JamesT2 Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 Deedee went through another rough patch, and she didn't contact me for about a week. Lots of drama in her life, right now. Some of our old issues are starting to creep in, again, and I'm thinking about giving up on her. Usually the adage "No news means/is good news" is completely off mark, I agree and that ties to very recent experiences of mine too. When you don't hear from someone it's never too good, and means something ain't right. Unfortunately they don't feel like sharing the pain or sorrow they are going through. When we could actually help or be a support. Giving up on her... until things eventually improve, you never know. If you're not doing the OLD thing, how a loner (not an insult) like you can find new FWB? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 It kinda sucks (for you) that the women near you aren't interesting or worth your time. It sounds like a lot of tireless drama and such. I'm fine with them not being interesting...and they're worth a certain amount of time (and effort), but not the amount that they think they are. It's like going into a fancy sit-down restaurant, only to be given fast food. "I waited/paid for this??" If you're not doing the OLD thing, how a loner (not an insult) like you can find new FWB? I do find women online, but I don't date, and I've hardly ever used dating sites. There are a lot of off-brand social network sites out there. Maybe OLF is a better acronym for me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Hope you're doing well Blue. Now as a hypothetical: how would you interact with your girlfriend's Best Friend, if you knew she cheated on her long-term bf multiple times, and after she dumped him, slept with a Random Guy At a Bar, not long after? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 That's pretty standard human behavior, so I wouldn't treat her any differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 I do find women online, but I don't date, and I've hardly ever used dating sites. There are a lot of off-brand social network sites out there. Maybe OLF is a better acronym for me? OLF? About infidelity : My 2 cents is that women and men are equal at least on this issue. I've lost count of the ''village cuckolds'' men where I live, obviously men do the same. I could go into details but the generic point stand imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 "online ****ing" And, yeah, human beings cheat everywhere. In relationships, in business, in politics, you name it. Trust no one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 22, 2016 Share Posted April 22, 2016 Last statistics I heard was that men and women cheat pretty equally when it comes to relationships - that's if you count "emotional infidelity" and other stuff. Men get blamed unfairly for being the worst of the cheaters but I am not so sure that this is true. We can all think of at least a few women/girls who have loose boundaries with the opposite sex, young and old. I know that men tend to get "caught" more in their affairs than women do, which probably adds to the perception that men always cheat more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 22, 2016 Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 I'm not surprised that men get caught more; my gender is sadly lacking in subtlety and stealthiness. Am I a cheater? I've never really thought/cared about that. I suppose that some would consider me to be... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 22, 2016 Share Posted April 22, 2016 I think people who cheat are those who lie to themselves and/or other people about their willingness to be monogamous and then they cheat (sexual/romantic contact with others, provided that this is against the desires of the other partner) when they are a monogamous relationship. Someone who is poly or something other than monogamous, that doesn't make them a cheater. They just do relationships differently and that's okay. While I am not poly or otherwise, I definitely support making this more of a visible "option" for people and judging it less because I'd rather non-mono people gravitate toward each other instead of getting pushed into monogamous relationships that they will just cheat in or be unhappy. I've never been cheated on but I think part of that is luck and part of that is that I seem to have a pretty good ability at feeling out others. I can usually tell who actually wants a relationship genuinely and wants that companionship versus someone who wants regular sex but says they are seeking a relationship because that's what society expects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 I've never been cheated on but I think part of that is luck and part of that is that I seem to have a pretty good ability at feeling out others. I can usually tell who actually wants a relationship genuinely and wants that companionship versus someone who wants regular sex but says they are seeking a relationship because that's what society expects. I'm also one who thinks he has never been cheated on. At least I had zero evidences and it doesn't matter anymore anyway. Blue Spiral is right when writing here you can't really trust either gender, maybe that's a bit hyperbolic but phonies are everywhere, phonies, cheater and so on. Back on topic maybe before a snarky comment by Blue... how you doing? If we don't hear from you that means you have nothing to complain about atm? