Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude

[itsallgrand]

 

Strangely enough, you just summed up how I feel about marriage. "I love you, why do we need to bring finances and paperwork into it?"

 

In my experience, women react to money much more strongly than they react to words. If I want my message to be understood, I think that I need to speak in their language.

 

Well you are talking about cam girls...not women in general. Keeping to that...

 

I guess for me, I don't understand why it would matter to you if a cam girl got a message or not. They don't care, either way. About what message it sends. They just want money...

 

and I think you would be a fool to hand it over. That just my opinion.

 

I actually found it profoundly sad you even serious considered it, and that what would stop you is intimidation. Makes no sense to me. The last people you should be worrying about what they think of you is people who want to use you. And I guess that is how I look at the whole situation...

[Batya33]

I wouldn't define what you described as a relationship -maybe an interaction, an arrangement but not a relationship particularly because the give and take part is basically intercourse and nothing else.

[itsallgrand]

You could get that at bar hook ups. Might cost you a bit in beer. But that's not much.

 

It's obtainable. Something tells me you don't want to get your hands too dirty in that way though. Too messy or something. That's just my impression here.

[Blue Spiral]

I guess for me, I don't understand why it would matter to you if a cam girl got a message or not. They don't care, either way. About what message it sends. They just want money...

 

and I think you would be a fool to hand it over. That just my opinion.

 

I actually found it profoundly sad you even serious considered it, and that what would stop you is intimidation. Makes no sense to me. The last people you should be worrying about what they think of you is people who want to use you. And I guess that is how I look at the whole situation...

 

I want to thank them for making me happy. I don't really care why they did it, or even if they know that they did it. I thank people that do nice things for me.

 

I wouldn't define what you described as a relationship -maybe an interaction, an arrangement but not a relationship particularly because the give and take part is basically intercourse and nothing else.

 

I think the definition of "relationship" can be pretty darned flexible. We've had all sorts of different definitions, throughout history. I can think of many "relationship traditions" that are way weirder than what I want.

 

You could get that at bar hook ups. Might cost you a bit in beer. But that's not much.

 

It's obtainable. Something tells me you don't want to get your hands too dirty in that way though. Too messy or something. That's just my impression here.

 

I don't drink...and I don't like messiness, either.

[Batya33]

"I think the definition of "relationship" can be pretty darned flexible. We've had all sorts of different definitions, throughout history. I can think of many "relationship traditions" that are way weirder than what I want."

 

 

I didn't mean it was unconventional or weird. Having sex with another person is fairly ordinary. I just don't think on a very technical level what you're describing is a "relationship" between two people unless you define it as "two people make physical contact on a bus randomly -they are in a relationship" - or "two people decide to meet in the same location once a week and sit at the same table and each read their newspaper without speaking" believe me I am not judging it from a traditional or societal sense -just definitional. I know you are looking for people to try to get you to be in a conventional or traditional relationship or to impose their views on you -I am not - I'm approaching this just from the mundane level of definitions.

 

Sure, it is a "sexual relationship" just like someone who meets up with a prostitute or someone she meets to have sex with on a regular basis is is in a sexual relationship. But without the "sexual" qualifier then no, it's not a "relationship" with another person to be in the same physical space at the same time and even talk - anymore than I would be in a relationship with the neighbor I say hi to whenever I see her.

[Blue Spiral]

It's been a while since I've done any Blue Spiral Bullet Points:

 

--last week was stressful for several reasons (work stuff, family stuff), but this week is calmer. So far, anyway.

 

--I've been surprisingly productive, this week.

 

--I talked to my first girlfriend, the other day. I feel bad for her; she's dealing with a lot, right now. I'd go into detail, but, it'd be like trying to explain Return of the Jedi to someone that hasn't seen the first two SW movies. I really need to get that whole history into this thread, at some point. Same with my second gf.

 

--I should probably buy myself something for Christmas. It'd been a while since I've gotten any new books, so I'll most likely go to the bookstore. I need to put my little tree up, too.

