Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[Blue Spiral]

I don't think you'd get away with that in, say, a workplace or in public.. lol

 

Sarcastic answer: well, thank god that I avoid those places, then.

 

Serious answer: indeed, offline flirting is dangerous for men, so I try not to engage in it.

[JamesT2]

Sarcastic answer: well, thank god that I avoid those places, then.

 

Serious answer: indeed, offline flirting is dangerous for men, so I try not to engage in it.

 

The serious answer doesn't come off as this serious, tbh. Some women and depending on the place don't mind being approached politely. Not every men using this method of (more or less) cold approach is the town creep, or spend all his spare time doing the thing.

 

The day when men won't ever approach a woman again and regardless of the context, will you call that progress? Women still like being valued and most women are still hesitant to do the first move. Thankfully, younger women are more engaging, nevermind what society think.

[Blue Spiral]

The serious answer doesn't come off as this serious, tbh. Some women and depending on the place don't mind being approached politely. Not every men using this method of (more or less) cold approach is the town creep, or spend all his spare time doing the thing.

 

I'm dead serious, because I'm a very risk-averse person. Let's say that I was willing to approach women in public (in a "polite" way). There's no way to know if the woman will react in a reasonable manner or not. Some women interpret "guy I'm not attracted to is hitting on me" as creepy/dangerous, and some women have had traumatic experiences and are just on-edge in general. I don't think it's worth the risk.

 

The day when men won't ever approach a woman again and regardless of the context, will you call that progress? Women still like being valued and most women are still hesitant to do the first move. Thankfully, younger women are more engaging, nevermind what society think.

 

If the women were approaching the men, yes, I'd call that progress, at least from the male point of view. Obviously, I know it'll never get to that point. And, let's be honest, it shouldn't, because it'd be just as unfair to women as it is to us. I'd simply like to see it at 50-50.

[JamesT2]

I'm dead serious, because I'm a very risk-averse person. Let's say that I was willing to approach women in public (in a "polite" way). There's no way to know if the woman will react in a reasonable manner or not. Some women interpret "guy I'm not attracted to is hitting on me" as creepy/dangerous, and some women have had traumatic experiences and are just on-edge in general. I don't think it's worth the risk.

 

Polite, courteous, friendly manners. Use the word you prefer.

 

Im aware that there are tons of creep and potentially dangerous guys around. And they do a lot of harm to the genuine guys willing to encounter a woman the more traditional way (not on dating sites).

 

If the women were approaching the men, yes, I'd call that progress, at least from the male point of view. Obviously, I know it'll never get to that point. And, let's be honest, it shouldn't, because it'd be just as unfair to women as it is to us. I'd simply like to see it at 50-50.

 

Yup. I was talking about equality which both genders deserve. Maybe it will never get to the point of women doing all the job which Im not delusional about but at least being equal which would make things a lot easier for us too. And ultimately more power to women in the process. Ie.. I choose whoever I want without being overlooked/judged by others or society.

[Fudgie]

I think OLD, at least for me, has been very liberating in terms of getting the confidence to approach guys. I messaged my boyfriend first on OKC. I think he would have messaged me eventually but he was busy and he only liked to message one lady at a time. Fair enough but I knew he seemed cool so I went for it. I NEVER would have done that in real life, ever!

 

We probably won't get to a point where it's 50/50 but things like OLD are good in breaking down barriers and allowing people like myself who wouldn't approach men first IRL to do so online without feeling judged or "manly" or something.

[Mr_LFA]

Let's say that I was willing to approach women in public (in a "polite" way). There's no way to know if the woman will react in a reasonable manner or not. Some women interpret "guy I'm not attracted to is hitting on me" as creepy/dangerous, and some women have had traumatic experiences and are just on-edge in general. I don't think it's worth the risk.

That's interesting because the whole PUA philosophy is built on 'cold' approaches. I personally think their strategies are 'successful' due to luck and sheer persistence, more than anything else eg. girl that had been recently dumped/low self-esteem.

[Blue Spiral]

That's interesting because the whole PUA philosophy is built on 'cold' approaches. I personally think their strategies are 'successful' due to luck and sheer persistence, more than anything else eg. girl that had been recently dumped/low self-esteem.

 

I've adopted certain aspects of PUA philosophy, but I'm not a PUA, myself. I agree with you, it's usually a sheer-persistence numbers game.

 

Just speaking for myself, I've never asked a woman out (either online or off-), and never plan to.

