Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[Blue Spiral]

I woke up in 21st century America, today. Okay, I do that every day, but it's still pretty awesome. If you could go back in time and ask sixteen-year-old me if I thought I'd still be around in 2016, I'd have said no, because surely I would have killed myself by now. Instead, here I am. And I'm doing surprisingly well.

 

I have one primary passion in life, and my skills have greatly improved in this area. I've made a lot of progress.

 

Also, have you seen what women wear now? Wow. Don't get me wrong, fire and the wheel are important and all, but you have to put thongs up there, too. And, it sounds like something out of hedonistic '60s sci-fi, but it's true: women carry around gadgets that have cameras in them, take sexy/naked pictures of themselves, and post them where everyone can see. I'm talking millions of women. If that isn't the American Dream, I don't know what is.

 

The institution that I hate the most--marriage--is fading, and greatly weakened. Alternately, one of the kindest people I ever met can finally get married, now. I don't know if he has, or even wants to, but at least he has the option.

 

Really, traditionalism as a whole is fading. (As a side-effect of this, it's easier than ever to get sex without a relationship. If I can do it, anyone can.) I'm glad that I lived long enough to see it happen, and I'm getting my popcorn ready for whatever happens next. For those of you who have read the Game of Thrones books, it reminds me of what the Widow of the Waterfront says to Tyrion in the most recent installment. This former slave has a message for him to give to Daenerys: "Tell her we are waiting. Tell her to come soon." i.e., there are people that aren't happy with the current system, and we're quietly waiting to make our move. Speaking as someone who's never fit in the traditional order, well, if we do manage to burn it all down (strictly non-violently)...I don't drink, but I can tell you that I'll raise a proverbial glass.

 

After a long time in the wilderness, my favorite sports team is having a rare period of competence.

 

I'm a geek, and I can remember a time when there were no good comic book movies. Now there are tons to choose from, and the quality is surprisingly good.

 

I won't tell you the exact number of women I've slept with--men always exaggerate, so you wouldn't believe me, anyway--but it's a healthy number.

 

I've found a number of online male communities, and while most of them are absolutely bonkers to some degree, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one dealing with certain female issues. I've learned a lot from them. We're engaging in constant research and figuring out the best ways to achieve our goals.

 

I've got my problems, and I'm probably still doomed, but I'm happy, right now. That's more than I ever expected...

[IAmFCA]

Love this post, Blue. Glad you see your world around you, see how it's working for you.

[Fudgie]

I have some gripes with the current world, but one thing I enjoy I'm definitely in agreement with you: more freedom. Lots of things that people used to do or shame in the name of "tradition" are fading and people are doing what THEY want to do, not because they "have" to. Slowly but surely, people are becoming more accepting of different lifestyles, orientations, etc.

 

It's a long time coming and so much has changed just in part of my lifetime. It gives me high hopes for the future. I believe that people must do what makes them happy, as long as their actions don't infringe on the rights of others or harm others. I'm so tired of society shaming others because they don't follow the "traditional" life. Who cares? Just do you.

[IAmFCA]

I have some gripes with the current world, but one thing I enjoy I'm definitely in agreement with you: more freedom. Lots of things that people used to do or shame in the name of "tradition" are fading and people are doing what THEY want to do, not because they "have" to. Slowly but surely, people are becoming more accepting of different lifestyles, orientations, etc.

 

It's a long time coming and so much has changed just in part of my lifetime. It gives me high hopes for the future. I believe that people must do what makes them happy, as long as their actions don't infringe on the rights of others or harm others. I'm so tired of society shaming others because they don't follow the "traditional" life. Who cares? Just do you.

 

Hahaha to my non church going Ena friend

 

PREACH SISTER

 

 

[itsallgrand]

I'll raise my Game of Thrones mug to your happiness today. It's always good to see someone happy.

 

And you are right, there are good things along with the bad. Glad you are enjoying a good day.

