turnerik Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 I'm so crazy for this girl and I hate it. We hung out all weekend. On Friday we went to a baseball game together, she got super drunk and I'm at the bar in the ball park and everyone asked if we were dating. She would always say no, he's my best friend. It cut me deep,every time she would say that. I know we are not together, but it still hurts Then the bartender started telling this woman I was with that I'm more interested in a relationship then being friends. She kept asking me if that was true, but I didn't want to say anything to ruin the rest of the weekend. Then this drunk guy comes over and starts talking to us. He then learns of my predicament and just goes off on her. He tells her basically exactly how I'm feeling, and then tells me I should just leave her and never talk to her again. It was just amazing how he would say exactly the thing I'm too much of a to say. I then drop her off and her car and we both drive to our own places. The next morning I pick her up and we go to Chicago for a concert. On the drive down she kept asking what was that guys problem, and why he kept acting like that, I once again couldn't say how he was saying exactly how I felt because we didn't go to the concert. At the concert we had a great time. On the way home we really didn't talk about anything important and I was kinda hoping she would of brought up Friday night. I was planning on pouring my heart out but I couldn't find the right time. I get so excited to hangout with this woman, and just feel like complete after we are done. It's horrible, I give myself false hope,that maybe something will change, but it never does. I feel like just packing up all my stuff and just moving that way I can stop putting myself thru this. I'm not sure if she knows how I feel. I told her a little bit, but she was drinking, and don't think she knew what I was saying. We only hangout like every 3 months but it's never just getting together, we always have to be doing something(concerts, sports) etc. I don't think she is using me because she ends up paying for most of her stuff she buys. I just want the pain to stop, I keep telling myself her smile is worth the pain, and then another part of me says just tell her how you feel and tell her if she feels the same, call me, if not, I can't handle the pain anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronte Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 You need to tell her how you feel. You're being really passive and making things hard for her, since she's given you clear opportunities to say something and you just let them go by. Whether she's potentially interested in something more or not, it will be better to have things out in the open than to keep playing this weird game where you hope that things will change without actually *doing* anything that would change them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 You are not her friend. You are a suitor infatuated with her and cloaking your intentions. You want her as your girlfriend. Period. She has made it clear. She is not into you that way. You can either free up that energy and time to cultivate a connection with new girl or continue this fruitless pursuit which is slowly robbing you of your self esteem and producing heartache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IvanTheTerribl Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 The title of your thread says it all; you're in the "friendzone". What you don't realize though is that she didn't put you in the friendzone, you did it to yourself. By letting things go on for as long as you've have feelings for her but not saying anything to her about it, you've created your own suffering. It's a harsh realization, but you now have a decision to make. A. Tell her how you feel, open and honest, and lay it out on the line. There's that 1% chance some of the feelings are reciprocated and she just never said anything and now you two can move on to something more. Then there's the 99% chance that it's exactly what she says it is: just best friends. If you decide to man up and go this route, be prepared for the friendship to end real quick. B. Decide that her friendship is more important to you than any potential of a relationship and learn how to lose the romantic feelings you have for her. If you truly want her to stay in your life and you can be okay seeing her with other guys, then keep your mouth shut and be the best friend that she wants. Those are your options. I know it's a tough choice but if you want the pain to subside then you need to search deep and decide what you really want. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I think you should talk to her when you both are sober. Tell her how you feel. Man up dude. See what she says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 The friendzone does not exist ok. Either she's attracted to you, or she's not. And she keeps asking you if you're interested. You keep playing it off. Whatever your situation, you've put yourself there and it's not her fault so stop acting like it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Did you drop her at her car when she was "super drunk" and let her drive herself home? I really hope I read that wrong !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnerik Posted September 15, 2014 Author Share Posted September 15, 2014 So we are meeting today so she can get all the stuff she left in my car from this past weekend. Should I just go "you know why all those guys said that stuff to you on Friday night?" Then just grab her and kiss her and tell her because it's exactly how I feel and I've been too much of a to say it to you?" Or do something else. This pain has got to go away, and I'm not sure I know how to make it go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
testcase Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Well grabbing her and kissing her if she's not feeling it will definitely not go well! Just tell her how you feel man. Get it off your chest. I'd probably just start the conversation by saying so what's up with us? If she says we're great friends I'd let her know I want more then that and web probably can't be friends anymore cause it's messing with me. I'm going to be real honest these things usually don't go the way you'd want then to go. But let her know how you feel and back off. Give her time to digest it all. If she ever talks to you again she'll know what you're looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I hope you are joking about grabbing her and kissing her. That's a terrible idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I'm not sure I know how to make it go away By telling her. And just grabbing and laying one on her makes it look like you've been watching too many romance movies. Just behave like a reasonable person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 testcase has it right. Jtell her that you want to be honest, and what the people said at the bar is true, you have feelings for her. Then just leave it at that. Don't go overboard with how you feel or you'll chase her away quickly. Just let it set in. And don't kiss her like you are in some movie. Leave that for Hollywood. She neds time to think about how she feels about it first. No one wants to be kissed until the WANT to be kissed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnerik Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 Well we didn't meet up, I had to work late. Now I can tell the rest of the story. We met in college, her first semester was my last. Ready for the big kicker.... She's a 36 year old woman, who has 3 kids and just got divorced. And me...... I'm 21. I'm honestly not looking for a quick lay. I'm really interested in a relationship. I feel no romantic interest in her best friend who I talk to even more than this woman. I know there is probably no way it could work out, but I've come to the conclusion that logic doesn't matter when it comes to the feelings of the heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Well we didn't meet up, I had to work late. Now I can tell the rest of the story. We met in college, her first semester was my last. Ready for the big kicker.... She's a 36 year old woman, who has 3 kids and just got divorced. And me...... I'm 21. I'm honestly not looking for a quick lay. I'm really interested in a relationship. I feel no romantic interest in her best friend who I talk to even more than this woman. I know there is probably no way it could work out, but I've come to the conclusion that logic doesn't matter when it comes to the feelings of the heart. What? i hope you are joking. There is nothing for you here. Are you serious? You really do not have any other options than this situation? You need to date some women in your own age bracket and get some perspective. There is a strong hint of desperation in all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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