Blue Spiral Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Thanks, LikeWater, I appreciate that. My life would definitely be a lot easier if I stopped being upfront/honest and pretended to want relationships...and it wouldn't be a very damaging lie, since I'm sure the women would dump me before it got to that point, anyway. But I've never felt right about misleading people. As for hurting others: in fairness, my current plan would hurt Deedee's husband, since I'd be stealing her from him. But I feel right about that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Oh, god, I'm hyper. It has nothing to do with any of this stuff, but, nonetheless...hyper hyper hyper. There are things that I need to get done, but I'm seriously distracted and have way too much energy (good problem to have, I know). I've paced around, I've run up six flights of steps several times...I'm almost never like this. It's crazy. I'm usually a much more low-key person, I don't know what to do when I'm like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LikeWater Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 As for hurting others: in fairness, my current plan would hurt Deedee's husband, since I'd be stealing her from him. But I feel right about that... Well, actually it's ultimately her decision. It's not like you're raiding the house and kidnapping her. If she decides she doesn't want your company, that she feels it's inappropriate because she's happy in her relationship and wants to continue it respectfully, then she'll stop talking to you. You're not stealing her, you're just trying to be the greener grass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 Well, actually it's ultimately her decision. It's not like you're raiding the house and kidnapping her. If she decides she doesn't want your company, that she feels it's inappropriate because she's happy in her relationship and wants to continue it respectfully, then she'll stop talking to you. You're not stealing her, you're just trying to be the greener grass. That's definitely true. The fact that it'd hurt him is more like a happy side-effect... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 I love your honesty Blue (()) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 Maybe I'm just lazy, but, I'm starting to feel like I've spent too much time and effort on Deedee (without what I view to be appropriate reciprocation, anyway). I don't know. Deedee and FWBs feel like work, while cam models feel like fun. I almost always hit this point with women, where I look at my proverbial return-on-investment and decide that I don't like what I see. The amount of time and effort I put into a woman, versus the hotness of the woman and what I'm getting in return. It's a hassle, and if sex isn't likely, well, I could be doing other things... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 Well, I haven't heard from Deedee in a few days. It's been sort of enjoyable. It occurs to me that most of the women in my life are depressed. Deedee, my one semi-platonic female friend, my female relatives. I struggle in that area, as well...and yet, when left to my own devices, I'm a surprisingly happy person. They describe themselves as feeling purposeless; I've never felt that way. The more I stay away from people, the happier I am. Unfortunately, I'm on a planet that has seven billion of them, and I have a strong sex drive and lots of emotional baggage, both of which drag me back into the mess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingervixen Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Well, I haven't heard from Deedee in a few days. It's been sort of enjoyable. It occurs to me that most of the women in my life are depressed. Deedee, my one semi-platonic female friend, my female relatives. I struggle in that area, as well...and yet, when left to my own devices, I'm a surprisingly happy person. They describe themselves as feeling purposeless; I've never felt that way. The more I stay away from people, the happier I am. Unfortunately, I'm on a planet that has seven billion of them, and I have a strong sex drive and lots of emotional baggage, both of which drag me back into the mess. Hey Blue Spiral, I decided to read your journal, still haven't read everything and since I'm new here I definitely cannot say I know you well, but ... It is indeed a very interesting read. What I can see by reading your journal is that your fear for intimacy is evident. You seem to be an emotionally unavailable person. Now what really puzzles me is that fact that you claim to be a happy person - mind you, I have no right to say if you're happy or not - if you say you're happy I will believe it, but why did you start writing this journal in the first place? Are you trying to solve your inner issue concerning intimacy? Do you wish you actually loved human contact and human company? One more question - what's your MBTI personality type? That would say a lot about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 Hey Blue Spiral, I decided to read your journal, still haven't read everything and since I'm new here I definitely cannot say I know you well, but ... It is indeed a very interesting read. Thank you! What I can see by reading your journal is that your fear for intimacy is evident. You seem to be an emotionally unavailable person. Now what really puzzles me is that fact that you claim to be a happy person - mind you, I have no right to say if you're happy or not - if you say you're happy I will believe it, but why did you start writing this journal in the first place? Are you trying to solve your inner issue concerning intimacy? Do you wish you actually loved human contact and human company? I...have a fear of intimacy? This is news to me. I don't really think about that sort of thing, though, so I guess it's possible. As for why I started this journal: I wasn't happy with the return-on-investment I was getting with my FWBs, and I wanted to complain. And, no, I don't wish that I loved human contact/human company. If anything, I wish that my sex drive would magically disappear, so I'd finally be free of this ridiculous species. One more question - what's your MBTI personality type? That would say a lot about you. INTJ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingervixen Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Thank you! I...have a fear of intimacy? This is news to me. I don't really think about that sort of thing, though, so I guess it's possible. As for why I started this journal: I wasn't happy with the return-on-investment I was getting with my FWBs, and I wanted to complain. And, no, I don't wish that I loved human contact/human company. If anything, I wish that my sex drive would magically disappear, so I'd finally be free of this ridiculous