Elizabeth1234 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm 21 I've been officially dating my boyfriend since April of this year, but we first met august of last year.... he was visiting with his friend for the summer I had a boyfriend when I first met him who was gone for the last two years of our relationship, military and the final year I was un happy and miserable and he didn't trust me wouldn't like when I went out, he would put me down so I started avoiding situations and staying in just to make him happy and eventually after being faithful for 3 years I cheated on him, it was my first year of college, he never found out and I was to afraid to break up with him, and I even hurt myself because I knew it was wrong and so a couple months passed it was the end of summer and I met a guy who I instantly connected with, I've never felt anything like it and so I broke up with my boyfriend finally which I should if done long before and me and this guy kept in touch after he had to go back home, we didn't date because I was just in a long distant relationship but we had a relationship anyway there just wasn't a label on it, so we never established boundaries or said it was exclusive so I hooked up with a few people which I regret doing now, he had an encounter with an ex and he hooked up with her, he told me about because he felt bad and I told him I was talking to someone else also although it wasn't going anywhere, he said he understood and he was glad I can be happy until he can be here for me, so we kept in touch for months I went up to see him and then we had an argument he said that he felt like I was being distant and asked if he was just wasting his time I told him no and said I wanted to be with him and I would be happy for us to be exclusive and start dating, so we started dating and he came down and found out specifics from that period where we were talking and he completely blanked out the conversation we had months earlier he said I never mentioned that I was talking to other guys and that I've been lying to him and he was hurt acting like I cheated on him, so he kept finding out little things so I just flat out told him everything we fought but now we've been together spent so much time visiting one another but he keeps bringing up my past and punishing me for it and he's even been emotionally abusive called me horrible names and it keeps happening eventually I was apologizing for things I hadn't even done because if I denied it he would just call me a liar and basically make me admit it or he would threaten to break up with me. It's been getting better between us but whenever we fight he threatens to break up with me then takes it back and is always so back in forth I practically walk on egg shells around him. I've just lost all my confidence and I've stopped hanging out with my friends because he doesn't trust me amongst the friend group I've had for years. And he just says things like no one would put up with what he has with me and he can be such a caring and compassionate person a and I'm only interested in him, I've barely noticed other guys it's only him and it's also been very one sided I've went up to visit him a ton and he's only been down twice, I don't want to give up on him because I've seen improvement and he recognizes his problems but I don't know how to fix it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
collegekitty Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Your relationship reminds me a lot of my and my ex, and that was a mess. I used the exact same phrasing of "walking on eggshells" and avoiding hanging out with my friends because I didn't want to have a conflict with my then-boyfriend. After breaking up with him, I realized how much control he held over me. I think you need to break up with him, honestly, and work on getting your confidence back. There was a reason you cheated, despite how small, and it was because something pushed you away from your boyfriend. It may take time to heal, but I think you moving on from your relationship will result in you being a much happier person. Hang out with friends, to try to move on from him and have some fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 This guy is a bully - isolation, depleting self-esteem and put downs! You will never win! If you are so bad, then why is he with you! He enjoys making you feel less than, as he is emotionally abusive. This guy has a lot of issues, and could probably escalate to to something physical. On another note, you need to understand, and recognize why you keep on choosing the insecure, abusive creep. You need to break your patterns and understand who brought you to this place. Please work on you, before you start dating someone else, as their behavior could be even more dangerous than the two mentioned. Lastly, you can't fix anyone, he is the only one. This guy needs years of therapy, as he has deep-rooted problems. The only person you can change is you. Please look into counseling to understand your choices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth1234 Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 I actually am seeing a therapist. for more reasons then just my relationship, and she helped improve my current relationship but I think to a certain point there's only so much you can do, he has a ton of deep rooted issues and he takes it out on me, but I still find it hard to give up on him I just don't know why I seem to attract the same behaviors from guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth1234 Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 To make matters worse we were all good yesterday he was being sweet and then all of the sudden thirty mins later he was like change of plans I can't talk tonight anymore, that was it no explanations now this morning he's accusing me of cheating on him!! I barely go out and I'm constantly texting him! And I say to him I've done nothing to wrong you, where is this coming from, and all he says back is I'm not making anything up!! But he won't elaborate where this is coming from. I'm so effing over it, but it bothers me that he's convinced I'm doing things that I'm not, what the f**k do I do!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 To make matters worse we were all good yesterday he was being sweet and then all of the sudden thirty mins later he was like change of plans I can't talk tonight anymore, that was it no explanations now this morning he's accusing me of cheating on him!! I barely go out and I'm constantly texting him! And I say to him I've done nothing to wrong you, where is this coming from, and all he says back is I'm not making anything up!! But he won't elaborate where this is coming from. I'm so effing over it, but it bothers me that he's convinced I'm doing things that I'm not, what the f**k do I do!!! You leave this ridiculous relationship! You knew that, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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