Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[Blue Spiral]

wow, that must have been quite a surprise for her!!

 

craziness.....

 

For DAISY...or for married guy's wife, in terms of what I said?

 

Daisy hates being alone but somehow accepted a FWB with you? Shed be better off in a Relationship Imo. However being after the married man you talked about wasnt the brightest idea either. I enjoy a drama-free life as well but sometimes you just cant avoid inconvenience like that. So this time at her house... Indeed, bad luck.

 

It didn't bother me at all, actually. If anything, it was refreshing to be able to be honest, for once. I have to self-censor so much...it drives me crazy, sometimes.

 

I suspect that DAISY and married guy will be together within two weeks--as soon as either he or his wife file for divorce. He and DAISY were together in the past, and I get the impression that his marriage is just a phase.

[annie24]

For DAISY...or for married guy's wife, in terms of what I said?

 

for both, i guess!!

 

for daisy, that his wife came to her door to tell her off. For the wife to think you're Daisy's boyfriend and you're like, "nah, Daisy can do him if she wants...."

[Blue Spiral]

for both, i guess!!

 

for daisy, that his wife came to her door to tell her off. For the wife to think you're Daisy's boyfriend and you're like, "nah, Daisy can do him if she wants...."

 

Just to be clear, DAISY has not hooked up with him since he's been married, AFAIK. (Nor did the wife accuse her of that.) I've run into the guy a few times (and I'm sure she arranged it on purpose, to make him jealous), and he's extremely frustrated by the whole "no sleeping together until the divorce papers are filed" thing. But, yeah, it must seem weird that her "boyfriend" is fine with her getting with someone else.

[Patrick974]

It didn't bother me at all, actually. If anything, it was refreshing to be able to be honest, for once. I have to self-censor so much...it drives me crazy, sometimes..

 

Can you elaborate this a bit? This subject interests me... Are you most of the time self-censoring toward coworkers or parents or other relatives, friends? I was told a couple times being blunt which isnt what I try to be. Im not disagreable but Id rather say what I think to close people at least. Not strangers. That said. Everybody can be hyprocritical at some point. It spare us trouble.

[Blue Spiral]

Can you elaborate this a bit? This subject interests me... Are you most of the time self-censoring toward coworkers or parents or other relatives, friends? I was told a couple times being blunt which isnt what I try to be. Im not disagreable but Id rather say what I think to close people at least. Not strangers. That said. Everybody can be hyprocritical at some point. It spare us trouble.

 

I self-censor around pretty much everyone except my oldest friend.

 

I don't believe in, or am not enthusiastic about, the things that most people believe in/are enthusiastic about. If I hear that some guy is getting married, my inner reaction is "His funeral." If I hear that someone is pregnant, my inner reaction is "There have been seven billion pregnancies in the last hundred or so years, so don't act like it's some big accomplishment." I don't usually lie, I just remain silent on certain topics.

 

I don't thrive on drama or conflict, so I just keep my opinions to myself, most of the time. I'd rather have conversations end quickly, as opposed to them getting dragged out for whatever reason.

[Patrick974]

Yeah I know those thought. My father usually when witnessing lot of cars honking during a wedding would say 'they will be much less noisey when they divorce' so I get what you are saying. Its cynical ... I act like you most of the time.

[Blue Spiral]

Yeah I know those thought. My father usually when witnessing lot of cars honking during a wedding would say 'they will be much less noisey when they divorce' so I get what you are saying. Its cynical ... I act like you most of the time.

 

Don't get me started on weddings. I've been to very few weddings in my life, thankfully.

 

With DAISY edging out of the picture, and GRETCHEN ideal but in-demand (as I'm just now learning), I'm on the prowl once again, stocking up for the winter. I messaged a bunch of women between football games, today.

[Blue Spiral]

Random note: I've seen a lot of articles about sexbots in the last few days. I hope that scientists hurry up and get them out there before I'm too old to enjoy them. Women are already dealing with a lot of competition--porn, cam models, video games, sports--and adding sexbots to the mix would make things even better.

[Lucia Amman]

Gosh I loved this!

