Diary Of A Redhead

[DarkCh0c0]

8 hours ago, mylolita said:

Oh? The Grind? The Grind, what? 
 

Can’t relate.

 

x

Who's done this painting? , It's lovely!

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I fully agree with you.

That's why I said I know one (one!) recent marriage story only, and those people rushed into marriage. We have no idea if they'll divorce, and it was proven in 2021 that "Couples who meet online six times more likely to divorce in early years of marriage, study finds". Six times!!

Source: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/divorce-marriage-online-dating-study-b1948675.html.

I hope I'll have a cute story to share too! 🥰

Better than:

Mom: So, I swiped on your father.

Children: Gasp 😮

Mom: I swiped right. Right! Sigh...

Children: 😪😁 as they keep obsessively swiping on their cyborg dating app in 2041.

Dark!

 

That is very interesting, I never heard that. I wonder why? 
 

My first guess is, when you select a partner, and who that is - is the most crucial part of finding success. If your “picker” and “instincts” are off, you won’t get the right match for you and you’ll find failure down the line. 
 

I think the ways humans pick mates having changed in hundreds of thousands of years. We have used the same biology and only recently, the way we select partners has been disrupted. Online dating, virtual selection, all of this interrupts the vital First Impression. I read once we gather thousands of not millions of micro pieces of information about a person in the first few seconds we observe them. Some of this is subconscious to our primordial brain - things like hormonal scents, pheromones that give indication to the health of someone’s immune system, which we know is absolutely essential in deciding whether someone is going to be a good genetic match to our own dna to create healthy relationships offspring! 
 

This is why recently, there have been legit articles reasoning that the pill, which tricks a woman’s body hormonal lay into thinking she is pregnant, causes a major interference in mate selection. It is causing women to select men they wouldn’t normally. I think there is quite a lot of research upcoming on this and articles can be searched - this is all in its infancy as the biology of human mechanics are so complicated. I read once they still don’t fully comprehend what information is passed from mother to baby even in breast milk. We know it increases a child’s IQ slightly, passes on information about the mothers immune system to her baby - all sorts, it’s vast, I’m no expert, just a graze reader. 
 

But I think you need that first, face to face, physical meet to properly gauge another person. Once you’ve already intersected virtually, you’ve tainted what would have been your instinctive and natural response. You need those 5 senses in my opinion! We’re animals and this is how we do it.

 

My strange advice to women wanting to seek a proper, serious man - the one to be with - would be to come off contraception, and stop anything virtual. We need to get back to basics and trust what we already have, which has been fine tuned over millions of years, to make the right selection for us. 
 

If I were single now I know it sounds trite but, I know for sure I wouldn’t be anywhere near a dating site and I’d be out and about, going about my usual days and hopefully, naturally, simply by being - I’d come across single men and maybe one would be interested. I’d judge from there. 
 

It’s easy to hide behind writing. When someone talks, what they say is a tiny fraction of how we process their communication. We subconsciously compute tone, body language, smell, eye movements. All of this is lost online. 
 

I can’t advocate being natural enough. 
 

I tell ya what girls! It’s worked over thousands of years for our female ancestors. They got here through plagues and horrific wars and famine. They birthed their babies, that long line of generation after generations. I think back to my Celtic ancestry and all the women in my line, how maybe many of them all had children, just like me, and maybe some of them even fell in love. But what I do know is they survived through all the odds to get here, so I can sit, at 9am in bed, with a pot of coffee. 
 

We try to reinvent the wheel when the old ways - sometimes - are what have got us here. 
 

There is nothing more beautiful to me than the rush of seeing someone for the first time, as a complete stranger. Some of my most interesting friendships have also started that way! And then there is this lovely historic story to tell as well! 
 

I remember the first time I came to this town, I was with D and the kids in a park we’d never been too. We were soaking up the new space. Now that park is beyond familiar, but all the trees made new sounds, and all the railings stood extra proud and elegant to fresh eyes! 
 

There was no one else on a blustery, cold November day, but a slim, long legged woman with dark hair, wearing a chunky fisherman jumper. She was pushing a chubby red headed girl in a swing. 
 

We got talking. She mentioned vaguely where she lived. I thought I knew where she meant and said, “Oh yeah! The cute house by the big tree?” I later knew when I bumped into her again she actually lived in the grandest house this town has to offer 🤣 We got each others numbers and I remember we both took turns nearly falling over trying to spin all our kids round on this turn table thing! 
 

We’re brilliant friends now! She is probably my only true friend. And we often talk about that quiet day we met, both new in town! She even remembers what I was wearing. 
 

It just wouldn’t have been the same online. I liked her straight away and think I’m a decent judge of character. I haven’t been proved wrong yet.

 

Our instincts are pretty good but are scrambled over the plastic ether of online! 
 

Dark - I agree! 
 

x

[mylolita]

9 hours ago, yogacat said:

Why are you wasting time browsing through dating sites just to encounter said garbage incarnate?😄😉

Least you get straight to the point upfront and personal! Dismiss in an instant and don’t waste your precious time! 
 