 

--another husband-hunter came sniffing around. Did I have to engage in wacky, over-the-top, sitcom-ish antics to scare her off? Nope! I just had to be my usual meek, unambitious self. By this time next year, I suspect that she'll be engaged/married to some flannel-wearing neanderthal (see, I don't like men, either!), plotting to escape the workforce via pregnancy. (I carefully neglected to mention that I'm about to get a raise.) I wanted a relationship with her years ago...back when she was hot. Yeah, I'm superficial. Now she wants one, but she isn't as hot, and I'm no longer interested in committing. Same old story. I'm shocked by some of the women that have gotten guys to marry them, and if they can find an idiot, I'm sure that she can, too.

 

--my favorite cam model hasn't been on much, lately. That isn't any fun.

 

--it's college football coaching-change season! I've been spending way too much time online, checking various news-sources. "Should I go to bed, or should I hit refresh for the zillionth time? Well, it's almost midnight, but some news might have broken in the last minute and a half..."

[Batya33]

When I see generalized comments like that about specific groups of people it suggests to me that the writer/speaker doesn't like him or herself much but doesn't suggest much if anything about the people who are being criticized.

[annie24]

Yeah, I thought the same thing. That's part of what makes it so tempting. I'm resisting that temptation, though...

 

 

 

I believe you. To be clear, I'm not just talking about material stuff. I have a hard time imagining that a woman would be okay with me saying, "Hey, let's have sex first, and then if you play your cards right, maybe we can get to know each other at some point."

 

A lot of women want to get down right away too, but society/men/whoever tells us, if you have sex with him before date #x, he won't respect you, and he certainly won't marry you someday. I was talking about this with some friends last night. I think you've pointed out that double standard yourself. it's annoying. I know some couples who had sex on the first date who are married now, and then some other guys have sex with a girl too early on, and they lose interest. It's really annoying and you don't know who you are dealing with until much later. gah.

[Blue Spiral]

When I see generalized comments like that about specific groups of people it suggests to me that the writer/speaker doesn't like him or herself much but doesn't suggest much if anything about the people who are being criticized.

 

Ka-pwing ka-pwing ka-pwing!

 

(that's the sound of your shaming language harmlessly ricocheting off of me)

 

A lot of women want to get down right away too, but society/men/whoever tells us, if you have sex with him before date #x, he won't respect you, and he certainly won't marry you someday. I was talking about this with some friends last night. I think you've pointed out that double standard yourself. it's annoying. I know some couples who had sex on the first date who are married now, and then some other guys have sex with a girl too early on, and they lose interest. It's really annoying and you don't know who you are dealing with until much later. gah.

 

Yeah, it's ridiculous. And the hilarious part is that (traditional) men are sabotaging themselves. "I want a woman that likes sex...but wait, if she liked sex before she met me, that means she had sex with a non-tiny number of other guys! Ack! I'd better focus on the really angelic girls...but wait, they aren't jumping into bed with me! It isn't fair!"

 

When it comes to sexual culture, I'm a radical modernist. Now, is that because I believe it makes more sense, or is it mainly out of self-interest? Mmm...a little from column A, a little from column B.

[Batya33]

I did not mean it as shaming language in the least - I was simply making an observation about the typical motivation of people who choose to express hateful or hostile opinions about specific groups of people. Did you mean your comments to shame women who get married or have families, or the men they choose to marry? Seemed that way to me.

[Batya33]

Ka-pwing ka-pwing ka-pwing!

 

(that's the sound of your shaming language harmlessly ricocheting off of me)

 

 

 

Yeah, it's ridiculous. And the hilarious part is that (traditional) men are sabotaging themselves. "I want a woman that likes sex...but wait, if she liked sex before she met me, that means she had sex with a non-tiny number of other guys! Ack! I'd better focus on the really angelic girls...but wait, they aren't jumping into bed with me! It isn't fair!"

 

When it comes to sexual culture, I'm a radical modernist. Now, is that because I believe it makes more sense, or is it mainly out of self-interest? Mmm...a little from column A, a little from column B.