[Silverbirch]

Random note: I've seen a lot of articles about sexbots in the last few days. I hope that scientists hurry up and get them out there before I'm too old to enjoy them. Women are already dealing with a lot of competition--porn, cam models, video games, sports--and adding sexbots to the mix would make things even better.

 

I told you about them ages ago BS . . . And you got offended.

[Batya33]

Random note: I've seen a lot of articles about sexbots in the last few days. I hope that scientists hurry up and get them out there before I'm too old to enjoy them. Women are already dealing with a lot of competition--porn, cam models, video games, sports--and adding sexbots to the mix would make things even better.

 

No competition at all IMO from people who genuinely want to commit to one person and who feel sexual pleasure and desire solely within a committed relationship. And by solely I mean sure people aren't blind and notice other attractive people, might feel sexual desire, or have fantasies now and again but never to an extent that it interferes with the main relationship. Those people aren't better or worse than those people who have your view about porn, etc, but sexbots would have no effect.

[Blue Spiral]

Gosh I loved this!

 

...me too. I keep waiting to feel guilty about it, but it hasn't happened yet.

 

I told you about them ages ago BS . . . And you got offended.

 

Actually, I'm referring to AI-having androids, not human-sized dolls. There have been quite a few mainstream news articles about their development in the last week or so.

 

No competition at all IMO from people who genuinely want to commit to one person and who feel sexual pleasure and desire solely within a committed relationship. And by solely I mean sure people aren't blind and notice other attractive people, might feel sexual desire, or have fantasies now and again but never to an extent that it interferes with the main relationship. Those people aren't better or worse than those people who have your view about porn, etc, but sexbots would have no effect.

 

With all due respect, I think you're whistling past the graveyard. Look at how porn and video games--mere images--are already competing with women for the time and attention of men. Now take that principle and apply it to a walking, talking, ****ing android that's indistinguishable from the real thing. Sure, they probably won't get it perfected until long after I'm dead, but...

 

I really hope that they either legalize prostitution or develop high-grade sexbots within my lifetime--not for the reason you're thinking, but because I'm genuinely curious to see what percentage of men would abandon the relationship model. I'm thinking at least thirty or forty, and that's just to start.

[Batya33]

"With all due respect, I think you're whistling past the graveyard. Look at how porn and video games--mere images--are already competing with women for the time and attention of men. Now take that principle and apply it to a walking, talking, ****ing android that's indistinguishable from the real thing. Sure, they probably won't get it perfected until long after I'm dead, but...

 

I really hope that they either legalize prostitution or develop high-grade sexbots within my lifetime--not for the reason you're thinking, but because I'm genuinely curious to see what percentage of men would abandon the relationship model. I'm thinking at least thirty or forty, and that's just to start."

 

That's fine -we can disagree. There's only competition for the particular people who prioritize porn over committed relationships. Certainly couples can view porn together, certainly you can be in a committed relationship, stay faithful, and view porn (of course that depends on the individual couples' comfort level). No competition - if there is interest in porn it can co-exist nicely. There have always been alternatives to committed relationships, prostitution has been around forever, and sure now it's easier to view porn for those who choose to view it. But, no, a person who wants a committed relationship likely won't suddenly change his/her mind just because the person can view something on a screen or have the sexbot experience -apples and oranges.

 

I just listened to a former sex worker/prostitute on an NPR podcast talk about how awful legalized prostitution has been for sex workers in New Zealand.

[Blue Spiral]

But, no, a person who wants a committed relationship likely won't suddenly change his/her mind just because the person can view something on a screen or have the sexbot experience -apples and oranges.

 

If you want to bet on men's desire for committed relationships (and ability to remain committed)...well, I'll happily take that bet any day of the week.

[Batya33]

If you want to bet on men's desire for committed relationships (and ability to remain committed)...well, I'll happily take that bet any day of the week.

 

Sure thing. I dated for many more years than you and the men I met were looking for committed relationships -some saw potential in me and some not - but the ones who wanted that -often very, very badly -are married now and from all I can tell in happy, stable marriages. I am talking about your opinion that a man would abandon a committed relationship that he wanted for a sexbot or porn - that's all I was referring to. Not on a general desire to be committed in other situations. Certainly gay men fought for the right to marry in every state - I can't think of a stronger push towards monogamy/commitment than that.