Cut out the slack! Ship in or ship out, as they say! 🤤

 

x

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

My first guess is, when you select a partner, and who that is - is the most crucial part of finding success. If your “picker” and “instincts” are off, you won’t get the right match for you and you’ll find failure down the line

I think it has to do with a variety of factor like high expectations from the apps, expectations of quick results, being desperate and wanting a relationship quickly, or not doing enough background checks on this stranger met online. 

The picker can be off irl and on the apps.

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

This is why recently, there have been legit articles reasoning that the pill, which tricks a woman’s body hormonal lay into thinking she is pregnant, causes a major interference in mate selection. It is causing women to select men they wouldn’t normally. I think there is quite a lot of research upcoming on this and articles can be searched - this is all in its infancy as the biology of human mechanics are so complicated

I did read that study too. I kinda wish they made such studies before rolling out the pill, or any pill really. But big pharma doesn't have such interests in mind for obvious reasons. How can they make more profit if big disclaimers are listed on medication which in turn discourage people from making more purchases?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

think it has to do with a variety of factor like high expectations from the apps, expectations of quick results, being desperate and wanting a relationship quickly, or not doing enough background checks on this stranger met online. 

The picker can be off irl and on the apps.

It would be interesting to know if those who are inclined to date online -I mean to delay meeting in person and/or they pick people they cannot meet in person -because of geography, or marital status or financial reasons in favor of typing/talking/Facetiming on line are more likely to make poor choices if indeed they meet in person and marry.  Or commit.  I mean I would think so.  Or people who go online particularly because they are instant gratification types IRL.  They go to bars and clubs and expect to meet someone to go home with, expect it will be easy enough to click, keep dating ,etc.  

It's kind of correlation without causation. Like if a SAHM subscribes to a meal delivery service which is a form of instant gratification lol instead of waiting for fresh meals/food to cook - does this mean she's presumably not going to cook her own food well/too impatient a person to cook? To me you have to delve deeper -maybe her crock pot broke or maybe her friend's cousin's sister gets commission from the meal delivery service and promised to dog sit for a discount if she becomes a customer.

My grandparents and parents couldn't swipe right.  Many in their generation though did an equivalent of that -women had limited options and being an old maid wasn't so appealing.  So they swiped right because as my mother's friend put it "I heard bells ringing when I first saw him" - they had a long marriage and after he passed away she discovered all the secrets he'd been keeping that really hurt her future -financial secrets.

I was on the pill on and off from around 1991-2005.  A lot of the reason was for really painful periods. It helped me function! My desire to be a mother started when I was a child way before I had any hormones racing through, years before I began my menstrual cycle.  I didn't have my period at all from ages 16-20 or so because I was underweight and I still wanted to be a mom -in the future! - just as much.  So for me it didn't seem to make a difference.  

[itsallgrand]

On 7/4/2024 at 4:00 PM, mylolita said:

My opinion on Dating Sites?

 

Don’t expect to eat a filet mignon at a buffet. 
 

🥩

I always felt that way about clubs and bars. Sure, you might find a winner, but chances are it's not the place to meet someone worth seeing outside of there.

When I was very young and going to clubs and bars a lot, some of my girlfriends did see men they met at the bar. One or two had relationships come of it. A few had scary encounters, the most memorable being my friend waking up the dude was gone and her tires were slashed.  Nice!

Online dating at least I'm not drunk when I'm picking. Can't vouch for the people on the other end though lol. 

[yogacat]

What bout funerals?

Someone I know has been married for 20+ years.

They met, of all places, at a funeral and hooked up that night.

I guess grief can bring people together.

The husband is from a very well to do close knit family. They have two grown kids and grandkids.

My friend and I always joke that we somehow think back to this incident and find solace that love comes to all at the most difficult times. We’re not vapid we just think people will look back and say ‘dear god love comes at the most unexpected times and places!’

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

What bout funerals?

Someone I know has been married for 20+ years.

They met, of all places, at a funeral and hooked up that night.

I guess grief can bring people together.

The husband is from a very well to do close knit family. They have two grown kids and grandkids.

My friend and I always joke that we somehow think back to this incident and find solace that love comes to all at the most difficult times. We’re not vapid we just think people will look back and say ‘dear god love comes at the most unexpected times and places!’

My friend met her husband because he noticed her across a Manhattan street. He waved and she walked over.  Another couple met on a blind date -except at the last minute who they were supposed to meet was switched.  (Sorry I forgot whether husband or wife). My sister met her husband of 20 years through a print personal ad.  (they divorced after 20 years).  I met my husband because I crossed a crowded room to meet the new employee because he knew no one unlike the other newbies and I felt sorry for him.

My friend met his future wife on a commuter train.  They were both engaged.  One day he saw her get off the train and return her ring to some guy.  Shortly after that he broke his engagement (they were on the rocks).  I am not sure if they'd already chatted.  What I know for sure was neither of them flirted, cheated nothing like that!

[mylolita]

14 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Who's done this painting? , It's lovely!

