t1lersm0m1 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Can we please get back on the point of this thread - talking about "the one" and if that concept really does exist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 If you click someone's name, an option of "Private Message" should come up. Mhowe and t1lersm0m1, I wanted to reach out to you guys and I don't know how to do so without posting on a forum. Is there a way to private message you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Smittybette9, you need a certain amount of posts to private message. That amount is not revealed for spammy reasons, but just keep on posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Can we please get back on the point of this thread - talking about "the one" and if that concept really does exist? There is no end to this conversation but you will find that people share different values and would fight no end to back up what they believe, and in reality, a lot of people on here have warped realities based entirely on the premise of their experiences as a whole. But their experiences doesn't change the fact that 'the one' is ULTIMATELY... The one and only, which was my point exactly in the first place. It's very plausible, very possible and has been done so so so so many times before, it's only those that haven't been able to say they find the one and only that fight against the ones that have when in reality, haven't the ones who have found the one and never had anyone else, the ones with the evidence that thwarts the ones that have been divorced? If it takes you to be divorced to find the one, but really.. The general belief is that the one is your first and only relationship. A belief that was once a mainstay for how we lived our lives, but now has been folded into darkness because the 21st century focuses on more superficial aspects like, getting a big car, getting a big house, living the capitalist dream, living the rat race and we all forget that we were all built to love, to find that one partner and settle. That's what this is all about, it's what was one, like I said, the only way to live life, but now not so much. It's acceptable to be married more than once, to never really find that one for you but to love but not to love wholly and devote yourself to one. It's the evolution of our species I think, it's natural for us to have multiple partners, just like our ancient ancestors the primates did, but today we are humans, we are evolved and it's perfectly acceptable to not give yourself to anyone but the only one. The argument still remains though that, if it's not meant to be then it won't be. And true, very true, but that's down to choice and not to nature. As I believe, nature will take it's course and you will bump into the person you spend the rest of your life with. Like fate I guess, but then theres an argument saying never wait for fate. So it's really about splitting hairs but the moral still stands although coveted by different opinions, religious and spiritual and then of course, personal beliefs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Thank GOD my ex husband was not the one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 ^^^I was in a relationship for 8 years. After we broke up a mutual friend said "oh, you will get back together. He is your destiny". I told her if I believed that I would step in front of a bus the next day!!! Obviously....he was not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Thank GOD my ex husband was not the one. I think it has a lot to do with how you got brought up. I mean, there are women especially that are brought up to find the one and settle down, have kids and die with her man. And there is nothing wrong with that, and in a way, it would be great if society as a WHOLE worked that way. I know women that are verging on 30 years old that are dating men they have been dating for maybe 5 years or so? They have never had sex, they got brought up to believe that it's wrong and a sin to have sex before marriage and that a relationship is formed through the 'right' protocols to them, and I've seen substantial evidence that the way of life that ensues is nothing short of rewarding. My grandmother didn't have sex until marriage, she's now 80 years old. It's the firm belief of purity that this world doesn't have anymore and I think it's a little sad when there are 14-15 year old's having sex at that age, they don't know what they are doing, they think they do, but they'll no doubt become the statistic of divorcees in the future as sad as it sounds because their belief was that it's okay to have superficial attributes to life, that sex rules a relationship, that being shallow is better than being true and integral. I wish I never lost my virginity, I wish I kept it all for the woman I now love. But it doesn't work like that. And I had this firm belief that it's acceptable, that I might go through life from relationship to relationship but in reality, WHO REALLY WANTS THAT? I mean, REALLY? No-one does and no-one can say they do, and that's down the choices we make as people on this planet more than anything, we become a product of our environment, our beliefs, the way we do things. I bet that women who never have sex before marriage, who are faithful and pure have more success in life and have a love life that rest forever over the women that lose their virginity at 12 upwards in a desperate rush to believe twenty first century ideologies that it's okay, that it doesn't do any harm when I bet they will look back in the future, and be like "I wish I never did that" but then, maybe it's too late? How long does it take to change someone's mentality? A week? A month? A year? A lifetime? What's right, what's wrong? What's good, what's bad? Key aspects of a successful relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Yes, if I lived my life based on the previous poster's words, I would still be MISERABLE in my marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Yes, because virgins who marry, stay married forever. Jessica Simpson being a prime example. I bet that women who never have sex before marriage, who are faithful and pure have more success in life and have a love life that rest forever over the women that lose their virginity at 12 upwards in a desperate rush to believe twenty first century ideologies that it's okay, that it doesn't do any harm when I bet they will look back in the future, and be like "I wish I never did that". