Diary Of A Redhead

[mylolita]

I met someone of real significance to me last week.

 

I wanna go into that soon but, after talking to them for a few days and after our first meet; this lovely older lady keeps bringing up the fact I seem buzzed, hyped, intense. I joked and said it’s the coffee. Of course, for the most part, caffeine or not; that’s just how I am. 
 

Now this is the zen, insanely calm type of woman who uses the phase “thank you for sharing” a lot. And for some reason, she very sweetly keeps pressing the fact I should maybe think about stopping my morning joe. 
 

I really like her, at face value, and we’ve had some fantastic convos, but let me tell you this - if you think you’re going to softly softly, hippy hippy, yogi yogi, herbal tea herbally, suggest… SUGGEST… I quit my coffee? I’m sorry. You’re dead to me. 
 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

 

I didn’t realise this was such a thing or my, whatever it is, energy, sparkle sparkle, wild wild, was so distracting or even probably irritating. 
 

This lovely lady is quietly spoken as if perfect for narrating meditation. I am… not that. And I embrace and delight in her lulling, mantric tones. But what I also delight in, is my KAPOW! And, I have never, and don’t ever, see it as anything that needs adjusting, toning down, or fixing. She said it may cause my “talkativeness and out pouring”. 

 

Being calm and chill is always upheld in high regard, and I get that. But I’ll never be that zen! I simply… cannot 🤣

 

Apologies Buddha! Love me or hate me, I won’t change!

 

😎🍸

 

x

[Batya33]

20 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I met someone of real significance to me last week.

 

I wanna go into that soon but, after talking to them for a few days and after our first meet; this lovely older lady keeps bringing up the fact I seem buzzed, hyped, intense. I joked and said it’s the coffee. Of course, for the most part, caffeine or not; that’s just how I am. 
 

Now this is the zen, insanely calm type of woman who uses the phase “thank you for sharing” a lot. And for some reason, she very sweetly keeps pressing the fact I should maybe think about stopping my morning joe. 
 

I really like her, at face value, and we’ve had some fantastic convos, but let me tell you this - if you think you’re going to softly softly, hippy hippy, yogi yogi, herbal tea herbally, suggest… SUGGEST… I quit my coffee? I’m sorry. You’re dead to me. 
 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

 

I didn’t realise this was such a thing or my, whatever it is, energy, sparkle sparkle, wild wild, was so distracting or even probably irritating. 
 

This lovely lady is quietly spoken as if perfect for narrating meditation. I am… not that. And I embrace and delight in her lulling, mantric tones. But what I also delight in, is my KAPOW! And, I have never, and don’t ever, see it as anything that needs adjusting, toning down, or fixing. She said it may cause my “talkativeness and out pouring”. 

 

Being calm and chill is always upheld in high regard, and I get that. But I’ll never be that zen! I simply… cannot 🤣

 

Apologies Buddha! Love me or hate me, I won’t change!

 

😎🍸

 

x

Love this story/recounting so much.  I could visualize all of it.  I also am never giving up my coffee.  Tea is for illness most often lol.  I married a non-coffee drinker (I know I know).  I have limited it to morning only over the years but I make excellent coffee in a traditional 12 cup coffee pot.  Excellent for me -cause it's only for me -teenager likes coffee but is not a coffee drinker at this time.

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Love this story/recounting so much.  I could visualize all of it.  I also am never giving up my coffee.  Tea is for illness most often lol.  I married a non-coffee drinker (I know I know).  I have limited it to morning only over the years but I make excellent coffee in a traditional 12 cup coffee pot.  Excellent for me -cause it's only for me -teenager likes coffee but is not a coffee drinker at this time.

Thanks Batya! 
 

