ChenilleB Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I'm confused with this guy I'm currently dating. He makes the effort to speak to me every single day and tells me he misses me. He hasn't made any effort to see me and he says it's because he's trying to get his life together and find a second job. We live in the same city so I don't understand why hanging out for a few would distract him from "getting his life together". I'm starting to get annoyed by this and it's making me lose interest. What should I do? He does seem to genuinely care for me when we do speak ... But this is a problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amila Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Obviously he is not as interested as he wants to make you think he is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 His actions and words don't match. For some reason he seems to be emotionally unavailable. He is using his work as an excuse to avoid intimacy. Sounds like he has got issues that prevent him from engaging in getting too close to someone. He may or may not realising what he is doing. You could try to communicate your concerns and if things don't get better then you are probably better off to continue your quest for a healthy relationship that involves spending time with a partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 He may be keeping you on tap for emotional support, or to only see when he needs his sexual needs met, but otherwise he's a free spirit. Or he may be lying about his circumstances (i.e., he has another GF and see her most of the time) but keeps you on the side for spice and emotional support. Or he may just want to do some very casual dating once in a while, but otherwise not have responsibilities to you. So you need to question him to find out what is the real reason, and tell him that you expect to see him at least X times per week or else you don't consider it dating and you need to break up and find a guy who will actually see you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Not interested. More on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Agree with the others. If someone is interested they will make time to see you no matter how busy their life is. It's bs to say that it will distract someone from doing what they're doing with their life. I've seen some of my really busy friends make sure they make plenty of time to see the person they are dating, and I do the same. On the other hand, in the few occassions when I'm not interested but didn't want to outright turn them down, or just not interested enough, I had used the busy excuse before (not proud of it lol). As another poster said he could be using you for emotional support or he could be lying about his circumstances (or both). Either way, I would say stop wasting your time on this guy. If you really want to, you can tell him that not meeting is not working for you, so you're going to have to move on if he still doesn't want to spend time together in person. See what he says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Trying to decode this isn't the issue. Drill it down to the most basic principle. Too busy, getting his life together, etc, = unavailable. Unavailable for whatever reason. Fill in the blank. Take the focus off his actions and look at yourself. Is this what you want? Does this meet your needs? Depending on the answer. . act on it. Don't wait around for anyone to change. If he cares, he'll find you. Until then, get busy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
offplanet Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Don't try to make it work with him, just move on. It's great that it's making you lose interest in him because he's obviously not interested enough in you. His actions speak louder than words. He can care about you but not in the way you would probably hope for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Sorry, but you're not dating someone you never see. He's a waste of time, as it sounds like he likes the attention! Find someone who wants to spend time with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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