I just really like this girl and don't know what to do.

[William2]

So I am a sophomore in college and my first year was very turbulent relationship wise. To begin there was one girl who really liked me and I liked her. We cuddled we kissed but I never asked her out. I really did like her and looking back on it I regret it. So things went on for a little but I decided to stay friends with her. Soon we began fighting and giving each other the silent treatment however one of us always apologized in the end. I told her I liked her and she said she liked me but couldn't date me. Christmas break came along and we were skyping each other every other day and talking on the phone for hours. Throughout my course with her I was battling depression and one night over break I got too drunk and was threatening to kill myself. Thankfully my friends helped me and I went on zoloft for a few months. When we returned for school her and I weren't the same. We didn't even greet each other the day we both on campus even though she lived right below me. The next day we did end up hanging out and she told me that what I said really did hurt her. Over the course of the second semester we barely hung out and eventually she started hanging out with other guys. I stopped calling her to hang out because she would always blow me off and then get upset when I never called her. I sorta became a recluse for a little. She started having feelings for this one guy but their relationship went south over something. I too had a relationship and It was the first time I was intimate. However my relationship was quickly over as well. Eventually she moved off campus and started dating some guy. When I found out I said good luck and deleted every trace I had of her. She told me that he loved her and talked about their honeymoon which was weird to me. The semester had ended and I went home for the summer. Right before I left I sent her a message saying if she ever needed something to call me but not too respond to this message. She did of course and we talked here and there. She mentioned that she had broken up with her old bf but had a new one. I called her out on it. On my birthday she told me that If i ever need a place to stay that I could sleep on the couch at her boy friends and that statement alone kinda ruined my night. After the summer ended I did live at her place for a little due to the fact that I was looking for a place to stay. Unknown to me was that her roommate was an ex with no money mooching off her who had a dream of marrying her. So I moved out after the second day which made her cry. The ex told me I ruined his life and his marriage. It was a very strange situation.

 

About a week ago we had an emotional conversation on the phone. I told her I wanted to date her and she said she was upset that I left her life because she still had feelings for me when she was dating one guy. She told me she couldn't date me because I was depressed (Which I am not anymore), don't have a strong family (I just don't really talk about my family, and that I don't have a career (I am a college student.) She is also upset because guys come into her life get friend zoned and leave. Which is exactly what I would do again. I also found out that she had lost her virginity and I am extremely pissed about it. I guess I am just envious.She said that she would keep an open mind about me and try to rekindle our friendship. She did invite me over twice to do hw but Its accross town and she has a car and I don't. She also said I would have to leave in two hours yet the bus takes an hour to get there. I texted her asking when were going to hang out a couple times but didn't really get much. We were talking about hanging out Saturday and I never followed up on the plans. But she went out, I am almost positive with a guy on a date. We make vague plans but never follow up on them. I am crazy about this girl and this whole thing has been going on for a year. I was texting her a little bit after our phone call but every time i text her she would text me back hours later one time it was like 11 hours. She claims that she is busy but her snapchat score had increased about 100 points. I just took these as incentives to back off and I did.

 

This whole thing just really bothers me and I am not really sure what to do. Everyone tells me to move on but I tried over the summer and it just didn't work out. She'll random say stuff too that makes me think. Like she said she wanted to live with me but didn't want to live with a different guy. I forget why she had some weird reasoning about it. I just hate the fact I never took my chance to explore a relationship with her. I just want different perspectives on this. She actually just messaged me but I will look at it in the morning. Thanks