 

The number of partners does not necessarily correlate to sexual drive/desire. A person can have a very strong sex drive but choose, based on values, health reasons or whatever, to abstain or have a small number of partners and people with low sex drives might have a large number of partners for other reasons -internal or external pressure, drunk sex, whatever.

 

I wanted someone with a strong desire for sex and compatible values with mine (i.e. sex only within committed, loving relationships). That's what I got.

[Blue Spiral]

This is going to seem random, but, I just found out that Shakira is 37. I just...............wow. My god. In my area, most women my (exact) age could pass for forty, and even quite a few thirty-year-olds that I know could pass for forty, as well. She doesn't look a day over thirty.

 

Brace yourselves, I'm going to compare women to food, again. It's like reading about a super-great restaurant in some big city, while knowing that you're stuck with McDonald's. Ugh. I am going to call my Congressman and tell him to get cracking on this obesity epidemic.

[annie24]

McDonalds is still pretty damned good though!!!

 

I think you hit on a kind of political note there though - it's very much a public health issue (in addition to women not looking their hottest), but obesity and obesity related diseases are very expensive all around, and some say that the government should intervene for public health, the way that people screamed when 2 people died of Ebola.... but hundreds of thousands of people dying of cardiac issues, people say, 'keep the government out of my personal choices!' anyway..... lol. Bad moderator!

[itsallgrand]

Did you ever tell the story about your first gf?

[Blue Spiral]

McDonalds is still pretty damned good though!!!

 

Is it? I haven't eaten at one in maybe fifteen years.

 

I think you hit on a kind of political note there though - it's very much a public health issue (in addition to women not looking their hottest), but obesity and obesity related diseases are very expensive all around, and some say that the government should intervene for public health, the way that people screamed when 2 people died of Ebola.... but hundreds of thousands of people dying of cardiac issues, people say, 'keep the government out of my personal choices!' anyway..... lol. Bad moderator!

 

Under normal circumstances, I can see "keep the government out of my personal choices"...but if something is objectively, provably bad for you, a la smoking, I'm all for being a nanny state and protecting people from their own stupidity. That's arrogant, I know. But, hey, we've already got seatbelt laws, so why not this, too? If I were dictator (and, I assure you, I'm working overtime to make that a reality!), I'd outlaw alcohol and nicotine and all sorts of other stuff, because functioning brain cells and physically-healthy human beings are valuable national resources. "If people want to put certain things in their bodies, slowly killing themselves and ruining their lives, that's their business, not yours!" Yeah, right...except for the part where it impacts our economy and taxes. Look at unpaid emergency room costs; we're all paying for someone else's excessive McDonald's visits. It'd be futile, I know...most human beings have a strong self-destructive streak in them. Ugh, this is so off-topic. I think Shakira is hot, I'm superficial, hate me!

[Blue Spiral]

Did you ever tell the story about your first gf?

 

I don't think so. The super-short version is that she left me for another guy, basically saying, "Oh, right, I'm going out for a romantic dinner with ______, tomorrow." I thought we were still in a relationship, and had no clue it was coming.

[Blue Spiral]

Holy crap.

 

I normally lead an uneventful life, but...I was driving somewhere, today, and I saw a teenage guy...well, he was either trying to catch up with a girl, and they were horsing around, or he was chasing her/bugging her while she was trying to walk away. No way to tell. A cop just happened to be driving by, and I don't know if the girl flagged him down or what, but he jumped out and grabbed the guy in a matter of seconds. It was terrifying.

 

I have no idea if it was justified or not, but, I do know that there was no way to determine that in a five-second window. (Even if the girl flagged him down, I'd hope that "violently restrain someone before I know what's going on" wouldn't be their first attempt at a solution.) Right or wrong, the cop just assumed that the guy was a threat.

 

I am never never never speaking to a woman in public again (outside of bank tellers and clerks and the like), because it's just too dangerous. With my lack of social skills, a woman could completely misread me, and I could end up getting arrested and/or shot. The assumption will always be that the man is in the wrong, or a potential threat. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this happen, either.

 

From here on out, I'm sticking to cam models.

