Blue Spiral Posted November 14, 2015 Author Share Posted November 14, 2015 I haven't played a new video game in about fifteen years...and even then, it was only for a few minutes. I should probably try that, eventually. But I've always been focused on other things. In other news, I hit a new milestone in my bank account! That felt nice. Unfortunately, I've had to go out into the world to do some things, lately. My grandmother doesn't like to drive, so she's had me going to this health food store to pick stuff up for her. It's not part of a chain, it's a little family-owned one. Predictably, there's a very attractive brunette there, and she and I talk a little every time I go. I'm not good at small talk, and she asks me questions that I have no idea how to answer. I'm sure she has a boyfriend or something, and she's just being friendly--she may be married, I never look at women's hands, and I always forget which hand the ring is supposed to be on anyway--but it's making my celibacy slightly more difficult. I'm not used to being around attractive women on a regular basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 14, 2015 Author Share Posted November 14, 2015 Also: GRETCHEN, my former FWB, is involved with a new guy--but she's still sending me pics, so that's nice. It's amazing how many women I've been involved with in the past still send me pictures or get on cam for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 You must give them a positive reaction and if they are looking for an ego boost/validation, then that's what they are seeking and you'll keep getting pics. So if that's what you want, continue to be receptive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 You must give them a positive reaction and if they are looking for an ego boost/validation, then that's what they are seeking and you'll keep getting pics. So if that's what you want, continue to be receptive! You're absolutely right. Ego-boosting/flattery is pretty much the only flirting tactic I know. It's worked surprisingly well, though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 I rarely go to the mall, but I made a quick trip between games to pick up a birthday card. I was shocked by the sheer number of couples present. If I ever want to get a girlfriend, I apparently need to do the following things: 1. Gain thirty or forty pounds. 2. Grow a massive beard and/or get a ton of piercings. 3. Wear...sweatpants, or pajama-pants, or...I'm not really sure what those were, to be completely honest. 4. Magically increase my height by five or six inches. Just going by eyeball estimates, I didn't see any men under 5'10 or so with girlfriends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 hahah, I can relate!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 It was just sort of depressing. Given the physical, social, and financial disadvantages that I have to deal with, I'm feeling pretty good about my decision to give up on the whole thing. As much as I enjoy sex, it isn't worth that much effort. (Don't get me wrong, I have my strengths, but they aren't things that most women care about or prioritize.) It's just...watching guys like that walk around with hot girlfriends is like watching some beat-up jalopy win a car race. You're thinking, "How is that even possible? My car isn't nearly that bad, but it can't do that..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 It was just sort of depressing. Given the physical, social, and financial disadvantages that I have to deal with, I'm feeling pretty good about my decision to give up on the whole thing. As much as I enjoy sex, it isn't worth that much effort. (Don't get me wrong, I have my strengths, but they aren't things that most women care about or prioritize.) It's just...watching guys like that walk around with hot girlfriends is like watching some beat-up jalopy win a car race. You're thinking, "How is that even possible? My car isn't nearly that bad, but it can't do that..." Because first beauty is in the eye of the beholder and second you're assuming that looks are a top priority as opposed to chemistry, passion, spark, sense of humor, personality and clicking with someone among other things that go into why people are together. And of course you can't tell how long they've been together- for all you know it's just a few date kind of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 People who genuinely like other people have no problem whatsoever attracting others, no matter what they look like. If you make other people around you feel happy and good about life and themselves, well, you will be popular. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 17, 2015 Author Share Posted November 17, 2015 Because first beauty is in the eye of the beholder and second you're assuming that looks are a top priority as opposed to chemistry, passion, spark, sense of humor, personality and clicking with someone among other things that go into why people are together. I keep forgetting that stuff matters, yeah. And of course you can't tell how long they've been together- for all you know it's just a few date kind of thing. That's definitely true. People who genuinely like other people have no problem whatsoever attracting others, no matter what they look like. If you make other people around you feel happy and good about life and themselves, well, you will be popular. I disagree. You think the system works--I think it doesn't work for certain types of people. There are many great men and women that have been ignored, simply because they aren't ideally suited for the system (maybe I should say "culture") that we currently have in place. I'm sure that this system has worked for you, and you want to believe that it's evidence that you're a good person, as opposed to a lucky person. I guess it's sort of a "personality bootstraps" thing. You know, that ridiculous saying about "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". As if we're 100% in control of our own fate, with no external circumstances whatsoever. Just as some people will work hard their whole lives and die in poverty, while others never work but are born in wealth, some good people will try incredibly hard and still end up alone, while some horrible people will not try at all but easily end up in relationships. (please note, I'm not saying that I'm one of these "try hard" people, I haven't tried much at all) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Life isn't fair. For me it was a combo of strong effort, luck and timing. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps for my career most certainly and I never thought that made me entitled to anything so I'm not sure what your point is about that saying. I know so many different types of people who found someone well-suited for them including many people who were extremely unconventional. I know good people, great people, who have been unlucky in love, too. It's not fair. But it just "is" -it's not because of the "system". I also know good and great people who self-sabotage. I think looks is only part of what attracts people who are looking for a long term relationship and is a larger part of what attracts people looking for a purely sexual arrangement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 17, 2015 Author Share Posted November 17, 2015 Life isn't fair. For me it was a combo of strong effort, luck and timing. