what can I do to help my girlfriend? does she need a therapist? :/

[oakley627]

I dont know where to really start or say..

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. She has family drama, adopted and grew up in abusive and controlling home till she moved out with me. (Not just dramatic whiny teen, multiple police reports and charges for this)

 

However.. I know something is wrong. People have said its a personality disorder but idk. Of course she always wants to go back home and she has.. and after a week of bruises and abuse she calls me to come get her and she moves back. Few months later we repeat..

 

Now she's started the threats of going home (for why I dont know...) she's above 18 so she can do as she pleases. (Still in hs though. Parents took her out of school for a year so she couldn't talk to people but is on her last semester) anyways. I work.. she doesn't. I work all day when she's at school and things are fine. My mom works at her school and my sisters actually go there too so she waits at school till i'm off and pick her up (she's scared to drive after a recent accident) and we continue our mary lives.

 

But... friday night comes. All is great. Saturday morning.. all is fine. I go to work though and once she wakes up EVERY time she is pissed. Hates me. In a bad mood doesn't wanna talk. Is packing her stuff and moving home. For multiple weeks this happens.. I try talkin but she ignores more times than not. But everytime she answers the phone (while supposedly packing) she sounds half asleep.. occasionally she'll relax and say sorry she's not leaving and things are good. Then 5min later I get that random text saying she'll be gone befor i'm home or whatever. 1 situation I actually left work and went home cause it was getting out of hand (i'm gonna kill myself stuff)

Supposedly all her stuff was packed and she was getting picked up in 2 hours... but when I get home she in bed sleeping still in pjs and nothing packed... wth?

Situation 2 it was basically a complete repeat to the T so I had a friend stop by. Still in pjs.. nothing packed.. and she was perfectly fine. Started talking hanging out laughing etc. Wth again?

The other times I manage to settle things enough till I get home and within 1 hour of me being back she's perfect! Like nothing happened. Our week goes on and she says the so glad we're together I love this and that about you etc etc.. until saturday... and it starts all over.

 

Does anyone have any ideas what is going on here? Is it just the fact she's alone and needs attention? Or what... of course she would never go and talk to someone cause she's fine.. (family called her a retard growing up so she hates anything that makes her seem not normal) so I have no idea what to do here but its getting ridiculous.. she's now starting to tell me to call into work multiple times and when I say no we need money and i'll get fired she's pissed at me cause wow ever I could if I really wanted to.. *sigh*

 

My whole family has been very supportive of her and helped out with lots. Basically treating her as their own daughter. Ever single one of my friends have as well. She is surrounded by love and ever new person introduced to our lives notices it as well. She's constantly expressing how greatlful she is for everything thats been done for her etc so I really just dont get the flip floppy stuff here.. she's almost 20 if this matters. Ik its young for most esp to move out.. but unfortunately part of that was a little rushed to help get her somewhere safer.

 

Anyways.. All suggestions appreciated thanks

[Iggy5129]

Yes. She needs to see a therapist. Most people with "normal" childhoods should see a therapist, so she definitely could benefit from it. You should also realize that you are not responsible for her happiness, she is. She cannot depend on you so much. You are enabling her to be dependent on you and not have to rely on herself. I know you think you are helping but it will be detrimental to her in the long run.

[shellyf62]

Sounds like she is doing this for attention. You leaving work to go home & see her is her way of knowing that you care for her.

Maybe stop enabling this behaviour. If she is saying she is packing call her bluff & say ok, if this is what you want.

She is an adult now & needs to stop acting so childishly.

And yes, she does need therapy to sort all these issues out.