Arachnid Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Okay so there is this girl, we meet through mutual friends and talked a lot online and last night we meet up for a date. I thought it went well, I found her smart, funny and attractive. Very datable. Only problem is I just got this text Hi X, Thank you for tonight for drinks and dinner, I had a really great time but I must say I felt like we bonded more as friends than anything else, not sure how you felt, not good with this dating business. Now bluntly I don't need another friend, I have all the mates I want and generally they are people I have stuff in common with; sports, hobbies, work etc. none of which applies here, as attractive as I find her I don't want to be her friend. On the other hand I do want to date this girl. What should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DepthOfField Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Not much more you can do at this point. Making another move on her will make you look needy, and might push her away further. Play it cool, thank her for a good time as well, and move on to the next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuka80 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Yea she's not interested and has pretty much told you as gently as she could. I'm with you though as far as that friendship thing goes. I once asked a woman out and she told me we couldn't date but we can be friends, i just smiled at her and said ok and walked away. But in my head i was thinking (friends? F THAT) Like you I also have enough friends(great ones at that who I can count on in a pinch) and would never take a woman I want to date as a friend. Just count this as a loss and move on. Plenty of beautiful women who are actually interested in you running around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 To save my pride, I'd reply with 'yeah, you're right, I felt the same way...see you around ' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amipushy Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 To save my pride, I'd reply with 'yeah, you're right, I felt the same way...see you around ' This. Nothing else you can say, unless you want to come accross like a weirdo who wont take no for an answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 It sounds like less of a statement and more of a question. She's telling you that you behaved as someone who's not romantically interested in her, and she wants to know if that's true. You really have nothing to lose by saying, "I had a great time, too, but I'm disappointed if I came off as friend material--I hoped for more. Let me know if you'd like another date, and we can talk about this." If she doesn't take you up on that, you'll have your answer, and you've lost nothing more than what your assumptions would get you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DepthOfField Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I hoped for more. Let me know if you'd like another date, and we can talk about this." Don't do this. Ever. She Politely mentioned she was not interested/attracted. "Talking" about it won't change her feelings. Don't ever "convince" a girl she needs to be with you/attracted to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Now bluntly I don't need another friend Good, since you are attracted to her and can't be friends with her, then don't. I doubt that she really meant that she wanted to remain friends--just from the way the message is worded. I think she was just saying that she didn't feel a romantic attraction to you--not that she wants to remain friends. She will likely never call you to hang out as a friend. I know that the "let's be friends" statement is usually used in these situations. I feel that this statement (when said in this context--as a way to turn down a date) is is thrown around with reckless abandon these days, but is mostly false and meaningless in all honesty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Don't do this. Ever. She Politely mentioned she was not interested/attracted. "Talking" about it won't change her feelings. Don't ever "convince" a girl she needs to be with you/attracted to you. It's not convincing, it's answering a question and asking one in return. She's fishing for an answer as to whether he sees her only as friendship material, in which case, she's beating him to the punch. That could easily just be insecurity, but he risks zero by finding that out. Assume a loss and accept a loss, or assume a question and have a loss confirmed, or assume a question and risk a few keystrokes to get a win. If she's not worth a reply, then do nothing--but if she IS, what have you got to lose, exactly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdgfx Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Okay so there is this girl, we meet through mutual friends and talked a lot online and last night we meet up for a date. I thought it went well, I found her smart, funny and attractive. Very datable. Only problem is I just got this text Now bluntly I don't need another friend, I have all the mates I want and generally they are people I have stuff in common with; sports, hobbies, work etc. none of which applies here, as attractive as I find her I don't want to be her friend. On the other hand I do want to date this girl. What should I do? Arachnid, I like the fact that you appear to know what you want and how to go about doing things, you worded your question well and you have the right outlook on the situation, which is great! In terms of what you are asking. Dude, she's probably not interested in you, sounds like she were expected far more than what actually occurred that night in terms of her ideal date. And a lot of women do it all the time, they build themselves up for something and have this ideology in their head sometimes that it HAS to go this way or there HAS to be signs. Well, in all honesty... when you don't know the other person and this is your first date, regardless of how confident you make yourself out to be and how forward you are, the reality is... it's a FIRST date, chances are... there won't be miracles happening! It's almost like some girls want prince charming to come and sweep her off her feet and take her to distant magical lands, and as much as it's insulting and confusing to have the burden of knowing a date didn't go down so well, the best way to see it is for what it's worth. It was one date, you liked each other but nothing came of it. Women work in mysterious ways my friend, what seemed good for you obviously didn't seem good for her. And again, this comes down to how she sees the guy she wants to be with and how her mind works. We are all unique and we all have our own values but the best way to go about it is to not beat yourself up about it, these things happen, if you don't want her as a friend then don't be friends with her and just remember, one date isn't substantial evidence to know whether someone is dateable in the terms of a permanent selection for a date, you simply don't know this person well enough (I'm presuming) to know whether she is dateable or not so when you do date, don't look at the long term from day one, live each day as it comes and see dating as exactly that, a date where you meet a girl. Don't push for things to happen, don't EXPECT things to happen. It's a date, it's a time and a place to meet a woman you may later choose to pursue but that option comes later so live for today, enjoy spending time with friends and your family, enjoy your life and carry on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Okay so there is this girl, we meet through mutual friends and talked a lot online and last night we meet up for a date. I thought it went well, I found her smart, funny and attractive. Very datable. Only problem is I just got this text Now bluntly I don't need another friend, I have all the mates I want and generally they are people I have stuff in common with; sports, hobbies, work etc. none of which applies here, as attractive as I find her I don't want to be her friend. On the other hand I do want to date this girl. What should I do? O.K thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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