Acrylamide Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I'll try to keep this short. I met a girl about two and a half months ago at a bar and we hit it off quite well. She is from Vietnam and is currently doing a internship here for a year. She can speak English decently and when she doesn't understand something I can explain it to her in Vietnamese (I'm Vietnamese as well). Surprisingly, I found myself developing feelings for her. We hung out 1-3 times a week, and eventually had sex where she would ask me to stay the night on multiple occasions. Things started to change later after she made a trip to visit some family in Washington, which was only a 3 day trip. I dropped her off at the airport where she asked me to stay with her until her flight started boarding. She kissed me goodbye and called me after she passed through the security terminal. We hung out again a week after her trip and she acted distant. I gesture to hold her hand and she doesn't respond (its a slight gesture where I'll brush her arm). I put my arm on her waist and she kind of just stands there. At the end of the night she tells me she's tired (she usually invites me in) so I drop her off and when I go in for a kiss she redirects it into a hug. I text her later asking about the situation and she tells me she needs sometime to think and wants to be friends. Of course I respect her wishes (she's homesick and all and has only been here for about 3 months and is afraid of committing due to her time limit), but at the same time I can't help but feel hurt. We still have like 8 months to decided if things are improbable. I decide to contact her less and leave everything in her hands. She texts me a few days later telling me she was having a bad day so I invite her out to dinner. She bails last minute and I decide that's my sign to stop wasting my time and I completely stop talking to her. She texts me about 5 days later asking if I'm free on the following Monday. I decided to give her another chance and told her I'd be free on Tuesday so we had lunch. She then asked me if I wanted to go to the farmers market where we shopped around for about an hour before it started getting really cold. I drop her off (respecting her wishes to give her time and not forcing anything) and head home. She later tells me she wants to go bar hopping, which was supposed to be today, but she bailed again. She got off work late so I guess it's somewhat a reasonable excuse, but at the same time this is the second time she has blown me off. Now, I assume most of you would suggest for me to move on, which I completely agree, but I would like to hear some options. I still like her so it hurts when I hang out with her, especially since we've already done so much and now we're hanging out like we're friends. It has been about 3 weeks since she went on her trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_LFA Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Sounds like something happened with someone else on her 'trip' IMO. Sorry mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 She sounds confused. It could be some other guy, it could be something else, who knows. If I were you, I'd go out with her one last time (if she does the asking) and if things haven't changed by then, I'd tell her it was nice knowing you but I'm not looking for new friends and good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acrylamide Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 Sounds like something happened with someone else on her 'trip' IMO. Sorry mate. You took time to single out the word trip. Her flight was to Washington to visit her sister and she sent me pictures of her sister and her sister's kids those following three days. While it is likely that she could have met someone on her trip, I don't see this as a logical reason. She's not going to visit Washington again anytime soon, which leads me to believe that she might have met someone here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acrylamide Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 She sounds confused. It could be some other guy, it could be something else, who knows. If I were you, I'd go out with her one last time (if she does the asking) and if things haven't changed by then, I'd tell her it was nice knowing you but I'm not looking for new friends and good luck. This sounds like something I should do. Would it be too soon to execute this if she asks to hangout soon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 This sounds like something I should do. Would it be too soon to execute this if she asks to hangout soon? It doesn't matter when you meet. What matters is her mindset and how she will treat you when you meet again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acrylamide Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 It doesn't matter when you meet. What matters is her mindset and how she will treat you when you meet again. I will definitely take this into account. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 She sounds homesick. If you want to preserve future potential with this girl, I'd back off now and let her contact you. Let her set the dates. See how they go before deciding anything. I don't agree with dumping her if you really like her, when you can just fade out without burning bridges. Then if she ever works herself out in the future, your door will be open to a better chance at taking this somewhere. If she doesn't, you won't suffer the regret of cutting things off prematurely. Head high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acrylamide Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 She sounds homesick. If you want to preserve future potential with this girl, I'd back off now and let her contact you. Let her set the dates. See how they go before deciding anything. I don't agree with dumping her if you really like her, when you can just fade out without burning bridges. Then if she ever works herself out in the future, your door will be open to a better chance at taking this somewhere. If she doesn't, you won't suffer the regret of cutting things off prematurely. Head high. This is also very good advice, but would leaving my door open leave me as just a backup? Say there was another guy or something happens. Would I just be the guy she runs back to because things didn't fall her favor? I'm afraid of this, but at the same time I do want to preserve potential. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 This is also very good advice, but would leaving my door open leave me as just a backup? Say there was another guy or something happens. Would I just be the guy she runs back to because things didn't fall her favor? I'm afraid of this, but at the same time I do want to preserve potential. The only time I'd read all of that 'stuff' into things is if someone has given me a reason to not trust them. Otherwise, what's the sense in poisoning your own mind against someone you otherwise like a lot? The two of you don't have enough invested to get all jealous over ghosts. I'd back off, and this way I haven't pushed myself into a bad time for someone when we don't yet have enough to anchor us 'through' it together. I wouldn't try to read anything into this, I'd just pull back and let her work out where she wants to stand. It could end up that she's turned sour and won't pursue you again, but that still leaves you better off than pushing for attention from someone who's in no mood for that. Head high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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