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps for my career most certainly and I never thought that made me entitled to anything so I'm not sure what your point is about that saying. I'm not sure what you're saying, either. Where did I mention being entitled? What I'm saying is that some people will work hard and it will pay off, and some people will work hard and it won't. I disagree with what's-her-name's opinion, which basically amounts to "if you build it, they will come": she said that those who like others and make others happy will find someone, and those who don't, won't. So, apparently, if all of us single people would just start liking other people (who says we don't already?), we'd magically be fine. And I agree that life isn't fair, though I certainly think we should strive to make it as close to fair as possible. I know so many different types of people who found someone well-suited for them including many people who were extremely unconventional. I know good people, great people, who have been unlucky in love, too. It's not fair. But it just "is" -it's not because of the "system". I also know good and great people who self-sabotage. I don't think it's always because of the system, but that's definitely the culprit a good portion of the time, IMHO. If a man or woman doesn't fit a certain role, or doesn't have certain traits, the deck is stacked against them. If a woman isn't very sexual, is it really her fault if she keeps getting ignored/rejected by men? Of course not. Men value sexuality, and the culture values it, and that puts her at a disadvantage. In a different system--an arranged marriage, or some really religious, repressed culture--she'd have more of a chance. It's a lot easier to say that something just "is" when you aren't on the losing side of things. Non-ideal people may find success, but it's far from likely. And they may be self-sabotaging, as well, but the system is still an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Lucky? I don't know about that. Most of my family is dead. My fiance died a little under 5 years ago, I'm barely making it finance-wise, and I'm getting older. BUT...I'm a pretty happy person and I am pursued for friendships from both sexes. I love to laugh, am as generous with money as I can afford to be, I'm generous with my time, and I just try to get the most out of life. I get down at time, but never for long. I have beautiful mountains right up the street from me, lovely beaches within an hour's drive of my front door, I have my health, many friends, and my own business. I can't complain. Well, I could, if you know what I mean, but why? Love what you have and the rest will come to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I think bad -awful! -things can happen to very good people. I believe many people work hard on themselves and "deserve" a significant other and it just doesn't happen to them. What can happen is that a person with a fun,fulfilling life- based on that person's effort and attitude -often finds fulfillment/happiness/contentment because he/she draws it to them. It might not be in the expected form however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I agree that people who lack certain desirable traits kind have the deck stacked against them. That goes without saying. Okay, let's assume there's a guy who is pretty unattractive (in general), uninteresting, mean, not very intelligent, and doesn't have a steady job. He's probably going to have a hard time finding dates, right? If he wants his life to change, then he needs to change. I'm not saying "have more confidence" because how do you gain confidence in things you don't have? He needs to get the bottom of his personal issues that make him a bear to be around. He needs to become more well rounded. He needs to develop a better sense of humor. I used to have a not-so-great sense of humor many years ago and what really helped me was getting interested in comedy stand-up and watching all of the greats plus up-and-comers too. Same goes for a girl who is unattractive, mean, uninteresting, kind of dim, drama-prone, maybe baggage-laden, what have you. No one wants that. So changes have to be made if she wants a chance at finding someone. I guess what I'm saying is that I think people need to maximize what they have. It's not a guarantee that they will find someone, as nothing is a guarantee in life, but if they want a shot, they need to downplay the negatives that they can't change or are completely unwilling to, and improve what they can. I am not conventionally attractive and I really don't want to try to be, but I find that I've always had interest from some guys, who find that they really, really like being around me. I know my strengths and weaknesses and play to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 ^^ exactly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 ...this all sounds very complicated and depressing, and I'm glad I don't have to deal with it anymore. One year of monogamy/relationship stuff was more than enough for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Seems like I'll be joining you in Singlesville soon, heh. I'm not cut out for this relationship stuff anymore and I'm sorry for wasting my time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 Uh-oh. I'm sorry to hear that, Fudgie. I shall go over to your thread to see what happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I just emotionally shut down and I realized that I can't/won't be vulnerable and we probably aren't right for each other anyway. That's the tl;dr. My thread is a mess. It's okay. It's for the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 I just read the last seven pages or so. Hang in there, Fudgie. I'm the same way--I don't let anyone get close to the real me, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 "I am a rock, I am iiiiissssssllaaannd." -Simon & Garfunkel Whatever, it's done. *washes hands* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 "I am a rock, I am iiiiissssssllaaannd." -Simon & Garfunkel Whatever, it's done. *washes hands* Did you ever see them live? I did about 11 years ago -awesome concert! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Did you ever see them live? I did about 11 years ago -awesome concert! I wish!! I've never seen them live. I love Paul Simon though, both with Garfunkel and his solo music. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 "I am a rock, I am iiiiissssssllaaannd." -Simon & Garfunkel That's my strategy from here on out, at least in terms of my personal life. I've gradually been withdrawing from people over the course of my entire life. I wanted a girlfriend, but not marriage...and then I wanted FWBs, but not a girlfriend...and now I don't want anything. Or rather, I want things I can't have... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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