Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[Silverbirch]

Re, I made a bit of a Freudian slip or something zi think. Nobody ever really past the age for sex, but past the youth-valued society's perceptions.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm glad I'm not a woman in the Middle East or somewhere because even in so called civilised Western society, there are a significant amount of people who believe that women past sex and child-bearing age are insignificant. Obviously you are one of them.

 

For my purposes, all people who aren't hot women within a certain age range are insignificant. Those are the only people that I have any desire to interact with. So, yes, I've effectively written off older women, and my entire gender, and hundreds of millions of other people. That doesn't mean that they don't have value...obviously, people have value regardless of how others feel about them.

 

I'm not a traditionalist who thinks that women's primary purpose is to have children. On the contrary, I'm adamantly opposed to gender roles of any kind. No, I'm just in this for sex, and me ignoring older women is like a birdwatcher ignoring a deer that ambles by. Nothing wrong with the deer, but that isn't why the birdwatcher is there.

[itsallgrand]

Did you not have grandmas Blue? Or aunts? Or any woman older than yourself love you or enrich your life?

Have you never loved someone in that way?

 

I know how much it would break my heart (and has) to see people who treat elders as invisible. Insignificant. Not worth time and energy.

Do you feel that way about anyone..particularly an older woman?!

 

I guess I just don't fully understand not caring to that degree. I can't remember ever feeling that way.

[Blue Spiral]

Did you not have grandmas Blue? Or aunts? Or any woman older than yourself love you or enrich your life?

Have you never loved someone in that way?

 

I did when I was a little kid, yeah. I can think of one case.

 

That said, I've never really been interested in people. It's nothing personal...

[Silverbirch]

I think that's what really holds you back Blue. I was with someone - or so I thought - who was a lot like you. I had to move on eventually. I just couldn't handle the lack of emotional intimacy, and so many times he came across as cold. I don't think he will even miss me. He probably thinks lime you that with me being an older woman, I am of no significance. He had supposedly been reclusive and on his own for many years before I met him. Like you, he enjoys solitary activities, doesn't like being part of a family. Sometimes I thought he was like that because of his childhood, but I thinks it's just how he is and that he likes it that way. Does Deedee know about all of that?

[Blue Spiral]

Yeah, she knows.

[itsallgrand]

Well I'm glad you got to experience that as a kid. Lots of people don't, and I've seen a pattern with that and having a hard time later on in life with apathy and getting close.

 

I'm glad you had love of that sort.

[Blue Spiral]

"love" isn't really a thing that I think about on a day-to-day basis.

[Mr_LFA]

How's life treating you Blue? Anything to report on the FWB front? I've been following this from the start.

[JamesT2]

How's life treating you Blue? Anything to report on the FWB front? I've been following this from the start.

 

I was going to ask this too. Sorry if I missed something but did you 'drop' the waitress ? How about other FWB?

 

By the way, aside from daredevil, what other shows are you following? Fargo got me hooked... and, seeing as you put the breaking bad quote as a signature, 'Better Call Saul' could be a good pick too.

[Blue Spiral]

Thanks for asking, gentlemen.

 

I'm still hooking up with the waitress, and I'm sort-of hooking up with a past FWB, who recently sought me out. Also, things are progressing well with Deedee. I'm pretty low-effort in this area, though. I focus on the things I enjoy, and at the end of the day, I'm like, "Oh, right, sex. Better get on that."

 

I love Fargo and Better Call Saul! The Americans is great, too.

 

Aside from a few people-related problems, things are going very well for me, right now.

[Blue Spiral]

Well, I had an interesting proposition, the other day. The past FWB I mentioned? She suggested a relationship. She knows that I object to marriage, and she said that we wouldn't have to get married. In fact, she said that she doesn't even want to, because it'd mess up her alimony or something. She also said that she doesn't want any more kids...but she already has some, and I'm not qualified to be any sort of stepfather.

 

In other news, Operation: Deedee proceeds apace. Tonight may be a turning point.

[Mr_LFA]

Well, I had an interesting proposition, the other day. The past FWB I mentioned? She suggested a relationship.

Monogamy issues aside, do you think you would be happy in a (long-term) relationship with this woman?

[Blue Spiral]

Monogamy issues aside, do you think you would be happy in a (long-term) relationship with this woman?

 

I don't know. I really like her, but, I am clearly not cut out to be any sort of father figure...and, more superficially, she isn't quite my type physically.

[JamesT2]

I don't know. I really like her, but, I am clearly not cut out to be any sort of father figure...and, more superficially, she isn't quite my type physically.

 

Being/becoming a father is one thing, raising other men children is another. Reading your journal I wonder if that's for you too.

 

What about Deedee?

[Blue Spiral]

Being/becoming a father is one thing, raising other men children is another. Reading your journal I wonder if that's for you too.

 

I don't think either one is for me.