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clinton Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 People used to stay married for a whole host of reasons and love wasn't one of them. It could be for economic reasons, religious reasons or cultural ones. Divorce was widely frowned upon in unenlightened times and people stayed in terrible relationships as.a consequence. Even in abusive relationships, you were expected to toe the line and stay married. We're more enlightened today and often, but not always, people stay with each other simply because they want to. But, like anything else humanity does, we get it wrong a lot of the time Hence divorce. Plus people change throughout their lives and often grow apart It's not malicious, it just happens So there is no One person for you sometimes. There can be several Just because it doesn't last a lifetime doesn'tean it wasn't worthwhile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 gdgfx, "I will not be deterred from what I believe in" -- so don't be. That is your prerogative. The general belief is that the one is your first and only relationship. This is YOUR belief, but it is not mine. It was not the belief of my parents, the ones married 54 years until death, the ones who were born in the 1920s and can tell most of us a thing or two about back in the day, about WWII, about saving, working, building a family. It is not the belief of anyone I know. I was raised in a traditional, Orthodox Christian household, where dating was frowned upon and certainly sex was to be within the covenant of marriage, and EVEN THEN, in that value system, it was not presumed that one's first love would be one's forever partner. I do not ask you to alter your own beliefs. I request that you refrain from generalizing so as to include the rest of us in your belief system. Your belief system is not shared by me, my family, my friends, my church community, my social community, nor my work community. It is your belief system, and I respect your right to see and believe as you choose. I am glad to learn from you. I applaud that diversity, and sometimes enjoy ENA for what I learn from others for just that reason. To say your belief is "generally" true is false. Respect others' perspectives enough to understand that others do not share, nor choose to share, your belief system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 People used to stay married for a whole host of reasons and love wasn't one of them. It could be for economic reasons, religious reasons or cultural ones. Divorce was widely frowned upon in unenlightened times and people stayed in terrible relationships as.a consequence. Even in abusive relationships, you were expected to toe the line and stay married. We're more enlightened today and often, but not always, people stay with each other simply because they want to. But, like anything else humanity does, we get it wrong a lot of the time Hence divorce. Plus people change throughout their lives and often grow apart It's not malicious, it just happens So there is no One person for you sometimes. There can be several Just because it doesn't last a lifetime doesn'tean it wasn't worthwhile But although it had it's advantages, it bred the need to be in love for the right reasons. A lot of my family are from that generation, albeit not so deprived and violent. But sure, I guess a lot of people were abused as a result but doesn't that happen today, in 'enlightened times'? It's even more prevalent in today's era where it's alright to be polygamous. And as you say the negativity from that, REAL relationships were forged that lasted a lifetime and those principles were brought into this society which are still apparent, although not as strongly accepted, it's still there and you'll find that the majority of people that follow that way of life will be more happier and have longer relationships, you have to look at the positive stories not just the negatives. Many many many people lead long healthy successful relationships just being with that one person, and sometimes, that's all that is enough. Maybe for some it's not, or maybe their opinion changes over time but don't we all choose to follow that ideology in the first place? Even if it doesn't become realistic for some people. It's like bodybuilding, the group of people that are GENETICALLY GIFTED that will make MONEY from bodybuilding as a career, and earn millions are maybe 0.05%. You work it out, there are very few top competitor bodybuilders that reach the halls of fame, they are 3 right now on top money, 3! Not 30 nor 300 nor 3000. 3 people on this planet making enough money to earn interest on every pay check they receive. And I think it's the same with love, some will be gifted with love that lasts forever and some won't but either way, unlike bodybuilding where you need a genetic structure that surpasses the average of any man in the world, with love you don't need that, you just need to love and hope that the other person loves you and that there aren't any weaknesses, and that's entirely possible. True love also, in many ways is imagination. It's a belief, like a supernatural presence and I think that needs TWO people in order to create that dream, to build it and keep it. And presuming, you have the fundamentals to get by in your life then that's all you really need. Instead of focusing on complex attributes, wanting everything to be perfect, step back and see the simplicity in love and that you don't need to be 100% identical to the other, because then you wouldn't be partners, you'd be blood partners, you'd be identical. You need to be different, you need space and you need independence and you also need to have that same person want to spend the rest of their lives with you as much as you do and do nothing but that, all who fail perhaps didn't feel it was worth fighting for, whether that's disputable is down to those people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Hi IThinkICan, I notice you have strayed off-topic in hopes of resuming a rather pathetic sidetracked discussion, I'd like to remain on-topic maturely and stick to the ACTUAL topic please? Can you do that? