Friends or More?

[lynn23]

I’m looking for some second opinions about whether or not this guy has feelings for me. So this is it from the beginning.

I am currently a senior in college. I met Alex my freshman year. We had common friends but we were really just acquaintances for two years. My sophomore year we both were hired as RA’s in the same dorm but were still not that close. Friendly, but I wouldn’t call us friends.

 

My junior year is when everything changed. The way our dorm worked was each wing of residents had two RA’s, a guy and a girl. These two are called “co’s” and they share residents and work very closely with one another. Our junior year, Alex and I became co’s.

 

Important fact to keep in mind: Alex has a girlfriend. He’s been with her since his senior year of high school and still is today. While I know he’s been uncertain about this relationship in the past year, he is still with her today.

 

When we became co’s we knew we would be spending a lot of time together so we started to hang out more and get to know one and other. It wasn’t long before we became friends. It took even less time for me to consider him one of my best friends at college.

 

I recognized that I was developing feelings for Alex somewhere in the middle of our first semester together as co’s. I did my best to push the feelings away since he had a girlfriend but they would always return. In October things really started changing. Alex and I got meals together every day. We would spend at least an hour in my room or his, just hanging out. If I was lying on the floor in his room he would come and lay right next to me. One night he sat with my in my room for two hours having a heart to heart about relationships. I’ve always had relationship trouble and he stayed with me for hours talking it out and trying to give me advice. From here on out he’s been supportive of me when it comes to relationships but kind of shuts down when I talk about any other guys I was potentially interested in. We had a moment in his car late one night. He had backed the car into a parking spot and stayed still just looking at me. I was nervous and scared and just looked back asking “What?”, when now whenever I replay it I know that we probably could’ve kissed. Maybe it was there, maybe not. But I still look back on it and wonder what was going through his mind.

 

He came to me one night stressed because he was considering breaking up with his girlfriend. As much as I wanted him to do it, for my own selfish reasons, I told him to really think about it. They had been together for a long time, and I genuinely cared about his happiness.

 

There were other moments though where I thought maybe there was something there. Whenever we’re walking in a large group as a staff, Alex will without fail match my pace, and walk with me. He’s not a very touchy person but if we’re sitting next to one and other and our arms or legs are touching neither of us move them. I got him a birthday card that he kept, I’m fairly certain to this day. And I’ve noticed whenever I walk in, the moment he sees me he raises his eyebrows slightly, which I always read to be a good sign.

 

We talk about anything and everything. He can make me laugh like no one else and I make him laugh as well. The entire year we hung out every day and became very close. He’s always on my side without fail. There were individuals who have mistreated me in the past and Alex has said to me and other’s that he hates the way they treated me. I had one scary encounter with a guy friend a few years back that could’ve ended in sexual assault. I ran into the boy who was responsible for it in the dining hall once with Alex. I said hello to the boy and was still polite to him. Alex came over to me afterwards and said he hated seeing me talk to him. In those moments when he stands by me, I see that he is a bit protective of me.

 

That all sounds great I’m sure. Here’s all the bad stuff. First, he’s still with his girlfriend. Even worse, he ignored me the entire summer. I did not receive one message even after I texted him twice to see how he was. Not one. We went from talking and hanging out every day to absolutely nothing when we were home for the summer. We got back to school and I still didn’t see him for a few weeks, although he finally broke his silence and texted me a few times to hang out. The first time I did see him this semester it was an accident. I was working on some schoolwork in one of the academic buildings when he passed and saw me. He came over and sat down at my table. I just about had a heart attack, but I kept my cool and simply said “It’s like seeing a f***ing ghost.”

I could feel myself getting flushed because my heart was pounding, but then I noticed it. He was blushing too and hard. I don’t know if it was from my flushed face or if he realized what a he had been by cutting me out this summer but he was pretty flustered as well. We agreed to hang out the next day and I went to visit him. While it was awkward at first, we ended up getting right back to normal. We talked and laughed for two hours before I left. His living situation isn’t ideal. He has no television or internet. Instead he said he listens to the radio at night. He listens to the radio station that he knew I worked at over the summer actually.

 

I’m not too sure what to do now. I have feelings for Alex but he is still in a relationship. And I’m not seeing him everyday anymore. I want him in my life either more or not at all. The in-between almost hurts more. Seeing him and not knowing is tortuous and I need to either be with him everyday again or tell him, get rejected, and cut him out entirely and move on. No matter what I’m putting our friendship on the line, so I’m dying for some second opinions. PLEASE, give me your feedback. I’d be so grateful.

[mhowe]

He isn't interested in any relationship with you. Not hearing from him all summer is a sure sign. That he has a gf is a sure sign.

 

His "almost touching", his "raised eyebrows"....are figments of your imagination.

 

You don't have to tell him. Just don't put yourself in his proximity. He clearly is still with his gf and is not interested in dating you. And, sisnce you don't

see him everyday --- your "closeness" previously was built on proximity. Not romantic attraction.

[Foodie]

Before anything else, he first needs to make the decision of whether or not he still wants to be with his girlfriend. It's definitely possible that he liked you, but he needs to like you enough to be with you -- not her. (Btw have you confirmed that he didn't break up with her over the summer?)

 

If I were in your position, and I couldn't stand being in limbo (ie. just friends) then I would go cold turkey. Try not to see or talk to him, without making it obvious that you're avoiding him of course (otherwise it might get awkward)...

 

Sorry, if he didn't have a gf then things might be different. But in the long run, you want someone who is so nuts over you that he can't go a day w/o talking to you! Best of luck!