WantsClosure Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Not really sure what I am going to get out of this but I want to give a shot to my story. My friends and family can't really relate and are confused to why I even want answers but I do. After 3 months of dating a woman I really liked she out of the blue broke up with me. We originally both said we wanted to date nothing too serious. I thought everything was great. We had met online. Connected right away. She had all the values/background I looked for. A little more high maintenance (getting ready, makeup, etc) than I was accustomed to but I overlooked that. After a week she was introducing me to her friends, met her brother, everything was going great. We talked everyday after work, texted throughout the day, spent about 4 nights a week together, had great physical intimacy after 4 dates, and everything was going great. In the final week she helped me pick out some things for my house, took a hotel trip out of town, met her parents (not the greatest cause I am very quiet until I am really comfortable, we're intimate the day before) then boom, it was over the next day. The trip out of town didn't go the greatest in the final hours. She had a emotional issue and she told me when we got back she needed to work on herself and be better. I have replayed everything I did wrong in my head. The night before I apologized a lot about being quiet around her parents. My family was set to come out for the next 5 days (out of state) and I had a bunch if events planned that included her with them. Told her how no one had met my family in years. The breakup. She told me she couldn't give me what I wanted, we moved so fast into this, she wasn't sure if she was over her ex. She didn't want another guy but couldn't do this. Gave me the whole I want us to remain in contact, etc. Her background. She was with a guy for 5 years, lived with him for the last three. He broke up with her out of the blue eight months prior. She told me she was over it and had moved on. She packed up her stuff and moved to the new city where I met her. She never really talked about him at all. So the breakup happens and I never asked any of the questions I just closed myself off. I am so confused to what happened why she wAs so into me one day then gone the next. Was I rebound, was she just dating to mend her heart, etc. I told her being friends wasn't the best idea because I was hurt cause I hadn't put myself out there in a long time. Fast forward a month later I reached out to see how she was and ask about a big work event she had and apologize and say that I was sorry how I overreacted to the breakup. Not even a response message at all. Liked I got dumped a second time. Stopped all contact again. One more month went by and I ran into her with a guy at an event and knew she worked with him. I was crushed. Felt cheap. Used. Like basically. I don't want her back but what happened? This is why I never trust anyone or put myself out there. So confused and crushed. If anyone can relate or can explain this situation to me Id appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 It may have been your interactions with her parents. They may have more influence than you knew. However, one person ---- after 4 dates --- deciding it isn't working and breaking up is no reason to not trust everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WantsClosure Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 No we went out for way more than four dates. We dated for 3 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Same still applies. She broke up with you after you met her parents. That seems to be the catalyst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WantsClosure Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 It was more of a casual meet with her parents. She had an event and just introduced me to them causally. No dinner or hanging around, kind of went our separate ways from there. She told me they said I am a quiet guy but that was it. So her reasons she told me to break it off don't really mean much? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Well....since you saw her out with another guy shortly thereafter, no ---- most of the time the excuse for the break up is not the real reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I cant even count how many people I only dated for about 3 months. That's usually about the time where the rubber meets the road on whether there is anything there or not. Don't allow yourself to get so emotionally attached so fast that a break up after what amounts to 90 days destroys you. College football season last long that that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 "Her background. She was with a guy for 5 years, lived with him for the last three. He broke up with her out of the blue eight months prior" She may have very well thought she was over her last relationship and ready but often times getting intimate with someone else causes old unresolved feelings to flush up to the surface. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherry009 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 She could be a commitment phobe after her previous break up, things were moving fast and she freaked, meeting her parents maybe freaked her out too subconsciously, if she is a commitment phobe the same thing will happen with this new guy once it starts to progress with him. However, he could just be a friend. As someone else said, 3 months is usually the point in time where you either go forwards and commit even further for the long term or you jump ship, she could have just realised you weren't someone she wants to get serious with, usually you can sense if someone is pulling away but she obviously kept her change of feelings hidden right until the last minute. The only thing to do now is NO CONTACT and try to move on from this, no more texting her, she has moved on, now you need to as well. As this wasn't a long relationship you should be just fine soon enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WantsClosure Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Thank you For all the insight, completely agree with you with most of you. I think her dependency on a boyfriend is what she was missing. I filled that void and got her out of her shell while she was working on herself and the moment I brought up meeting my family that week from out of state it spooked her and brought up she wasn't ready. She showed no signs of detaching and the sudden "talk" was a punch to the gut. I think the commitment issue would have ended it anytime, the family just pushed the envelope forward for her. I think at a different place in her life it would have been a good fit. We had a lot in common and got along great. I wish she wouldn't have let me get that far forward with me feelings for her. Just hurt knowing though they do like you, their ex is who they want. I haven't contacted her in months. I see her being in a cycle of dating, getting close to relationship, then dropping them. She hAs the potential for a great match but is going to hurt a lot of guys on her way to finding one. In such a short time I really started to care about her and loved having her in my life. The painful heartbreak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WantsClosure Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she was ready to move on. That long of a relationship she was in and kicked to the curb without warning and having to relocate your life would make anyone very guarded of commitment, could be years before she will commit to anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherry009 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she was ready to move on. That long of a relationship she was in and kicked to the curb without warning and having to relocate your life would make anyone very guarded of commitment, could be years before she will commit to anything. Yes i went through something similar about 4 months ago, dumped out of the blue. His past demons never quite left him, he was scared to get hurt again....except his heartbreak was 10 years ago! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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