I’m married to a guy who doesn’t like or drink tea or coffee either! He will never understand… the bond 🥲🤌

 

I have to say; in my lovely new acquaintances defence, she never lectured me or told me explicitly I had to cut down; but has suggested it might be the best thing, and brings it up quite a bit even though we’ve only talked a few times! ☕️ 

 

I have to say, there seems to be this shift towards “zero vice” people and, my God, it’s such a bore! Where is the fun?! As far as I know, a couple cups of coffee never hurt anyone! And I’m exactly like you Batya! I have a cafetière I use and a brand a love and I make myself a whole pot and I get through that from 7am to 11am and, may long it continue 🤭

 

My main fear is not nuclear war… it is, if I would be able to still get my coffee hit during mass extinction or WW3? That’s what keeps a gal up at night! (Or is it the coffee?) 🤪

 

x

[DarkCh0c0]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

This lovely lady is quietly spoken as if perfect for narrating meditation. I am… not that. And I embrace and delight in her lulling, mantric tones. But what I also delight in, is my KAPOW! And, I have never, and don’t ever, see it as anything that needs adjusting, toning down, or fixing. She said it may cause my “talkativeness and out pouring”. 

I guess opposites attract?

32 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I have to say, there seems to be this shift towards “zero vice” people and, my God, it’s such a bore!

I know, right? Not everything has to be zen perfect. Ying and yang!

33 minutes ago, mylolita said:

My main fear is not nuclear war… it is, if I would be able to still get my coffee hit during mass extinction or WW3? That’s what keeps a gal up at night! (Or is it the coffee?) 🤪

LOL 

For me, I'd need my dark chocolate! I'd be willing to scour the black market for it hehe 

[Batya33]

31 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I guess opposites attract?

I know, right? Not everything has to be zen perfect. Ying and yang!

LOL 

For me, I'd need my dark chocolate! I'd be willing to scour the black market for it hehe 

Same on the dark chocolate ! 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

Thanks Batya! 
 

I’m married to a guy who doesn’t like or drink tea or coffee either! He will never understand… the bond 🥲🤌

 

I have to say; in my lovely new acquaintances defence, she never lectured me or told me explicitly I had to cut down; but has suggested it might be the best thing, and brings it up quite a bit even though we’ve only talked a few times! ☕️ 

 

I have to say, there seems to be this shift towards “zero vice” people and, my God, it’s such a bore! Where is the fun?! As far as I know, a couple cups of coffee never hurt anyone! And I’m exactly like you Batya! I have a cafetière I use and a brand a love and I make myself a whole pot and I get through that from 7am to 11am and, may long it continue 🤭

 

My main fear is not nuclear war… it is, if I would be able to still get my coffee hit during mass extinction or WW3? That’s what keeps a gal up at night! (Or is it the coffee?) 🤪

 

x

Oh I didn’t get that impression at all about your new friend !! I once got judged by a friend because I mentioned eating ice cream every day !! lol she’s intense about fitness and also drinks a lot more alcohol than me even when I did drink socially and occasionally. I have a funny story to that effect. Many years ago husband and I met two of my women friends for dinner. Nice little restaurant. Some specials. One was a really healthy summer salad. One was beef short ribs and potatoes. So my friend - a vegetarian- orders summer salad. I do same. Then husband says “the short ribs please “.  No way was he ordering some girlie summer salad lol. Honestly bsck then I really didn’t think to ask if my vegetarian friend wouldn’t lie being around meat because I had vegetarian friends who weren’t animal rights people at all - just did it for health.
 

But you had to see when the meals came out. These like little salads mostly lettuce. Then this hefty platter of aromatic ribs. My husband still laughs about it. 

[DarkCh0c0]

36 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Same on the dark chocolate ! 

Eeeek 🙈🩷🩷

[yogacat]

5 hours ago, mylolita said:

I met someone of real significance to me last week.

 

I wanna go into that soon but, after talking to them for a few days and after our first meet; this lovely older lady keeps bringing up the fact I seem buzzed, hyped, intense. I joked and said it’s the coffee. Of course, for the most part, caffeine or not; that’s just how I am. 
 

Now this is the zen, insanely calm type of woman who uses the phase “thank you for sharing” a lot. And for some reason, she very sweetly keeps pressing the fact I should maybe think about stopping my morning joe. 
 

