Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[Patrick974]

p.s.: let's never talk about sexbots again.

 

p.p.s.: no, wait, let's talk about sexbots forever!

 

Heard about them too they want to ban them already although they dont exist yet. Im not dreaming of This.. I like a woman made of blood and flesh. And who talks a bit. 2001 a space odissey was an excellent movie but its not the world I want to witness in my older days. Also you are right. Well probably be dead before those robots become really functional.

[Blue Spiral]

Heard about them too they want to ban them already although they dont exist yet. Im not dreaming of This.. I like a woman made of blood and flesh. And who talks a bit.

 

I'm very anti-nature. This stupid planet we're on, these stupid bodies we're stuck in...let's upgrade to something synthetic and start over on a planet that we build. I hope I'll eventually become a very tall android.

 

As for women talking...there actually have been times when I've been attracted to a woman's personality. Two times, to be specific. Unfortunately, I got my heart broken each time, so I'm mainly going to focus on the physical from here on out. One of my crazier beliefs is that physical and emotional relationships should be completely separate. I have physical relationships with my FWBs, but I'm currently having an emotional relationship with a cam model, and it's quite enjoyable. Okay, I know it's not a "real" relationship, but it's real enough for me. My emotional needs are pretty basic and minimal. It's nice to have someone to talk with for half an hour or so every few days.

 

You're going to think I'm joking, but...when I was celibate, I periodically forgot that women talked. I got used to just looking at them. But then one would talk to me, and I'd remember that they were people, and I'd try to figure out what I was supposed to say.

 

2001 a space odissey was an excellent movie but its not the world I want to witness in my older days. Also you are right. Well probably be dead before those robots become really functional.

 

I'm afraid you're right. Maybe we'll luck out and they'll get virtual reality up and running within the next few decades.

[Fudgie]

One of my friends is really into transhumanism (mixing of humans and machines to make our bodies better) and I think it's pretty cool. We are really imperfect and I hate the medical problems I have. Unfortunately, I feel I was born too early to see real strides made.

[Blue Spiral]

One of my friends is really into transhumanism (mixing of humans and machines to make our bodies better) and I think it's pretty cool. We are really imperfect and I hate the medical problems I have. Unfortunately, I feel I was born too early to see real strides made.

 

I'm a casual transhumanist, myself. I also feel that I was born much too early...both in terms of science and society. Men like me will be a mere footnote in reference to the huge gender changes that take place in the 2020s/2030s. "These radical changes didn't come all at once: subtle indicators could be found from the turn of the century on, as a small-but-growing number of men began to..."

 

I'm just ahead of my time.

[Batya33]

deleted for obscure movie reference

[Blue Spiral]

My (new) work situation has been distracting me, which is why I haven't been posting much lately.

 

DAISY's married guy finally left his wife (or vice-versa, there are conflicting accounts), so you'd think that I've lost a FWB, right? Not quite yet, apparently. DAISY has a long list of things that this poor schlub has to do before they can be together. I'd never thought of DAISY as being high-maintenance, but, when it comes to relationships, she's apparently an extremely demanding person...which makes sense, given her divorce. She wants to prevent certain problems from coming about, and she also has certain expectations of a man (which she let slide with her ex, something that she doesn't intend on doing again). I'm extremely happy that I don't have to deal with her in the context of a relationship. In the meantime, we're still hooking up, and I'm sure she's using me to make him jealous.

 

Slight complicating factor: at least one of her (college-aged) daughters knows of my existence, and thinks I'm a much better boyfriend option than soon-to-be-divorced guy.

 

Things are going well with GRETCHEN, but she's actually a little too wild for me. She isn't happy that I don't want to have sex in public...

[itsallgrand]

^So loosen up and enjoy Gretchen lol. I'm so not digging the story of Daisy. I try to avoid folks like that.

 

Team Gretchen over here.

[Patrick974]

Im with you on the sex in public. Not my thing. Yes itsallgrand. GRETCHEN sounds like fun. Also a latina...

[Blue Spiral]

^So loosen up and enjoy Gretchen lol.

 

Sex in public places...no. Just no. I'm really a shy, boring person, I just happen to be incapable of monogamy.

 

I'm so not digging the story of Daisy. I try to avoid folks like that.

 

DAISY seems extremely normal to me, in regards to her demands. Most of the women I've known have been like that. It's not an actual written list, btw, it's more of a set of requirements. Not that different from what you'd see in deal-breaker threads on ENA.

 

Im with you on the sex in public. Not my thing.

 

Women are the real wild ones, though they try to pretend otherwise. It is known.

[itsallgrand]

I was teasing you. If it's not for you, it's not for you. Though I don't see it as particularly wild, in the scheme of things.

 

As for Daisy, I meant more that she has been gunning for a married dude while sleeping with you. I don't know many women like that. And when I get a whiff of it, in men or women, I avoid them.

But what matters to me, doesn't necessarily matter to you. Already know that.

