Cindi Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Okay, here I am with this guy I'm dating exclusively (but not in a "relationship" with) and I am working on being less needy. We are both recently out of other relationships and trying to work on ourselves before we enter a relationship with anyone else. I have become overly needy due to a lot of different factors. I recognize this, he recognizes this, and neither of us want to destroy the potential for a relationship with each other in the future. I am trying to curb the feelings of neediness and I recognize that this is something I have to work on in myself. So...... the last few weeks I have seen him less than I usually do and we are talking/texting less. I am working on dealing with my emotions differently and how I react. But honestly it's hard and I keep reverting to these needy feelings and reactions. I think what is difficult is that his idea of dating exclusively and my idea of dating exclusively and our ideas of what is quality time spent together are different. I am looking at this more as a relationship (I admit its difficult for me to understand that dating exclusively is NOT a relationship in his mind) and my needs are not being met. I'm still trying to determine if I'm okay with that at this time. Sorry for the rambling, but ultimately I need some help in not succumbing to these needy feelings. Help me stop before I react. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Only you can stop your behavior. You are dating....not in a relationship. That is the crux. Dating, even exclusively, doesn't mean constant contact, especially when you are both recently out of relationships. If you aren't okay with it, then stop dating him. Because dating is not a "relationship" in anyones mind....but yours. It is dating. And if you keep pretending you guys are in a relationship, he will go into full retreat. He has his life, you have your life. When you plan a date, you go on a date. You don't text all day or call 4x in a row. And quality time is a date or two a week. One night on the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindi Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 I do know that only I can change my behavior, I am just in need moral support and some blunt speaking as you provided. Something to help me redirect how I am thinking when my mind takes off with the needy thoughts. I appreciate what you are saying. I think why the relationship piece confuses me is because he will contact me and text me all day. He will initiate seeing me 5 days a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 How is that taking things slowly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 If you are looking at this more as a relationship then you should not be dating right now. By the way, I NEED a million dollars and a pony. Yet I can't find a man to give me that. Nine times out of ten, what you think you need is just a want in a dating context. You don't need him to text you once a day. You might want it. But if he is not a text guy then you have to compromise. But to me it sounds like you are rebounding and transferring your insecurities here. Don't. Just be single. Gosh why can't some people just take the time to get to know themselves and be single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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