I really like her, at face value, and we’ve had some fantastic convos, but let me tell you this - if you think you’re going to softly softly, hippy hippy, yogi yogi, herbal tea herbally, suggest… SUGGEST… I quit my coffee? I’m sorry. You’re dead to me. 
 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

 

I didn’t realise this was such a thing or my, whatever it is, energy, sparkle sparkle, wild wild, was so distracting or even probably irritating. 
 

This lovely lady is quietly spoken as if perfect for narrating meditation. I am… not that. And I embrace and delight in her lulling, mantric tones. But what I also delight in, is my KAPOW! And, I have never, and don’t ever, see it as anything that needs adjusting, toning down, or fixing. She said it may cause my “talkativeness and out pouring”. 

 

Being calm and chill is always upheld in high regard, and I get that. But I’ll never be that zen! I simply… cannot 🤣

 

Apologies Buddha! Love me or hate me, I won’t change!

 

And you shouldn't change. But I am with your acquaintance, I can only stomach being around very high energy individuals for brief periods of time. They're like little chihuahuas that you have to stop from constantly yapping and on edge because it's like watching a strung out spaz. They just go so hard they exhaust me.

My sister is one of them, and 10 minutes with her is sufficient. LOL

Balanced, in its way, like daggers and silks and light and dark. You're a whole tapestry, and chipping away at that to appease someone's need for serenity seems a bit selfish on their part considering that's what's great about knowing you from a distance! You are fire-y, in a concentrated hot way--a small but mighty flame-- a source of light and energy that doesn't just give off the illusion of warmth but it gives off literal and figurative love. Even if it burns fast and bright. 🙂

[Batya33]

56 minutes ago, yogacat said:

ut I am with your acquaintance, I can only stomach being around very high energy individuals for brief periods of time. They're like little chihuahuas that you have to stop from constantly yapping and on edge because it's like watching a strung out spaz. They just go so hard they exhaust me.

I am  high energy. type A a spunky go getter.  I don't express it in that  way.  I know of many high energy individuals who don't.  That's just someone who is overly chatty and doesn't read the room.  Just because you tend one way doesn't mean you cannot be a thoughtful "emotionally intelligent" person who reads the room.  I'm high energy, type A and I'm a really good listener who knows how to listen without rehearsing my response or interrupting etc.  I sit very quietly and listen. I am told I ask good follow up questions in a conversation which by definition I couldn't do if I was just yapping away and in my own high energy whirl.

Someone who is high energy -or low energy -and out interacting with people should have the goal of making the other people feel comfortable in their own skin. If they don't it's because of a separate issue not the energy issue IMO.

[yogacat]

14 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I am  high energy. type A a spunky go getter.  I don't express it in that  way.  I know of many high energy individuals who don't.  That's just someone who is overly chatty and doesn't read the room.  Just because you tend one way doesn't mean you cannot be a thoughtful "emotionally intelligent" person who reads the room.  I'm high energy, type A and I'm a really good listener who knows how to listen without rehearsing my response or interrupting etc.  I sit very quietly and listen. I am told I ask good follow up questions in a conversation which by definition I couldn't do if I was just yapping away and in my own high energy whirl.

Someone who is high energy -or low energy -and out interacting with people should have the goal of making the other people feel comfortable in their own skin. If they don't it's because of a separate issue not the energy issue IMO.

That's cool.

I'm an ISFJ (if you're into that stuff lol). So, I 100% agree with reading the room and being emotionally intelligent. I think that's something that can be learned and improved upon, regardless of personality type.

Personally, I am introverted and tend to have more laid-back energy, but that doesn't mean I can't be outgoing and energetic when the situation calls for it. I have learned to adapt and find a balance between expressing my high energy in a way that is not overwhelming for others, while still being true to myself.

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, yogacat said:

That's cool.

I'm an ISFJ (if you're into that stuff lol). So, I 100% agree with reading the room and being emotionally intelligent. I think that's something that can be learned and improved upon, regardless of personality type.

Personally, I am introverted and tend to have more laid-back energy, but that doesn't mean I can't be outgoing and energetic when the situation calls for it. I have learned to adapt and find a balance between expressing my high energy in a way that is not overwhelming for others, while still being true to myself.