[Blue Spiral]

I had a late-night chat with Deedee. It covered the usual bases--she isn't happy with her life, etc.--but I felt like we made progress, this time. Maybe I'm right, or maybe I'm rationalizing.

 

The people I've told about Operation: Deedee have been pretty supportive. My oldest friend, of course, is all for it, and thinks I should have done this years ago. (He's absolutely right--my chances would have been much better, back then.) My one semi-platonic female friend...well, she isn't exactly enthusiastic, but I think that's because she's currently involved with a married guy, herself, and it isn't going so well for her. She wished me luck, anyway, and I think she meant it.

[Blue Spiral]

There are times when I feel like the emotional/intellectual connection I have with Deedee will result in her leaving the neanderthal and having lots of sex with me.

 

But there are other times when I remember that this connection--and her unhappiness in her marriage/overall situation--hasn't resulted in her doing either of those things, yet. I sometimes think, "Okay, so she first complained about him on this date, and how many hundreds/thousands of times has she ****ed him since then? Meanwhile, she claims to have this big connection with you, and you've gotten nothing. Her actions aren't matching her words."

 

Incidentally, she was the one that helped me realize that physical attraction is more important than any emotional/relational crap. He's her type, so he can do no wrong; I'm not, and no matter what I do or how much she praises me, I don't seem to have a chance. A quick look around our world will show you what people really prioritize. I'm guilty of this, as well. A "nice girl" that's my equal in terms of attractiveness? Yes, I'm into that. A "nice girl" I'm not attracted to? It's doomed, sorry.

 

I don't know if this will work, but I can tell you that I'm not going to spend too much effort on it. It's going well, but I'm not going to let myself be an emotional tampon or anything like that. I'm eventually getting what I want, or I'm out of there.

[Fudgie]

I think despite her unhappiness, she has reason to stay, whether it's because she loves him, or because she's getting stability (very likely there), or a combination of both, who knows. I just hope you're not being used as an emotional tampon, where she sobs to you about her marriage, gets sexy attention and kudos, and then turns around and goes back to her rather nice with her husband.

 

While many people not close to me seem to be superficial and prioritizing looks, my personal life has shown me the opposite, honestly. I think there are different sorts of people out there. I don't place much emphasis on looks, my own or others, outside of being clean and setting-appropriate, which puts me at odds with some people but I know others who are like me who truly don't give a f__k. They are hard to find but they are out there.

[Blue Spiral]

I think despite her unhappiness, she has reason to stay, whether it's because she loves him, or because she's getting stability (very likely there), or a combination of both, who knows. I just hope you're not being used as an emotional tampon, where she sobs to you about her marriage, gets sexy attention and kudos, and then turns around and goes back to her rather nice with her husband.

 

Yeah, it used to be that way...but I didn't mind, as I was getting something out of it, as well. I don't mind a symbiotic relationship. But then it became one-sided, so I cut off most contact for my own emotional protection.

[Silverbirch]

I hope you are well Blue

[Blue Spiral]

I am, thanks. I've been enjoying myself and getting a lot done.

 

I think I'm losing my enthusiasm for Deedee...maybe my attraction to her is finally wearing off?

 

I've been getting more attention from offline women, lately. For the second time in my life, a woman gave me her phone number out of the blue. (She was a waitress at a restaurant, but not the waitress that was serving me.) I thought that I must be imagining some/most of this attention...but I got a haircut, the other day, and my haircut girl is in a new building, where people are always walking by in the hall. She also noticed it, and she hugely embarrassed me by telling one passer-by (who was really looking at me) that I'm single.

 

I know that I mainly talk about women on here...but 95% of my life is non-female-related, and I intend on keeping it that way.

[Silverbirch]

Hey that all sounds good!

