LifeasMe Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I am NC with ex bf... it's only day 5... initially I chose NC with the hope he would miss me and come back. But now I am wondering 'would I take him back'? Instead of thinking 'what can I do to get him back', it's now 'what can he do to win me back'? When my friends asked why I wanted him back, I answered “because of how he makes me FEEL”. But how did he make me feel? Do I mean anxious, insecure, needy and depressed? Why would I want to feel that? I don't need that. I feel a knot in my stomach every day and he is the first thing I think of when I wake up, and most of the day if I am honest... but I think maybe I am fearing the thought of being alone, rather the person that has left me. It's very confusing, but I do know I feel stronger as each day goes by and a sense of accomplishment each day I resist the urge to call him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadmareish Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 To me it's clear that you think you want to get back with him out of fear and loneliness. Don't worry, most of us are where you are right now. If you're asking these questions then it's clear were your mind really is you don't miss him, you miss the companionship. I take it you're the dumpee? I think that by being dumped we feel rejection and so we automatically dwell on it. So I've learnt this. Why should we be made to feel like this? We don't deserve it. Do you think your ex is sat around crying over the break up, thinking of you everyday and wondering whether you'll call. My bet is he is not. It is hard, bet I encourage you to keep NC. Be strong. We'll all be rooting behind you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 You should never go complete NC if you want to get someone back. I'm guessing he dumped you but after a break-up, the dumpee has just as much right to refuse to rekindle the relationship as the dumper. If he gets in touch it is best to be honest that you are no longer sure of your feelings for him. Good luck and take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeasMe Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Thanks, I wish I had found this site years ago, it is extremely therapeutic... this is serious break-up number seven for me lol Slightly more complicated this time... he lost his job just over a month ago, accepted a new job in another city 650 miles away without thinking it through, panicked (also leaving his daughter from past relationship behind), pulled away... Technically I finished it through feeling left out, but emotionally he had already left me... He threw some breadcrumbs, I ignored them, met to collect my things and he told me he didn't have the feelings there to try to make it work LD. I let him know I was willing to try, but was not there to beg, persuade or try to convince him, there was no right or wrong way for him to feel. I left it pretty amicably, but also that friendship was not an option for me. As a little insight... of my seven previous break-ups, all but one have come back, but I chose not to reconcile with any of them. One would still to this day leave his wife tomorrow, even though it has been over twenty years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ijustcant Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Yeah you know what's up hun and to be fair, you really don't sound THAT bothered, sure it is only natural to think of him, as he was a part of your life for so long! But that will fade with time... And then one day lucky number 8 will come along and number 7 will be a distant memory! Best of luck, you'll be just fine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeasMe Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 I think I am trying to convince myself that I am not that bothered in order to hasten the healing process and avoid previous break-up mistakes lol Experience has taught what I should be doing, focusing on... my heart just hasn't caught up with my head yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 7 significant break-ups? Thank goodness I've only had two! I wish this site or a similar one had been around 30 years ago when I really needed it. If he had emotionally left before the split, I wouldn't even THINK of getting back with him. Yes, you are on the healing path and I wish you luck. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeasMe Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 I know, you would think I'd have learned by now!!! 3 x five years, 3 x 1 year and 1 x 3 months... funnily enough it was the 3 month one that affected me the most (number six, not the current one)... mini breakdown, therapist and medication later... I have survived. I am forever told I am a beautiful, sexy, smart, independent and semi successful woman... I certainly don't lack attention, but I am beginning to think I am viewed as an ego-stroke and trophy rather than a potential life-partner! I need to move on from people-pleaser to me-pleaser I really appreciate all the words on here... and the harsh truths I have received from other threads... better than therapy any day lol I wish you all happiness, we deserve it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 If he has told you that he can't do LD, I wouldn't be holding my breath that he is going to try and get you back. Time to focus on making your life fabulous without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 I know, you would think I'd have learned by now!!! 3 x five years, 3 x 1 year and 1 x 3 months... funnily enough it was the 3 month one that affected me the most (number six, not the current one)... mini breakdown, therapist and medication later... I have survived. I am forever told I am a beautiful, sexy, smart, independent and semi successful woman... I certainly don't lack attention, but I am beginning to think I am viewed as an ego-stroke and trophy rather than a potential life-partner! I need to move on from people-pleaser to me-pleaser I really appreciate all the words on here... and the harsh truths I have received from other threads... better than therapy any day lol I wish you all happiness, we deserve it! I understand. I had a 3 monther that looked really REALLY promising but the problem was we were at different stages of life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeasMe Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 My 3-monther was a different country, but still only an hour or so travelling time... still too much of an effort for him Same with the latest ex... not the same different country though lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brotherhood67 Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 I won't take her back. Never in a million years. Don't want to see her, don't want to hear from her again. And here comes my luck : she will never make contact with me again ^-^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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