I'm not into that sort of thing and respect that you are! I love how you approach situations! It's very thoughtful and giving.  Also I know full well I do too much especially early mornings and I am careful not to share all of that with most people -or at least anyone who isn't like me with all the high energy/multitasking/pushing myself which is second nature to me.  Because I'm quite aware that I am me and it doesn't make how I do things "right" or even a good way to do things - same with parenting because there's so much foolish comparison among moms as to who is going all out for your kids -or doing too much/helicopter and on and on.  I stay out of it and do my thing.  As it is -as the Chicks sang when they were the Dixie Chicks I took the long way around to marriage and motherhood so I already am a bit behind the eight ball lol.  

Lolita hope we're not hijacking!!

[mylolita]

OF COURSE NOT LADIES! 
 

I delight in the DISCUSSION! 🤣

 

Oh Jesus I can talk! I can talk the hind legs off a donkey. I can have a conversation with myself 🤣 If we’re getting into Myers Briggs types, I am @yogacat, of course, no other than an ENFP, so hold onto ya hats we’re in for a choppy ride 🕺☝️😆 Act now, think later. Bittersweet, up and down, contradictory, highly principled, loves individuals but maybe not so great with groups, bold, extroverted; gathers energy from people, but also needs solo time to process (we are classed as the most introverted of the extroverts). We can be prone to judgemental behaviour or stubborn digging our heals in. Preaching and not listening. Not good with fine details, disregards details - big picture thinker and planner. Never finishing tasks, travelling, either in our minds, or physically, but both will definitely do. Always have a lot of things on the go but nothing actually finished… 🫢 To generalise some. SWASHBUCKLING, as someone once put it! We read the room in our own way, disregard it, and do what we want anyway. Obsessed with authenticity, always asking ourselves “does this align with my values”. Feeling lead, for better or for worse. Tactless often, but sometimes gets away with it due to a bit of charm and humour. Sometimes doesn’t get away with it. Cue social nuclear explosion. Prone to the existentialist crisis, the dramatics, the monologue, the temper. Jumps to conclusions. Impulsive. Can be immature, petty and spiteful. Puts the few people we adore forever on a “I will die for you” pedestal. Likes to collect up introverts like Pokémon cards. To generalise. There is more 🤒

 

Whether I am akin to a full on give me love miniature doggo or… a donkey, I don’t mind LOL! 
 

Thank you for the lovely description @yogacat! 🔥 Oh boy! I wish I could throw you something back! I feel I maybe don’t know you well enough to give you a true zinger! ♥️

 

@Batya33! Can you tell me a little more about being a Type A? I feel I might be too! I am definitely NOT laid back. Never been accused of being calm, chill, laid back, boho… none of those words apply to me. Never wished for them either. I am organised but in my own way. Not the organised, stereotypical image of notes and binders and reminders. More like, it’s in my head so that’s good enough, I’m going with the flow but secretly I’ve thought about this for about 20 hours ☕️🤣

 

@yogacat Would you class yourself as a Type B personality? Does any of those typings resonate with you? 
 

I personally love looking at different personalities, characteristics! We have more that binds is together than keeps us apart; but I absolutely adore differences. The chill people! I love ‘em. I’m drawn to quiet introverts. They intrigue me to no end! 
 

I do my best to listen, I really do - especially when it comes to my husband (who is a cool, brutally straight shooting, always ultimate confident, divisive in many ways ENTP!) because we’re together so much it’s easy for me to verbally bulldoze over him but it won’t have it and stops me like a child with his hand up and says, “Lo - listen.” And I laugh and say “sorry sorry sorry, I’m listening I promise” then interrupt myself whilst interrupting him… 🤪

 

There is a famous Winston Churchill quote that I so relate to and it goes like this:

 

“Will you stop interrupting me while I am interrupting you!”
 

Hahaha! 
 

Looking forward to hearing it! 
 

x

[Batya33]

LOLLL Winston Churchill whose quotes taught me essay writing - as per our English teachers way back.  

