Blue Spiral Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 As a 50 year old, this age stuff scared me back then. I'm happy to report my best sex has been in my years 45 and over. I'll have to take your word for it: 45 is, and will remain, my cutoff. And those were very rare, very special cases. I think I'm going to aim for 30-and-under women for a few years. Then, when I'm 40, I'll aim for 35-and-under women. And so on. If there comes a point when I can't get women under 45, I'll find better things to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 I'll have to take your word for it: 45 is, and will remain, my cutoff. And those were very rare, very special cases. I think I'm going to aim for 30-and-under women for a few years. Then, when I'm 40, I'll aim for 35-and-under women. And so on. If there comes a point when I can't get women under 45, I'll find better things to do. As we're talking about partners age (bfs, gfs) I've had a pretty wide range... always legal obviously (age of conscent) but I've had 11 years younger to 18 years older. I'm mid 30s by the way. @IThinkICan, it's more about individuals than charts obviously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 16, 2016 Author Share Posted April 16, 2016 As we're talking about partners age (bfs, gfs) I've had a pretty wide range... always legal obviously (age of conscent) but I've had 11 years younger to 18 years older. I'm mid 30s by the way. During adulthood, my range has always been the same: 19-45. My two (maybe thee) girlfriends all turned 20 while they were with me, and my FWBs have ranged from early twenties to 45. I'm not committed to much, in life, but I'm committed to staying within that range. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 I think I'm going to aim for 30-and-under women for a few years. Then, when I'm 40, I'll aim for 35-and-under women. And so on. According to that PUA graph you're at the prime age for younger pickings, so if you can get it, then go for it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 During adulthood, my range has always been the same: 19-45. My two (maybe thee) girlfriends all turned 20 while they were with me, and my FWBs have ranged from early twenties to 45. I'm not committed to much, in life, but I'm committed to staying within that range. Pretty much like me. Though I've done 18-48. It's a pretty wide range, we've had women from Generation X, Y and Z, thinking about it, all generations. 50+ would not be for me, my pal has done 65 and he's 39, I mean wow, it's a whole different world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 I dated exclusively older guys for years. When I turned 18, I still remember staring at my chocolate birthday cake thinking "I am an adult and I can date whoever I want to now". I was eager to start dating much older (15+ years older) at that point and that's what I did. Here is my finding: The stereotype of the "dominant" and "powerful" older man did not appear true to me. While they were strong men who knew what they wanted and acted accordingly, I still think that when you're the younger one in a relationship like that, the balance is in your favor. You're the one who is seen as the "prize". You're the one who is in demand. I had to respect that, understand that, and be mindful of their age insecurities. I think men are men, regardless of age. The needs and drives are still there. I don't see older men as any differently as men my age. I don't have a mental block for what is "too old". I had a LTR with someone who was old enough to be my grandfather. I am not looking for other people to date (I'm with someone right now - same guy as before, decided to try again) so who knows. All I can say is that the idea of being with a younger man makes my skin crawl. I'm sure if I ended up single and looking, my "no kids, no babydaddy, no drama" life would probably appeal to younger guys but ICK, no. I'd date 20-30 years my senior again over dating someone younger, even by 10-15 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 The men you favour Fudgie have been the ones I've screened out, starting at a young age and coming to the realization that there are people who value youth as some prize. Such as turn off, for me. I've wanted to avoid men with that mentality, and by not dating men who have a preference for younger women than themselves, it's done the job rather well. It's not only that though; I've always preferred men close to my own age. So go for it Blue. To be honest though, I think shooting younger is the easier route for you. Going younger as a guy, going older as a female, is the easiest path because there still is that portion of people who have some rather old school ideas of what it is to be a man/woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 IAG, I don't believe that all people (men or women) who date outside of their age range prefers that. In fact, the men I dated who were older did not have a pattern of dating younger women at all. They had either dated women around their own age or they had been single for a while. Like you, I don't like men who only date younger women because then you run the risk of being "traded in" for the newest model. Not my cup of tea. However, even if you date someone who is older who doesn't prefer younger, you are still going to come against age insecurities at some point BECAUSE as the younger partner, you inherently have more options than them. That is nature. There is also worry that you may "change your mind" or something. So yes, being the younger partner, the balance is usually tilted in your favor. Most young women/young men do not realize this because they see the other person as having the upper hand because they likely have more money, or status, or possessions, or know-how. That's simply not the case. I would absolutely date older again in the future if it came to it but I would never consider an older man with non-adult kids. The kids must be adult and out of the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 I wouldn't know from experience, Fudgie, as I've never dated anyone significantly outside of my age range. Most was three years! But