Almost a Year ago.

[Twidom]

She broke up with me. It was the worst experience of my life. I tried to take my life, lost a few friends and nearly 20 pounds. My parents almost threw me out of the house because "You are 23 years old, grow the up and get over it".

 

It took me 6 months to take her out of my mind as in "I want you back". But something inside me is broken. I became a very distant person from other human beings. I never really liked parties and crowded places, but now I simply can't stand them. I was always the "naive" type of person. I never assumed the worst in others. Always gave a second and even a third chance. Always thought that people could change and become a better version of themselves.

 

Today, I can't look at others without a certain... distrust. I loved to love and I loved being loved. I wanted to have a son and a family. Today I can't possibly think of having a partner for the rest of my life. I don't want a son anymore. I don't know how I can trust again and be the way I was again. I could say I am, or was, a monogamic person. I have been in 4 major relationships in my life and I've never cheated. Not even "verbally" as in flirting with another girl. But how can I give myself again to another person without this fear. How can I give myself again without thinking "She will dump me someday".

 

And with that in mind, I've turned into a cold person. I've shut myself from others. I still have my closest friends but that is it. I don't like me as I'm right now. I want to fix whatever broke inside me when she dumped me but I don't know how. I don't trust that I can do it.

 

Sorry to bother, I just needed to cry out loud.

[Ms Darcy]

I think there is hope for you. You just need to get some intensive therapy for a few years to really understand yourself.

[floridasfinest]

Wow man, same age as me, and my girl cheated/broke up with me as well. I did become distant, depressed, down...all of the above.

 

What helped me most when trying to find motivation to get better was that I had two choices: take control of my life (which actually meant losing control), or continue down a depressed path and waste my entire life. When I say take control of my life, I mean that I decided to actually drag my a** out of bed and begin doing the stuff I wished I was doing. I found a volunteer coach job, got in excellent shape, started making friends, and am pretty happy now. I didnt take any type of medication, but I found that caffeine helped me become a little more sociable, so I used it to help reach out and make friends at work.

 

I guess what I'm saying is this: You've got to become happy to 1) forget about your ex and 2) actually begin a meaningful relationship. Much harder said than done, but "becoming happy" is easier than you think. Stay busy, work HARD (at work or in the gym), and forget about women and relationships for a little while.

 

Two of my favorite quotes: "You must lose yourself to find yourself", and "He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man". Break out of your shell whenever possible..it really helps.

 

Just a few thoughts. Although I still miss my ex like crazy, I'm much happier now than I ever was with her. I owe it to the conscious decision to improve myself and say goodbye to unnecessary anxieties and insecurities. Good luck friend.

[Twidom]

I think there is hope for you. You just need to get some intensive therapy for a few years to really understand yourself.

 

I have been doing therapy since I was 13 years old. Still am to this day. And yet I do not know what happened or why I feel this way. I can't see myself with another woman in the future. I can't see myself trusting another person like I did with my current ex.

[Ms Darcy]

Why did you start therapy so young?

[Twidom]

Why did you start therapy so young?

 

I've been fighting depression since a young age. Many different doctors told me I was going to have to take medications for the rest of my life. Apparently, some neurons inside my head do not work properly, therefore I do not "produce" or "assimilate" things the way I should. Ever since I was 9 I felt something was different with me. Off, you could say. Then I told my parents and I've been on medication and therapy ever since.

 

Edit: I started taking medications at 9 to 10 years old. When I reached 13, even taking meds, I still thought things were off with me. And then the therapy started.

[Twidom]

I understand this "go nuke" logic. And it did work for sometime. But it was short. Very, very short. It's not that I'm not "happy", I just am not the person I used to be and that bothers me a bit. I always wanted to have a family. A wife, a son. And now I can't imagine trusting another human being again. How can I. I see couples around me cheating like this is the most common and ok thing ever in the world. I see people blindly trusting others and getting backstabbed on a daily basis.

 

I just... Don't believe there are good people out there anymore.

[Ms Darcy]

I think the underlying issue is the depression and negative thoughts. Most people have been hurt and dumped at some point. The issue is developing the ability to be resilient and grow.

[Blue92]

You will have plenty of friends throughout your life, but only a select few will become your best friends. You will also have plenty of girlfriends in your life, but only one will become your life partner someday. Yes, its hard to find those special people in our lives who we can always count on to be there for us. Sometimes, we think that we have found those people until they turn their backs. It hurts to get pushed down to the floor, but you can't stay there forever. You have to move forward in order to find someone who wont leave you. And, yes, you will be left plenty of times in your life before you find someone who will stay.

[miss_sunshine]

Hi Twidom, I am so sorry to hear the pain you are in and especially sad to hear you tried to take your own life.

 

My ex left me after 11 years and I am heartbroken and devastated. I too feel like I will never again connect with someone or find someone who will not leave me. But I guess you don't know until you try. The way I am trying to look at it is what is the worst that can happen? Someone can leave me again, I will be heartbroken but I will still be alive. I refuse to let my ex take everything I am with him too.

 

I am a kind person, I look for the best in people and yes I am probably a bit naive but I would rather be that way than be like my ex. To be someone who can lie to someone and lead them on for 11 years and then just leave. I would rather be in the world of pain I am right now because he left me and I never gave up than be the person who gave up on someone who would never have given up on them.

 

I understand the pain that comes with being a kind, sensitive soul. We feel things very deeply and a heart break is so hard for us but we also love very deeply and experience more emotion in our lives than other people.

 

I am rambling on but I hope you get my point. Don't let one persons disregard for your feelings stop you from experiencing all the beauty in life.

 

In my pain I notice the beauty in life more. The feel of wind on my face, sun on my skin. The next person if there is one in my life will benefit from me going through this pain as I know now how special it is to be in love, how easily it can be taken away, so I will appreciate every moment that little bit more.

 

God bless you and may you find the happiness you deserve very soon.

[Twidom]

Thank you for your words. I try my best to be the guy I was. I want to be that person again. But it is hard. I don't want to have to go through this feeling again. Being dumped... Crying in bed knowing that she is probably with some guy as I type. Afraid of opening myself to another woman and have the same thing happen again. To feel like all my "work" on her was just for another person to enjoy later on.

 

And it is really hard. Being the guy I am, I do not like "hooking" up with other girls just to have sex and things like that. So I don't know... I can't see myself being "me" ever again. I truly hope this is just a stage in my life. Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.