I've been Type A forever.  But I am inspired by Type B and to be more chill -like my husband.  I love most parts of being Type A - love the go getter/spunky/direct (yes I do my best especially as i've aged to be direct, not blunt) - it is why I was successful in my full time career, why I am reaping the benefits now as I continue on part time, it is why I am married- I did the high alert husband hunting -but - very important -without being desperate. I was desperate in my 20s for a time and ironically as my bio clock ticked louder I became more confident in what I had to offer, there were better hair products for me to fight against my natural curls (so silly I know but... Jennifer Anniston hair!!) - and so despite that baby making push - I wasn't desperate I was proactive -in Type A fashion. 

It means I am highly disciplined so that I can get stuff done as a working mom of a guy who travels regularly and works far more than full time forever and ever.  

Here's the sort of downside -I have to - have to -not project the overly structured, disciplined stuff onto my son -too much -there has to be a balance. And it is why I am so very thankful my husband is type B -we tag team it so well.  He is very disciplined for example in teaching our son math - but I can't really explain how it is actually done in a Type B way.  (Anyway I am useless at math so I couldn't be even Type C if I tried to tutor lol). 

I love this discussion -thanks for continuing it here Lolita!!

[mylolita]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

LOLLL Winston Churchill whose quotes taught me essay writing - as per our English teachers way back.  

I've been Type A forever.  But I am inspired by Type B and to be more chill -like my husband.  I love most parts of being Type A - love the go getter/spunky/direct (yes I do my best especially as i've aged to be direct, not blunt) - it is why I was successful in my full time career, why I am reaping the benefits now as I continue on part time, it is why I am married- I did the high alert husband hunting -but - very important -without being desperate. I was desperate in my 20s for a time and ironically as my bio clock ticked louder I became more confident in what I had to offer, there were better hair products for me to fight against my natural curls (so silly I know but... Jennifer Anniston hair!!) - and so despite that baby making push - I wasn't desperate I was proactive -in Type A fashion. 

It means I am highly disciplined so that I can get stuff done as a working mom of a guy who travels regularly and works far more than full time forever and ever.  

Here's the sort of downside -I have to - have to -not project the overly structured, disciplined stuff onto my son -too much -there has to be a balance. And it is why I am so very thankful my husband is type B -we tag team it so well.  He is very disciplined for example in teaching our son math - but I can't really explain how it is actually done in a Type B way.  (Anyway I am useless at math so I couldn't be even Type C if I tried to tutor lol). 

I love this discussion -thanks for continuing it here Lolita!!

To quote my new friend, my palms pressed together and my rainbow knitted zip top pulled up - “Thank you for sharing.” 🤣🤣🤣 *monetary chants play over pan pipes and trickling water* 

 

No but really Batya, this is very insightful! I see how you and your husband work so well! 
 

I would also class myself as a go getter too - do I appear that way I am not sure? - because I am a full time mother people don’t think you can be that way without a career, but I “go got” other things like putting my energy into collecting art, making coin in other pursuits in different ways when I did work, taking on big home renovations and deciding to have all my children back to back like a total nutter, because I “always wanted that” 🥹 And of course, like you said! I too hunted down my MAYYYNN but taking a different route to you Batya; not making mine any better by the way! Ho ho ho! 
 

I’m not assertive in your maybe stereotypical way, but I always stand up for my principles and opinion and I’ll do it for other people too. I have many faults, but in school I was the social butterfly who jumped from group to group without actually having a group, and always championed the “outcast” or “underdog” and would always befriend the one standing alone! That’s how half my friendships ever started! 
 

And I never knew there was a Type C! What is this about Batya?! 
 

I am not organised or disciplined like yourself - I struggle with that daily straight like commitments and just float around for 24 hours on an emotional whim. One of the running jokes between me and my husband is, the night before he’ll ask me, “What do you have planned for tomorrow?” And I say, (genuinely), “I don’t know. I’ll see how I feel when I wake up.” Or sometimes it’s “I’ll see how the weather is” or “I’ll see how the kids feel” and, actually it never crosses my mind I can, with technology, check the weather… 🤪 I want to wake up and experience the surprise of it the next day!!! 
 