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Sure, though I hardly think my topic pathetic, and I find it telling that you needed to throw in the insult at the same time as you otherwise politely stated your request. Perhaps you can clarify the topic for me: Is it whether I believe in the idea of The One? Or whether one's first love is The One? Or whether one's first sexual experience is The One? Or whether one's first SHOULD be The One? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 People are not "gifted" with love. It comes from being authentic and finding someone with similar beliefs. If the ground is fallow, the planted seed will not grow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Sure, though I hardly think my topic pathetic, and I find it telling that you needed to throw in the insult at the same time as you otherwise politely stated your request. Perhaps you can clarify the topic for me: Is it whether I believe in the idea of The One? Or whether one's first love is The One? Or whether one's first sexual experience is The One? Or whether one's first SHOULD be The One? Please stay on-topic and read the input this thread has created. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 People are not "gifted" with love. It comes from being authentic and finding someone with similar beliefs. If the ground is fallow, the planted seed will not grow. Okay so, if that's the case then if you aren't gifted with love then why do people choose to marry? Isn't that a gift to the other person through the premise of love and devotion? Isn't giving yourself after marriage giving the gift of love by engaging in sexual intercourse with your partner? So when you are brought into this world, that isn't a gift of love? An oppurtunity for another child to grow into an adult and replicate the gift of love by giving the world another child? Please elaborate mhowe on your logic and what you mean? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Gdgfx...have you found the one? Was it with the girl you gave your virginity to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Gdgfx...have you found the one? Was it with the girl you gave your virginity to? Please stay on-topic mhowe, and ask questions related to the topic and not trying to go off on personal tangents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 My parents have been together for almost 30 years and, likely, will remain that way. Both had several relationships prior to their marriage. I think their marriage is better now that we kids are growing up and they have a chance to relax in their careers, enjoy their hobbies and BREATHE. My grandparents were together (dating/married) for almost 70 years until my grandfather died and my grandmother died 5 years later. Yet, despite my upbringing, I do not believe in the idea of "the one". My parents didn't either. I think it's a rather naive way to look at the world, personally. Not that I advocate sleeping around with everyone and everything either. I think there are many, many people out there in the world that you could potentially be happy with. I think it's good to go into relationships being cautious yet optimistic, taking care to pick someone based on traits you want in a partner and shared life goals and interests. My first love was a man who was very mentally ill and much too old for me. We had an inappropriate relationship. Thank goodness he wasn't "my one" because he was poisonous to me and I didn't realize it. I lost my virginity when I was in college to someone else. Thank goodness he isn't "my one" because he changed his mind about kids (he wanted them, I didn't, HE was the one who changed his mind!) and now he is married to someone who wants a truckload of 'em. It's highly unlikely (not impossible, just unlikely) that you will end up with your first love, first sexual partner for your whole life. Could happen sure, but probably not. But why is that such a terrible thing? It doesn't have to embitter you. It doesn't mean you have to sleep around either. It means that you change, people change, and sometimes, you can be with someone for a long time but you both change and aren't right for each other. This is common if one or both of you are young. Omg, could you imagine if I had to still be with the man who I first fell in love with when I was 14? I'd be in a MENTAL hospital alongside him! Life is a journey and we all change and grow through it. Love is not perfect and we'll make some mistakes along the way and maybe pick people who aren't right for us. The key is to grow and change and ultimately pick partners who are better for us and we are better for them. That's the bottom line. My parents are happy together now and their past relationships don't sully the marriage. Once you find someone that you commit to and stay with for years and years to come, the past doesn't matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 And mhowe, it really takes intelligent conversation making on your behalf to answer a question with a question, doesn't it? I feel a very select people here are capable of actually engaging in intelligent conversation. When you can ask questions and communicate with me in regards to the direct topic and not trying to throw low blows, all