Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[itsallgrand]

Yeah, it was me who said it was good.

 

Why did that stir up spite in you? It's startling, that response.

[IAmFCA]

That's awfully insulting to women, isn't it? The PUA blogs would agree with you 100%, but I am not on that train, though I agree with some of their findings. To me, anything more than "just sex" is annoying to deal with, and that includes the transactional stuff you're talking about. If I wanted to bring status/prestige into things, I'd just date, because I don't see much of a difference between a no-strings woman saying "oooh you have social proof" and a date saying "oooh you have a good job".

 

BTW if it is insulting to anyone it is insulting to both. I learned this more deeply dating MWFN, who felt he was less of a man because he didn't have $$. I came to see how unfair he was to himself, as if he is useless unless he provides. I loved his humanity, his spirit, his brains. I would never have thought of him as a functionary. So I think anyone who reduces someone else to a transactional exchange is reducing themselves too. It is not necessarily insulting, but it does negate the parts of ourselves that make each of us special.

 

And that's okay, maybe we don't always want to be that engaged.

[Blue Spiral]

Yeah, it was me who said it was good.

 

Why did that stir up spite in you? It's startling, that response.

 

You're rooting for me to fail...and you can't figure out why that would make me angry?

[itsallgrand]

You're rooting for me to fail...and you can't figure out why that would make me angry?

 

Well, it's your personal interpretation that my saying it is good means I am rooting for you to fail. So there's that. I have no desire to see you fail as a person, nor for you to be unhappy. I simply don't support this notion that it should be easy for someone who wants it to be able to have a harem.

 

Second thing is, yes, I don't quite understand why my having a different opinion would stir up a desire to spite.

 

Like ithinkican said, your results are a reflection of your effort. If you want to put more effort in to this desire of yours, no one is stopping you. And it impacts me in no way what so ever. If you put in more effort, I'm pretty confident you'd find more women willing to sign up.

 

It's your journal and if my commenting here isn't wanted, I'm totally fine with respecting that.

[Blue Spiral]

I have no desire to see you fail as a person,

 

I've never been interested in being a person.

 

nor for you to be unhappy.

 

Well, thanks, I actually appreciate that.

 

I simply don't support this notion that it should be easy for someone who wants it to be able to have a harem.

 

You should! If it were easy, our world would be much better off. Look, let's be honest, most of the violence in the world comes from angry (and usually young) men. If men had easier access to a large number of sexual partners, I believe that things would radically improve. Crime stats would plummet across the board, young men would be less willing to engage in self-destructive behavior, and men in general would have more of a stake in society. You mentioned effort. I don't make any effort, because I don't think it'll make that much of a difference, in the end. If I'm currently pulling 7s, and I bend over backwards to attract hotter women, and can still only get a 7.5, was it really worth it? I play video games, watch porn, and earn just enough to keep me going. It's not like I have a wife and kids to provide for--or even any woman that wants to be with me in my current form. (OK, a few think they do, but they don't really know me.) If I thought that a "harem" was realistically attainable, I'd completely alter my life in order to get it. I mean, I assume I've got some work ethic somewhere in my brain, but it may still be in its original package...

 

Second thing is, yes, I don't quite understand why my having a different opinion would stir up a desire to spite.

 

Liking chocolate versus liking vanilla is one thing. Wanting me to not get the things I want? That isn't just a different opinion, that's opposition, if a mild form of it.

[annie24]

.... or you could just.... pay for a pro.

 

fact is, you want a service that's in demand and is valuable. no matter what is is (sex with a hot woman, a ride to the airport, legal advice, weeding the yard), nothing comes for free. you either have to invest in an emotional relationship with that person, or you have to pay cash.

[Blue Spiral]

.... or you could just.... pay for a pro.

 

I am a law-abiding citizen. I've jaywalked a few times, but, other than that...

 

fact is, you want a service that's in demand and is valuable. no matter what is is (sex with a hot woman, a ride to the airport, legal advice, weeding the yard), nothing comes for free. you either have to invest in an emotional relationship with that person, or you have to pay cash.

 

Thank you, it's refreshing to see a woman admit that.

[annie24]

I am a law-abiding citizen. I've jaywalked a few times, but, other than that...

 

 

 

Thank you, it's refreshing to see a woman admit that.

 

There's places where it's legal though.... Especially Nevada.

[Blue Spiral]

There's places where it's legal though.... Especially Nevada.

 

I still wouldn't want to risk it. But, at the end of the day, I just don't think that your gender is worth it.

 

I've never thought of myself as a challenge-loving person, but, is my approach to women (trying to get around the whole "some sort of transaction" thing) a challenge that I've issued to myself? I don't pay cash or have an emotional relationship. Is this like trying to use the Frog Suit to beat every level in Super Mario 3?

[annie24]

Sure, and I can get someone to drive me to the airport without dating them or having to dogsit next week for them or without paying for a cab or uber...... But sometimes it's just easier to cough up the cash.