Massive lack of discipline and structure for me has often lead to: Over eating, over indulging in anything vice like, talking without thinking, doing something without checking; making rash mistakes and generally putting my foot in it! Oh and bring an absolutely chronically bad keeper of time, being late and rushing for everything! (And kind of, getting a weird high from the pressed rush?!) Doing almost everything last minute. 
 

I greatly admire both ways of doing things and couldn’t agree more than both have their fantastic strengths! 
 

In growing up a bit and having spent some time on this lil’ ol’ greeny blue planet, I can completely see why I irritate people, rub them up the wrong way or even offend them. But what me and my husband both share in common is, for the many people who dislike us, there is an essential, valuable and precious group of people who absolutely adore us. They know what they’re working with and enjoy us just the same, warts n’ all, and those few few select people have made very strong bonds that have lasted over the decades. 
 

x

 

 

[mylolita]

And, you can’t get much wittier and self depreciatingly regal than Sir Winston Churchill! 🚬 

 

x

[mylolita]

This discussion brings to mind one of my favourite scenes from the Disney picture ‘The Jungle Book’.

 

Balloo to me represents and exaggerated version of the extroverted, impulsive, bull in a China shop nature I have lived with for so long!! Bagera always reminds me of a more cautious, logical, detail orientated type. They make fantastic friends because of their ying and yang and deep respect for the differences of either! 
 

Hilarious scene anyway! I think the scrip highlights this dynamic perfectly! 

 

 

“Fire! So that’s what that scoundrel is after!”

 

”I’ll tear him limb from limb! I’ll beat him ill, I’ll… ooooooo yeah! Well maaaan what a beat!”

 

“Will you stop that silly beat business and listen! This will take brains, not braun.”

 

”You better believe it baby and I’m loaded with BOTH.”

 

“Will you listen!”

 

”Oh! Yeah.”

 

“Now, while you create a disturbance, I’ll rescue Mogali, got that?”

“I’m gone man, solid gone!”

 

”NOT YET BALLOO!”

 

🤣🤣🤣

 

 

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I would also class myself as a go getter too - do I appear that way I am not sure? - because I am a full time mother people don’t think you can be that way without a career,

I could not disagree more.  Ironically this woman friended me on FB yesterday -we're from the same FB group.  She hasn't worked for pay in many years but does a ton of community based volunteer work and one of her children -had cancer (!!!) and from all I know has been cured/in remission for many years now thank god but she works on volunteer stuff related to that too.  But even if she was "just" a mom it's not about career -for sure it can present itself that way but motherhood -parenting -requires skills and flexibility and  pyhsical and emotional strength and endurance and negotiation skills not just with the child but often with -the co-parent/other family members/teachers and on and on.  This woman is SUCH a go getter and so interesting to talk to!

I've had to be far more disciplined and structured to get my me time in plus the downsides of getting older with more health risks means taking care of myself -which isn't always fun me time -requires a lot of planning and scheduling and structuring. 

Type C was a joke lol

[mylolita]

Just now, Batya33 said:

I could not disagree more.  Ironically this woman friended me on FB yesterday -we're from the same FB group.  She hasn't worked for pay in many years but does a ton of community based volunteer work and one of her children -had cancer (!!!) and from all I know has been cured/in remission for many years now thank god but she works on volunteer stuff related to that too.  But even if she was "just" a mom it's not about career -for sure it can present itself that way but motherhood -parenting -requires skills and flexibility and  pyhsical and emotional strength and endurance and negotiation skills not just with the child but often with -the co-parent/other family members/teachers and on and on.  This woman is SUCH a go getter and so interesting to talk to!

I've had to be far more disciplined and structured to get my me time in plus the downsides of getting older with more health risks means taking care of myself -which isn't always fun me time -requires a lot of planning and scheduling and structuring. 

Type C was a joke lol

LMAOOOOO! 
 

See me like, “Type C type C what’s that what is that?!” 🤣

 

Ya got me Batya! 
 

And cheers Batya! I think I was playing devils advocate there because that is sometimes what I have received from other women. Because they are choosing a career and I’m not (at the moment!) I’m like, sometimes a “productive write off”. That’s absolutely fine by me of course, I don’t need anyone’s approval by God! 
 