[Blue Spiral]

Well, I don't have any updates to report. I haven't talked to any women in...um...a while, now. Wait, no, I take that back. A former FWB messaged me earlier today, and I sent a one-sentence reply to her. Other than that, though, it's been quiet. I've been enjoying it, frankly. Yeah, I'd rather have women crawling over each other to get to me...but, of the realistic options that are available, "not having to deal with drama" is just fine by me.

[Jean-Luc]

I'm dead serious, because I'm a very risk-averse person. Let's say that I was willing to approach women in public (in a "polite" way). There's no way to know if the woman will react in a reasonable manner or not. Some women interpret "guy I'm not attracted to is hitting on me" as creepy/dangerous, and some women have had traumatic experiences and are just on-edge in general. I don't think it's worth the risk.

 

 

 

If the women were approaching the men, yes, I'd call that progress, at least from the male point of view. Obviously, I know it'll never get to that point. And, let's be honest, it shouldn't, because it'd be just as unfair to women as it is to us. I'd simply like to see it at 50-50.

 

I'd like it if you were too shy to approach and instead tried messaging them on social media or something and get to know them that way before taking it to person to be an OK thing. Doesn't really work that way though.

 

I would love to see it as 50-50 as well too. Nature may have it where most males do the approaching but I think those rules should no longer apply when you're supposed to be more evolved.

[Blue Spiral]

I'd like it if you were too shy to approach and instead tried messaging them on social media or something and get to know them that way before taking it to person to be an OK thing. Doesn't really work that way though.

 

That's basically how I did it, though I used a variety of sites.

 

I would love to see it as 50-50 as well too. Nature may have it where most males do the approaching but I think those rules should no longer apply when you're supposed to be more evolved.

 

Agreed.

[JamesT2]

Well, I don't have any updates to report. I haven't talked to any women in...um...a while, now. Wait, no, I take that back. A former FWB messaged me earlier today, and I sent a one-sentence reply to her. Other than that, though, it's been quiet. I've been enjoying it, frankly. Yeah, I'd rather have women crawling over each other to get to me...but, of the realistic options that are available, "not having to deal with drama" is just fine by me.

 

You got me curious there. Which FWB? Not the waitress I guess, too recent. An older FWB?

 

How to put it delicately... Well, does your sex drive and libido tell you to be more responsive to her and why not get her back in your life for a bit? (I know I would).

[Blue Spiral]

You got me curious there. Which FWB? Not the waitress I guess, too recent. An older FWB?

 

Yeah, someone from a year or so back.

 

How to put it delicately... Well, does your sex drive and libido tell you to be more responsive to her and why not get her back in your life for a bit? (I know I would).

 

My sex drive and I aren't exactly on speaking terms, right now. But, even if we were, the woman in question is looking for something more serious. I'm sure I could talk her into resuming FWBs, but that wouldn't be right.

[JamesT2]

Thats the mature thing to do, Blue. Im also so over misleading women for purely sexual reasons.

[Blue Spiral]

Well, I've created a set of guidelines for interacting with women.

 

Blue Spiral's Three Laws

 

1. My only interest in women will be sexual. There may be unavoidable situations in which I have to interact with a woman in a non-sexual manner--the workplace, family stuff--but, when it comes to voluntary interaction, I'll only engage in it for sexual reasons.

 

2. Despite being focused solely on the sexual aspect of women, I won't let women use this focus to control me.

 

3. In terms of making an effort with women, I'll never put in more than I get out. It'll either be fifty-fifty, or the woman will put in more effort than I do. I won't embarrass myself with excessive chasing.

 

This is basically my response to the dating concept, where women shame men for having a sex drive while simultaneously taking advantage of it. "Ugh, all guys care about is sex! Stop talking about sex, I want to have boring, platonic conversations with you." "Wow, it sure is nice that men are pursuing me, buying meals for me, and treating me like a princess! I wonder why that is? I guess they must like my personality." My interest in women will remain strictly sexual, but I won't let myself be sexually manipulated into a situation that I find unrewarding.

[JamesT2]

How's that different from the Blue Spiral pre-june 2016 and the beginning of this journal?

[Blue Spiral]

How's that different from the Blue Spiral pre-june 2016 and the beginning of this journal?

 

Ehh, I've broken my own rules, a few times. I'm trying to stop that. There have been times when I've pursued too much (by my own standards, anyway), and tolerated non-sexual interaction with women. This is about establishing clear guidelines and sticking to them.

[JamesT2]

Ehh, I've broken my own rules, a few times. I'm trying to stop that. There have been times when I've pursued too much (by my own standards, anyway), and tolerated non-sexual interaction with women. This is about establishing clear guidelines and sticking to them.

 

'Kay, I agree that pursuing or chasing women is so overdone. I like it fifty fifty too. Like initiating a time or two, then leave the woman do her part, even if that takes a week.

