Fudgie Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 That is true, they are promoted faster while women are not in the same situation, then again, women with children statistically take more PTO than childed men because they are the ones who stay home with the kids, not the men. I really don't think of myself as oppressed or struggling in terms of being female. I know that some of my friends have voiced this sentiment but I don't share it. Maybe I'm just different, I don't know. I remember talking to my friend who posted a status about how she can't go out on the weekend without being sexually harassed and all of her friends (not mine) chimed in and agreed with her. I live in the same city. I've gone out to bars and restaurants and music venues, sometimes with others, sometimes just by myself, and I've never really had a problem outside of a few random men who try to talk to me but I act disinterested and look at my phone a lot and they move on (which is what I've wanted, I don't like to meet men that way). My friend said "You are literally the only woman I know who hasn't had a problem in this city with being sexually harassed." I have no idea why! We go to the same places. I'm not completely hideous. Maybe these women just experience the same thing differently but for me, I definitely feel very lucky despite some downsides and that is the resounding sentiment for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I guess that makes sense, worrying if a woman is desperate or not. I haven't really thought about it that way. It kind of sucks that it falls a lot to the guys to make the first move towards a date. I'm pretty glad I'm a lady. Yes, and I found it hard to wait for that call and not to ask but I hear you -hope it is changing! I feel mostly fortunate as far as the gender thing - certainly experience the "having it all" as being a mom and not a dad thing, mostly. I happily took the back seat to be a full time mom -I accept the consequences to my long career -I don't believe I can have it "all" if that means the same level of career plus the same amount of time with my young child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I don't think anyone can have it all, really, I agree with you. I'm not just talking career/child either, lots of things take up time in life so you have to prioritize and decide what you'll spend your limited time on. No right or wrong answer there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 I'm a few pages late, but, I wish women would ask me out. Men can have careers and families and no one ever accuses them of "wanting to have it all." I am not a fan of forced gender roles, so I agree with you. It really bugs me when other men say something like "Look at these unrealistic women, thinking they can have what we do!" I don't like double-standards, regardless of which gender they go against. Why shame people over life-choices? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Men can have careers and families and no one ever accuses them of "wanting to have it all." In fact, men with families get promoted faster too (seen as more stable and responsible). I know women in the US have it much better than many many other countries, but in a lot of ways, we are still struggling. I see it all the time in my own workplace (science). Absolutely ,male dominated society and sexism is still very alive and well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Has a woman ever asked you out, Blue? I've asked out men more than a few times. And most of the men I know have been asked out - maybe not always women they are interested in, but it's a fairly common experience. Some of it also maybe be a matter of geography. I think in some places, it's much less of a 'deal' than in others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 Absolutely ,male dominated society and sexism is still very alive and well. And yet, at the same time, American women have more power than ever, and relationships (and other things) are legally and financially dangerous for men. One false rape accusation or trumped-up sexual harassment claim can destroy a man's life. Has a woman ever asked you out, Blue? No. But, when I was in high school, a girl pretty clearly hit on me, and I freaked out and left the room, because I had no idea what to do. As you said, it happens more in some places than others--I live in a fairly traditional area, so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 And yet, at the same time, American women have more power than ever, and relationships (and other things) are legally and financially dangerous for men. One false rape accusation or trumped-up sexual harassment claim can destroy a man's life. No. But, when I was in high school, a girl pretty clearly hit on me, and I freaked out and left the room, because I had no idea what to do. As you said, it happens more in some places than others--I live in a fairly traditional area, so... False reports of rape have been found to be the same as false reportings of other crimes (theft, robbery, etc..) it's somewhere around a 2% false report rate. If you don't rape anyone, then you don't have to worry about being accused of rape. If you are worried that a one-night stand will later say it's rape, then don't have one night stands - only have sex with women you trust fully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 False reports of rape have been found to be the same as false reportings of other crimes (theft, robbery, etc..) it's somewhere around a 2% false report rate. I know it's Wiki, but: link removed "While it is difficult to assess the prevalence of false reports due to such accusations being conflated with non-prosecuted cases as "unfounded",[1][2] in the United States, the FBI Uniform Crime Report in 1996 and the United States Department of Justice in 1997 stated 8% of rape accusations in the United States were regarded as unfounded or false." "Studies in other countries have reported their own rates at anywhere from 1.5% (Denmark) to 10% (Canada)." I can understand why you'd want to downplay this...but men aren't as gullible as you want them to be, and we're getting less so all the time. We're talking to each other, and the data is building up. The rest of the 21st century is going to be a highly entertaining time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I can understand why you'd want to downplay this...but men aren't as gullible as you want them to be, and we're getting less so all the time. We're talking to each other, and the data is building up. The rest of the 21st