[Patrick974]

Women are the real wild ones, though they try to pretend otherwise. It is known.

 

Many might pretend otherwise. Some will admit it bluntly. Not that I find sex in public gross. But as an also shy guy I enjoy this in private. Ive yet to find a better place than a King bed for that... Also, the wildest women Ive known were the most shy/introvert looking... Playing your cards close to your chest.

[Blue Spiral]

I was teasing you.

 

Oops. I've never been good at picking up on that.

 

If it's not for you, it's not for you. Though I don't see it as particularly wild, in the scheme of things.

 

I'm an extremely tame person.

 

As for Daisy, I meant more that she has been gunning for a married dude while sleeping with you. I don't know many women like that. And when I get a whiff of it, in men or women, I avoid them.

 

I live in a fairly traditional area...people are pressured to get married, but it doesn't always work out, so there are quite a few separations and/or divorces. As a result, there's a lot of grey area stuff going on. A separation/divorce can drag on for quite some time, so there are lots of married people dating, and lots of spouses cheat while still living together but getting ready to split up.

 

I'm sure it's just the cynic in me, but, I've always suspected that women tend to prefer men who are currently in committed relationships--off the market, so to speak--and are just putting up with us single guys until the taken guy becomes available. My first girlfriend left me for a guy that was technically still married, and I've had a number of women tell me about how they idealize some guy that's currently in a relationship. Maybe I need to invent a fake girlfriend or something, in order to increase my chances with women...

 

GRETCHEN's college football team won, today...apparently, that means lots and lots of sex!

[Blue Spiral]

Many might pretend otherwise. Some will admit it bluntly. Not that I find sex in public gross. But as an also shy guy I enjoy this in private. Ive yet to find a better place than a King bed for that... Also, the wildest women Ive known were the most shy/introvert looking... Playing your cards close to your chest.

 

I've had the exact same experience. When I was younger, and even more socially awkward than I am now, I found some women that seemed to be as shy as me...and little did I know...

[itsallgrand]

Oh ok well that gives it some context. Reminds me of some of the people I grew up with who were raised very conservatively and in a very particular religion that encouraged marriage before sex. So many of these people got married at 18. lol. And then yes, divorced or there are all kinds of antics they are up to in order to meet their needs around the systme that isn't really working for them as individuals (this is my take).

 

I don't think it's representative of women enjoying that though. I think it's more individual than that. Particular people making their particular choices and having their particular beliefs they hold themselves up to.

[Blue Spiral]

I don't think it's representative of women enjoying that though.

 

I don't think it's universal or anything, but I personally suspect that it's the majority. I don't think that the average woman lets go of one vine until she has another firmly in hand. Now, some women may feel confident enough in their attractiveness that they can take more risks and keep their options open, and some may not "officially" get with the new guy they've targeted, though they definitely have him on the hook. For the record, this has been near-universal with all of the women I've known (not just FWBs or FWB candidates), even though they've come from many different backgrounds (and not just the one that I described).

 

Let's try this for a Blue Spiral Maxim: attractive women are only single if they want to be, and if a woman doesn't want to be single but is, she's either unattractive or extremely demanding. (More likely the former, as guys tend to be willing to put up with the latter to get sex.)

[Patrick974]

Blue Spiral, I am curious, do you think men can also be celibate by choice? And I mean no casual sex, hookups, Fwb or whatever we want to call them. Strictly celibate. Both handsome or not so handsome men.

[Blue Spiral]

Blue Spiral, I am curious, do you think men can also be celibate by choice? And I mean no casual sex, hookups, Fwb or whatever we want to call them. Strictly celibate. Both handsome or not so handsome men.

 

There are definitely asexual men, and I'm sure that there are sex-drive-having men who still find ways to be celibate. (There are also men that are involuntarily celibate, though that doesn't meet your "celibate by choice" description.) Speaking personally, sex is far from a main priority in my life, even though it's mainly what I talk about on here. I generally don't have much to do with other people, and focus on non-social things.

 

Unless I somehow become wealthy, I'll eventually be forced back into celibacy. If/when I get to a point where I can no longer land women that I'm legitimately attracted to, I'll hang up my spurs, ride off into the sunset, and engage in other Old West metaphors. I don't think I'm magically going to find post-45 women attractive just because I'm post-45 myself.

[Lucia Amman]

I don't think it's universal or anything, but I personally suspect that it's the majority. I don't think that the average woman lets go of one vine until she has another firmly in hand. Now, some women may feel confident enough in their attractiveness that they can take more risks and keep their options open, and some may not "officially" get with the new guy they've targeted, though they definitely have him on the hook. For the record, this has been near-universal with all of the women I've known (not just FWBs or FWB candidates), even though they've come from many different backgrounds (and not just the one that I described).

Sadly enough I can hardly disagree with this. Al my female friends only broke up with their long term partner when they already had set their eyes on a new asset. And at least two of them (out of three) got directely into a new relationship. The other one still holds on to this new guy. To be honest I was baffled. When I broke off my ltr I was done with relationships for awhile. But I seemed to be one of the only one. I didn't really started to date only after one year.

