Lack of fulfillment with people

[Enigmatical]

I'm a 30 year old woman who is very passionate about life. I have tons of interests and I know I'm at the prime of my life and I want to go out and live it. I have these fantasies about all these things I want to do and in these fantasies, I am enjoying things with the friends and family I love most. The problem is, in reality, the people in my life never seem to have the means or the time to indulge in life the way I want to. For example, my parents live far away and aren't really able to travel much anymore, so I always have commute to see them, which costs me money and time scheduled off of work. My best friend is always busy working and trying to get through college so we hardly hang out anymore. The guy I am seeing is also long distance and is working all the time and is trying to save up for a car but the meantime I hardly get to see or talk to him. I have another friend who won't ever do anything without her husband so whenever we hang out, I feel like the third wheel.

 

And that's pretty much it. Everyone I care about never has the time or the money to do much anymore and it's bumming me out. I feel like I need more people in my life but I hardly ever click with anyone. Most people I meet are just kind of shallow and so into their own worlds that they don't care about much else. I have been thinking for the past few days about whether or not I am slipping into a depression because I am so bummed out and can't seem to shake it, and I have realized that it's because I am not getting the type of companionship I really want and need. That's it. If I could just get a couple people to really join me on living and being in this life, then I'd be satisfied, but until then I feel like there's so much I am missing out on.

[blueidealist24]

Wow.. I feel like that too. I feel like most people just want to sit around on their phones and text, or work as many hours as possible, even to the detriment of fun and relationships. I'm not sure what advice to give though.

[Beezer72]

Ok...heres my oppinion on this deal...if the ppl in your life cant seem to get together with you...then you need to take it upon yourself to start doing the things you wanna do...the things you enjoy doing...by yourself!!! I promise you once you start making yourself get out and do these things...you are gonna start meeting ppl who are in the same or similar situation!!! Dont sit around anymore because you dont have someone to do stuff with...treat yourself to a movie...a dinner...a night at the club...you will find that your not the only one flying solo looking to meet new ppl!!! And DONT ISOLATE...you can fall into a major depression.. come on gurl...move around!!!

[catfeeder]

Consider using link removed or your local newspaper to find events or clubs or volunteer work where you can meet others who enjoy the types of activities you do. Expanding your circle of friends will not only occupy you, it will make you less dependent on those already in your life.

 

Also, consider that a lot of people have become insecure or financially damaged since last recession and feel a compelling need to work every hour they can get. Yes, this takes a lot of discipline, and it doesn't leave a lot of energy to add entertainment value to the lives of the more fortunate. Consider yourself lucky if you don't feel the same pinch.

 

Head high.

[blueidealist24]

Also, consider that a lot of people have become insecure or financially damaged since last recession and feel a compelling need to work every hour they can get. Yes, this takes a lot of discipline, and it doesn't leave a lot of energy to add entertainment value to the lives of the more fortunate. Consider yourself lucky if you don't feel the same pinch.

 

Head high.

 

I've noticed this too. I "feel the pinch" at times, but I try to ignore it. Since we'll die eventually either way, whether we're poor or stable, might as well have some fun along the way.

[catfeeder]

I've noticed this too. I "feel the pinch" at times, but I try to ignore it. Since we'll die eventually either way, whether we're poor or stable, might as well have some fun along the way.

 

I can agree--for myself. This doesn't mean I'd attempt to impose this idea on anyone who is focused on making every dime they can, while they can.

 

I respect the hardships of loved ones and what they feel they must do, and I won't trivialize their efforts because their ability to come play with me is limited. Instead, I'll play where they're comfortable. If this means a game night or barbecue at home, then I can enjoy that without complaint.

 

I'm free to seek out others to play in pricier venues. My whole point was that we are not limited by the capacity of others--it's up to us to seek out other people if we want to do more expensive things.

[Enigmatical]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I have felt the pinch too at one time. I worked between 2 jobs, one retail and the other a restaurant, for about 6 months and I hated my life the most during that time. All I was getting done was working and sleeping (barely) and any spare time was spent dreading on going to work. I knew I couldn't live like that so now I work only 15-20 hours a week at a retail job in a position I like better, which pays my portion of the bills. Plus I do freelance writing when I am home which is something I really enjoy doing, and that usually pays for leisurely activities. I think the difference between me and most people is that I have learned get out of the daily grind trap and make room for more enjoyable things. I have also learned to live a bit more modestly. I share an apartment with 2 roommates which makes things easier on me financially, and I keep my extra expenses down. My best friend makes double what I do because she works 40 hours a week, but she has a big house all to herself that she has to keep up with and the utilities are expensive. Plus she has 3 big dogs that are expensive to care for as well. Most people would rather spend their extra money on clothes and electronics, and I would rather spend it on experiences, and that's a part of why I am not closer to these people I would like to spend more time with.

 

But I guess you are right. I should get out on my own more and see what happens.

[catfeeder]

Most people would rather spend their extra money on clothes and electronics, and I would rather spend it on experiences, and that's a part of why I am not closer to these people I would like to spend more time with.

 

But I guess you are right. I should get out on my own more and see what happens.

 

Sure--that's how you'll meet less provincial people, but even better, it will help you to see the limits of people with new eyes. You'll feel less frustrated with them, because you'll view your creativity and expansive ways of experiencing the world as a gift rather than a curse--which it IS.

 

The more you explore your own avenues of expression without trying to pull other people out of their routines, the more liberated you will feel. This will enhance your relationships with those who would otherwise feel pressure from you to be who they are not, and that's when magic happens for both of you.

 

You'll view an occasional playdate at your friend's with her dogs or at the kitchen table with your family as an experience to be treasured once you meet your own desires for more, and you will thank your Self.

 

Head high.

[blueidealist24]

I think we have a similar outlook on life.. btw, I'm a freelance writer, too. I don't believe that things necessarily have to be pricey to be fun, either. I actually don't spend a lot of money on pricey experiences. I just like to get out there in the world instead of being stuck at a job ALL the time (even if that means I'm on the poorer side financially, which I am).