Suzynola Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Ive had two failed long term relationships, one had an affair and one was verbally abusive, Ive been with a new guy for about 4 months who I thought was great and when we first met I was so excited cos he treated me in a way Ive never had before, was actually excited to be with me, was always happy to talk to me, he knew about how my ex had treated me and he wanted to be there to help me deal with it, I was honest as soon as I met him I have some health problems and although he has found it tough sometimes he always wanted to try and understand and be supportive. But things have been so up and down the whole time, I cant even remember all the things that have come up, but Ive tried so hard to make it work. Hes so up and down with his mood, sometimes hes excited about me and sometimes he seems he couldn't care less, but Ive always tried to understand and listen to him etc. Im far from perfect but I know Ive been good to him, like I have in all my relationships, he would often tell me Im the best and he would tell me he loves me. A couple of months ago all of a sudden he ignored me for a day and then agreed to meet me but in a public place so I was sure he was ending it, he was very confused but said something didn't seem right and wasn't sure we should be together etc, but I listened to him and we spoke for 3 hours about everything and by the end of it he was back to being super excited about being with me and stuff, and I wanted it to work so we just put it behind us. Most of the time things were good although little things bug me like him not liking replying to texts and he would sometimes flake on plans but I tried to deal with it and accept this is how he is, I found it hard though because Im very organised and always reply to people and stick to plans. I only usually see him one evening during the week cos he likes his alone time and we would usually spend most of the weekend together but a couple of weeks ago he said he didn't wanna go on this weekend away Id planned for us in November cos it was too much effort basically and I had to cancel the hotel and try and sell the tickets but he couldnt seem to understand why Id be upset, then he had a flare up of an injury that weekend and wanted to be on his own so cancelled all our plans so that hurt a bit cos I would have still gone to hang out with him at his house but he didn't want me to, then when I saw him last week he seemed to have had a revelation and said he realised he hadn't been good enough to me, I deserved more and he wanted to try harder and would stick to plans with me etc so I was really happy to hear that cos it made me feel like he did care and think about my feelings. But then although he had promised to go out with me Saturday night he said hes best friend he doesn't see much was guilting him into seeing him instead and wanted him to stay over there so he wouldn't be able to see me, and then said he had band practice on the sunday so it was another weekend of not seeing him so I was pretty upset and annoyed that he had cancelled even after promising, even then I tried to understand though although told him I was upset and disappointed. Yesterday though I made sure I didn't moan at him and he had said he would come to mine tonight and everything seemed good, he got here 2 hours late but he made it and we were good for about 20 mins and all of a sudden he fell apart and was saying hes not sure hes ready for a relationship, hes too selfish and just wants to be on his own and go drinking with his mates on the weekend (I cant drink due to medication) he doesn't know how to stop letting me down all the time (it doesn't take much, just don't keep cancelling!!) etc etc. I was just shocked cos he had been fine, he wouldn't look at me and seemed angry at me, although he said he was angry at himself. He said he doesn't know if it can work and didn't know what to do, he didn't wanna think about us ending although at that present time that's what he thinks he wants, he made me feel like a piece of just for wanting to see or talk to him and for caring about him. I don't think he was faking or making up stuff to try and get out of the relationship but I guess I just don't know, he ended up just saying he needed to leave and Ive been left hanging, which is so mean to do. He said he didn't wanna end it cos he doesn't wanna upset me which is what my ex said, but they both were upsetting me anyway! I don't know why things keep going wrong for me, I know Im not perfect but Ive put up with a lot of stuff others wouldn't because I care and I really am good to boyfriends. Im guessing its over, even if hes back to normal tomorrow I cant deal with this never knowing where I stand so I feel I should end it anyway cos his isn't fair on me, but as usual Im taking it cos I want to be with him but I know I cant keep doing that. To be honest I don't think Ill have the guts to get in another relationship, I cant deal with the hurt it always causes, Im too scared of being hurt yet again, yet I want to be with someone, I don't see how I can though after all this. Argh Im so confused, I know hes not a bad person like my ex was, I don't know where this massive changes come from. I really don't have the strength to deal with another breakup, especially cos my health is really bothering me too. I just wanna give up =( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xylitol Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Please create spaces, my eyes!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzynola Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 Sorry, I was rambling and getting all the stuff out of my head! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 You weren't screwed over. You were just in a situation where the guy wasn't that into you but he didn't have the courage to end it after two months when he should have and kept dragging it out. I don't think he was lying to you - in fact I think he was honest about you deserving better. You do. And he just wasn't the man to give it to you. Take a break from dating. Heal yourself so you can move forward. Focus on healing your health. And don't go into your next relationship as "damaged goods" talking about other men have hurt you. It can actually subconsciously turn men off by not seeing you as an independent person. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzynola Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Thanks Ms Darcy, Ill just say I wouldn't generally go into a new relationship going on about how my ex treated me, its just I met this guy when I was with my abusive boyfriend before and he basically gave me the courage to end it so he knew all about it anyway, I did try to hold off on getting with him cos I knew it was too soon but he was so persistent and I guess after being treated so badly before I enjoyed feeling wanted (again, I know this isn't the right way of going about things!) I really did think he was different, I did worry he would be too immature but he didn't seem it at first. Yeah I know I need to learn how to be alone (I hate it) I started CBT recently cos I have tuff I need to work on, although I don't feel its right for me, but Ill try and help myself as much as I can, as for my physical health theres not much I can do. Im waiting for results from my neurologist because I have a lot of symptoms of early onset parkinsons and Ive been ill for years, my boyfriend really tried to be supportive and stuff but it probably was too much for him, I know it would be a lot for anyone. Im trying to be strong but Ive just had so many things go wrong in my life, I need something good to happen! Thanks for listening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'm so sorry for your Parkinsons. I don't doubt he genuinely cared about you. For some men that health concern can really scare them away. I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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