Blue Spiral Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 What has caused you to make this decision? The realization that she's getting increasingly set in her ways, as opposed to changing back to the way she used to be. And the fact that she expects me to be okay with this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Breaking news: I am done with Deedee. I've put up with a lot, over the years, but no more. I've reached my limit. I think thats a good decision. There's no point in waiting for someone to leave their husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I think thats a good decision. There's no point in waiting for someone to leave their husband. Yep, situations like that often leaves one of the two seriously screwed. Not necessarily the husband or wife, the ''other man/woman'' who had expectations and hoped for a future with their secret partners. Blue, I also think it's a wise decision. Some new FWB getting back in touch ? Trying to find some online? By the way, I was re-reading the long-winded original post of your journal. You know that girl you ''fell for' in school, who left your area/region and left you heartbroken, 20 years ago I think. Have you never ever heard about her again? Or are you at peace with the fact that she's long gone and you'll most likely never see her again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 I think thats a good decision. There's no point in waiting for someone to leave their husband. I had no problem with that part of it. The fact that she's married has nothing to do with my decision. Blue, I also think it's a wise decision. Some new FWB getting back in touch ? Trying to find some online? Ehh...maybe I'll just take a break from women for six months or a year. Or forever. By the way, I was re-reading the long-winded original post of your journal. You know that girl you ''fell for' in school, who left your area/region and left you heartbroken, 20 years ago I think. Have you never ever heard about her again? Or are you at peace with the fact that she's long gone and you'll most likely never see her again? I maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay have googled her to see what she's up to. I didn't find out much, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I had no problem with that part of it. The fact that she's married has nothing to do with my decision. I mean in terms of waiting for her to do X, Y or Z. Whether it's a divorce or waiting on her to "go back to how she was." It's usually fruitless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 I mean in terms of waiting for her to do X, Y or Z. Whether it's a divorce or waiting on her to "go back to how she was." It's usually fruitless. Well, I wasn't just waiting: while I never pushed her toward divorce (my mistake), I was actively scheming and trying to push her toward going back to her old self. Which, granted, might have pushed her closer to divorce. Yeah, I failed...but I'm glad that I tried. It was a long-shot, but less of a long-shot than most of the other options that are available to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 If you are going to walk away from her, why don't you just be direct and tell her that you had hoped she would divorce and you still had a chance with her. Not sure what you would have to lose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Ehh...maybe I'll just take a break from women for six months or a year. Or forever. Nah that's just impossible, take a break for six months already and you'll see, you're a man. One year or forever? Forever?!? Even if I understand your social anxiety, or being at least a bit socially inept, that you don't want a relationship nor marriage and kids, your hormones won't tolerate that you turn into a eunuch forever. I'm not even joking. It's basic male needs. My take is that we will hear from you soon, with a different new FWB found either online or offline. Seriously, you're in your mid 30s and no man give up his sex drive at that limit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Nah that's just impossible, take a break for six months already and you'll see, you're a man. One year or forever? Forever?!? Historically, six months has always been my (unofficial) limit. After that, I'm prowling the streets (or interweb). I cannot fathom how any non-virgin man could go years. I'll give Blue two weeks, max. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 27, 2016 Author Share Posted April 27, 2016 If you are going to walk away from her, why don't you just be direct and tell her that you had hoped she would divorce and you still had a chance with her. Not sure what you would have to lose. I don't want to. Nah that's just impossible, take a break for six months already and you'll see, you're a man. One year or forever? Forever?!? Even if I understand your social anxiety, or being at least a bit socially inept, that you don't want a relationship nor marriage and kids, your hormones won't tolerate that you turn into a eunuch forever. I'm not even joking. It's basic male needs. My take is that we will hear from you soon, with a different new FWB found either online or offline. Seriously, you're in your mid 30s and no man give up his sex drive at that limit. Ehh, my sex drive isn't as strong as it used to be. And I've gone without sex for twelve months at a time without a problem. I've heard of MGTOW that have allegedly gone porn-only, so maybe I'll give that a shot. To be completely honest with you, chatting with cam models has been more enjoyable than the FWBs I've had over the last few years. I've enjoyed having sex with them, without a doubt, but the uncertainty and effort