from what you write, I'll stick with my selection process, as I'm not interested in any of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Fair enough. It's definitely not for everyone. Just like I'd never date a younger man. It is not for me. I'd rather be alone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 So go for it Blue. To be honest though, I think shooting younger is the easier route for you. Going younger as a guy, going older as a female, is the easiest path because there still is that portion of people who have some rather old school ideas of what it is to be a man/woman. If a woman has an "old school" idea about what it is to be a man, I most likely won't have a chance with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 IAG, I don't believe that all people (men or women) who date outside of their age range prefers that. In fact, the men I dated who were older did not have a pattern of dating younger women at all. They had either dated women around their own age or they had been single for a while. Very true, it's not a preference. Sometimes it's as simple as 'life ended up like that'. To be honest, when I reached adulthood I had a so called relationship which was in fact more of an ''undeclared'' FWB. Why ? Because I was working my ass off then to pay my bill and future college tuition whereas say girl was a jobless, didn't own a car and still leeching off her parents. In the end I wasn't content with this charade of a RS. Oh and needless to say I was paying for everything with her, obviously she never had any more than a penny in her wallet. Later in life, a bit disgruntled by this experience I've had FWB and some F--buddies. Nothing wrong with it. They were up for this too and we made our intentions clear from the beginning. During that time I was hooking up with ladies from 20 to 38. Again it was mostly 'NSA' sex. Late in my twenties I was in a two years relationship with a woman a decade older and this was probably my best memory despite all the negative crap that went down during the breakup. A few other short RS, weeks or six months at most. Now I'm well into my 30s and have the occasional flings, but ultimately would like a relationship and I'm even considering finding a mate and have at least a children for my 'older days'. Let’s be serious: you don’t have all the time in the world to have children. If you are a woman, you know this better than anyone. If you are a man, your chances of attracting and having children with a younger woman fade over time. The clock is ticking for you too... I'm venting a bit about my dating history, forgive me. But yes being an only child myself I'm thinking despite having good friends around me that when I'm middle aged and eventually later an elderly I might be pretty lonely and miserable. People have children to perpetuate their families and have someone to take care of them for their older days. The cycle of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Biologically speaking, younger women (pre 40s) are at an advantage when it comes to having children, for sure, just for the fertility reasons. I understood why some men want to find someone a little younger when they themselves are pushing 40 or beyond. Makes sense. My bio clock is not ticking. In fact, I am getting my ligation done soon. I've never wanted children and I'm eager to keep it that way and soon it will be permanent. I'm so excited! Will I be alone when I am older? Probably. Lots of people are, with or without children. I'm more concerned with the financials but that is me. You have to do what works for you and your future goals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 "People have children to perpetuate their families and have someone to take care of them for their older days. The cycle of life." Maybe some do. No guarantees that a child will want to/be able to take care of an older parent. I would never ever want my son to feel that he had to. I am helping to take care of my parents and my father in law, from a distance. I am more than happy to do it despite the stress/time/effort/chaos at times. So is my husband. But I know my parents don't expect it and never did. We had a child because we wanted to have a family, to give to a child, to be parents, etc. People have individual reasons for that. We are older first time parents and he is an only child - there are upsides and downsides to that. If you eventually want a family I would focus on that now and also focus on building a financial nest egg, right now, for that eventuality. Children are expensive! You seem so self-aware and honest -IMO you won't have much difficulty finding a good match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Fudgie: Not everybody want children, even women. If your current boyfriend agrees with this, and assuming you want to stay with him for a while. It's your decision. The childless life has its advantages as Batya mentioned. You have more time for yourself, and yes children can be pretty expensive especially nowadays. I have both childless and parents friends. Batya: thanks. Being 'undecided' about children might be seen as a bad thing, ie: you either want children or not. But it's not that simple, if a decade from now when I'm mid 40s and haven't find a partner giving me the willing to start even a small family, realistically speaking, I'd probably be too old. I don't expect either to rely financially on children later in life, I have one grandmother left and she's hardly rich, but she has had two children, two grandchildren (and recently great grandchildren from my cousin). Children of today can be obnoxious, there are downside to having children but ultimately I don't know anyone despite the difficulties of raising them who regretted becoming a parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 He knows I don't want kids ever. I know he's/was in the "undecided leaning towards no" camp. No one knows about my ligation yet. We're kind of mismatched in that he definitely wants marriage and I'm "eh no" but we both know how we feel and he chooses to be with me despite knowing my feelings. His choice. He's free to leave just like I