Your friend sounds extremely admirable - I would feel exactly the same. How life throws these things at people, tests their nerve and character. People either sink or swim sometimes under great stress. What fortitude! 
 

Thank goodness you never let other people’s opinions get in your way regarding motherhood and children! Your strength has put you where you are now! I hope you give yourself a pat on the back sometimes Batya! Or, 5 minutes with a coffe… hahahaha! 
 

x

[mylolita]

It’s funny because I was just talking about relaxing and being calm with a friend yesterday and, they actually suggested yoga! 
 

And it made me think. I told them throughout the decade I had dipped in and out of beginners yoga. It only ever lasts a few months max and then I cut it off, for no obvious reason to myself then, I suppose it doesn’t float my boat as much as other things? 
 

I’m maybe… mindful… in my own, ridiculous way? 🤓

 

I suppose keeping a diary, which is near one of the few things I’ve done consistently in my life from about the age of 7, has been my way of chilling out. Sometimes. And as soon as I learnt how to drive, taking night drives, and dancing. Always danced obsessively since I was a kid and have always turned to dancing about the house in times of joy, fear, stress, love, sadness - anytime, along with writing, it’s my “go to” method of “zen”. Even though it doesn’t always produce a calming result.
 

x

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, mylolita said:

It’s funny because I was just talking about relaxing and being calm with a friend yesterday and, they actually suggested yoga! 
 

And it made me think. I told them throughout the decade I had dipped in and out of beginners yoga. It only ever lasts a few months max and then I cut it off, for no obvious reason to myself then, I suppose it doesn’t float my boat as much as other things? 
 

I’m maybe… mindful… in my own, ridiculous way? 🤓

 

I suppose keeping a diary, which is near one of the few things I’ve done consistently in my life from about the age of 7, has been my way of chilling out. Sometimes. And as soon as I learnt how to drive, taking night drives, and dancing. Always danced obsessively since I was a kid and have always turned to dancing about the house in times of joy, fear, stress, love, sadness - anytime, along with writing, it’s my “go to” method of “zen”. Even though it doesn’t always produce a calming result.
 

x

I have limited time to fit in my daily exercise so yoga doesn't make the cut but I practice 4-7-8 breathing at least once a day and often at night plus I do lower back/hamstring stretches almost every day which is calming!  I know yoga is the thing and I did different kinds several times many years ago!

[mylolita]

Again, thinking out loud, looking back at past actions.

 

For a sporadic seemingly high strung impulsive emotional type, for decades me and my husband have been absolute risk takers, financially especially. 
 

I remember a few times where we have been knocked down, my husbands nerve seems to have threatened to go. I was beyond harsh with him, shook him and said “Get a grip” and told him we need to either do it or throw in the towel, and I’m not throwing in the towel!

 

We are again due to potentially take on another big move, in business and property, and it has been initially suggested by the hubs, then spurred on by me. This is all behind the screens whilst the chicken roasts 🤣

 

It reminds me sometimes, brings to mind, the famous mantra of the British special forces. The SAS. Their motto is:

 

”He who dares, wins.”

 

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[mylolita]

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I have limited time to fit in my daily exercise so yoga doesn't make the cut but I practice 4-7-8 breathing at least once a day and often at night plus I do lower back/hamstring stretches almost every day which is calming!  I know yoga is the thing and I did different kinds several times many years ago!

I have often noticed you talk about this breathing method Batya! 
 

Is it sometimes referred to as “square breathing”? Or am I getting mixed up there? 
 

I don’t know if I have yet ever been properly stressed. I have been flustered with moving, juggling kids whilst pregnant, our finances near hitting the rocks a few times and my hubs nearly dying, but I can’t say I registered it then nor at the time. I think I feel deep sadness much more, melancholy, or depression. Maybe I am stressed without having the awareness to realise it! 
 