involved... Historically, six months has always been my (unofficial) limit. After that, I'm prowling the streets (or interweb). I cannot fathom how any non-virgin man could go years. I'll give Blue two weeks, max. Lol Heh! I'm...I'm just sick of this whole thing. It's really messed me up, emotionally, and it's gotten to where I don't want to think about women at all, because it just depresses me. I'm not aggressive or competitive enough to play their game on any level, even the less-demanding FWB one. Yeah, I can make myself do it and do pretty well, but the effort I put in isn't equal to what I get in return. I'm sick of people, even moreso than usual. I just want to go hide somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Blue: What Mr LFA writes here is spot on (he is around our age too, 30s something : Historically, six months has always been my (unofficial) limit. After that, I'm prowling the streets (or interweb). I cannot fathom how any non-virgin man could go years. I'll give Blue two weeks, max. Lol How any non virgin could go years. It's true, when you lose your virginity and not to mention when you begin to date or be in relationships or in Blues case, FWB. Sex is X1000 better than masturbation, regardless if she's your F--buddy, your FWB, your girlfriend or wife. Ehh, my sex drive isn't as strong as it used to be. And I've gone without sex for twelve months at a time without a problem. I've heard of MGTOW that have allegedly gone porn-only, so maybe I'll give that a shot. To be completely honest with you, chatting with cam models has been more enjoyable than the FWBs I've had over the last few years. I've enjoyed having sex with them, without a doubt, but the uncertainty and effort involved... I've gone without sex for two years, believe it or not. I'm not even ugly or terribly shy, but I was super busy with work, school, driving license, partying with friends and unfortunately never met a lady my age. 2 years, personal record at least since I reached adulthood. Well MGTOW makes me think of 'male lesbian'.. for some reason, they share the despise of the other gender and aren't personally people I want to be involved with.. Porn only bring me back to 20 years ago when reading grandpa porn magazine, except today we have youporn. There are some quality video but it's still not the whole thing (sexual intercourse) About the cam model, whatever float your boat but I'd rather spend money on other things and stick to porn if I'm going to be celibate for a while. And in the end I'd rather also prefer a FWB than spending $$$ on cam model. I think you are strongly opposed to prostitution (escorts?) Which is a bit strange for someone so untraditional like you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 How any non virgin could go years. It's true, when you lose your virginity and not to mention when you begin to date or be in relationships or in Blues case, FWB. Sex is X1000 better than masturbation, regardless if she's your F--buddy, your FWB, your girlfriend or wife. I dunno. Over the years, I've had some pretty average sex and very delightful masturbation. I've gone without sex for two years, believe it or not. I'm not even ugly or terribly shy, but I was super busy with work, school, driving license, partying with friends and unfortunately never met a lady my age. 2 years, personal record at least since I reached adulthood. Well MGTOW makes me think of 'male lesbian'.. for some reason, they share the despise of the other gender and aren't personally people I want to be involved with.. Porn only bring me back to 20 years ago when reading grandpa porn magazine, except today we have youporn. There are some quality video but it's still not the whole thing (sexual intercourse) About the cam model, whatever float your boat but I'd rather spend money on other things and stick to porn if I'm going to be celibate for a while. And in the end I'd rather also prefer a FWB than spending $$$ on cam model. I think you are strongly opposed to prostitution (escorts?) Which is a bit strange for someone so untraditional like you. Two years?! Wow. I probably would have gone insane in that time. What about ladies older or younger than you? I can't comment on cam models, but at least with porn it's efficient, and you don't have to go through the aggravation of dealing with women's games. So I can completely understand why Blue wants to take some time out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 Well MGTOW makes me think of 'male lesbian'.. As luck would have it, I'm both pro-male and pro-lesbian! for some reason, they share the despise of the other gender and aren't personally people I want to be involved with.. I know several guy-friendly lesbians; I think the anti-male thing is primarily a stereotype (though I'm sure that a percentage does feel that way). And, really, MGTOW is a pretty broad label. Some outright dislike women, some refuse to have relationships with them at all (casual only), and some have relationships but refuse to get married or have kids. I suppose that I've been MGTOW my entire life without even knowing it. And in the end I'd rather also prefer a FWB than spending $$$ on cam model. I watched cam models for half a decade before I ever spent a dime on them. I do send annual gifts to a few of my favorites, but it's not much at all, in the big picture. Compared to what other guys are spending on dates and gifts, I'm doing extremely well. The average guy probably spends more on women in a year than I've spent in my entire lifetime. I dunno. Over the years, I've had some pretty average sex and very delightful masturbation. Without getting into the TMI realm...my experiences line up