ways to come to terms with a trip and my insecurities?

[mike7788]

So i've been in a few crappy relationships with a few crappy people. (Cheater's liars etc.)

 

 

This has caused me to become a person with a large amount of trust issues.

 

 

my gf who i've been together with a few months now leaves for Europe next week. She's meeting her guy friend down there and staying with him for 3 weeks.

 

She booked the trip before we met, and I have been nothing but supportive for it. I hope she has a blast.

 

 

The problem is, she's with a guy that's not me, for 3 weeks.

 

 

I really want her to have fun, and I really want to progress towards these days with healthy actions. I think the past is making me scream with fright. It's not that I don't trust her, the possibilities just scare me as well as the time apart.

I just want to be able to deal with this correctly and not bring anything up.

 

Do any of you have insight?

 

Thanks for your time.

[Man with Dog]

On your first point, most of us will have to kiss a few frogs before we find a princess or prince. It's very uncommon for people to marry the first person they date and stay together until the first one dies. Sometimes we learn from the past and can spot frogs before we get into a relationship with them but not always. Frogs come in all shapes and sizes and many look like royalty!

 

You will find 3 weeks apart difficult. I know this from experience.

 

Girls do not normally sleep with their guy friends. Once a bloke is friendzoned, he normally stays there. OK there's a risk but it's lower than her going on a night out without you and ending in the wrong bed. She might also be worrying about what you might be up to while she's away. It is a normal reaction but if someone is going to cheat, it is normally a one-night stand on a night out or someone within your social circle. No amount of worrying, checking phones, Facebook, etc will stop someone cheating. Unless she's given you good reason to be suspicious in the past or you've given her any reason, you can dismiss these fears as irrational.

 

Make sure that you have plenty of time out with friends or family while she's away. Sitting at home worrying is the worst think you can do.

 

I'd wish you luck but don't think you'll need it.

 

Take care.

[drlady]

I am dealing with plenty of insecurities in my own relationship, but this is one thing I've been able to come to terms with. Here's how: communication.

 

My BF has many female friends (I have many male friends) with whom he may spend substantial time alone. If I have any worries, I simply ask "She's an old friend?" and he replies by saying something along the lines of "Yeah, we were in grad school together. She does X. Now she lives in Y. Her dog is cool. I think you'd really like her." It's less the information and more the openness that gives me comfort. Then, when I meet these friends, I can tell him "Hey, she is pretty awesome and I like her" and everybody is happy.

 

So ask about your GF's friend in a non-threatening, non-accusatory way. Listen to what she says. And then say "He sounds like fun. I'd like to meet him someday." Look at this as a way to expand your own social circle and get to know the people your girlfriend enjoys spending time with. I've met a bunch of great people that way.

[PaintWithLight]

Please. Do not spite yourself in your attempt to be a 100% totally modern guy. It seems rather odd that she starts a new relationship when she has this 3-week, stay with a guy-friend trip to Europe planned.

 

Sure she had this trip planned before but it puts you in a strange place. "hi new boyfriend, I love you to bits but I have one last bit of singlehood that I need to do before we continue..."

 

I don't know but there is something about this where she is having her cake and eating it too. I would tell her to rock on to Europe while we take a mini-break. 3 weeks plus staying with a guy? Nope, there is nothing in this arrangement for you but worried nights.