Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[JamesT2]

I'm sometimes close to the point of giving up completely as well. No matter hard we try.. Reading other peoples' journals here and regardless of gender and age, we are all struggling to even get a date. At this point I wonder if it's really worth it or if some people are just meant to be alone and celibate.

[Blue Spiral]

Good luck...I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm lucky; I've never been very interested in other people, so it doesn't affect me quite as much as others.

 

People of both genders struggle...but I'll forever insist that, on average, women have it easier in this area. The women that are struggling to find dates are usually just too picky. I've never known a woman who didn't have at least a few guys chasing after her, even if she wasn't attractive at all. When I go to the grocery store, I sometimes end up getting obese female checkers, and 90% of the time, they have a wedding ring on. Whereas basically-middle-class guys who are sane and in shape are getting rejected left and right.

[JamesT2]

Good luck...I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm lucky; I've never been very interested in other people, so it doesn't affect me quite as much as others.

 

People of both genders struggle...but I'll forever insist that, on average, women have it easier in this area. The women that are struggling to find dates are usually just too picky. I've never known a woman who didn't have at least a few guys chasing after her, even if she wasn't attractive at all. When I go to the grocery store, I sometimes end up getting obese female checkers, and 90% of the time, they have a wedding ring on. Whereas basically-middle-class guys who are sane and in shape are getting rejected left and right.

 

Thanks, you are making a controversial point and you might get some flaks for this but I see the same where I reside.. Not that I have anything personal against overweight/obese women but even those have it easier than any "normal", sane, good looking dude. Sorry about your friend as well and was going to suggest politely that you should maybe hang out with him.. I mean it's been 10 years (?) since you last saw him and considering his situation it's obvious he's reaching out to you for this purpose.

 

Being interested in other people as for me and except for some good friends still around is all relative. Ive been disappointed in a lot of people over the years and gladly left many of them behind me for good. Ive made mistakes too both in relationship and friendship but nothing I consider "unforgivable".

[Blue Spiral]

Thanks, you are making a controversial point and you might get some flaks for this but I see the same where I reside.. Not that I have anything personal against overweight/obese women but even those have it easier than any "normal", sane, good looking dude.

 

Indeed. To me, it's primarily about supply and demand; the gender part is entirely coincidental. If we reversed the culture (or biology), making it so women were the ones that were expected to pursue (or the ones that wanted sex more), it'd be men that had it easy, instead.

 

Sorry about your friend as well and was going to suggest politely that you should maybe hang out with him.. I mean it's been 10 years (?) since you last saw him and considering his situation it's obvious he's reaching out to you for this purpose.

 

Ehh...I don't think so. Wow, I'm not much of a friend, am I? This explains why I only ever had the one friend.

 

Being interested in other people as for me and except for some good friends still around is all relative. Ive been disappointed in a lot of people over the years and gladly left many of them behind me for good. Ive made mistakes too both in relationship and friendship but nothing I consider "unforgivable".

 

I haven't had to leave many people behind--they've been more than happy to run away from me--but I may have to do that with Deedee, if she continues to contact me.

[JamesT2]

Gotcha. Seems you're only human interaction are the clerks at the grocery and maybe your co-workers and family ?

[Blue Spiral]

Yeah, only the stuff that I can't avoid.

 

That said, when I'm at the grocery store, the bank, etc., I almost always pick the line that has the hottest female cashier/teller/whatever. I only abandon it if the line is insanely long, or if I'm running late.

[Jean-Luc]

Thanks, you are making a controversial point and you might get some flaks for this but I see the same where I reside.. Not that I have anything personal against overweight/obese women but even those have it easier than any "normal", sane, good looking dude. Sorry about your friend as well and was going to suggest politely that you should maybe hang out with him.. I mean it's been 10 years (?) since you last saw him and considering his situation it's obvious he's reaching out to you for this purpose.

 

Being interested in other people as for me and except for some good friends still around is all relative. Ive been disappointed in a lot of people over the years and gladly left many of them behind me for good. Ive made mistakes too both in relationship and friendship but nothing I consider "unforgivable".

 

Most people seem very unforgiving though. In my experience you make one mistake or have one tiny flaw and you're done. I don't know if its the area I live in or the people I try interacting with(or both) and I fully admit I've made mistakes, but women in particular just don't seem big on being forgiving.

[JamesT2]

Most people seem very unforgiving though. In my experience you make one mistake or have one tiny flaw and you're done. I don't know if its the area I live in or the people I try interacting with(or both) and I fully admit I've made mistakes, but women in particular just don't seem big on being forgiving.