[Blue Spiral]

One of my old FWB candidates--from roughly two years ago--contacted me, wanting to know if I was still single. "What are you doing for Valentine's Day?" Wow, so that's what an options-lacking woman looks like. It was sort of sad. To be honest with you, I forgot that Valentine's Day was even coming up. She informed me that she still doesn't do FWBs (at which point I mentally checked out of the conversation), but she told me that I'm the "most dateable" of the men that have tried to hook up with her. I informed her that I don't date and never have; this sort of short-circuited her brain, as she had a hard time wrapping her mind around the "never dated" concept.

 

I think she must have read some article claiming that men like women who establish clear boundaries or have strong opinions, because she kept harping on the "no FWBs" thing and acting like it made her "high value" or something. I tried to be polite, but I eventually got bored with that, said "bye", and plan on never speaking to her again. Eesh. It gave me a headache...

[annie24]

You sound just as thrilled as if an encyclopedia salesman came to your door. (remember those?!)

[Blue Spiral]

You sound just as thrilled as if an encyclopedia salesman came to your door. (remember those?!)

 

Yeah, that's sort of how I feel about women, lately.

 

There are exceptions, though. I'm sleeping with the waitress I mentioned. She's hot, nice, and low-maintenance. But it isn't a regular thing, we just hook up once or twice a week.

[annie24]

that sounds regular to me!

[Blue Spiral]

Despite being a lazy, freewheeling, creative type, I can be surprisingly structured. "hooking up on random days every week" doesn't really seem "regular" to me. My idea of relationships was pretty intensive, and my approach to FWBs was the same way. If I'm having sex with someone, I want to see them every day (or almost every day), because I'm greedy like that. Maybe I'm subconsciously experimenting with a more distant approach, and seeing if that would work in the future?

[Blue Spiral]

This is a public service announcement from Blue Spiral:

 

Family is b******t. After many years of dealing with my parents, and after many years of watching my parents deal with their own families, I fear that, most of the time, family is nothing but a sham. It's a disappointment that will turn one into the darkest of cynics. I knew that the concept of family was bad and dysfunctional, but I didn't realize just how miserable it actually was. Wow. And my family isn't even that bad, compared to many. I can't imagine what it's like for others.

 

You know those dystopian sci-fi books where "family" is basically obsolete? Children are raised by government workers, and bloodline connections are pretty much ignored? As far as I'm concerned, that's looking more preferable all the time. If a post-family world is on the way, I was probably born too late to experience it...but I'm glad that our modern world is becoming less family-centric by the day. When you think about it, the idea that family is the bedrock of society is just laughable. What we call "family" is merely what happens when people have sex, reproduce (accidentally or not), and get their lives all tangled up together. There's nothing moral or upstanding about it. You might as well argue that a bunch of bacteria feasting on a carcass is "moral". Yeah, it technically helps life to go on, but it's a stupid, reckless thing that happens because of ugly/desperate biological impulses. And "life going on" isn't much of a justification for anything, in my opinion.

[Zuri]

I have to agree with your opinion of "family". I do love my children, but I have zero interest in most of my blood relatives. If you are a crappy person, you get no "pass" to be a part of my life just because we are biologically related.

[Blue Spiral]

Maybe it's just me, but, I'm seeing a trend where people prioritize their friends over their significant others and families. Friendships tend to last longer than relationships, and family is viewed as more of a part of one's past. (With a person's children being an exception.) I've noticed that in fiction and entertainment, as well. More and more stories focus on same-gender friendships, with non-present families and a rotating series of temporary love interests.

 

In Deedee news, I'm furious with myself: she messaged me, again, and she expressed views that align with my own worldview: she doesn't like her current life (with the implication being that she doesn't like married life), she doesn't like being surrounded by bourgeoisie-type people, etc. It was the perfect opportunity for my "throw tradition out the window" pitch, but I panicked and froze up. The perfectly-ideal nature of it just shocked me...she was saying exactly what I'd hoped to hear, and I was so surprised that I forgot to do the obvious thing. I'm afraid that, if she messages me again, she won't bring it up, and I'll have missed out on a great opportunity. Sure, I can work it into the convo myself, but it won't be as natural...