it's doing is reducing the authenticity and feasibility of this topic and making it into a flame war and how old are you, 54? Please stay on topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 It would be great to know if you are actually attempting to engage in intelligent conversation here or to judge someone and attack them for their views on positivity and a belief system that is effective? I'd much rather discuss my limited online time on this website as I'am very busy and would like to move back onto the topic created. It would be great if you could read through my suggestions and my input and there you will find your answers, okay? Thanks Yes I have done that. Apparently, you have not the patience nor the interest to answer my specific question, which was necessary for me to ask, because I find your essays encompass much more than the topic originally posed, which question I have already answered in a prior post. Fortunately, we live in a world which requires neither of us to subject ourselves to the direction of the other. As I have said previously, I believe in the potential to love more than one person, that one's life partner is a match for reasons much broader than love, that one's path to finding one's life match is person-specific, and that there is no right way to get there. I believe in the value of life experience, the value and necessity of loving oneself, and that love multiplies as it is given, and returns exponential results. If one finds one's life partner at 17, or at 57, both are matches to be celebrated and appreciated. When I hear a match at 17, I am likely to wonder if they know themselves, and I am grateful when I discover that they do. If I hear of a match at 57, I am hopeful they each have come to love themselves, and I am grateful when I discover that they do. There are no SHOULDS, no universal laws, and there is no glorification of times past or present. There is only learning. We are human, are flawed, we are on a journey. My way, your way, someone else's way, it is nothing more or less than the best each of us can muster on any given day. If someone loses hope, then I will try to help him or her remember that he or she does not know what tomorrow will bring. To lose hope is to presume the future. If someone says it is impossible, than it is. We attract the very essence of who we are. If we like not what we attract, then first we must look within ourselves. As we find sunshine and love inside, then that is what we will find in our relationships. It is that simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 It's highly unlikely (not impossible, just unlikely) that you will end up with your first love, first sexual partner for your whole life. Could happen sure, but probably not. But why is that such a terrible thing? It doesn't have to embitter you. It doesn't mean you have to sleep around either. It means that you change, people change, and sometimes, you can be with someone for a long time but you both change and aren't right for each other. This is common if one or both of you are young. Omg, could you imagine if I had to still be with the man who I first fell in love with when I was 14? I'd be in a MENTAL hospital alongside him! That's right, I agree. But it's entirely possible and which is the whole debate, right? THE ONE TRUE LOVE? Are we getting there now, finally some people can relate and have some form of feasible input as I feel I'm going round in circles. Whether being with that one true love is possible or not is based entirely on both of those people, it takes two to tango after all. Living that way is healthy too. It keeps your mind pure as well as your body. And I'd rather be a man of few relationships than a man of many. I don't want to know that I've given myself to various women who have long since left, it's great to have some pride and some motivation to find that one even if yeah, it might not happen. But it's positive! And that's great! Beats surrendering to the 21st century ideals and going out and sleeping with everyone and have multiple relationships that never lasted. Long and sweet over short and tedious. Few sexual partners over plenty of them. The whole ideology, it works. It's a great way to look after yourself and keep your self-respect and dignity and beliefs in the right place, emotionally and mentally. We all can surcomb to 'what if', but life doesn't work like that. Life works with yes and no, and you'll find the answers to all your questions as you go through life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 gdgfx, you will enhance your own credibility when you can refrain from putting down the input of others. Honestly. And mhowe, it really takes intelligent conversation making on your behalf to answer a question with a question, doesn't it? I feel a very select people here are capable of actually engaging in intelligent conversation. When you can ask questions and communicate with me in regards to the direct topic and not trying to throw low blows, all it's doing is reducing the authenticity and feasibility of this topic and making it into a flame war and how old are you, 54? Please stay on topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Perhaps you have a defeatist personality. Perhaps you over compensate the what ifs and whens and whys instead of living life the way it should be lived, by going day to day. Maybe stop worrying so much, stop thinking so much and enjoy life and you'll find that most of your worries are illogical. It just seems to me like you do have some form of defeatist opinion, that you can very easily surcomb to being defeated, that the inevitabilty to anything and everything could very easily be defeat. There is being realistic and being a defeatist. A realist knows when it's time to hang up the gloves, the defeatist hangs them up before he's swung the first punch in defense. And it's clear to me that you give up very easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.