 

Very similar experience here, which is why likewise Blue I'm getting more and more annoyed at people in general. About women specifically I agree too, all is wonderful when you just met them, and things eventually fade away for no reason really. Lately I've experienced this and can't even think of a mistake, but it's frustrating. People or women turn cold, and I'm done trying to find an explanation to it.

[Blue Spiral]

People or women turn cold, and I'm done trying to find an explanation to it.

 

People aren't worth that sort of effort, IMHO. And the irony is, even if you do search for an explanation, you only become more cynical. The more I think about women (in non-sexual ways), the less I like them. So, just for the sake of my own happiness, I only let myself think of them as sex objects.

[JamesT2]

People aren't worth that sort of effort, IMHO. And the irony is, even if you do search for an explanation, you only become more cynical. The more I think about women (in non-sexual ways), the less I like them. So, just for the sake of my own happiness, I only let myself think of them as sex objects.

 

I've always been a bit cynical and this is not improving with age. Yes, bitterness isn't appealing either. This is why I like a lot younger women in their early to mid 20s, their naivety to the world, fresh out of college and not yet into a profession is rather endearing. Unfortunately, I'm not in an environment where I can meet many of them, and I'm not going back to college any soon. I don't like them because they are easy prey, more as I say because for the most part they are still very positive about life, unlike the geezer I am becoming.

[Blue Spiral]

I've always been a bit cynical and this is not improving with age. Yes, bitterness isn't appealing either. This is why I like a lot younger women in their early to mid 20s, their naivety to the world, fresh out of college and not yet into a profession is rather endearing. Unfortunately, I'm not in an environment where I can meet many of them, and I'm not going back to college any soon. I don't like them because they are easy prey, more as I say because for the most part they are still very positive about life, unlike the geezer I am becoming.

 

Oh, man, I feel the exact same way. I sometimes feel like women my own age are either extremely negative or barely-functional zombies. When I post on here, yeah, I can be negative...but then I put it away and go enjoy life. They just seem really dull and inert.

[Blue Spiral]

I had to go to the bank and another place, this morning...and I was rewarded with spectacular cleavage both times. The teller had to lean forward to work on something for like two minutes straight, and I was three feet away, and it was hard not to stare. I mean, I stared, but not the whole time or anything...!

 

Today is off to a good start.

[JamesT2]

I can't help but stare at cleavage and legs in the streets. Women are wearing like that to be noticed eh? Nah. I'm not a misogynist, I like the beauty of women.

[Blue Spiral]

I feel the same way. I like women so much that it actually sort of scares me. Physically, anyway...

[Blue Spiral]

I don't want to hijack ND's thread, given what's currently going on with him, but I did want to address something:

 

I'm guessing she means that he could get a better job. Whatever that entails in his field. Either getting an additional certification, maybe taking night courses, or applying for other jobs and negotiating a higher salary. Or starting a side business. I guess it depends on what he does and how he can bump up his income without going back to school for several years.

 

That just boggles my mind, frankly. The idea of doing all that just to be more successful with women...wow. Is that sort of financial stuff considered to be a basic requirement for serious relationships, now? If so, I'm glad that I got out when I did, to say the least.

[JamesT2]

That just boggles my mind, frankly. The idea of doing all that just to be more successful with women...wow. Is that sort of financial stuff considered to be a basic requirement for serious relationships, now? If so, I'm glad that I got out when I did, to say the least.

 

Of course not, you only need to be more confident.

 

Financially and status wise speaking, I feel I could have done a lot better. I'm not ambitious. I live, can eat and drink, and have a car. Coulda woulda shoulda. I won't change for someone. I don't make a big living, if that's a deal breaker, then be it and move onto someone else with a larger bank account and a smaller heart.

[Blue Spiral]

Of course not, you only need to be more confident.

 

Oh, god. I'm having a good day, so I'm resisting the urge to rant about the ridiculous concept of "confidence", because that'd only make me depressed.

 

Financially and status wise speaking, I feel I could have done a lot better. I'm not ambitious. I live, can eat and drink, and have a car. Coulda woulda shoulda. I won't change for someone. I don't make a big living, if that's a deal breaker, then be it and move onto someone else with a larger bank account and a smaller heart.

 

Men tend to be more content with what we have, IMHO. (Google Dave Chappelle's joke about men and cardboard boxes.) Yeah, some of us have always been insanely-driven...but, historically, most of us only worked hard for two reasons: we needed to survive, and we needed to provide for our families. Now, civilization has made it much easier to survive, and it's easy to have sex without getting married or having kids. I'd rather be happy than push myself at some job that I don't even enjoy or care about.