[IAmFCA]

I still wouldn't want to risk it. But, at the end of the day, I just don't think that your gender is worth it.

 

I've never thought of myself as a challenge-loving person, but, is my approach to women (trying to get around the whole "some sort of transaction" thing) a challenge that I've issued to myself? I don't pay cash or have an emotional relationship. Is this like trying to use the Frog Suit to beat every level in Super Mario 3?

 

Yes, it is. That's genius talking.

 

The best way ever to avoid having responsibility for having an impact on someone else, is to be so disinterested in others such that should they choose to engage, that's 100% on them. It's genius. Passive aggressive, perhaps, but so what. This isn't about someone else's ideal of healthy, it's about yours.

 

My only gripe is if you whine about what you don't have, because in truth, you don't want it. But your one little wistful thought about whom you don't have really didn't warrant unleashing this whole discussion. This discussion unfolded on its own.

 

I too sometimes get annoyed. Men should be falling at my feet as I go about my day. Lol, OK no, they shouldn't, and if they did, I wouldn't want them because they would be signaling that we are not peers. But I get that feeling, and I think when you typed it, I pounced on you. I like the discussion that followed though.

 

I do wish, quite fervently, that I didn't hear a general anger or dislike of women in your words. Maybe your thoughts are misanthropic, not just misogynist.Either way, it scares me a bit.

 

Otherwise, my thoughts are the same as before: be transparent about wanting no attachment, and I'll be transparent about wanting a deep one. In a way, we both have a giant filter on our search engine that narrows our target audience. And so, the dance continues...

[IAmFCA]

You didn't answer my question, don't have to. I'm curious. Why would a woman have sex with you? Not meant to sound impertinent; truly curious.

[faraday]

You didn't answer my question, don't have to. I'm curious. Why would a woman have sex with you? Not meant to sound impertinent; truly curious.

 

Because he's that good in bed.

[Blue Spiral]

Sure, and I can get someone to drive me to the airport without dating them or having to dogsit next week for them or without paying for a cab or uber...... But sometimes it's just easier to cough up the cash.

 

It's the principle of the thing, though. I feel like I'm being extorted. To expand on your example, if some guys get to ride for free, but other guys have to pay, the "fairness" part of my brain kicks in and is like "Wait a second!"

 

(I care about principles...when I remember them, anyway...)

 

Yes, it is. That's genius talking.

 

I have been called a genius on multiple occasions...even if I'm, um, severely inept in other areas...

 

My only gripe is if you whine about what you don't have, because in truth, you don't want it. But your one little wistful thought about whom you don't have really didn't warrant unleashing this whole discussion. This discussion unfolded on its own.

 

I'm just a whiny person. Men aren't supposed to be whiny/weak, I know, but I don't fit my gender role very well.

 

I do wish, quite fervently, that I didn't hear a general anger or dislike of women in your words. Maybe your thoughts are misanthropic, not just misogynist.Either way, it scares me a bit.

 

I'm strictly a misanthrope, I assure you. I approve of women approximately a gazillion times more than I approve of men. I have many, many positive feelings about women, and many, many negative feelings about men.

 

You didn't answer my question, don't have to. I'm curious. Why would a woman have sex with you? Not meant to sound impertinent; truly curious.

 

F*** if I know. As far as I'm concerned, it's one of the great mysteries of the universe.

 

Because he's that good in bed.

 

...I hope that's the answer, but...

[IAmFCA]

It's the principle of the thing, though. I feel like I'm being extorted. To expand on your example, if some guys get to ride for free, but other guys have to pay, the "fairness" part of my brain kicks in and is like "Wait a second!"

 

(I care about principles...when I remember them, anyway...)

 

 

 

I have been called a genius on multiple occasions...even if I'm, um, severely inept in other areas...

 

 

 

I'm just a whiny person. Men aren't supposed to be whiny/weak, I know, but I don't fit my gender role very well.

 

 

 

I'm strictly a misanthrope, I assure you. I approve of women approximately a gazillion times more than I approve of men. I have many, many positive feelings about women, and many, many negative feelings about men.

 

 

 

F*** if I know. As far as I'm concerned, it's one of the great mysteries of the universe.

 

 

 

...I hope that's the answer, but...

 

I like the spirit of this post.

 

FWIW, I don't tolerate whiny women or kids well, either. My poor kids... they learned that lesson the hard way. It's about the only thing that pushes my buttons.

[JamesT2]

I still wouldn't want to risk it. But, at the end of the day, I just don't think that your gender is worth it.

 

I've never thought of myself as a challenge-loving person, but, is my approach to women (trying to get around the whole "some sort of transaction" thing) a challenge that I've issued to myself? I don't pay cash or have an emotional relationship. Is this like trying to use the Frog Suit to beat every level in Super Mario 3?

 

As you said before, it becomes more and more difficult with age to find a willing woman up for ''free sex'' or let's just say a loveless arrangement for the purpose of sex only.