with yours. I am ready to try something new. I figure we've got maybe a decade before virtual reality gets here, so I just need to kill time until then. I think that, on average, women want to get men to de-prioritize sex, while still using sex to control them. I want to be the opposite of that: physical attraction will continue to be the only reason I interact with women, but I won't let my need for sex control me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 I know several guy-friendly lesbians; I think the anti-male thing is primarily a stereotype (though I'm sure that a percentage does feel that way). And, really, MGTOW is a pretty broad label. Some outright dislike women, some refuse to have relationships with them at all (casual only), and some have relationships but refuse to get married or have kids. I suppose that I've been MGTOW my entire life without even knowing it. It might be a stereotype because I somehow managed to make lesbian friends too. I'm LGBT friendly for the record, I have gay friends too and a pretty liberal and open minded views on them. Well I have even meet Transgender and haven't been judgemental at all. As far as I'm concerned, their lives, not my business. I've had far more problems with 'straight man than with any gay I have encountered, they're mostly a friendly bunch. Some tried to hit on me but I am straight as a board so I politely declined. Anyhow, celibacy and masturbation rather than monogamy is probably where we differ but I'm not trying to convince you in any way either. Which means I wouldn't be a 'MGTOW, I love woman and I'm open for a relationship if that should ever happen. Cam model, again, your business. If that makes you content with the arrangement, more power to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Two years?! Wow. I probably would have gone insane in that time. What about ladies older or younger than you. To answer this, LFA, no idea. As I said, I was doing pretty well at the time but my dating prospect were terrible for some reason. For the record after this two year 'dry spell' I found a woman and was in a two year relationship with her, sort of a 'compensation'. But yep two years without sex only jacking off is a loooooong time, especially as a 20s guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Maybe as a woman, i'm a little different - the more I have it, the more I think about it. The less I have it, the less I think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 But yep two years without sex only jacking off is a loooooong time, especially as a 20s guy. I think, historically, I've had a very strong sex drive, probably more so than most men (and women!). I think I would have forgotten how to have sex, after a two year 'break'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Maybe as a woman, i'm a little different - the more I have it, the more I think about it. The less I have it, the less I think about it. I felt the same after a while, unconsciously, like if I sort of given up on the thing. LFA, no, that's not something you forget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Everything's fine Blue? No news, good news? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted May 1, 2016 Author Share Posted May 1, 2016 "I'm done" is the only news that I can think of... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 "I'm done" is the only news that I can think of... Done with...? Women, work, life? Hope Im not too intrusive, the purpose of a journal is to garner some support or a different perspective at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 Done with...? Women, work, life? I was actually going to ask the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 Ideally, all three, but it'll just have to be the first one, for now. (And I'm not talking about my actual biological life, just the whole "having to deal with people" thing.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Blue, I noticed that you have no friends, nobody to hang out with off work. I gotcha. However, you occasionally mention about old FWB getting back in your life. Do you consider these ladies as friends, or old friends or are you only interested in the 'benefits' part? FWB can be a decent arrangement, unlike escorts they are "free" and drama free (usually). Ive been here too, and have some good memories of some, maybe more than a few failed attempt at RS. Ive read online that some people keep their FWB for years, implying they dont bang it a couple times a week, but more sporadically... And could go weeks or months without seeing them. Oddly, and despite popular beliefs men are more likely to fall for their FWB than women, generally speaking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Ive read online that some people keep their FWB for years, implying they dont bang it a couple times a week, but more sporadically... And could go weeks or months without seeing them. Years ago I was just out of a LTR, so I was just looking for 'fun'. Met this woman online and ended up being FWB (I guess you could say). About a year or so passed, without contact, and I had LDR in between and travelled to the US to see family. One night I was bored and I still had her number, so I texted her out of the blue, and I believe I was over at her place that night, till the morning when I had to leave for work lol. Oddly, and despite popular beliefs men are more likely to fall for their FWB than women, generally speaking. I agree with that because I have fallen hard, in the past. The pain is the same as a 'real' relationship, in my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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