species. INTJ. I'm a fellow INTJ too. So I feel your pain. I think it has much more to do with your personality type than anything. I have decided to write a journal too, so you can read there if you want. Being an introvert, especially an INTJ, is NOT easy. We simply CANNOT stand humankind's mediocrity and people's frivolities. Sometimes I am just too lazy to even say "hi" to someone, but I do that because I gotta be social at work and it demands such ABSURD STRENGTH AND EFFORT from me. So I can see where you're coming from. However, I do think you may be emotionally unavailable. I do think I am emotionally unavailable myself. Not to family or friends (well, I am unavailable to some friends), but to the opposite sex. Think about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 I'm a fellow INTJ too. So I feel your pain. I don't have any pain from being an INTJ. Being an introvert, especially an INTJ, is NOT easy. We simply CANNOT stand humankind's mediocrity and people's frivolities. Sometimes I am just too lazy to even say "hi" to someone, but I do that because I gotta be social at work and it demands such ABSURD STRENGTH AND EFFORT from me. So I can see where you're coming from. Thankfully, I'm in a situation where I'm able to be fairly reclusive. However, I do think you may be emotionally unavailable. I do think I am emotionally unavailable myself. Not to family or friends (well, I am unavailable to some friends), but to the opposite sex. Think about that. I'm definitely emotionally unavailable, but I don't think I have a fear of intimacy, personally. I just enjoy keeping a certain distance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Funny, you struck me as possibly ISTP. That's what I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 Funny, you struck me as possibly ISTP. That's what I am. Hmm...I see some similarities, but I think I'm more of an INTJ. Not everything about INTJ fits, though; I have low self-confidence, for instance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Few of my past partners were INTJ, including my last partner. I don't think low confidence is that out of place. They all seemed to have some of that. More ego than me, though. That's what I've found: contrary to what I believed in the past, there is a difference between ego and self confidence. The INTJs i dated had more ego than I, but less confidence. I have times where I do think lowly of myself, but f__k, I'm assertive and not afraid to speak up when I feel I must. My brother is INTJ too. I think the two types have some similarities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 I don't have ego or self-confidence. I'm a pretty timid person, really, but I want sex, so I'm stuck being "aggressive"--my gender role says that I have to pursue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I had an enjoyable day. I got some things done (I'm having a productive week overall), I did things that I enjoy, and now I'm going to watch my new cam model crush for about twenty minutes before bed. Today was gloriously low-stress and low-human-interaction. I also set a new video game benchmark for myself, and I'm moderately proud of myself for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 You guys know that the Myers-Briggs personality tests have been proven time and again to be inaccurate , right? Depending on a persons mood, they can get completely different results every time they take the test...they're about as accurate as horoscopes. Fun to do...but...not insightful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Of course they aren't 100% (nothing is) but for me, I found it pretty helpful and provided me insight into some of the ways that I think about things and my social tendencies. Then again, I've always gotten the same result since I was 18. But I found it helpful in identifying my flaws and tendencies. In fact, it helped me way more than some of the therapists I've been to, and it's free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imsuperman Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'm also INTJ. It's me to a "t." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I've taken that test several times--starting back in high school, and doing it every five or so years since--and I've always come back INTJ. Deedee update: there is no Deedee update. If she'd rather focus on the life she claims to hate than talk with me, well, actions speak louder than words. Did two women check me out, today? Yes...yes, I actually think they did. I had to get up early. Apparently, there's a 5:30 in the morning, as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 What do these abbreviations mean please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 What do these abbreviations mean please? Myers Briggs method of understanding how people process decisions. People can have a blend of triats, but most often are dominant in one, for each of 4 sets of pairs: E/I, S/N, F/T, S/P. Blue is INTJ. I = internal. Process thoughts internally, silently, before the thoughts are spoken. Prefers to know in advance of a meeting rather than have someone just barge into the office. Needs time to respond in a debate. N= Intuitive. Makes judgments based on intuition; may not be able to readily articulate why until later. T = Thinking. Makes decisions based on logic, facts. The opposite is makes decisions based on how people will feel. J= Judging. Makes decisions based on, say, three data points. The opposite is Perceiving, which describes someone who is constantly finding another alternative, making updated assessments with new information. I am ENTP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 Apropos of nothing, I wanted to comment on something in IThinkICan's sig. I think that it's logical and reasonable, but I also think that the following version is, too: I am viscerally turned off by women who want to limit my options as a way of assuring theirs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Rea.ly interesting. Thanks for the explanation. Unfortunately sometimes, I'm quite emotional, sentimental, etc but I've had by my choice significant others in my life like Blue which at times worked well, but there were times I felt sort of lonely because I think people of that personality type need a lot of time alone - which is fair enough - it's what they need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Apropos of nothing, I wanted to comment on something in IThinkICan's sig. I think that it's logical and reasonable, but I also think that the following version is, too: I am viscerally turned off by women who want to limit my options as a way of assuring theirs. Agree completely with the adaptation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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