 

Law abiding citizen, I can't blame you on that but Annie is on the money. Everyone can change his mind over the years. I usually don't encourage prostitution or hiring escorts, but the thought of having a 20s something and probably out of your league lady in your bed for an evening, regardless of the amount of cash is much better than cam women every other evening.

 

I don't think it's much a challenge. It's illegal I gotcha, many people still oppose prostitution. Pot/gay marriage use to be banned nationwide too. It's strange that an anti traditional person like you would oppose it.

[Blue Spiral]

As you said before, it becomes more and more difficult with age to find a willing woman up for ''free sex'' or let's just say a loveless arrangement for the purpose of sex only.

 

In terms of what the average woman wants, it's harder. But, as a man, it's actually sort of easier. I feel like I'm more "in demand" than I was in my twenties. I'd break out one of those PUA SMV charts to explain, but I'm running late...

[IAmFCA]

In terms of what the average woman wants, it's harder. But, as a man, it's actually sort of easier. I feel like I'm more "in demand" than I was in my twenties. I'd break out one of those PUA SMV charts to explain, but I'm running late...

 

I can see how this would be so. It's the wild west out here.

[JamesT2]

In terms of what the average woman wants, it's harder. But, as a man, it's actually sort of easier. I feel like I'm more "in demand" than I was in my twenties. I'd break out one of those PUA SMV charts to explain, but I'm running late...

 

I'm probably nitpicking but this means you either changed your mind since you said that or things just improved for you regarding women. If there has been an effective improvement.

 

If you have time, I'm all for reading PUA charts, could make a good discussion.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm probably nitpicking but this means you either changed your mind since you said that or things just improved for you regarding women. If there has been an effective improvement.

 

It's sort of paradoxical, I know. There are areas where I genuinely have new advantages, and there are areas where I have new problems to deal with.

 

If you have time, I'm all for reading PUA charts, could make a good discussion.

 

Here you go. Trigger alert for the ladies: extremely superficial, objectifying content!

 

 

 

(smv = sexual market value, btw)

[JamesT2]

Thanks, if this is accurate, interesting stuff.

 

Women sexual market value peak: 23 year old.

Men sexual market value peak: 38 year old.

 

Comparative SMV for both genders by 30 yo.

 

I'm thinking I missed my chance somehow and should have found someone by that age, maybe (I mean when both genders have comparative SMV)

 

The decline for women after 30 is really fast whereas men keep their SMV high up to until 45 year old, roughly.

 

Unexpected charts, honestly.

[Blue Spiral]

Thanks, if this is accurate, interesting stuff.

 

Keep in mind, it's PUA stuff, so the science is science-y at best. But it's based on extremely obvious things: namely, that women value men for their earning ability, while men value women for their looks and youth. (Not "solely value" or "primarily value", just "value".) It's definitely tracking with my own experience, thus far. Don't just listen to me, though...look at all the ENA posts from women in their thirties to fifties.

 

I just want to remind fellow men that we have value, and that it tends to increase as we get older. It's sort of ironic, though. Men have a "mid-life crisis" in which we bang younger women, and that's supposedly a bad thing, while women have "Eat Pray Love"-style empowerment in which they bang younger men, and it's a good thing. I'd like to see the two treated as equally-good things...

[JamesT2]

. It's sort of ironic, though. Men have a "mid-life crisis" in which we bang younger women, and that's supposedly a bad thing, while women have "Eat Pray Love"-style empowerment in which they bang younger men, and it's a good thing. I'd like to see the two treated as equally-good things...

 

In other words, double standard.

 

The common denominator of both situations is that either older men and women will dispose of their younger partners without looking back, usually.

[Blue Spiral]

The common denominator of both situations is that either older men and women will dispose of their younger partners without looking back, usually.

 

Well, yeah, you can't trust human beings in general.

[IAmFCA]

Thanks, if this is accurate, interesting stuff.

 

Women sexual market value peak: 23 year old.

Men sexual market value peak: 38 year old.

 

Comparative SMV for both genders by 30 yo.

 

I'm thinking I missed my chance somehow and should have found someone by that age, maybe (I mean when both genders have comparative SMV)

 

The decline for women after 30 is really fast whereas men keep their SMV high up to until 45 year old, roughly.

 

Unexpected charts, honestly.

 

As a 50 year old, this age stuff scared me back then. I'm happy to report my best sex has been in my years 45 and over.

 

The other stuff, who values whom what and what we think about it... eventually I got to a place where I just really don't give a darn who does what with whom, as long as both people are adults with the freedom to think for themselves and the responsibility to think on behalf of their kids, if any.

 

My nearly 20 years older bf would not have ever dumped me (he died); it would have been me who struggled to keep him and for reasons having nothing to do with looks, money, sex, or age. I grew a lot during our friendship and relationship and wanted something different.

 

There are obviously lots of examples consistent with someone's idea of normal, and examples that prove the opposite.

 

In the end, each of us has one set of parts. How we use them is up to us. Normal doesn't really matter much if it doesn't suit you. It doesn't suit me.