christwowheels Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Yeah, I think there's some kind of genetic preference women have for tall men. I'm relatively lucky in that I'm 5'10" so I'm not "short." But there's still plenty of women I remember seeing on dating sites and CL who want 6' or more. Even my ex, who didn't have a problem dating shorter men in the past, was turned on by me being taller than her. Men, we don't seem to care as much. I've seen women who are hot who are tall, short, average height...lots of different types of women are good looking... But you can only do what you can, you can't make yourself taller. I don't know if you're into Hispanic or Asian women, but if you're below-average height, it wouldn't necessarily hurt to try dating women from ethnic groups that tend to be shorter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Yeah, I think there's some kind of genetic preference women have for tall men. I'm relatively lucky in that I'm 5'10" so I'm not "short." But there's still plenty of women I remember seeing on dating sites and CL who want 6' or more. Even my ex, who didn't have a problem dating shorter men in the past, was turned on by me being taller than her. Men, we don't seem to care as much. I've seen women who are hot who are tall, short, average height...lots of different types of women are good looking... But you can only do what you can, you can't make yourself taller. I don't know if you're into Hispanic or Asian women, but if you're below-average height, it wouldn't necessarily hurt to try dating women from ethnic groups that tend to be shorter. I don't agree. I had a preference for shorter men and many of my friends happily married shorter men -some did slightly prefer taller men but not enough to forego the opportunity to have a wonderful marriage/partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 I don't agree. I had a preference for shorter men and many of my friends happily married shorter men -some did slightly prefer taller men but not enough to forego the opportunity to have a wonderful marriage/partner. I think you and your friends are an exception to the rule, Batya. Take it from a 5'6 guy that's been at this for a long, long time. I can't tell you how many women simply stopped talking to me once I told them how tall I was. But...I have tried not to think about that sort of negative crap, this weekend. Instead, I've focused on the things I enjoy, and the only women I interacted with were cam models. I haven't heard from any of my "alphabetical" women. Granted, I didn't contact them, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 But you can only do what you can, you can't make yourself taller. I don't know if you're into Hispanic or Asian women, but if you're below-average height, it wouldn't necessarily hurt to try dating women from ethnic groups that tend to be shorter. I've had Hispanic and Asian FWBs...but not many. My area is pretty whitebread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I think you and your friends are an exception to the rule, Batya. Take it from a 5'6 guy that's been at this for a long, long time. I can't tell you how many women simply stopped talking to me once I told them how tall I was. But...I have tried not to think about that sort of negative crap, this weekend. Instead, I've focused on the things I enjoy, and the only women I interacted with were cam models. I haven't heard from any of my "alphabetical" women. Granted, I didn't contact them, either. I dated seriously for many more years than you in a major city. It is negative crap and sure many women might say he has to be tall but many of those women realize that when they have a gem before them they don't care if they can wear heels or not. For some it's an actual attraction issue as I had with men who were very tall and very skinny. For many it's more of an arm candy category. On line is not the measure (pun intended) - the women who think they only want a taller man are not going to make an exception on line with a stranger most likely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happy_snapper Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I know I've said this before in another thread, but for some girls the height thing seems to be... subconscious, kind of subliminally programmed into them. My GF said that when she was about 18 or 19 she believed that she's look stupid unless she was with a guy that was taller than her. She remembers the feeling, but doesn't remember why she felt that way. It was nothing to do with attraction, it was a social thing. Maybe with some girls over time, if that feeling is left unchallenged, it works it's way into what she finds attractive... just a thought. In my GF's case, she discovered that statistically speaking, most men are shorter than she is. That changed her mind about waiting for a tall guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I know I've said this before in another thread, but for some girls the height thing seems to be... subconscious, kind of subliminally programmed into them. My GF said that when she was about 18 or 19 she believed that she's look stupid unless she was with a guy that was taller than her. She remembers the feeling, but doesn't remember why she felt that way. It was nothing to do with attraction, it was a social thing. Maybe with some girls over time, if that feeling is left unchallenged, it works it's way into what she finds attractive... just a thought. In my GF's case, she discovered that statistically speaking, most men are shorter than she is. That changed her mind about waiting for a tall guy. Yes, that might be true of "girls" who are actually of adult age or people who are narrow-minded to believe that it's "programmed" in. I do think it's far more likely for a woman looking more for a fling (like the OP is looking for -he doesn't want a long term relationship or a potentially long term relationship) to be picky about height -why not - if the interaction will be focused on sex or sex to the exclusion of getting to know each other as people, all physical features become more important and more of a priority. I completely understand that women and men might simply not be attracted to certain physical features and I do know of women who would not be attracted to a man who was shorter than