 

You seem to need some sort of validation that your choice of lifestyle is going to be a more mainstream choice for men -why do you care? I don't care if men choose to get married/committed or not as long as it doesn't negatively affect the lives of any children they might have.

[Blue Spiral]

Sure thing. I dated for many more years than you and the men I met were looking for committed relationships -some saw potential in me and some not - but the ones who wanted that -often very, very badly -are married now and from all I can tell in happy, stable marriages.

 

I dated for zero years, so even teenagers have dated longer than me. As for your experience: let's chalk that up to class differences. Marriage is becoming more of an upper-middle-class luxury. I'm sure that, for the really successful men out there, marriage is part of a larger picture. Not so much for the rest of us, though.

 

I am talking about your opinion that a man would abandon a committed relationship that he wanted for a sexbot or porn - that's all I was referring to. Not on a general desire to be committed in other situations. Certainly gay men fought for the right to marry in every state - I can't think of a stronger push towards monogamy/commitment than that.

 

Gay men tend to be more monogamish than anything, and, if anything, that further proves my point.

 

You seem to need some sort of validation that your choice of lifestyle is going to be a more mainstream choice for men -why do you care? I don't care if men choose to get married/committed or not as long as it doesn't negatively affect the lives of any children they might have.

 

I don't need it...but I won't lie, it feels good to know that other men are going through the same experiences and coming to the same conclusions. I used to think that I was the only one.

[Lucia Amman]

Prostitution is legalized here. Still a lot of men that I know of never went to a prostitute. And yes i'm pretty sure they didn't just like i'm sure about the men that did go to prostitutes. I understand you feel some validation in recognizing the same pattern you behave in appearing in other men too. It is human nature too to feel recognized by some other people, to belong to a certain 'group' of people is a feeling of safety. So i'm glad you found some people with the same mindset. But that doesn't mean that the majority of mankind will follow you. Just like the 70's exploded suddenly into group orgies and open relationships didn't mean the majority actually liked it. A lot of people changed their open relationships status in monogamous again after the popularity of free sex reached his peak. Also due because of the sudden realization of the health hazards of course.

 

Have you read books from Michel Houellebecq? I think you will love it quite a bit. My favorite writer ever.

[Batya33]

But as I've written here before you have no idea why those men are choosing not to commit -there are so many reasons why not to commit (just like there are so many reasons why people commit ranging from arranged marriage/love/why not/financial reasons/passion/pregnancy, etc) - at some point it is apples/oranges. Simply looking at stats of who is "single" (and of course those men could be in non-marital long term committed relationships although legally "single") doesn't tell you the why of it.

 

I don't think the gay men difference proves anything about committing.

 

My husband didn't get married as part of a "larger picture" -when we met he was in his late 20s and had always wanted to marry and have a family - before he was "successful" - pretty much a no-brainer for him in the good way -and no, not because of "society" or "brainwashing" - he's too darn smart to be brainwashed just like most people are. His reaction to eventual marriage and commitment was typical of the majority of men I knew and know. There always was a minority of men who weren't into getting married in general but for different reasons.

[Fudgie]

BS,

 

I welcome the introduction of the "sexbots" and/or legalization of prostitution. Men who *genuinely* want to be in relationships won't go for it but there are men who feel the same as you and would welcome it. I think it's great and I think it's a good option for them. No one should be in a relationship that they don't want to be in. No one.

 

I would think that many more relationship-minded women would welcome it because then they can see it as "Hey, these guys who don't want a relationship like I do are no longer 'faking it' to get sexual satisfaction, they are out of the dating pool and utilizing these options, so I have a better shot at finding someone who really wants to be with me."

 

I find it interesting when people don't support the legalization of prostitution because "my SO may use prostitutes then." Uhm, the problem isn't the prostitutes then, it's that you and your SO don't have matching values! Time to split.

[Blue Spiral]

Prostitution is legalized here. Still a lot of men that I know of never went to a prostitute.