 

What about Deedee?

 

That did not go so well, but it wasn't my fault. I'm starting to think that the old Deedee isn't coming back.

[JamesT2]

Don't think so not sure? I don't know if you are currently using any dating site but it's an option in your profile. Want kids, someday, never... depending on the site. Obviously I don't know you as well as you do. Some people wanted kids eventually in their 30s and fathered by 40. Unless you are 100% sure you never will.

 

I didn't get the 'sort of hooking up' with a former FWB in the previous page. Sounds you are enjoying your time with the waitress right now though.

[Fudgie]

I'm definitely not interested in being a mother figure to anyone so I always ruled out men who had children, even if it were partial custody. No harm in that. You could probably do FWB with her (if that's what she wanted) but a relationship would entail her introducing kid(s) to you and seeing if you get along. You would be expected to be a good father figure and to take interest.

 

I know for me, that's a solid no. It may be for you too.

[Blue Spiral]

Don't think so not sure? I don't know if you are currently using any dating site but it's an option in your profile. Want kids, someday, never... depending on the site. Obviously I don't know you as well as you do. Some people wanted kids eventually in their 30s and fathered by 40. Unless you are 100% sure you never will.

 

I never want to have kids. And, I've hardly ever used dating sites, really, but thanks for the info.

 

I didn't get the 'sort of hooking up' with a former FWB in the previous page. Sounds you are enjoying your time with the waitress right now though.

 

Well, the former FWB and I are hooking up, but it isn't regular or anything.

 

I'm definitely not interested in being a mother figure to anyone so I always ruled out men who had children, even if it were partial custody. No harm in that. You could probably do FWB with her (if that's what she wanted) but a relationship would entail her introducing kid(s) to you and seeing if you get along. You would be expected to be a good father figure and to take interest.

 

I know for me, that's a solid no. It may be for you too.

 

Yeah, she's definitely trying to push me in that direction, and I'm resisting. The thing is, I actually get along really well with kids, so women are always thinking this means I'd be a good father figure.

 

Also, I probably shouldn't say this, because it'll tarnish my cynical, world-weary image...but I am constantly doing good deeds, and I did one for her, a few weeks back. She needed to take one of her kids to an out of town doctor's appointment, and her car was in the shop, so I drove them. (For the record, when I did that, we hadn't hooked up in ages.) She watched me interact with her kids, and I'm starting to think that the idea started there.

[JamesT2]

Yeah, she's definitely trying to push me in that direction, and I'm resisting. The thing is, I actually get along really well with kids, so women are always thinking this means I'd be a good father figure.

 

Also, I probably shouldn't say this, because it'll tarnish my cynical, world-weary image...but I am constantly doing good deeds, and I did one for her, a few weeks back. She needed to take one of her kids to an out of town doctor's appointment, and her car was in the shop, so I drove them. (For the record, when I did that, we hadn't hooked up in ages.) She watched me interact with her kids, and I'm starting to think that the idea started there.

 

Both paragraphs ties, I've been here before. Dating or hanging out with a woman with a young child and she'd watch how I'd interact with him or her. You got that right, it's testing the water, and seeing what you'd be like as a father, or step-dad anyway, even if it's only an afternoon. And obviously isn't the same as the next twenty years. Some of my relatives also have children, and I get along just fine with them too, despite being still childless and lacking the experience. It's always enjoyable for me, their expression, chosen words bring me back to 25 years more ago, children makes you remain young in a way, but I guess you'll disagree with that.

[Blue Spiral]

Some of my relatives also have children, and I get along just fine with them too, despite being still childless and lacking the experience. It's always enjoyable for me, their expression, chosen words bring me back to 25 years more ago, children makes you remain young in a way, but I guess you'll disagree with that.

 

I don't disagree. That said, I've remained young despite not having kids...if I had kids, maybe I'd seem even less mature than I am now, which would really be saying something.

[annie24]

It's ok to not want kids. I definitely respect that you know that and you're not trying to lead anyone on about your intentions.

[Blue Spiral]

Here's what I've learned so far, this week:

 

1. One must be careful when one uses the term "breeders", especially if one puts profanity in front of it. (Unrelated to the aforementioned FWB.)

 

2. Plumbing problems are not fun.

 

3. Deedee's situation is getting worse...and yet, this hasn't made her more responsive to me. I'm thinking that she's truly locked into her current identity, and won't commit to a solution that goes against that identity.

 

4. It looks like another anti-porn push might be gearing up. This is slightly worrisome to me.

[Mr_LFA]

 

2. Plumbing problems are not fun.

 

"Plumbing" as in what context? lol

[Blue Spiral]

"Plumbing" as in what context? lol

 

Literal plumbing, not biological.

 

In other news, I'm going to take a break from Deedee for a few days, maybe more. I thought that things were changing between us, but I'm starting to think that I was wrong.