[Zuri]

I am so delighted you started this journal. The last 2-3 pages have had me giggling out loud.

[Batya33]

You have no idea of the context -it could be that the cops already were looking for that guy or perhaps she had called them in advance or in the past about this same guy bothering her. I think your reaction is extreme -women and men talk to each other all the time with no repercussions.

[Blue Spiral]

You have no idea of the context -it could be that the cops already were looking for that guy or perhaps she had called them in advance or in the past about this same guy bothering her. I think your reaction is extreme -women and men talk to each other all the time with no repercussions.

 

I admitted that I didn't know the context. But, are you seriously telling me that if the genders were reversed, and if I told a cop that some woman was bugging me, you'd support the cop violently grabbing her in the first five seconds, as opposed to figuring out what was going on?

 

I don't think that my reaction is extreme at all. I don't feel safe living in a society where stuff like this, or the University of Virginia scandal, can happen. All it takes is one woman's word to destroy your life; it doesn't matter whether it's true or not.

 

You aren't worth the risk...

[Batya33]

I admitted that I didn't know the context. But, are you seriously telling me that if the genders were reversed, and if I told a cop that some woman was bugging me, you'd support the cop violently grabbing her in the first five seconds, as opposed to figuring out what was going on?

 

I don't think that my reaction is extreme at all. I don't feel safe living in a society where stuff like this, or the University of Virginia scandal, can happen. All it takes is one woman's word to destroy your life; it doesn't matter whether it's true or not.

 

You aren't worth the risk...

 

I would need to know the context first because if the woman were a known, dangerous person (perhaps already known to have a weapon) I would support that -I just don't have enough information.

 

Have you read the latest on the UVA situation?

 

As far as someone "destroying" my life -of course one person is capable of doing that. I am glad when law enforcement takes all claims of sexual assault or worse seriously -gender is irrelevant. When I was assaulted I did not report it and when I was harassed at work I did not report it but no I would not have wanted to destroy their lives if I had reported it.

 

And of course never taking a risk to be close to someone can destroy one's life as well.

[Blue Spiral]

Have you read the latest on the UVA situation?

 

About Rolling Stone apologizing for publishing a fake story? Yes. But that's likely off-topic, so I'll shut up about it.

 

And of course never taking a risk to be close to someone can destroy one's life as well.

 

If someone wants to be close to others, sure...

[Batya33]

About Rolling Stone apologizing for publishing a fake story? Yes. But that's likely off-topic, so I'll shut up about it.

 

 

 

If someone wants to be close to others, sure...

 

You first mentioned UVA, not me but just was checking to see if you had heard about the retraction. Sure, if you don't want to be close to another person then there are risks that are not worth it -not the one you mentioned because first of all you did not have all the backstory or information and second of all of course that's a highly unusual incident which is why you noticed it in that way. But sure if you don't desire to be close to someone than the risks of emotional hurt, for example, or the typical financial impact (since people often spend money on their significant others or close friends) would not be worth the benefit. You made a general statement applicable to everyone which is what I responded to.

[Blue Spiral]

Blue Spiral Bullet Points:

 

--I had a nice, enjoyable, female-free weekend ('cept for cam models). I shall now aim to make the rest of the week like that. The female-free part should be easy; aside from that FWB candidate that keeps sending me pictures, and maybe the occasional ex-FWB, women tend not to initiate contact with me.

 

--I gave myself a productivity goal to meet by Christmas. We'll see how I do with that. (For the record, whenever I refer to productivity, I'm talking about my art.)

 

--I'm still undecided on my cam model plan. I'm pretty horrible at making decisions; maybe I should just flip a coin.

 

--football is starting to wind down. It won't be long before I have both more free time and more available headspace.

 

--did I use an abundance of Heather Graham gifs to calm down after that scary cop-related incident I saw? Yes. Yes, I did.

[zentoCC]

On the cam model plan. Does it have to be so much? Or even so much at once. If you don't like to be noticed maybe you should send a couple of smaller payments. You could make it look like they came from different people as well, if you're worried about pimps.