 

I'm sure that, even if it were legalized in America, a lot of men would never darken the door of a...um...whatever you call the place prostitutes are found. (I'm not being snarky, I really don't know the modern term. I'm so sheltered.) Having said that: from what I understand, America is a lot more sexually repressed than the Netherlands. This actually leads me to believe that legalized prostitution would be more popular, here--in the same way that the most traditional American states have the highest porn usage. I think there are a lot of repressed men that are dying to have real options. But, let's be conservative and say that it's only ten or fifteen percent. Frankly, just that small amount would be enough to completely turn things upside-down, in terms of gender relationships and gender power dynamics.

 

Have you read books from Michel Houellebecq? I think you will love it quite a bit. My favorite writer ever.

 

I haven't, but I'll give him a look, thanks.

 

But as I've written here before you have no idea why those men are choosing not to commit

 

I'm sure that some of them aren't committing because of reasons that are similar to mine, and that some of them aren't committing because of reasons that are completely different. I think that legalized prostitution/sexbots would help us answer this question. Until then, it's just speculation, sadly.

 

BS,

 

I welcome the introduction of the "sexbots" and/or legalization of prostitution. Men who *genuinely* want to be in relationships won't go for it but there are men who feel the same as you and would welcome it. I think it's great and I think it's a good option for them. No one should be in a relationship that they don't want to be in. No one.

 

Amen.

 

I would think that many more relationship-minded women would welcome it because then they can see it as "Hey, these guys who don't want a relationship like I do are no longer 'faking it' to get sexual satisfaction, they are out of the dating pool and utilizing these options, so I have a better shot at finding someone who really wants to be with me."

 

I agree. I think it would help relationship-minded women, in terms of getting guys like me out of the mating market...but I think that most women would fight tooth-and-nail to stop it from being legalized. The less of a monopoly that relationship-minded women have over sexual access, the harder it is for them to control men.

[Blue Spiral]

p.s.: let's never talk about sexbots again.

 

p.p.s.: no, wait, let's talk about sexbots forever!

[Blue Spiral]

I've never heard that song before. I can't tell if it's tongue-in-cheek (i.e., protesting too much) or serious. The song mentions taking a girlfriend to school dances...I never went to any of those, thank god.

 

In actual non-sex news, my work nightmare has come to a close...only to be replaced by a different work nightmare. Yesterday and today have been extremely stressful for me. A new situation has come up, and I'll be dealing with it for a while. As a result of this situation, I got yelled at for like five minutes straight, today. Did I do anything wrong? No, actually, this other guy did, and he could be in big trouble. But he's desperate, and he took it out on me. I'm not used to confrontation (DAISY's rival yelled at me, but she's more comical than scary), so it freaked me out a little bit. I'm a pretty meek, unassuming person, and I'm not really built for this kind of stuff.

[Blue Spiral]

Well, it took some searching, but I finally found my backbone. I don't use it very often--I try to avoid drama--so it's all dusty and covered with cobwebs. I plan on using it this one time and then putting it right back.

 

What am I going to use it for, you ask? Well, I may soon be in a position to get (strictly non-violent) revenge on Guy That Yelled At Me. I'll be having a meeting with someone about it, and this someone is in a position of authority. "Hey, you know whose fault all this is? It's that guy's. Go after him!" It's the truth, which means that several neutral/independent parties will be backing me up.

 

I'm not doing this for me, btw. Despite what it may seem like on here, I don't get angry very often. And I'm used to people treating me badly; I usually just shrug it off. But, unfortunately, I'm also going through some family-related drama right now, and my work situation is making it worse--my parents are always asking me about work, and I tried to downplay what happened, but they still got really upset. My parents have enough problems, right now. I am going to go out of my way to very calmly put this guy in the spotlight, in the hopes that certain forces make his life a living hell.

[LoveSoDeep]

Be careful. Sometimes in the work environment pointing fingers (even when the other person truly was in the wrong and others will back you up) is frowned upon. It may feel good at the moment, but it may also come back to bite you later.

[Blue Spiral]

Be careful. Sometimes in the work environment pointing fingers (even when the other person truly was in the wrong and others will back you up) is frowned upon. It may feel good at the moment, but it may also come back to bite you later.

 

People can frown at me all they want. I don't think they will, though, given the dynamics of this particular situation.