am. Maybe it will blow up later, maybe not. *shrug* I don't have any plans whatsoever for the future in terms of relationships. I don't feel that being undecided is a bad thing for a man necessarily. Just realize that if you meet the "right" woman for you and she wants kids, then you may be expected to get going on that. I actually think a lot of men are more undecided, more than women. You can offset this a bit by showing your desire (if you have one!) for a LTR and that you're very open to having children in the nearish future if you meet someone you connect with. There are upsides and downsides to every choice in life. It's just up to you what works for you and your goals. No real right/wrong answer there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 "Batya: thanks. Being 'undecided' about children might be seen as a bad thing, ie: you either want children or not. But it's not that simple, if a decade from now when I'm mid 40s and haven't find a partner giving me the willing to start even a small family, realistically speaking, I'd probably be too old." I don't think it's bad - it just "is". Children of today are no more "obnoxious" as opposed to the past - those children, like those adults, who make bad choices might make them in different ways (i.e. bullying on the internet) but I think it's one of those skewed generational perspectives -there will always be individuals who act in obnoxious ways. It also might be that parents of today bring children to more adult environments where the children are seen as behaving obnoxiously because it's simply not a proper environment for a child but the parents chose not to forego the environment and/or chose not to get a sitter. That's more the parent making a bad choice, not the child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 He knows I don't want kids ever. I know he's/was in the "undecided leaning towards no" camp. I used to be in this camp. I'm now undecided leaning towards yes, but as said before, finding the 'right' mate is a long path and can take years, I'll allow myself some more years to start a small, possibly one children family. I know this couldn't make my parents happier, and me too, with the right woman. My parents don't pressure me in any way to have children, I get the occasional 'are you still single' question. If I'm having a random fling I'd rather answer not, if I'm settled in a relationship, I might talk about it and even introduce the lady to them. Batya, yes the parents have obviously a responsibility in raising their children and make them take the right decision in their early lives. Internet bullying, I don't think it's the parents fault, petty children doing petty stuff for the most part. And I'll agree that children have bullied other children way before the advent of Internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Don't let me interrupt this conversation, guys--and I'm not being sarcastic. Mi thread es su thread. I am feeling less connected to people than ever, right now...and I have to say, it doesn't really bother me that much. Women aren't worth it. People aren't worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Don't let me interrupt this conversation, guys--and I'm not being sarcastic. Mi thread es su thread. I am feeling less connected to people than ever, right now...and I have to say, it doesn't really bother me that much. Women aren't worth it. People aren't worth it. In a way, that suggests you actually are connected -although in a negative way. It would be different if you were simply neutrally disconnected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 In a way, that suggests you actually are connected -although in a negative way. It would be different if you were simply neutrally disconnected. To me, "People aren't worth it" is pretty neutral. It isn't "I like people" or "I hate people". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 To me, "People aren't worth it" is pretty neutral. It isn't "I like people" or "I hate people". I read it to mean, implied in that statement, that the "it" is your time/energy/investment -seems pretty negative to me - "worth" refers to value. Different than "people are not on my radar" for example. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesT2 Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 I am feeling less connected to people than ever, right now...and I have to say, it doesn't really bother me that much. Women aren't worth it. People aren't worth it. ... At least you need to share your thoughts and adventures in this journal and for the visitors of this forum. Connected, online maybe ? Lot of time on the Internet rather than human interaction ? Along with binge watching TV shows and video games? It's true that you seem to be going in circles every couple months, celibacy - FWB, annoyed at FWB, drop them. Celibacy again and mostly avoiding people. We don't hear from Deedee much from you now, I guess this is over for good? Do you want at the moment to be back to celibacy and leave the sex and horniness out of your life again for a bit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted April 20, 2016 Author Share Posted April 20, 2016 Yeah, I'm connected to people when I comment on ENA...so, a few minutes a day, maybe? I've been really busy the past few days, and have barely had time for TV. I haven't played video games since the day before yesterday. Eesh. Deedee went through another rough patch, and she didn't contact me for about a week. Lots of drama in her life, right now. Some of our old issues are starting to creep in, again, and I'm thinking about giving up on her. I don't want to go back to being celibate, but I may be stuck doing that. I sort of dropped one FWB; she expected me to chase her. I still have the other (frankly hotter) one, though I suspect the competition will eventually edge me out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 It kinda sucks (for you) that the women near you aren't interesting or worth your time. It sounds like a lot of tireless drama and such. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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