average. I had attraction-related issues with men who were shorter than me (yes I met them even though I am only 5"2) and especially if they also were skinny. I did not care about how we looked in public or anything similar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happy_snapper Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 You know what I mean. Peer-pressure and all that. Forget it. I'm not sure why I posted it now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 You know what I mean. Peer-pressure and all that. Forget it. I'm not sure why I posted it now Right - some girls or adults who act like girls prioritize peer pressure when choosing a mate. Some boys/adult boys do as well. Nothing new under the sun. I did the same thing many years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I think most younger people do care more (in general) about what their peer group thinks about things. As we get older, and realize that...what's good for one friend isn't going to be good for everyone...and that a relationship with a SO is much more complicated than "well, he's cute"...we stop caring so much what other think. It's a mindset we outgrow as we mature. I remember being concerned that the guys I dated in high school/college were "cool" enough. It's funny, my last 3 bfs were TOTAL nerds in high school- but they're ballin' now...at least to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 I know I've said this before in another thread, but for some girls the height thing seems to be... subconscious, kind of subliminally programmed into them. I agree 100%--I'm sure it's some sort of evo-psych thing. I know that we all like to believe in free will, but, to a degree, we are our genetic programming. I don't blame women for being attracted to height, I just get tired of having to deal with it all the time. Peer pressure probably factors in as well. I've never had many friends, but I understand that, if a girl shows up with a short guy, or guy shows up with an overweight girl, their friends will give them grief... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I agree 100%--I'm sure it's some sort of evo-psych thing. I know that we all like to believe in free will, but, to a degree, we are our genetic programming. I don't blame women for being attracted to height, I just get tired of having to deal with it all the time. Peer pressure probably factors in as well. I've never had many friends, but I understand that, if a girl shows up with a short guy, or guy shows up with an overweight girl, their friends will give them grief... I think if you were looking for a long term relationship in person you would have far different results with adult women in your age range or older. But, you're not. Perhaps those women who are posting on line and open to or looking for hook ups/ sexual arrangements height is a far more important priority. My friends were happy when I was happy (after my teenage years). I remember one woman giving me that "look" because my boyfriend at the time was short and not conventionally attractive. Her hottie boyfriend broke his engagement to her within 6 months or so. I was shocked at the look because we were adults and it was so unusual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 I think if you were looking for a long term relationship in person you would have far different results with adult women in your age range or older. But, you're not. This is the sound of me banging my head against the wall. As I've said many times before, I had those same results even back when I was looking for a serious relationship. Women like height, it doesn't matter whether you're looking for something casual or serious. If it's casual, they surely want someone superficially attractive; if it's serious, well, I doubt they want short kids, and they probably want to go to formal events with someone who's taller than them in heels. Many serious-relationship-seeking men on ENA have confirmed this. For the record, I actually would like a long-term relationship, but my needs/wants are so specific and outside-the-mainstream that I doubt it'll ever happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Wait, you actually want a long term relationship?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 This is the sound of me banging my head against the wall. As I've said many times before, I had those same results even back when I was looking for a serious relationship. Women like height, it doesn't matter whether you're looking for something casual or serious. If it's casual, they surely want someone superficially attractive; if it's serious, well, I doubt they want short kids, and they probably want to go to formal events with someone who's taller than them in heels. Many serious-relationship-seeking men on ENA have confirmed this. For the record, I actually would like a long-term relationship, but my needs/wants are so specific and outside-the-mainstream that I doubt it'll ever happen. I am surprised too at your last sentence. No head banging -from all you have written it sounds like you looked for a long term relationship for a very short time and with all due respect I think having dated in a major city for 24 years and having hundreds of female friends who also were looking over the years my survey sample is a bit larger than yours. I understand that that was your personal experience of course. I wouldn't count surveying men who post on a web site -at least not the same as knowing people personally and having personal experience. Nothing wrong with having a child who is shorter than average - from my experience and the adults I know (teenagers/immature people, another story I suppose). Formal events have no real meaning or relevance in looking for a serious relationship but they might in looking for a date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 Wait, you actually want a long term relationship?? I am surprised too at your last sentence. Ahh, most people wouldn't call it a "relationship", as it would be poly in nature and very complicated. But I will get around to explaining it sometime, I promise. It's moot, though, because it's a very unrealistic sort of thing. I have a better chance of being simultaneously eaten by a grizzly bear, struck by lightning, and hit on by Alexandra Daddario. No head banging -from all you have written it sounds like you looked for a long term relationship for a very short time and with all due respect I think having dated in a major city for 24 years and having hundreds of female friends who also were looking over the years my survey sample is a bit larger than yours. I understand that that was your personal experience of course. Your sample is definitely larger, but it's different, as well. Men and women have very different experiences with this stuff. For the record, I looked for a relationship from the time I was 18-26, roughly, and I managed to find two (or two and a half) serious girlfriends, but neither one lasted long. In-between GF #1 and GF #2, I had what were basically proto-FWBs, where I got involved with women and halfheartedly thought it would turn into a relationship, but it didn't, and I wasn't all that disappointed. After my second relationship ended, I was ready to call it what it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 A poly relationship is still a relationship! I'm just surprised because I always thought you wanted FWB only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Yes, it is - but it sounds like you don't want to get into the details. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 A poly relationship is still a relationship! I'm just surprised because I always thought you wanted FWB only. I'm happiest when I'm involved with multiple women at once. FWB was--and probably still is--the easiest, most realistic way to be involved with multiple women. I don't know how many women are going to go for a setup where I say "Hey, I'm going to have a bunch of girlfriends, so I won't have that much time for you..." Now, you might be thinking that I couldn't keep one gf for long, so how am I going to keep a bunch of them? Well, they both dumped me because I didn't want to get married. That wouldn't be a problem in this (sadly hypothetical) scenario. I liked my relationships just fine, except for the whole monogamy thing (and the expectations that went with it). Yes, it is - but it sounds like you don't want to get into the details. To explain what I want, I'll have to explain exactly what happened with my previous girlfriends, and how I came to realize that the "multiple women" path was for me. That will derail the thread, I'm afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Yeah it sounds like poly is the best way to go for you. You'd fit well in a big, progressive city with lots of people looking for FWB or poly. Just curious, but what do you find difficult with monogamy? Do you find it gets boring with just one partner? Do you find that having multiple women is more satisfying because they are all good at different things? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Yeah it sounds like poly is the best way to go for you. You'd fit well in a big, progressive city with lots of people looking for FWB or poly. Just curious, but what do you find difficult with monogamy? Do you find it gets boring with just one partner? Do you find that having multiple women is more satisfying because they are all good at different things? I'm not sure about the presumption that people who prefer to have multiple sex partners -whether in a group situation or otherwise, are necessarily progressive in any way. Some might be, others might simply have certain sexual preferences, others might have psychological issues with connecting to people other than sexually, but not be progressive in that sense or in any other, etc., Certainly people looking for casual sex partners are everywhere- small towns, large cities, rural areas. I'm not as familiar with locations for people seeking polygamous relationships if there is such a location (other than Utah I suppose). As far as FWB situations I think that requires not a type of location but simply forming close friendships with people and perhaps down the line it might include a sexual component. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 ^ take out progressive and sub in "liberal" if you wish. Statistically speaking, if you want a poly relationship, you're more likely to find it in a large city filled with liberal minded, "progressive" young folks. You're less likely to find to find it in Small Town, USA. That's just how it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Just curious, but what do you find difficult with monogamy? Being monogamous. That sounds sarcastic, I know, but I'm dead-serious. Also, I subscribe to "more = better" when it comes to this stuff. This acknowledges my own limitations as a person, as well. I don't think I could ever be a good "full-time" boyfriend, but I make a solid "part-time" one. For the record, I'm talking about polyamory, and not polygamy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Being monogamous. That sounds sarcastic, I know, but I'm dead-serious. Also, I subscribe to "more = better" when it comes to this stuff. This acknowledges my own limitations as a person, as well. I don't think I could ever be a good "full-time" boyfriend, but I make a solid "part-time" one. For the record, I'm talking about polyamory, and not polygamy. It's good that you know that about yourself and aren't taking someone along on a painful ride. A lot of people want the perks of being in a relationship without the hard work/downsides. That's not cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 It's good that you know that about yourself and aren't taking someone along on a painful ride. A lot of people want the perks of being in a relationship without the hard work/downsides. That's not cool. Indeed. I hurt my second girlfriend, emotionally speaking, and I still feel guilty about it (even though she later dumped me/abandoned me). That was when I decided to go the FWB route--I didn't want to hurt anyone else. I was/am used to getting hurt, but hurting someone else, even if it wasn't on purpose? Yeah, that seriously messed with my head. (And, as I said, monogamy wasn't very rewarding for me. Please don't think I'm claiming to be entirely altruistic, here.) I always assumed that FWBs was the only safe option for myself and others, but maybe I could make a poly thing work. I doubt I'll ever get the chance, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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