Spooly Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I had dated a woman for almost 5 years on and off. After almost a year of me being demoted to a "friend zone" (although she wasn't dating either), I went NC, and she immediately found someone else. After 5 months I heard from a mutual friend that "it may be a good time to contact her again", so I wrote her that it would be nice to have lunch and catch up. She immediately wrote back saying she'd love to go out, and that we should have dinner and drinks instead of just the lunch. We planned a date, and we texted a lot in the following day or two. We then had the dinner and it was amazing. We were so good together, and both left saying how great it was that we were seeing each other again. She even said that she'd like to invite me to some parties that were upcoming, and travel to see me on a trip. Then.....nothing. No further texting, and haven't heard a word from her for two days. What happened? Should I contact her, or do I risk seeming too needy? Should I wait for her to contact me, or would it be better to ask her out again? Advice please... S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 imho, and you can tell me I sound like a debbie downer, but if it hasn't worked for 5 years, i don't see why it would now. It's still the same on/off thing - she invites you to stuff, but then doesn't follow through. blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spooly Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 Thanks Annie, but it's a pretty complicated situation, and we were both in strange places in our lives earlier and couldn't make it work. I was hopeful that the 5 month breathing space made us both see the value of the relationship, and it seemed like that was the case. I just am wary of being the first to contact her again after the great date, and seeming desperate... Not sure if that is the right thing to do or not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freewill1234 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Don't contact her. You made the first move, let her come to you now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smartyface Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Have you ever thought maybe it was time to leave this relationship in the past? I understand 5 years is a long time and you have I'm sure a great deal of love for her but maybe it didn't work out for a reason. Sometimes it's just better to move on(I know it's more difficult than it sounds) there will be many more loves in your life that will come along after this woman, her not contacting you may be a sign that really she does enjoy your company but she's moved on and not interested in a relationship anymore. My advice would be don't contact her at all and let yourself heal, don't look at any of her social media or old pictures just go out with friends, do things that you love, meet new people anything you enjoy really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny_mcs Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I think she saw it as 2 old friends catching up, not a date. So yeah, she wants to hang out in the future, but it's pretty common for friends to not be in touch every day, so that's why she hasn't reached out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spooly Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 Thanks everyone for the comments. I think you are right--it is probably best that I don't initiate contact. I made the first gesture, took her to dinner, and we had a great time. If she cares, and wants to follow up on anything, it is up to her. I'll just be back to the friend zone if I keep contacting her. Would love to hear other opinions if anyone wishes to share. S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spooly Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 Jenny-- I would have thought that if she had taken me up on the simple lunch offer, but she's the one who instead suggested drinks and dinner at a fancy place, let me pick her up and pay for it, and dressed extremely nicely. She also made lots of references to things we'd do together soon, and asked about some very personal details of my life. Not exactly just two friends hanging out. S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 No. Do not contact her. Wait to see if she contacts you again. You met up, had a nice evening. If she doesn't show that interest anymore, then you have to accept it. Also, IF things are to ever work out after a couple breaks up/ gets back. You need to treat this like a 'new' relationship, which means do NOT rush it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Jenny-- I would have thought that if she had taken me up on the simple lunch offer, but she's the one who instead suggested drinks and dinner at a fancy place, let me pick her up and pay for it, and dressed extremely nicely. She also made lots of references to things we'd do together soon, and asked about some very personal details of my life. Not exactly just two friends hanging out. S She could be 'nosy' out of curiosity of what's been going on with you. Doesn't mean too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spooly Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 Thanks for the support. It really helps to hear that I'm doing the right thing by not contacting her. Strange how I can be confident in my work and social life, but when it comes to this woman I'm complete mush and have no idea what to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuka80 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Thanks for the support. It really helps to hear that I'm doing the right thing by not contacting her. Strange how I can be confident in my work and social life, but when it comes to this woman I'm complete mush and have no idea what to do... We've all been there, lord knows I have....Just dont let this hard lesson go to waste. Learn from this and don't let a woman who's not worth it have that kind of power over you again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny_mcs Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Jenny-- I would have thought that if she had taken me up on the simple lunch offer, but she's the one who instead suggested drinks and dinner at a fancy place, let me pick her up and pay for it, and dressed extremely nicely. She also made lots of references to things we'd do together soon, and asked about some very personal details of my life. Not exactly just two friends hanging out. S I see what you're saying, but remember that is *your* interpretation of things. Dinner+ getting dressed up + personal topics does not necessarily mean a date. Last Friday 2 of my girlfriends and I (we're all married) got dressed up and went out for dinner and drinks and talked about personal stuff. If I had to make a wild guess, I would say she likes the attention of getting dressed up and having a guy buy her dinner, but nothing else seems to indicate romantic intent. There are plenty of fish in the sea so just keep moving forward!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelynotalone Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Or maybe she needed space & realizes now she made a huge error because the new guy turned out to be a jerk. If you still love her & want her back move at a snails pace, give it two or three weeks. if u dont hear from her then send a brief "what's up" text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane Falco Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Jenny-- I would have thought that if she had taken me up on the simple lunch offer, but she's the one who instead suggested drinks and dinner at a fancy place, let me pick her up and pay for it, and dressed extremely nicely. She also made lots of references to things we'd do together soon, and asked about some very personal details of my life. Not exactly just two friends hanging out. S Um, yes you were two friends hanging out. Pro tip -- don't treat it like a date unless both parties agree it is a date. You treated it like a date without saying it was a date, and she took advantage because who's not going to take a free dinner from some guy who is an easy target? Honestly, it's up to her to make the next move. If she doesn't, then you have your answer. If she does, you need to play it a hell of a lot more cool and not take her out on "dates". Don't do the fancy restaurant thing -- even if it was a date, you don't go big like that right away. Either way, I think you need to chill out. Stop reading into s--t that's not there. Let her lead. If she doesn't lead, then she's not that into you. And gut feeling, I don't think she's all that into you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amipushy Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Sit tight and wait for those 'invites' she promised you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucha Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Actually, if my ex would propose to me a meetup lunch I would not take the offer if I really moved on. Moving on means it over. Agreeing to meet up and even going for a longer date sounds not so much over to me. I could be wrong here. But maybe she is still curious. She doesnt sound indifferent. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.