Blue Spiral Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 I can give you 420. 80 is enough if I ever reach that. What is yer ideal FWB age range if you have one? -/+5 years? I've always looked for the same age range: 18-45. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 I'm texting a lot with the new woman, this morning. For the record, my two current FWBs are 39 and 33, respectively. Most of the women I've messaged have been between 28-40. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 28-40 seems good by 36. I found younger women (girls) under 25 difficult to approach online. Not because they dont want a 30+ man. They are usually flakey and rarely answer more than 'lol' 'kay' ttyl'. Well, some people my age do it too and Im not implying everybody under 25 is dumb. But I sort of given up the young ones. No matter how attractive they are. Personally I look for 25-40... Might be over 40 because they can still be very attractive and most importantly interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 28-40 seems good by 36. I found younger women (girls) under 25 difficult to approach online. Not because they dont want a 30+ man. They are usually flakey and rarely answer more than 'lol' 'kay' ttyl'. Well, some people my age do it too and Im not implying everybody under 25 is dumb. But I sort of given up the young ones. No matter how attractive they are. I run into the monosyllabic/super-lazy-response problem with women of all ages, sadly. But I no longer bother with women under 25, as they're so in-demand that I know I'll never have a chance with them. The irony is that, since I'm so immature, I'd probably have more in common with them than with women my own age. Personally I look for 25-40... Might be over 40 because they can still be very attractive and most importantly interesting. Unfortunately, of all the women I've met, I've only found two to be interesting. (Both ex-girlfriends.) The idea of being attracted to a woman's personality, outside of sex-positive traits...it's just become alien, to me. I honestly forget that it can happen. My life-related comment for today: between my lack of social skills and my unusual personality, pretty much every "relationship" in my life is much more complicated than it should be. Family stuff, work stuff, FWB stuff, etc. There are times when I'm super-confused, and I feel like everyone around me is speaking a completely different language, and there are times when I know exactly how I'm messing something up, but the cause is something that's hard-wired in my personality. I got to deal with both, today. "I have no idea why this person is mad at me or what's even happening right now" and "I feel like I'm drowning, because I know exactly what's wrong, but I can't do anything about it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 Well, I'm either up to three active FWBs, or I've gained one and lost one, because one may or may not be mad at me for reasons that I don't fully understand/care about. I've never led a drama-heavy life, but, for some reason, all of my relationships are volatile... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 I suppose I should describe my FWBs for everyone. In the interests of being gentlemanly, I'll refrain from going into much physical detail. DAISY has dark hair, is extremely hot, and is in incredible shape for her age. She says she's 39, but I think she might be a little older. (Not that it matters to me, obviously.) She and I were FWBs roughly three years ago. I'm not much of a personality guy, but she has an extremely good attitude. She's had to deal with a number of idiots, so she's bitter about men, but it's reasonable and understandable. (Has this bitterness turned me off, as women claim that male bitterness about women turns them off? No, of course not. If the rest of my gender wants to be stupid, it only helps me. The lower the bar is, the easier it is for me to clear. Also, in my opinion, saying bad stuff about men doesn't equate to saying bad stuff about me.) Her kids are just starting college, and she's working hard to put them through it, so she doesn't really have time for a relationship. (And she's sort of burned out on them, as well.) She says she wishes that more guys were like me...and that I was a little older, and looking for a serious relationship. But she likes casual sex, and seems content to spend time with me until she can find a relationship guy. I get the feeling that she doesn't want to settle down until at least one of her kids is out of college, so this window could be open for a few years. EMILY is in her early thirties, thin, and she's ridiculously cute. I'm not a butt guy, but she has one of the most impressive rears I've ever seen. I tend to go for either brunettes or redheads; she falls in the latter category. Unfortunately (for me), she's an extremely intelligent and mature person, and she definitely knows that she's out of my league. She isn't egotistical about it, though. She's the FWB that I'm currently having problems with. She's sort of Type A, and I made the mistake of telling her some things about my (professional) past, so now she's constantly talking about this potential that I'm wasting. (In my view, I'm not