oereich Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Ok so my gf has been diagnosed with depression for a second time last october (we were best friends for 3 years before that and have been dating for 4 months at that time). After a few months (around February), she said her feelings seem have gone, but not just for me, she just doesn't feel anything anymore, but she still knows she loves me, even if she can't feel it anymore. In June, she spoke to one of her best friends who had just left her bf because she didn't love him anymore. After talking for a while, she said maybe it isn't the depression, maybe she just doesn't love me anymore. So she broke up with me a week or 2 later. We've been on and off since then, getting back together and then breaking up again. She wanted to be friends (that way we can hang out and she wouldn't hurt me with her problems anymore). She says she does have feelings for me, but they seem to be buried somewhere and they are sort of on and off. I said I couldn't just be friends and that part of a relationship was dealing with your s/o problems. Long story short, we are now trying again, and things seem to be ok. We haven't put labels on anything as she sort of freaks out when we do, thinking things are moving too fast. But she is someone who is always very organized and it bothers her when there are no labels and then she tries to figure it out in her head and over thinks things. I think when she over thinks, is when thinks start going down a bit. Anywho, so we've been "dating" again for the past 2 weeks without calling it that. But the other day, she suggested let's actually date and then she freaked out a bit when we met up for drinks (even though we did the same thing a few days earlier without calling it a date). I'm just not sure what to do to make this work. I stopped going to her family events (as they think we have broken up and until we are back together for sure, we are keeping it like that). But then she texts me after the event saying how much she wished I was there. I'm fairly certain she still has feelings for me and unfortunately her depression isn't helping things. I give her space when she needs and I'm there when she needs me. I still love her a lot and we have a lot of fun when we are together. I just don't know what to do when she starts over thinking things. I try to talk her through it, but she still seems to panic. Usually the only time she stops over thinking is when we have had a few drinks. Then everything is "back to normal". I don't know how to help her and make this all work. We have so much in common and want the same things later in life. It's a nice thing going out with your best friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 I’m going to get nerdy here, but do you know what the dementors in Harry Potter are like? That’s depression. It’s like this soul-sucking, joy-stealing phantom that swoops in, confuses you, causes you to withdraw, get angry, get sad, and get hopeless all at once. It’s brutal. If you are going to continue with this girl, you need to know: 1. Depression is not an excuse to treat you as an emotional punching bag 2. There are treatment options available, and some work very well 3. Being in a relationship with someone who has depression is NOT easy (ask my husband) it takes patience and understanding, and strength. 4. She can quickly swing from normal to depressed if something rubs the wrong way. 5. People with depression feel AWFUL about their disease. It’s exhausting. What has she done to help combat this depression? What is primarily causing it? Also, how long have you two been together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayCho Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 My ex has severe depression and she used to constantly say "how can I make anyone else happy if I'm not happy." That pretty much sums it up. If you have no self-worth you will not bring anything to the table, push people away because you feel like you're holding someone else "down" and you'll suffer from awful mood swings randomly. It's very difficult to deal with and if she's not willing to go through therapy it might be best if you back off a bit but be supportive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oereich Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 redrose85: She started seeing a psychologist in September/October. Her doctor has prescribed her pills back then as well and it seemed they were helping a bit for a few months. The dose was never upgraded as the doctor didn't have the authority to do so and had to wait 3 months for a psychiatrist to up the dose/change medicine. This appointment kept getting postponed from her psychologist for various reasons. She finally got the new pills last week (thats 7 months of waiting...which might have had something to do with all this). We only started going out 1 year ago, but we were best friends for a few years before that. A few months before we started going out she tried to go to some institute that dealt with drug addicts, people who have depression, traumatised people, etc. I think the total stay was of 2 months, but she barely made it through 2 weeks. So she never really finished that treatment. I'm trying to be supportive, and well she knows I am, she has told me on many occasions how she knows it is very hard on me and she hates putting me through this (at some point back she was thinking of leaving me as "she doesn't like me having to deal with her issues"). Similar to what JayCho said, she tells me: When I'm down, then I bring you down and I hate doing that. An issue though is she is a hard-headed person and very independent. She doesn't like people helping her. She still goes to her therapy sessions once a week. But when people suggest things to her, she usually pushes the ideas away. Either she has to have the idea herself or, (and I'm kind of happy about this) she seems to be listening to her new psychologist. She has had 5-6 psychologists throughout the years, and has hated them all except for this new one (since March). I'm actually not sure about the primary cause. I think it has to do with her parents divorcing 3-4 years ago and some abandonment issues she had as a child. I think there's more to it, but she has never spoken much to me about the issues themselves. She tells me sometimes: I'm just that sad little girl who has no reason to feel down but who does and doesn't know why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Sounds more like medical depression than situational. Any history in her family? My family is chock-full of depressive disorders so I don’t know that I ever really had a chance. Meds help though. When you’re on the right dosage and the right type, it can be a god send. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oereich Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 No family history it seems. She has been trying new meds for the past 2 weeks, but we don't really see the results yet. Do you know how long they usually take to kick in? Really hope she can find that right dosage and type soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I think that it varies for everyone, up to 2 weeks to really take effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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