Blue Spiral Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 You are on a roll. Be cautious with flakiness. Ive once had 4/5 ladies interested and only one turned out to be an actual date that led nowhere. Good luck. Oh, believe me, I know. I've dealt with the same thing. We're all on the lookout for better options, aren't we? I've had women that were really interested in me...until someone better came along. And, let's be honest, I've treated women the same way. I've dealt with some crazier stuff, too. I once had a woman tell me that she didn't believe in sex before marriage--but she proposed to me right then and there, despite this being our second meeting. I've also discovered that "divorced" can mean "Oops, I'm technically still married in the sense that I still live with my husband and haven't told him that I want a divorce yet." And then there are the women who assume that "I'm not into monogamy" means "I'm into all sorts of freaky stuff", and I am not, thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 My take is that your former FWB candidate will be the most reliable. I dont know your whole history with her but if shes looking forward to it and not engaged with anyone else atm, your odds are good. You know each other and you have her number and possibly more info. I dont mean pressuring her in any way. But this seems easier than starting over with someone else out of the blue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 My take is that your former FWB candidate will be the most reliable. I dont know your whole history with her but if shes looking forward to it and not engaged with anyone else atm, your odds are good. You know each other and you have her number and possibly more info. I dont mean pressuring her in any way. But this seems easier than starting over with someone else out of the blue. I agree. That said, I also have two other extremely promising candidates lined up--one is the "ideal" one I mentioned earlier, and the other is brand-new. Unfortunately, I'm not really enjoying all this, right now. I just got bad work-related news...my annoying work situation just got even worse. So now I get to deal with that, tomorrow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 uggh, sorry. i hope work sorts itself out soon.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 uggh, sorry. i hope work sorts itself out soon.... Thank you. This was the first day of the project that I've been stressing out over...and I thought that it went pretty well. But someone neglected to tell me something, and they called me after the workday was over, when I was having dinner. "We forgot to tell you about this one problem..." So I get to deal with that bright and early tomorrow morning. Thankfully, this other party will be there to present possible solutions to me, and I hope they actually have some. My fear is that the only "solutions" will be messy and complicated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 Well, today was one of the worst days I've had in years, for both work-related reasons and family-related reasons. And stress kept me from sleeping very much, so I didn't exactly have a ton of energy to deal with all of it. I'm not even thinking about FWB stuff right now. I just want to crawl into bed and forget that my life ever happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 ugh ugh ugh. I'm sorry. Go to bed early, watch your favorite movie. Tomorrow's a new day.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Thank you. I'm feeling better now...but we'll see how long that lasts. I'm hoping I'll only have to deal with this for another week or two. The work part, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 I am back on the FWB train, with two actives and three strong potentials. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I assume the work related issues have improved, or have been resolved? Two actives... Seems like the dry spell has come to an end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 I assume the work related issues have improved, or have been resolved? Two actives... Seems like the dry spell has come to an end. The work-related issues are somewhat better, and hopefully trending toward resolution. Also: in my defense, it wasn't so much a "dry spell" as it was an "apathy/bitterness spell". I'm perfectly fine with spending the rest of my life alternating between complete celibacy and sex with multiple women. The middle-ground doesn't particularly interest me. One FWB is old, and one is new. I'm very close to sealing the deal with a third, but the other two will require a little more work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Ah, dry spell isnt meant to be pejorative in my mouth. I use it for myself too. As for the rest of your post, yes I remember you made it clear you see yourself as a life-celibate with cyclical FWBs. Marriage and children just isnt for you. Your journals title make this obvious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 Ah, dry spell isnt meant to be pejorative in my mouth. I use it for myself too. As for the rest of your post, yes I remember you made it clear you see yourself as a life-celibate with cyclical FWBs. Marriage and children just isnt for you. Your journals