wasting it, I'm just not very successful.) I'm not like she thinks a man should be--driven, ambitious, whatever--and it's driving her crazy. My less-than-stellar social skills probably haven't helped things. Please note, I don't think she's trying to "fix" me for her, but rather, I think she's trying to do it for some hypothetical future girlfriend. To her, this is what friends do for each other. She views it as support and encouragement; I view it as annoyance. This is a problem that I've dealt with for a long time, and having a new person come along and act like an expert on my life...I didn't appreciate it. She's really hot, I should have just put up with it. FIONA is my newest FWB. She's 29, has brown hair, and is curvy (in a good way). Her chest could launch a thousand ships Helen-of-Troy-style. Believe it or not, we're at roughly the same maturity level. She just got out of a stifling/religious starter marriage (no kids), and is ready to be wild for a few years. She's also out of my league, but she likes the idea of being wild more than the reality--she's pretty tentative, and I probably seem like a safe option. Once she gets some confidence, she'll move on to guys I can't hope to compete with, but I'm hoping to have fun in the meantime. I doubt my luck will last much longer, but I'm trying to take it a day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Thanks for this clarification. Its respectful and inspiring. Question: You said earlier you dont use a pic on the sites where you find your FWBs. How is that even possible? We have written countless times on ENA how hard it is for even an average guy to do online dating with a pic. So without one I cannot fathom how you even get attention. Do you write long-winded precise first message about what you really want? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Thanks for this clarification. Its respectful and inspiring. Question: You said earlier you dont use a pic on the sites where you find your FWBs. How is that even possible? We have written countless times on ENA how hard it is for even an average guy to do online dating with a pic. So without one I cannot fathom how you even get attention. Do you write long-winded precise first message about what you really want? I start with super-basic copy/pasted messages. This will seem random, but, do you follow college football at all? Have you ever seen Georgia Tech, or Navy, or one of the other teams that use the old triple-option? It basically involves running all the time. Almost every other team passes and runs, but they just run. It should be doomed from the start--the other team knows they're hardly ever going to pass, so they can stack the box and make running much more difficult. And yet these teams have found ways to make it work. That's sort of how I am. I've committed to a certain approach and strategy, and it may seem limited...but, with enough imagination, you can really diversify it and become proficient at it. I've been finding women online since I was 19. I met both of my girlfriends and almost all of my FWBs online, and I never posted a pic that the public could see. (Though I had/have ways of showing women what I look like.) I suppose I'm making it harder for myself. But, the way I see it, I already make it harder in many other ways (don't want marriage or kids, short, not ambitious, not typically male), so one more obstacle isn't that big a deal. I'm sure that it seems absurd and self-defeating, but I've had seventeen years' worth of practice at it, and it's what I'm most comfortable with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Oh, and while I'm thinking about it... Irony #1: I can't/won't commit to a woman, but I've sure committed to this strategy. Irony #2: I don't really care that much about a woman's personality, but my personality is usually what gets my foot in the proverbial door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 What is much easier for you is that you're looking for a sex partner so you don't have to evaluate the long term potential. That shrinks the pool of women somewhat but the "strategy" you implement only needs to be successful enough to get the woman to meet up for sex. Women who are comfortable meeting up for sex with a stranger or near-stranger aren't going to have to like or respect you as a person -they simply have to feel attracted enough to have intercourse and perhaps feel reasonably secure that you don't have an STD and that you are not a rapist. You've written that you do not lie about your intentions so you really are meeting those women who are looking for casual sex and for whatever reason aren't finding it easily by meeting men in real life. I agree that if you're just looking for sex why work on yourself or a different approach or "strategy". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Hi BS, I think you may have enjoyed a conversation one of my gf's partners was having with us today. He is mature-aged, but I have trouble believing his chronological age as he is so fit and strong. Anyway, he thought he should give me some advice about an older man I know who I consider sort of a friend who we had a coffee with. He's probably more an acquaintance but the possibility of becoming a friend. I'm definitely not interested in him or anyone else. Anyway, A says to me, "My father gave me good advice which has always worked for me. It's every man's right to ask and everyone woman's right to day no. The older Ive gotten, the better that advice has worked for me because the percentages changed as Ive gotten older - fewer women say no." He looked at his partner and said, "See, K here is a good example of that." It's taken me a while to get used to my friend K's partner. He just loves stirring women up. I gives back as good as he gives. Anyway, I thought you might like his take on percentages changing for men as they get older - although I can't confirm it through my own experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 What is much easier for you is that you're looking for a sex partner so you don't have to evaluate the long term potential. That shrinks the pool of women somewhat but the "strategy" you implement only needs to be successful enough to get the woman to meet up for sex. I agree with that. But... Women who are comfortable meeting up for sex with a stranger or near-stranger aren't going to have to like or respect you as a person -they simply have to feel attracted enough to have intercourse and perhaps feel reasonably secure that you don't have an STD and that you are not a rapist. You've written that you do not lie about your intentions so you really are meeting those women who are looking for casual sex and for whatever reason aren't finding it easily by meeting men in real life. I agree that if you're just looking for sex why work on yourself or a different approach or "strategy". ...I'm sort of offended by that, to be honest. I like and respect my FWBs, and I feel confident in saying that they at least like me back. Silverbirch: I agree, it's gotten easier for me as I've gotten older. I personally think that men and women have reversed dynamics when it comes to age. When I was in my early twenties, women my age pretty much ignored me, because they were hugely in-demand. Now, women my age usually have it tougher, and I get more attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Silverbirch: I agree, it's gotten easier for me as I've gotten older. I personally think that men and women have reversed dynamics when it comes to age. When I was in my early twenties, women my age pretty much ignored me, because they were hugely in-demand. Now, women my age usually have it tougher, and I get more attention. LOL Blue, an older very bald man said to me, pointing at his head and winking, "The older I get, the more head I get." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 LOL Blue, an older very bald man said to me, pointing at his head and winking, "The older I get, the more head I get." Heh! I don't know...I feel strangely optimistic about all this. I think that, as a man in my mid-thirties, I have a good setup to work with for the foreseeable future. I look extremely good for my age, I don't have any debt to worry about, I have pretty good savings, more hot divorcees are being created every single day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I agree with that. But... ...I'm sort of offended by that, to be honest. I like and respect my FWBs, and I feel confident in saying that they at least like me back. Silverbirch: I agree, it's gotten easier for me as I've gotten older. I personally think that men and women have reversed dynamics when it comes to age. When I was in my early twenties, women my age pretty much ignored me, because they were hugely in-demand. Now, women my age usually have it tougher, and I get more attention. You wrote that you don't care about the woman's personality nor do you want to have an actual friendship with the person. Certainly you might respect the person as far as I am sure you respect if she says "no" or "not tonight" etc - but respect as in wanting to know the person, what makes her tick, respecting her values/dreams/goals - I'm not getting that from what you write. I was writing about how a woman would regard her sex partner -she simply has to like having sex with him and respect him the way you would respect the person's entitlement to say no to certain things about her body, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Things are going extremely well with DAISY and FIONA, though I'm not seeing FIONA quite as much as I'd like to. I've had intermittent contact with EMILY--some of it initiated by me, I must admit, because she's that hot--and then she knocked on my door and announced that she was just there to "talk". She didn't call or text ahead of time, so I had someone else there...but not DAISY or FIONA. I just happened to be babysitting my five-year-old "niece" (actually my cousin's daughter). This turn of events greatly threw EMILY off of her game, especially when my niece was fascinated by her presence. (I've never brought any women around my family; this was the first time my niece has seen a non-related female in my place. Actual quote: "Did your mommy say it's okay to play with girls?") EMILY seemed flustered the whole time, and didn't stay long. She's been treating me differently ever since...not in a bad way, but maybe in a more-interested one? I'm assuming that she's in settling-down mode, and I made the mistake of showing her that I'm good with kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Lol, I can imagine her surprise. I would not have expected you to be good with mids either, and maybe she just thinks it's really cute! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 For the record, I really do think that EMILY just came to talk: she had a little speech prepared, and I've been hearing bits and pieces of it ever since. But I get the impression that the delivery is softer than she originally intended. Also for the record: EMILY has never been married (though she told me she was engaged once), and doesn't have any kids. Unlike most of the women in my area, she's more of a career-focused person that's holding out for the perfect man. I am definitely not that man, but I sort of wonder if she thinks she can turn me into him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 About the little cousin. I hear you. If by 40 I dont have any children and being an only Child myself Im very serious about writing a testament to my cousins son, 30 years younger than me so he can inherit everything from my parents and mine decent situation. That sound pessimistic of me to never have children. And maybe someday but Im really not sure. In other words I want someone from my Family and obviously younger to enjoy my money instead of the State. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 "Did your mommy say it's okay to play with girls?" awwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 About the little cousin. I hear you. If by 40 I dont have any children and being an only Child myself Im very serious about writing a testament to my cousins son, 30 years younger than me so he can inherit everything from my parents and mine decent situation. That sound pessimistic of me to never have children. And maybe someday but Im really not sure. In other words I want someone from my Family and obviously younger to enjoy my money instead of the State. Hmm...I've never thought much about that, to be honest. I'll probably leave the vast Blue Spiral estate to charity or something. I don't have any siblings, either, so I don't have any "real" nieces or nephews, and my cousins' kids all live out of state, so I don't really know most of them. I've never been all that close with my cousins, anyway. But one has visited the last few summers, and her mom/my aunt is too scatterbrained and flaky to babysit. My other relatives are too busy, too sick, and/or too old to keep up with a little kid, so I end up with her. Not that I'm complaining. We watch cartoons, we eat mac and cheese, we play video games...basically, all the stuff I'd normally be doing. awwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!! Yeah, she's adorable. Every time she visits, I help her with her reading, and she's gotten pretty good at it. And, believe it or not, I'm actually a calming, laid-back person, and I think it's a nice change of pace for her. I get the impression that her regular home life is somewhere between stressful and chaotic. She keeps saying "It's so quiet at your house." Apparently, it's unusually clean, as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 About the little cousin. I hear you. If by 40 I dont have any children and being an only Child myself Im very serious about writing a testament to my cousins son, 30 years younger than me so he can inherit everything from my parents and mine decent situation. That sound pessimistic of me to never have children. And maybe someday but Im really not sure. In other words I want someone from my Family and obviously younger to enjoy my money instead of the State. I don't think that is pessimistic at all Patrick. I only have one child - a boy. I have no nieces either - but 6 nephews. I have jewelry I would never sell, and should be passed onto female relatives. It's only in recent times that I have begun to become acquainted with a young woman (through Facebook) who is my cousins daughter. It would be way to early to think of her as the daughter ai never had, but bit by bit getting to know her and it surprises me what we have in common - things dome people might find silly - I think she is a soul or emotional relative. I would be delighted to have a daughter like her - but having her just who she is - that's also fine. For sure I will be leaving some things to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 At least you have a boy. The State still gets 5/10% and Im fine with that since I enjoyed (almost) free school/hospital etc. But yes, its fair to leave what I have to a younger relative. Charity is also a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Yes, I am grateful I was able to have at least one child. I am grateful also that I have extended family and friends - my son has made it clear that he is intent on never marrying and/or having children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Things are going well with my two FWBs. When I want sex, I get it. When I don't want to be around women (or people at all), I don't have to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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