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 I'm doing well, thanks for asking. And, yeah, you're right, I do tend to post more when I have something to complain about. I've talked with Deedee a bit, the last few days. Things are looking a little more promising in that department, but only a little. I've had some more relationship-seeking women sniff around. They're surprisingly hot, but, no. I'm mainly reading, waiting for the NFL Draft, and keeping to myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 I've had some more relationship-seeking women sniff around. They're surprisingly hot, but, no. Did they find you online or off, Blue? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 Did they find you online or off, Blue? Both, actually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Going into detail (because I was too lazy to, yesterday): 1. As always, a few of my past FWBs (and FWB candidates) have gotten back in contact with me, mainly to see if I've changed my mind about relationships. They're all attractive women--I don't associate with unattractive women--but these are usually the lesser-attractive of the bunch. If they had more options, they wouldn't need to bother with me. 2. When I was getting my hair cut, the other week, my (incredibly gorgeous) hair-cutting chick asked me if I was still single--something she hasn't done in years, because my answer was always the same. Ten minutes later, she made a point of introducing me to their new receptionist, who'd sort of been sneaking looks at me. The receptionist wasn't actually at the desk at the time; my hair-cutting chick stalled until she could get there. The woman was cute, but not my type. I was polite, but I quickly escaped. 3. A good portion of my neighbors are single mothers, and it may just be my imagination, but, I sometimes detect "feelers" from them. "Oh, you're still single?" "Wow, you've had the same job for a long time, it must really be going well." These conversations frequently happen when they're wearing bikinis/swimsuits (suntanning). Also, when I'm not Blue Spiral, I'm Blue Spiral's Mild-Mannered Alter Ego, who's very helpful. They sometimes ask me to help them with tech stuff, and you wouldn't believe what they wear when I come over. Now, I'm sure that at least half of them aren't interested in me like that, and are just making smalltalk/accustomed to running around half-naked. But I have to believe that some of it is trying to get me to ask them out. A few of them have mentioned sisters and cousins, as well. In short, I'm in the exact opposite of the situation that most women find themselves in: instead of wanting serious stuff and only being approached for sex, I only want sex and am approached for serious stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Blue, I believe you've mentioned before in your journal that you dress okay, maybe a bit conservatively, and you've worked at the same job for a while. This really signals "stability", whether that's actually true or not, and people who are seeking stability are drawn to that. In addition to finding you attractive, of course. I have some "stable" traits within myself too, in addition to not being super attractive while not ugly, and I think this is why I've had so many guys (friends and partners) tell me over the years that I'm "wife material" or at least, come off like I am it. Do I actually think I'm wife material? Not really. But it's about the image you project to others. How to rectify that in your case, I don't know. I don't know if dressing edgy/trashy helps. I DO know that one of my exes was/is a musician, and he played out a lot, and there's something about a guy being on stage that brings out the CRAZY in girls. I've seen it myself. He got some offers for fun times, nothing serious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Blue, I believe you've mentioned before in your journal that you dress okay, maybe a bit conservatively, and you've worked at the same job for a while. This really signals "stability", whether that's actually true or not, and people who are seeking stability are drawn to that. In addition to finding you attractive, of course. I have some "stable" traits within myself too, in addition to not being super attractive while not ugly, and I think this is why I've had so many guys (friends and partners) tell me over the years that I'm "wife material" or at least, come off like I am it. Do I actually think I'm wife material? Not really. But it's about the image you project to others. How to rectify that in your case, I don't know. I don't know if dressing edgy/trashy helps. I DO know that one of my exes was/is a musician, and he played out a lot, and there's something about a guy being on stage that brings out the CRAZY in girls. I've seen it myself. He got some offers for fun times, nothing serious. Those are very good points. I don't think that I could dress edgy (edgily?) if I wanted to...I am definitely style-challenged. Even if I could, though, I don't think I'd want to. I'm a low-key person, and I'm happy blending in. I'm not complaining about getting female attention--I'll take any I can get--but, sadly, my honesty prevents me from leading these women on. It's just a number/culture thing. Most women want relationships, so those are the types I end up coming across. At least the cam models understand me...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 3. A good portion of my neighbors are single mothers, and it may just be my imagination, but, I sometimes detect "feelers" from them. Do you live in an apartment block or something similar, Blue? The only contact I've had with my neighbors was the old woman across the road, when she got me to start her lawn mower once! haha Also, when it comes to dress, I could wear jeans and a t-shirt most of the year. I don't think most INTJs care about the latest trends in fashion (imo). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Do you live in an apartment block or something similar, Blue? The only contact I've had with my neighbors was the old woman across the road, when she got me to start her lawn mower once! haha Something like that, yeah. I must look smart--or at least geeky--because they automatically assume that I can help them with various tech-related problems. They almost always offer to pay, but I never let them. They're usually wearing nothing but a long t-shirt, or a tanktop and short-shorts, and that's all the reward I need... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 They almost always offer to pay, but I never let them. Maybe you could tell them: I accept sex as a method of payment.. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Something like that, yeah. I must look smart--or at least geeky--because they automatically assume that I can help them with various tech-related problems. They almost always offer to pay, but I never let them. They're usually wearing nothing but a long t-shirt, or a tanktop and short-shorts, and that's all the reward I need... You come over to their places and they're wearing short clothes? They are almost naked? That's nothing more than an invitation for a ''netflix and chill'' session Blue, it's true you can't read women's mind. And yes, it happened to me years ago. My neighbor knocked on my door to help move some heavy table in the living room. In fact she didn't give a damn about the table. She wanted me in her place to chat a bit after the job was done. When we were done with her table thing she suggested to invite me for dinner etc and here goes. I always thought men were the ''hunters'' and women the ''preys''. With experience I noticed that women chase too, despite popular beliefs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 Maybe you could tell them: I accept sex as a method of payment.. LOL I am very, very tempted to say something like that, believe me, but I fear how women would react. And I have hooked up with some of my neighbors, in the past, but none of the current ones. You come over to their places and they're wearing short clothes? They are almost naked? That's nothing more than an invitation for a ''netflix and chill'' session Blue, it's true you can't read women's mind. Well, keep in mind, this hardly ever happens. Maybe a few times a year. (And if it's winter, they're more clothed, sadly.) If this were happening all the time, I'd be having way too much fun to bother posting on ENA. I think that some of them are just casual about what they wear, while some are indeed hitting on me. My lack of social skills usually prevents me from telling the difference. The thing is...once I know that they're looking for something serious, I tend to back off. So, yeah, they can be standing there in a bikini top and cutoffs, but if they've said they're looking for a boyfriend, I don't feel right flirting with them. Even if they're practically begging for it... Now, when I was younger, it seemed like I encountered more casual women than serious ones, so this kind of stuff usually led to sex. About fifteen years ago, I had an incredibly hot neighbor, and she was one of my first regular FWBs. I've also been involved with a few "older" neighbors--when I was in my twenties, they were in their thirties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I think that some of them are just casual about what they wear, while some are indeed hitting on me. My lack of social skills usually prevents me from telling the difference. I think I am the same. I had this first-time customer last year, blonde late thirties single mum (as far as I could tell). When I arrived at her house she was dressed in office-y type clothes. After I had finished her car and she came out to pay me, she was wearing some very short shorts and a tight cut-off small pink top. She was just dressed very casually and I got a very 'friendly' vibe from her, different than most customers, but whether she was hitting on me, I wasn't certain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 I think I am the same. I had this first-time customer last year, blonde late thirties single mum (as far as I could tell). When I arrived at her house she was dressed in office-y type clothes. After I had finished her car and she came out to pay me, she was wearing some very short shorts and a tight cut-off small pink top. She was just dressed very casually and I got a very 'friendly' vibe from her, different than most customers, but whether she was hitting on me, I wasn't certain. Yeah, it can be really tough to tell the difference between "Look at me, I want you to hit on me" versus "I'm just wearing something comfortable, and if you hit on me I'll get offended/feel threatened and go off on you". As a result, I tend to avoid hitting on offline women, just to be safe. I don't want someone calling the cops on me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 Breaking news: I am done with Deedee. I've put up with a lot, over the years, but no more. I've reached my limit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Breaking news: I am done with Deedee. I've put up with a lot, over the years, but no more. I've reached my limit. What has caused you to make this decision? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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