[Fudgie]

Financial stability/sufficiency is considered a basic requirement for serious relationships, yes. Personally, I think it should be required for women too since it is required for men but it's not, really. hence the few women I know IRL who don't make much and don't have much education but yet demand the highest in men. I don't get that. I'm glad I was raised with 2 parents who both had equal professional degrees and both worked really hard so I got to see that. My mom was the breadwinner for years over my dad actually. Just how it worked out.

 

Having a career and getting extra education is rewarding at best, soul-crushing at worst. If you want to do it, do it for your own personal gratification, or to survive (if you want to live in an area with high COL), or to maximize your income for your own comfort. Doing it to get or keep a partner is not worth it. It's like addicts who say that they want to get clean/sober for family/friends rather than themselves. It doesn't work. That's not good motivation and you're either going to fail or make yourself miserable.

 

If someone wants to be with someone because they are wealthy, I don't really fault them but I just wish they would be damn honest about it, you know? No one I know is honest about it but yet their motives are more transparent than a glass thong. To me, that's one of the two things I have problems with: 1) People lacking insight and not being honest about their true intentions or standards and 2) expectation and entitlement that they "deserve" someone who is better than them when they themselves have nothing to show for.

 

I know someone who is divorced, 2 kids, older, very little education, menial job, not smart and thinks she can land a big fish. Then gets upset when they use and discard her or when they reject her outright. Not sure what she was expecting.

[annie24]

I don't want to hijack ND's thread, given what's currently going on with him, but I did want to address something:

 

 

 

That just boggles my mind, frankly. The idea of doing all that just to be more successful with women...wow. Is that sort of financial stuff considered to be a basic requirement for serious relationships, now? If so, I'm glad that I got out when I did, to say the least.

 

To be financially independent? Sure, I'd say that's a basic requirement. i mean, if you've read my journal, you'd know I've dated a few guys this year who were not financially stable and lived with their parents. Yikes. It's frustrating. Dating Logan (who was pretty much unemployed due to his own choices) was frustrating at times as well. It's not even like I'm looking for a rich man. Just one who can pay his own bills, doesn't live with mom, has a stable job..... sadly I'm not doing a great job of landing this big fish, lol.

[JamesT2]

To be financially independent? Sure, I'd say that's a basic requirement. i mean, if you've read my journal, you'd know I've dated a few guys this year who were not financially stable and lived with their parents. Yikes. It's frustrating. Dating Logan (who was pretty much unemployed due to his own choices) was frustrating at times as well. It's not even like I'm looking for a rich man. Just one who can pay his own bills, doesn't live with mom, has a stable job..... sadly I'm not doing a great job of landing this big fish, lol.

 

This seems logical. Unemployed due to his own choices? I am reminded of some women pointing out this ''red flag'': "Bums who don't work and think it's okay'' ah!

 

Actually, some people don't even need to work, even in their 30s. Because they don't need the money (annuitant, inheritance). But you eventually become cut out of all human interaction. Now I don't think that would bug Blue Spiral (not to work and no friends/acquaintances).

[Blue Spiral]

Just for the record, I wasn't talking about financial stability. I was talking about the difference between "enough to survive on" and "bending over backwards to earn more to impress someone".

[annie24]

Just for the record, I wasn't talking about financial stability. I was talking about the difference between "enough to survive on" and "bending over backwards to earn more to impress someone".

 

yeah, i think at that point, it is easy to attract the wrong type of person (i.e., someone who only likes you if you can buy them nice things, doesn't like the real you).

[Blue Spiral]

yeah, i think at that point, it is easy to attract the wrong type of person (i.e., someone who only likes you if you can buy them nice things, doesn't like the real you).

 

I'd just like it to be equitable. I mean, I'm done with relationships, and have been for almost ten years, so it's a moot point. But still, I've come across far too many women that expect more of men than they've accomplished themselves, financially speaking. And I'm sure that there are men who do the opposite, in terms of being average-looking but exclusively going after way-above-average women.

 

I'm a big believer in the idea that money incentivizes behavior. That's why, when it comes to women, I only spend my money on cam models. I want to encourage that sort of behavior! It seems to be working so far...

[annie24]

I agree that it's frustrating in the dating world when someone wants something that they don't bring to the table themselves. Well, at least you know where you stand with the cam models. No false pretenses there.

[Blue Spiral]

I have to admit, I really enjoy chatting with the cam models. I haven't enjoyed social interaction this much in years. It's weird to have a people-related thing to look forward to, every day...