Never suffered from panic attacks, never done any breathing exercises - I’m sure I could benefit from yoga and breathing and both! I’m not saying I don’t ever get stressed but I think I might process it a little differently. I suppose when feeling confused or pinched, I turn to potentially a more creative outlet like dancing, writing, flower arranging, singing, picking up an instrument, going for a drive listening to music. Touch wood never had any trouble sleeping or staying asleep - sleep like a baby. 
 

My husband seems unstressed and like everything is very easy for him on the outside, but knowing him well he can be extremely stressed and not really show it or talk about it. His symptom of stress is not being able to get to sleep, or waking up in the night. Also stomach aches and having asthma exacerbated. Falling ill more often. 
 

ENFP’s are actually supposed to strangely be the personality types who handle stress the best. Is it our foolish daft childishness fantasy worlds we live in internally? I’m not sure. Up to now, so far, so good 💃

 

x

[Batya33]

It's generally like square breathing but not the 4-4-4 - and I do the Weil method for exhaling.  That's amazing about your stress levels and your husband yes may be repressing a bit too much and then suffering physically -I'm sorry!

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

It's generally like square breathing but not the 4-4-4 - and I do the Weil method for exhaling.  That's amazing about your stress levels and your husband yes may be repressing a bit too much and then suffering physically -I'm sorry!

Thanks for this Batya! 
 

By the way, I have no idea whatsoever what square breathing is, I just heard it said on this forum in response to your breathing method before 😆

 

I’m just the least yogi meditative type of person ever. I never even did a pregnancy or birthing class, not one. All my friends did hypno birthing and it sounded absolute bliss and so helpful, I just couldn’t be bothered to be frank 🤪 and ironically, through probably pure luck, I had the best most easy, straight forward text book births every time for all three! So many of my friends unfortunately even with the planning; they came into complications or even had serious problems that couldn’t be predicted - ended up being medical emergencies. I actually had two of mine in birthing hot tubs in the hospital and my last I say I was “land locked” because the pool was already being used 🤣

 

I’m not bragging Batya, it was pure luck with my kind of, plan and not plan cavalier way, last minute way as well, and I did get nervous and anxious sure thing, plenty of times! Plenty. But it, touch wood, always seems to work out in the end. 
 

Living right on the coast here, it’s a very liberal town, a very woo woo affluent kind of, I know the moon cycle town. And this just isn’t me, even though I would class myself as… no, maybe not spiritual in the hippy sense, but I feel immense emotion and gratitude everyday for simply being here and what I already have. I’m not sure if that is spiritual or not. But I have struggled to feel like I fit in. My husband definitely does not. Really traditional, “typical man”, comes from a working class rough background, still technically is working class because in England you never escape your birth class even if you do live in a middle class area. So finding people I click with has been a bit of an interesting one 😆 I don’t need anyone to think exactly like me but, it seems, they do, so we don’t gel on their terms. 
 

I would always admire and advocate whatever helps people through. I obviously have experienced stress, but I will say I haven’t lived a stressful life. I’ve never been the sole breadwinner, never had to really worry about money for long. Life up to now has been one huge gift, a real gorgeous thing and strangely, a mostly easy thing. And I don’t take that for granted. I know very hard times will come sooner than maybe I expect. My parents will die. Maybe even something worse, heaven give me the strength. You never know. So I enjoy it while I can and for me that seems to come in the form of being with my family, enjoying and curating whatever home and garden we find ourselves in, dancing, writing, enjoying clothes and historic places out, indulging and admiring art, always playing music and trying as much as I can, to live life on my own terms and… “cheat the system - for now” 🥲

 

I admire you greatly Batya and always appreciate your advice. It is caring but always realistic, and I value that greatly. 
 

I get on easier with women who are older than me, I don’t know why? Two of my good friends here are 71 and 73. They are very young 70 somethings but still, I’m 34. Age doesn’t really cross my mind too much when it comes to other people. I get on so so well with my husband and he’s nearly 10 years older than me. I got on extremely well with my Grandma on my mothers side and would have classed her as a timeless friend and soulmate! 
 

x

[mylolita]

The look of love!
 

Find someone who looks at you the way Pierce Brosnan looks at his wife Keely 😭

 

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