century is going to be a highly entertaining time. Err.... ok..... so if indeed the false rape reporting statistics are higher than 2%, then why oh why oh why would you ever want have one night stands or no strings attached sex??? Wouldn't you hold out for the woman you love an trust? It's much harder to prove that your husband, fiancé, or long-term monogamous boyfriend has raped you. I mean, maybe you should stay away from women all together! That was no one can ever falsely accuse you of rape. Do you worry about people falsely accusing you of arson or auto-theft as well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Err.... ok..... so if indeed the false rape reporting statistics are higher than 2%, then why oh why oh why would you ever want have one night stands or no strings attached sex??? Stupid, stupid biology. Wouldn't you hold out for the woman you love an trust? There aren't any. I mean, maybe you should stay away from women all together! I've been trying! That was no one can ever falsely accuse you of rape. Do you worry about people falsely accusing you of arson or auto-theft as well? Those aren't similar crimes, because it's easier to objectively prove that something has been taken/damaged. Rape is more he-said/she-said. If some certain group of people could accuse me of something, and get me in major trouble without needing any proof to do so, it would make sense to avoid that group of people. Look, the world can be a dangerous place for women...but, as much as you may hate to admit it, it can be a dangerous place for men, as well. Different dangers, mind you. And it's even worse if you're perceived to be low status and have no social skills. Many women read "awkwardness" as "creepiness" and will sic the police or random dudebros on you. I'm a cautious individual, so I've managed to stay out of situations like that. But I've seen it happen far too many times. I would like to live in a society where women don't feel like they have to walk on eggshells around men because they fear physical violence...and where men don't have to walk on eggshells around women because they fear legal/financial retaliation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 I really hate large portions of my life. I really hate having to deal with people. I really hate this social anxiety disorder or whatever it is. That's pretty much all I have to say right now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Some threads should come with a great big "Trigger Waning" huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Some threads should come with a great big "Trigger Waning" huh? Yeah, I have a lot to say about that...but I don't think the mods want us to discuss closed threads, so I'll hold my tongue. I'd say "at least the worst part of today is over", but the worst part of my day is likely an hour and a half away, so I get to sit here and stew over it until it arrives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 That...went shockingly well. I feel a lot calmer, now, but I'm still pretty jittery. Unfortunately, my stressful work-related situation is still ongoing, though I'm hoping it'll be resolved in the next few weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 I'm capable of withstanding one stressful conversation about every two weeks. Unfortunately, I've already had four (!!!!!), this week. And I have to have what may be an even-more-stressful one tomorrow. I'm completely terrified, and I have no idea how I'm going to handle it. Even worse, I feel exhausted and burnt-out from the other conversations. This, of course, assumes that I don't chicken out and try to avoid it. I'm very good at not dealing with things... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Is this one related to your job? Wishing you luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 Is this one related to your job? Wishing you luck. Yeah, it is--and thank you. I have a tendency to wake up super-early, stress over stuff, and not be able to get back to sleep. Well, I did it because of this. And then I wasted most of my morning worrying about it. The conversation went...sort of okay, compared to some of the doomsday scenarios that I imagined. I'm finally calming down...but now I have to have another conversation about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Try 4-7-8 breathing for that -works for me when I can't get back to sleep (google that and "Weil" for the right method). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I hope everything goes okay at your job. What kind of music do you like? I like Daft Punk when I'm stressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 Try 4-7-8 breathing for that -works for me when I can't get back to sleep (google that and "Weil" for the right method). I have to admit, I'm leery of typing anything breathing-related into Google...! I hope everything goes okay at your job. What kind of music do you like? I like Daft Punk when I'm stressed. Thank you. As for your question: I like so many different kinds of music that it's ridiculous. When I'm stressed out (well, really stressed out, as opposed to my normal level of stressed out), I listen to--don't laugh--"Aquatic Ambiance" from Donkey Kong Country. I'm still shocked that I didn't chicken out of having that convo, earlier today. I hope I have enough willpower left in me to do it again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Then just type 4-7-8 and Weil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 Well, I forced myself to make that phone call...and I got the machine! (Yes, people still have answering machines, apparently.) Thank god. Batya: Thanks, I'll have to give that a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Well, my last conversation happened in an awkward manner: I was struggling with a mundane task that should have been easy, and the guy called me. So, while I was talking with the guy, I kept thinking "I can't even handle this easy thing, so how can I handle something that's much more complicated??" In other news...I re-activated my profile on what I jokingly call my "pimping site". Am I using women as a form of escapism? Yes, yes I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 I'm already talking with several women from the site, so things are going surprisingly well, in that department. Unfortunately, one of them has already made it clear that she's looking for something serious. I told her I wasn't, but she keeps messaging me anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
27
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.