 

So yes, I think most women who break up their ltr have someone else already in one way or another. But I've seen a lot of guys do the same actually. Maybe it's more human nature all together that we find it hard to be alone.

[Silverbirch]

Sadly enough I can hardly disagree with this. Al my female friends only broke up with their long term partner when they already had set their eyes on a new asset. And at least two of them (out of three) got directely into a new relationship. The other one still holds on to this new guy. To be honest I was baffled. When I broke off my ltr I was done with relationships for awhile. But I seemed to be one of the only one. I didn't really started to date only after one year.

 

So yes, I think most women who break up their ltr have someone else already in one way or another. But I've seen a lot of guys do the same actually. Maybe it's more human nature all together that we find it hard to be alone.

 

Yes that's sad Lucia. Maybe it's an age thing though - I think as people get older, many of them come to their senses and realise that being "on your own" can be great, and as has been reminded to me, when you make friends with yourself, value and like yourself, you are never on your own. Not sure if I posted earlier but an ENA member recommended this writer to me, and I did get one of her books which I liked a lot, and it's pretty much about the social pressures and expectations to be one half of a couple, or at least be in a relationship - but it often doesn't make logical sense.

[Lucia Amman]

Silverbrich: name of the book?

[Silverbirch]

I will have a look Lucia

[Blue Spiral]

Sadly enough I can hardly disagree with this. Al my female friends only broke up with their long term partner when they already had set their eyes on a new asset. And at least two of them (out of three) got directely into a new relationship. The other one still holds on to this new guy. To be honest I was baffled. When I broke off my ltr I was done with relationships for awhile. But I seemed to be one of the only one. I didn't really started to date only after one year.

 

I really think that some people can't be single, in the sense that they really dread it and will do whatever it takes to avoid it. And then there's the opposite end of the spectrum: a group of people that are much happier being single, but they think a relationship is necessary for ultimate happiness (or they're pressured into it), and they bite the bullet and commit...while hating it the whole time.

 

Controversial Blue Spiral take: when it comes to the people that can't be single, I think that men are usually that way for emotional reasons, and women are usually that way for status-based reasons. Despite the claims about women being the more emotional gender, I've noticed that afraid-to-be-single men don't want to face life without the emotional support of a partner; afraid-to-be-single women, meanwhile, view single women as being somehow lower-status, in that they aren't "good enough" to attract a higher-status partner. (The same thing happens when they start having kids, only the passive-aggressive question of "Oh, you aren't married yet?" is replaced by "Oh, you haven't had kids yet?") Obviously, these are generalizations, but I've come accross both quite a bit.

 

So yes, I think most women who break up their ltr have someone else already in one way or another. But I've seen a lot of guys do the same actually. Maybe it's more human nature all together that we find it hard to be alone.

 

Humans are definitely social animals...most of you are, anyway.

[Patrick974]

Well, I am single and mostly lonely aside from people coming over every other evening and rarely get emotional. I know a friend (married, three children) who could never ever spend an evening alone. Hes just afraid of that. I dont know if its emotional, its a fear at least. His wife is the same. I re-read your first post here and I can relate... Being in love with the school cutie. Having a night to myself on Ocarina of Time, etc. Looking back, my teen years leave me a mixed feeling. I could have done a lot better (both in school and dating, lets call it that) but was even more shy (terribly shy) than now.

[annie24]

Controversial Blue Spiral take: when it comes to the people that can't be single, I think that men are usually that way for emotional reasons, and women are usually that way for status-based reasons. Despite the claims about women being the more emotional gender, I've noticed that afraid-to-be-single men don't want to face life without the emotional support of a partner; afraid-to-be-single women, meanwhile, view single women as being somehow lower-status, in that they aren't "good enough" to attract a higher-status partner. (The same thing happens when they start having kids, only the passive-aggressive question of "Oh, you aren't married yet?" is replaced by "Oh, you haven't had kids yet?") Obviously, these are generalizations, but I've come accross both quite a bit.

 

Some people are definitely like that. Even though I'm a social creature, I'm ok with being single. I mean, I'd like to meet a great guy, but I'm perfectly happy spending Saturday night by myself or with friends. I think it's weird when couples are super clingy. Some years ago, I went on a 2-day work trip with some coworkers to a city 3 hours away. Most of us spent the night at a hotel there, while one man drove all the way home at night and all the way back in the morning so that he wasn't away from his wife. My boss rolled her eyes at that. My boss and her husband had a very good relationship, but they also gave each other a lot of space. If I ever get married, I can see myself wanting my own room or study or just wanting to spend time with girlfriends.

[itsallgrand]

There is a gap where appropriate status would be for single women. And there is a gap for appropriate emotional support for single men. I think there is actually something to what you say there.

 

It's also a whole lot more expensive being a single woman with no kids. Taken on the whole. The system and society does encourage coupling up and having children.