 

These are rigid boundaries, but if you think you can stick to them.. you never know. I won't lecture you on how horny a man can get, but I'm thinking that after a couple months without sex, you might infringe your own laws so to speak.

[Blue Spiral]

These are rigid boundaries, but if you think you can stick to them.. you never know. I won't lecture you on how horny a man can get, but I'm thinking that after a couple months without sex, you might infringe your own laws so to speak.

 

Interestingly enough, I find that certain types of female behavior repulse me, which sort of takes care of the sex drive issue. As much as I'm physically attracted to women, well, some of the things they do, and say...

[Blue Spiral]

Incidentally, I have to say: I've been extremely happy, the last few weeks. I had to go to the mall to buy something (something I hardly ever do), and I honestly felt like I was on vacation. Just relaxed and carefree.

 

I do miss (having sex with) women, but it's more the idea of women than actual women. One day, I tried to think of an actual woman that I wanted to spend time with, and I couldn't come up with any. This train of thought made me realize something, and I brought it up in a conversation with my oldest friend. I realized that I don't know any women who haven't either struggled with their weight or been on psych meds (at some point, anyway). Most of my former FWBs were on some sort of medication, and many of them gained weight after I moved on. At first, he was incredulous, thinking it would be easy to name someone that had never dealt with either issue. But he couldn't come up with anyone (though he speculated about one or two, as he didn't know if they were on meds or not).

 

I mean...I've struggled with depression, as well (though I've never taken meds for it), so I'm sympathetic...but...I'm supposed to miss that?

[Jean-Luc]

Interestingly enough, I find that certain types of female behavior repulse me, which sort of takes care of the sex drive issue. As much as I'm physically attracted to women, well, some of the things they do, and say...

 

What kind of things?

 

For me it would be the fact that they're so egocentric and that as a guy you can't have the same feelings that they do. Plus the whole men have to initiate or else somehow you're not worth their time. I speak not about all women, but what seems like the majority of them.

[Blue Spiral]

What kind of things?

 

For me it would be the fact that they're so egocentric and that as a guy you can't have the same feelings that they do. Plus the whole men have to initiate or else somehow you're not worth their time. I speak not about all women, but what seems like the majority of them.

 

I don't like their on-and-off approach to gender roles (they like gender roles when they help them, they don't like them when they don't), I don't like that they're attracted to a trait that's neutral at best and dangerous at worst (confidence), I don't like their obsession with monogamy and breeding, and I don't like how they mistake conformity for respectability.

[Blue Spiral]

I am having an awesome day. In fact, I've had an awesome week in general.

 

In the last few weeks, I've gone to the grocery store, the bookstore, the mall (I hardly ever go there, but I needed a new belt), and a movie...and every time, women either randomly start conversations with me or get really close and smile excessively at me, like they want me to start a conversation. I've never experienced anything quite like it. I'd say that half are single moms and half aren't (or don't have their kids with them). At the mall, one woman actually stopped and stared at me as I walked by; maybe she thought she knew me, or maybe she was checking me out. I was so startled by it that I nearly walked into a clothing display.

 

The more I avoid women, and the less that I think about women, the more that women seem to be interested in me. That...makes sense?

[JamesT2]

Because you're a stud? The only answer I can give is that if you bothered to go out of your shell more often, you'd have tons of occasions.

 

A 37 single and childless (that's what you look like anyway being by yourself) still turn heads. Take advantage of it.

 

Blue Spiral 2.0 emerging?

[Jean-Luc]

I am having an awesome day. In fact, I've had an awesome week in general.

 

In the last few weeks, I've gone to the grocery store, the bookstore, the mall (I hardly ever go there, but I needed a new belt), and a movie...and every time, women either randomly start conversations with me or get really close and smile excessively at me, like they want me to start a conversation. I've never experienced anything quite like it. I'd say that half are single moms and half aren't (or don't have their kids with them). At the mall, one woman actually stopped and stared at me as I walked by; maybe she thought she knew me, or maybe she was checking me out. I was so startled by it that I nearly walked into a clothing display.

 

The more I avoid women, and the less that I think about women, the more that women seem to be interested in me. That...makes sense?

 

Seems to be the case everytime. The less you care, the more they do and vice versa. It's all very convoluted and overly complicated.

[Mr_LFA]

The more I avoid women, and the less that I think about women, the more that women seem to be interested in me. That...makes sense?

Makes perfect sense to me. You'd be broadcasting an aura of independence which women are attracted to (imo). Similar to when people say that some women are very attracted to married/taken guys I think.