Maro Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 So my problem is that I have retrospective jealousy over my boyfriend's first kiss and first girlfriend from high school. Now, I KNOW this is irrational and I'm being childish, silly and you may even call me psycho but it would be great if someone could give me good advice because it is killing my relationship with my bf which is otherwise perfect because we are both madly in love. Everywhere I read I see people talking about how the first kiss is the best one filled with all the butterflies and it makes me feel upset that he didn't share that experience with me, especially because he is my first. These thoughts are so overwhelming...I used to ignore all this before but it has somehow started annoying me a lot and I keep thinking stupid stuff like how he must have had more butterflies with her kiss because it was his first etc. I want to be the girl to give him those butterflies. I hate these feelings and I absolutely don't want to lose him over this stupidity. We're both virgins by the way and plan to be until we get married. I hope I can get some decent answers and advice. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Are these thoughts a way for you to slow down the progression of your relationship? Is it possible that somewhere deep inside you are afraid of how intimate you are beginning to feel with your bf, and perhaps these thoughts serve the purpose of protecting you from a level of closeness that is uncomfortable for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Maybe the female mind is different but I don't even remember my first kiss. I remember my first sexual experience and it wasn't special. My wife and I both had a past when we met and I was married before. The fact that the only first we share is our first child does not make our relationship any less special. I guess it is human nature to think as you do but it really doesn't matter. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm 37, and can't even remember my first kiss. Your relationship isn't all roses and butterflies if you are jealous over his past. You need to work on your sense of value in yourself. He is choosing to be with you for a reason. However, it's all too common for a woman's jealousy or insecurity to push her man away (and I guess this would apply to men as well). You can't be perfect except for the jealousy part....being jealous is a huge thing for most people and a relationship killer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Everywhere I read I see people talking about how the first kiss is the best one filled with all the butterflies... What is that you're reading? That seems kind of unrealistic. Some people's first kiss is great. Some people's first kiss is horrible. Some people's first kiss is neutral and forgettable. I honestly don't remember mine. I think maybe you are immersing yourself in a lot of overly romanticized media. Stop reading/watching that stuff and that might help. I also think you have to look around at married couples in your life. I would be very surprised if the majority of them married the first person they kissed. So perhaps be glad you're not his first kiss, because first relationships often don't last past high school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 This has nothing to do with male/female minds. I don't remember my first kiss either. Agree with bulletproof --- you are creating this drama from some sentence you read somewhere. Your bf had a life before you, and it is totally unrealistic to be jealous about what happened before you. By that standard, he should never go to the movies with you if he has in his previous dating experience, never take you out to dinner, etc. And when you extend that logic out, maybe you can see it for what it is ---- illogical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 This has nothing to do with male/female minds. I don't remember my first kiss either. Agree with bulletproof --- you are creating this drama from some sentence you read somewhere. Your bf had a life before you, and it is totally unrealistic to be jealous about what happened before you. By that standard, he should never go to the movies with you if he has in his previous dating experience, never take you out to dinner, etc. And when you extend that logic out, maybe you can see it for what it is ---- illogical. I usually avoid generalisations but have found that many girls go starry eyed when remembering past relationships. As for me, I usually remember just the break-up and the sex but only if it was memorably good. The only thing that makes me go starry eyed is when I think of when I first met my wife and when we were younger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.