Confused..

[Fairywoman69]

was 2 years since my last relationship (before this relationship I had not had sex in 2 years),now I am in a new one I know my Baby Loves me and is In-Love with me but don't think I fufill her sexually..before she moved here and all when we were talking she told me she is a screamer and loud,and I have not done that for her...it makes me very upset and when I go down and she says she is super sensitive.. does she just not want it? idk.. i mean I have always been told I am good and have rocked some women's world I once had bragging rights now not so much.. .this is really bothering me..i am very upset with myself about this I am In-Love with her and I want to make her happy in every way and I am afraid I don't.the one person in this world I want to make happy in that way I can't seem to..

[Iggles]

The person you need to talk to is her. Instead of feeling insecure and looking for answers elsewhere, tell her you'd like to mix things up in bed.

 

Also, initiate a discussion about your sex drives. It may be helpful to know where she falls on the spectrum below, so you two can adjust accordingly:

 

It might help to try to tease out different aspects of "sex drive". I can identify at least four components off the top of my head:

frequency, intensity, physical desire, and relational desire.

Frequency

is how often someone desires any sexual activity.

Intensity

is how strongly they experience that desire.

Physical

is how much of that desire is focused on psycho-physical sensations of getting off.

Relational

is how much of that desire is focused on interpersonal/relational aspects of partnered sexuality. A "high-libido" person who is mostly concerned with the psycho-physical sensations can handle that by masturbating a lot without needing to press a partner for sex, and a "high-libido" person who wants sex frequently but doesn't experience that desire as consuming or disruptive or dysphoric (or anything similar) i.e. has a low-intensity sex drive may be fine with infrequent sex, even if ze is mostly concerned with relational aspects. Either of these could make fine matches for people we might term "low-libido".