title make this obvious. Yeah, my whole mission is to stay out of that fuzzy middle-ground, where a guy is expending effort/resources and yet not getting what he wants. If I'm in a FWB scenario, great, because it means that I'm getting what I want. If I can't find that, I'll be celibate, which is also great, because I'm not letting myself be strung along in the hopes of getting sex. From what I've seen, women are usually more willing to walk away, because they know that they have options--options that will pursue them. Men are usually less willing to walk away, because we don't have their advantages in this area. I've had to learn how to be brave and cut my losses. Ironically, I'm actually copying women's strategy, which has been pretty successful for them. Most women try to avoid their own fuzzy middle-ground, but theirs relates to commitment, and not sex. They want commitment, and they aren't willing to give sex to (maybe) get it later. Whereas men are in a weaker position, and too many of us want sex and are willing to give commitment to (maybe) get it later. Most women don't compromise; most men do. Sometimes I'll have FWBs. Sometimes I'll be celibate. I may not always get what I want, but I'll never give what I don't want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I don't think it's about women not compromising - women can't be a little committed or a little pregnant, etc. If the person's value is "I only have sex within a committed relationship" there's no such thing as compromise -you are or you aren't committed. I was once offered this compromise "we'll be exclusive but if I feel like meeting a woman for coffee that's ok". So, sure, I guess you can carve out exceptions to what it means to be exclusively dating if that is what you mean by commitment but to me sexual monogamy is not the same as being in a committed relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 t but to me sexual monogamy is not the same as being in a committed relationship. I had no idea there was a difference. Granted, I don't really care about either. My overall point is that actions speak louder than words, and that we can use actions to see who has the power, and who's willing (or forced) to compromise. Let's use the most obvious examples. A woman wants companionship/attention, a man takes her out on a date and gives that to her...but he doesn't get the sex he wants. This is regarded as perfectly normal, maybe even good. Whereas if a man were to put his own needs first--demanding sex before he gave her any companionship or (as much) attention--people would freak out and act like it was crazy. Women are able to get what they want first because of the cultural power they have: they know that there's a lot more men where that came from, and that the men will do the work in pursuing them. Men are much more reticent to try my own strategy, because they know that they don't have as many options as women, and that it isn't regarded as "normal". A woman says that she should get what she wants first, and the man compromises. A man says that he should get what he wants first, and the woman walks away. The person that's willing to walk away has the most power. For that reason, I think that men should refuse to compromise, and be less invested in relationships that aren't fulfilling them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 But you're assuming that men are sacrificing sex for the woman -not all men are like that. My husband is not like that and was not like that. Sexual monogamy -having sex only with each other but you can date other people. Exclusivity -only dating each other, whether or not sex is involved. I never had to ask for exclusivity and we did not exchange exclusivity for sex - we were exclusive for months prior to having sex - not connected to the decision to be exclusive. The man asked me to be exclusive, unrelated to sex. One exception - he wanted to have sex without exclusivity (just monogamy). I said no, a week later he said he was ready to be exclusive. That was exclusivity tied to sex. Not surprisingly, it was not a long term relationship (5 months) and I regretted getting involved with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 But you're assuming that men are sacrificing sex for the woman -not all men are like that. I think that most men are like that. Just my opinion, of course, but I'm basing it on what I've seen with my own eyes. In other news: I'm strangely fascinated by this Ashley Madison leak. Only five percent of the site's users were women, apparently. I'm hearing that divorce lawyers are referring to what's about to happen as Christmas in September. As a committed opponent of monogamy, I'm extremely thrilled about this whole situation: not only will it further undermine the idea of marriage and relationships, but it'll produce a new wave of hot divorcees. Things are going extremely well with my two FWBs, and I could be close to having three... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I think that most men are like that. Just my opinion, of course, but I'm basing it on what I've seen with my own eyes. In other news: I'm strangely fascinated by this Ashley Madison leak. Only five percent of the site's users were women, apparently. I'm hearing that divorce lawyers are referring to what's about to happen as Christmas in September. As a committed opponent of monogamy, I'm extremely thrilled about this whole situation: not only will it further undermine the idea of marriage and relationships, but it'll produce a new wave of hot divorcees. Things are going extremely well with my two FWBs, and I could be close to having three... Yes, we have to jump on those new divorcees!!! woohoo!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I read a bit about this Ashley leaks... Many of the profiles were fakes though, speaking of celebrities. On the other hand yes it might be damaging to many 'plain jane and John doe' marriages. I guess Ashley was an easier target than Facebook. Not sure it will be the earthquake the hacker was looking for. Good for the FWBs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Yes, we have to jump on those new divorcees!!! woohoo!!! I assume that you're being sarcastic...but, to me, the math is pretty simple. As the number of women in monogamous relationships shrinks, the pool of women I have to draw from grows. In my opinion, the problem isn't that these men cheated, it's that they let themselves be shamed/pressured into participating in monogamy in the first place. If they'd just been honest about what they really wanted, they could have avoided this whole situation. Instead, they tried to have their cake and eat it too. Sadly, most men aren't willing to be non-conformists. I read a bit about this Ashley leaks... Many of the profiles were fakes though, speaking of celebrities. On the other hand yes it might be damaging to many 'plain jane and John doe' marriages. I haven't heard about any celebrity profiles, but I think that most of the profiles were real--there was just a group of fake female profiles designed to keep men interested in the site. I'm hoping that this will, indeed, be an earthquake... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I assume that you're being sarcastic...but, to me, the math is pretty simple. As the number of women in monogamous relationships shrinks, the pool of women I have to draw from grows. In my opinion, the problem isn't that these men cheated, it's that they let themselves be shamed/pressured into participating in monogamy in the first place. If they'd just been honest about what they really wanted, they could have avoided this whole situation. Instead, they tried to have their cake and eat it too. Sadly, most men aren't willing to be non-conformists. I haven't heard about any celebrity profiles, but I think that most of the profiles were real--there was just a group of fake female profiles designed to keep men interested in the site. I'm hoping that this will, indeed, be an earthquake... Actually, i'm not being sarcastic, lol! I'm for real. I wrote in my journal when my friend Ryan broke up with his wife and I was attracted to him, people told me to stay away until the divorce was final. Well, just a few months later, he's already in a serious relationship with a new woman!! He's not divorced yet either. He is a really great guy. Actually, it was his wife who cheated on him and left him. I mean, i should have pounced when I had a chance... oh well.... PS - And yes, I agree with you, it's very important to be honest with your partner AND YOURSELF about what is your position towards monogamy. I think it's difficult because it's not biologically natural. And plus, up until the last century or so, people only lived to 35 anyway, so it's not like being monogamous for 10 years was as much of a challenge as it can be today... for 50 years or more!!! or heck, even after a rough patch .... or a year or two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Yep. Both grandparents of mine stayed together for 50+ years... Basically post WW2 until they passed away some years ago. It was the 'best' time for long commitment. No Internet (whether that is Fb, Tinder, Ashley, Pof) a longer life as Annie said. And yes, the divorce was still seen as a sin for many faith... Read today we will live up to 500+ years because Google invest billions in medical search. Thanks but no thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Actually, i'm not being sarcastic, lol! ...wow, my bad. I'm sorry to hear about your missed opportunity. Both of my current FWBs are divorced. Read today we will live up to 500+ years because Google invest billions in medical search. Thanks but no thanks. If you don't want your 500 years, I'll gladly take them...! I just gave my phone number to a new woman. We'll see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick974 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I can give you 420. 80 is enough if I ever reach that. What is yer ideal FWB age range if you have one? -/+5 years? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Too many variables in the Ashley Madison situation -fake profiles, open marriages (or traditional marriages where the spouse told the other he'd look the other way if she wanted to have an affair), single people who want to hook up with married people (which is offensive but it's not adultery/cheating on their part), etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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