[annie24]

You can just say, 'Deedee, I thought about what you said yesterday.....'

[Blue Spiral]

I suppose I should provide an update.

 

My attempt to reintroduce that topic went as awkwardly as I feared. Like me, she's the sort of person that quickly moves on to other subjects and loses interest in however she was feeling yesterday, or the day before that. I have not been able to replicate that scenario.

 

However, things are afoot: she and her husband are currently dealing with a new problem--a problem that should remind her that she shouldn't have married him in the first place--and it's only the latest in a string of problems that have come about because of the neanderthal. Unfortunately, I can't go into detail without jeopardizing our agents in the field, but I can assure you that her life has become topsy-turvy because of choices that he's made over the last year. Suffice to say, I am going to exploit this situation for all it's worth--er, I mean, support her in this time of trouble.

 

There's a wrinkle, though...I'm afraid that I'm losing my physical attraction for her. It'd be ironic if she finally realized that he isn't a good option for her, only for me to finally realize the same thing about her.

 

Other women news: things are going well with the waitress, and I think a neighbor of mine may be flirting with me. She's a single mom. She's not my type, though.

[JamesT2]

Hello Blue Spiral,

 

First, interesting original post. I've been a lurker of this forum for a bit, and I can relate to what you have written about your adolescence (in your words, miserable). In my own words, I was a school 'dweeb' as well. There was nothing interesting or exciting about my teen days. I had a few friends from junior school that were mostly letting me down by the time of high school. I was more interested as you said in video games, tv show and cinema than going out or partying, not to mention about being extremely lucky to at least kiss a girl then. Not sure how I managed that, but I did.

 

I couldn't read through the whole thread though, only some pages. Basically if I'm getting this right, things have improved for you. I gathered you have a job, I assume your own place and maybe a car. You were probably asked this a thousand times before here but do you only want to settle for FWB for your whole life and never ever go for a RS, I mean long term relationship. Aren't you a bit tired of old FWB getting back in touch for sex only? About the waitress thing: well done, apparently you managed to get out of your shell and get to know a woman offline and things are working... for now.

 

If I'm not mistaken, you have no interest in marriage and children, I wont judge you about this, my question would be... don't you at least want to settle for a LTR? Because it seems you are only going to go in circles rotating FWB every few months, which of course make for a respectable 'sexual partner' number... but wouldn't it be better to be in love with someone and make it last for as long as possible? (I know how romantic or naive that may sound to your ear)

 

All the best either way.

[Blue Spiral]

If I'm not mistaken, you have no interest in marriage and children, I wont judge you about this, my question would be... don't you at least want to settle for a LTR? Because it seems you are only going to go in circles rotating FWB every few months, which of course make for a respectable 'sexual partner' number... but wouldn't it be better to be in love with someone and make it last for as long as possible? (I know how romantic or naive that may sound to your ear)

 

I don't want a LTR, no. Though I'd like to be with Deedee for a few months/a year before she traded me in for a more monogamous model.

 

Also, I'm ambivalent as to whether or not "love" actually exists.

[JamesT2]

I don't want a LTR, no. Though I'd like to be with Deedee for a few months/a year before she traded me in for a more monogamous model.

 

Also, I'm ambivalent as to whether or not "love" actually exists.

 

My 'longest' RS lasted for two years or so, but I'll try to keep this topic on you. And yes, I was madly in love, the reason we broke up, hell it's a reason among millions other reasons couple breakup or divorce.

 

The correct definition is you're a polyamorous then? But that include the word 'amourous' and you don't believe in love...

 

You answered the question I think. You are going to live with FWB for the rest of your life (which implies not being in love of course)...

 

How about interaction with other people? Do you have at least a few friends or acquaintances ? (Out of work and colleagues)

 

Do you feel less 'miserable' now than 20 year ago?