Is my ex worth pursuing?

[Jones5567]

So I was looking for some advice about whether it would be an idea to stop pursuing my ex.

 

To cut the backstory short, we were in a relationship for around 7 months. Things were great and she even took me on holiday abroad for my birthday. A month or so after, things went downhill, I became distant, I suppose comfortable, and it pushed her away without me realising at the time, when I noticed she was being distant I kept confronting her to let me know what was wrong but she never revealed any info and kept telling me not to worry. Eventually she kept avoiding meeting me so I broke up with her after I asked her ( in my mind ultimately) what was wrong and she continued to avoid talking.

 

After the breakup she told me the issues, which were trivial and workable, but by this point the damage was done. I tried to get back with her the standard way (arguing, pleading, etc) which pushed her away more. I was certain that it was a dead end after this, and went on some dating sites to take my mind off her, but one of her friends found my profile and told her and things got even worse. For the next month or so I was on and off talking to her and it often led to arguments and nastiness. I was desperate to see her in person because we never saw eachother since before the breakup (I broke up with her over the phone after about 3 weeks of her not wanting to see me). She eventually told me she was seeing someone else, and I was on dating profiles, so it'd never work.

 

After another 2 weeks or so (this is 2 months post-breakup) I invite her out for a meet, after no contact for about 3 weeks and an exchange of no-hard-feelings, to which she reciprocated. She reluctantly agreed but made it clear that she could only stay about an hour or so and that she wanted to do it on platonic terms only. The meet itself went really well, we ended up having a few drinks, I made jokes and we talked for 2 hrs or so and didn't bring up the past at all. It was pleasant. And it seemed like nothing had happened. After the meet we exchanged hugs and she initiated contact asking how I felt after I got home about half hour later. We proceeded to have a very positive conversation, in terms of the interest she was showing.

 

At this point I thought things were going well. I initiated contact 2 days later and after a few back and forths invited her to lunch on the Saturday. After a long delay she said she couldn't as she had plans but wanted to. Because I gave a set time I assumed this was a suggestion for me to rearrange a date. So 5 days later I called her to see if she wanted to go out for that dinner at some point during the week. She said she didn't know if she could, and after some hesitancy said she'd have a look and text me to let me know. (I don't know what she meant by that). About 3 hrs later i received a draw-something message from her (a game we used to play during the relationship and one I haven't played myself for about a couple of months). We've exchanged a few drawings over the course of 2 days but she still hasn't got back to me about the second meet and it's been over a week since we last met up.

 

I spoke to her housemate yesterday and he said he didn't know much but she mentioned at some point that she'd never date an ex, and this is something she's told me in the past as well. I was wondering if it was worth me pursuing her further or if this is just a dead end road.

 

Side note: We have a lot of mutual friends and not one is aware of anyone else in her life that she's seeing, so i believe she is saying that as a retort to me being on the dating sites, although of course I may be wrong. She's 20 and I'm 24.

 

Appreciate any advice

[Man with Dog]

As a general principle, I don't recommend getting back with an ex. It can sometimes work if whatever caused the break in the first place has been fixed. In her mind, it probably hasn't. She may well have feelings for you but I'm sorry to say it isn't the true love you hope it is. She was (and maybe still is) dating someone else and you have been on dating sites. If you can stay on good terms around mutual friends it is helpful to you both but as far as getting back together is concerned, I would advise you not to hold your breath. Good luck and take care.

[who knows]

hmmm, sorry to say this but if I were you, I'd just move on from this. It's all very unclear, and non-commital and possibly a bit pointless. Leave her be and focus on your life. You've learnt something from this relationship, so carry that with you to the next. Good luck x