fairy-tale stuff about men falling in True Love with them for reasons that are solely emotional...and I don't know, maybe that happens, but I've never seen it. I don't have any special advantages when it comes to attracting women. I've struggled, and I've had to use my brain and make stuff up as I go along. So it's sort of amazing to me to see how women really hate this incredible, jaw-dropping, game-changing advantage that they have--that men want to **** them--and also how they fail to understand how it works. I keep picturing a kid who's somehow gotten his hands on the button that launches all the nukes. Everybody is really nice to this kid, and he isn't quite sure why, but he decides that it must be because they like him as a person... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 I don't believe that gender defines personality all that much, but I think it's safe to say that men generally care about sex. If I break from my normal routine and acknowledge the existence of women, it's probably because of sex. If sex isn't part of the equation, I don't have any reason to communicate with them. It's sort of amazing to watch women deal with this on a psychological level. Apparently, they believe the fairy-tale stuff about men falling in True Love with them for reasons that are solely emotional...and I don't know, maybe that happens, but I've never seen it. I think it depends on the man. I think men, as a whole, yes, have very high drives. Most of my exes (with the exception of my ex N) were middle of the road to low with their drives. I am not an overly sexual person and my looks are not my strong suit. I don't think it is a fairy tale or unrealistic to have a man fall for a woman for reasons other than sex. Do all men have the capability? No. Are all women good company? No. Vast majority will not find you (or me, or any one person) wholly desirable on an emotional level. Actually, i don't believe I've ever had a situation where I had a relationship where it was only physical and not emotional and we both really enjoyed spending time together in a non sexual sense. But in order for someone to fall for you like that, you need to be someone who is good company, who has common interests with your partner, etc. Which sort of brings me to a dilemma: there are many people who don't have a lot to offer. But generally speaking, I've done my best to seek more cerebral men that I have things in common with and which really like my company and I like theirs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 Just to be clear, I'm saying that I think it's rare for men to fall for women for solely emotional reasons. The vast majority of the time, I think that it's a combination of the physical and the emotional, though the details of that combination (90% physical/10% mental, 50% both, etc.) depend on the specific man. That said, I have to admit, I don't really understand the concept of "company". I don't like spending time with people. I consider myself a cerebral person, but I put "people" and "things I'm interested in" in two completely different categories. I've been around geeky women that I shared interests with, but I felt no urge to talk with them. Granted, they usually didn't like me, either, and ended up with anybody-home-in-there neanderthal types. And, no, I don't think it's hypocritical for me to criticize them for that when I obviously wasn't choosing my FWBs for personality-based reasons. These women said that they wanted men who were intellectually compatible with them; I never made any such claim. This is the last thing I'm thinking about today, btw. I am actually dealing with emotional crap today, and today has sucked. I am putting something off, and have been for months, now. Unfortunately, this sort of avoidance has been a pattern for me throughout my life. I've been trying to work up the courage to do it, but I'm way too timid. I'm going back to hiding now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 What are you avoiding? If you need courage, borrow from us! That's one benefit to having other people around, even if it's virtually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 For the record, I do agree with you Blue. For anyone, male or female, it's extremely rare and unrealistic to expect that someone would be with you for 100% emotional reasons and have absolutely no regard for the physical attraction part. My comment was more about someone wanting to be with me for a majority of emotional reasons, physical reasons being present as well, but they are secondary. My relationships have never been sex-focused. My current relationship has never had a lot of sex in it, when it happens it's great, but 95% of our time is spent doing non sex things. Again, it depends on the guy. I am not right for most people and that is a-okay. But companionship has always been important to me. I am rather solitary and an introvert but I like being able to have good conversations with a partner and share mutual interests. It's okay if you don't get that, everyone is wired differently. My brother spends 99% of his time alone (he is asexual) and happy like that. I would never pressure him to find or be with someone if he doesn't want that. "You do you" as the saying goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 I'm feeling better now. I'm mentally gearing up to deal with my avoidance issues, and that's enough for now. One of the reasons I struggle in social situations, IMHO, is because I don't have the life experiences that most people do. Especially at my age. I've never been married or had kids, for one thing. Also, I'm not very interested in things that most people are. If the conversation turns to "What was your prom like?", well, I never went to any school dances. If it turns to wild parties we went to, well, I never drank or did anything like that. So, if I actually do end up in a situation where I'm expected to talk to someone, I don't have anything to talk about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 I didn't go to my prom either. I stayed at home, ate pizza, and played Starcraft. I didn't even entertain the idea of going, it seemed silly to me. I also was not a partier in college. I do drink, yes, but not in a party setting, really. Other than reminiscing with old friends, I think it's weird if people talk about that stuff. Prom? What, that stupid party was over 10+ years ago for most folks. Party hijinks? Eh. I'd rather talk about movies, video games, cool stuff we've read on Wikipedia, hobbies, and current news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 Are people still talking about their proms 20 years later!??! yikes. When the conversation turns to kids, I have a few funny stories about my nieces I can share. Otherwise, I try to talk about things that are common to us - for example, if we are coworkers, talking about a particular project, or about a related project. TV shows we both like, etc.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 I was mainly using that as an example, but it did happen--somehow, the conversation got around to school and school events. Frankly, I've blocked out most of my teenage years, so it's all one big blur. As for talking about things I have in common with people...well, I don't really have much in common with anyone. Outside of breathing, sleeping, etc. Though I do occasionally stun people with my knowledge of various things... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 4, 2016 Author Share Posted November 4, 2016 There's a woman that I've had a crush on for a decade-plus...back in the day, I repeatedly tried to bring her into my FWB harem, but I was sadly unsuccessful. Her hotness has caused me to (briefly?) overcome my innate apathy toward humanity, and I'm trying to seduce her, but it is not going well. She is unfortunately intelligent and has long been able to tell that I'm "emotionally dead" or "driven by nothing but sexual want" or however you want to put it. I've gone through Plans A, B, and C, all of which were "lots of sexual flirting", and I've run out of ideas in this area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 If sexual prowess is all you can/want to offer and she isn't looking for that, then I'm not sure what you can do to sway her. It's a basic incompatibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 4, 2016 Author Share Posted November 4, 2016 I'm afraid you're right, Fudgie. Just my luck: the one thing I have to offer is the thing that's easiest for women to get! I'm actually a very deep and complex person...but when I interact with other people, well, I'm doing it for just a few specific reasons, and I choose not to share the other parts of myself. They simply aren't relevant. Sex is only about sex, work is only about work, and so on. So I end up looking extremely shallow and/or one-note, instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 I can understand that. People make judgments about others but those judgments can often be flawed since many people choose not to show certain facets of their personality. Many times, it's for good reason. I have a reputation for being very straight-laced and humorless at work. When I am with my intermediate family or my SO, it's far from the truth. I project certain images of myself depending on the location/situation. I think it's a smart, essential thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 I'm glad you are feeling better about the other thing, blue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 4, 2016 Author Share Posted November 4, 2016 I project certain images of myself depending on the location/situation. I think it's a smart, essential thing to do. Same here, Fudgie. I'm glad you are feeling better about the other thing, blue Thank you. It may very well be denial, but I'm okay with that, for now. I'll be seeing Doctor Strange, today! I usually wait for the crowds to die down, but I'm going early, this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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