Hey Dark! 

 

It’s by a painter called Guy Rose! I can’t remember if it’s titled or not! 
 

x

[DarkCh0c0]

@yogacat funeral! That's a wild card for sure.

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My friend met her husband because he noticed her across a Manhattan street. He waved and she walked over.  Another couple met on a blind date -except at the last minute who they were supposed to meet was switched.  (Sorry I forgot whether husband or wife). My sister met her husband of 20 years through a print personal ad.  (they divorced after 20 years).  I met my husband because I crossed a crowded room to meet the new employee because he knew no one unlike the other newbies and I felt sorry for him.

My friend met his future wife on a commuter train.  They were both engaged.  One day he saw her get off the train and return her ring to some guy.  Shortly after that he broke his engagement (they were on the rocks).  I am not sure if they'd already chatted.  What I know for sure was neither of them flirted, cheated nothing like that!

Awww so sweet. I love all the sweet stories 🥰🩷🧡

Now, the street meet up couple is a wild one too! Are they still together? I need to keep my eyes open 🧐

[DarkCh0c0]

7 minutes ago, mylolita said:

It’s by a painter called Guy Rose! I can’t remember if it’s titled or not! 

He's got great paintings. They make me want to travel back in time.

[Batya33]

24 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@yogacat funeral! That's a wild card for sure.

Awww so sweet. I love all the sweet stories 🥰🩷🧡

Now, the street meet up couple is a wild one too! Are they still together? I need to keep my eyes open 🧐

I’ve mentioned this story before but bears repeating. The woman when I knew her was so so beautiful. Like a model. Thing is she also was just such a lovely and also intelligent.very successful too.  Her mom noticed she looked down and missed seeing men noticing her. They were shopping at a department store. My friend was tall and maybe it was a posture thing ? So mom suggested - look up when you walk. So she says she followed mom’s advice and that’s how she saw her future husband wave at her ! I lost touch with her personally. I hope they are still married ! This was in the late 90s.  

[DarkCh0c0]

30 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I’ve mentioned this story before but bears repeating. The woman when I knew her was so so beautiful. Like a model. Thing is she also was just such a lovely and also intelligent.very successful too.  Her mom noticed she looked down and missed seeing men noticing her. They were shopping at a department store. My friend was tall and maybe it was a posture thing ? So mom suggested - look up when you walk. So she says she followed mom’s advice and that’s how she saw her future husband wave at her ! I lost touch with her personally. I hope they are still married ! This was in the late 90s.  

I do remember the story, but I was wondering if they are still together. Still a cute story 🥰 thank you for sharing it again.

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

He's got great paintings. They make me want to travel back in time.

Ah! That’s it! ‘The Green Mirror’ 1911!

 

His full name is Guy Orlando Rose and he was an American impressionist painter!
 

I had to look it up, my memory is terrible! 
 

Thanks Dark! I love art - especially portraits, especially! Before the kids I would wake up at 4am to walk around outdoor antique fairs and find original oil paintings. I’d love to take them but it’s a lot of travel! 
 

My husband is an art dealer! He sells antiques as well and specialises in certain objects. 
 

What kind of art do you like? ☺️
 

x

[mylolita]

I think I like this little life;

 

 

x

 

[mylolita]

—-

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,

Alone and palely loitering?

The sedge has withered from the lake, 

And no birds sing.

 

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,

So haggard and so woe-be gone?

The squirrels granary is full,

And the harvest’s done. 

 

I see a lily on thy brow,

With anguish moist and fever-dew,

And on thy cheeks a fading rose

Fast withereth too. 
 

I met a lady in the meads,

Full beautiful- a faery’s child,

Her hair was long, her foot was light, 

And her eyes were wild. 

 

I made a garland for her head, 

And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;

She looked at me as she did love,

And made sweet moan 

 

I set her on my pacing steed, 

And nothing else saw all day long,

For sidelong would she bend, and sing

A faery’s song.

 

She found me roots of relish sweet,

And honey wild, and manna-dew,

And sure in language strand she said- 

‘I love thee true.’

 

She took me to her Elfin grot,

And there she wept and sighed full sore, 

And there I shut her wild wild eyes

With kisses four.

 

And there she lulled me asleep,

And there I dreamed-Ah! woe betide!-

The last dreamt I ever dreamt

On the cold hill side. 
 

I saw pale Kings and Princes too,

Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;

They cried - ‘La Bella Dame sans Merci

Thee hath in thrall!” 

 

I saw their starved lips in gloam,

With horrid warning gaped wide,

And I awoke and found me here,

On the cold hill’s side.

 

And this is why I sojourn here, 

Alone and palely loitering,

Though the sedge is withered from the lake,

And no birds sing.

 

——

- John Keats 

 

‘The Beautiful Lady Without Pity’

‘La Bella Dame sans Merci’

- Frank D icksee

[mylolita]

‘Chivalry’

 

[mylolita]

🖋️ 

[mylolita]

We have a lot goin’ on; c’mon. Let’s kick back and chill. Sit with me for awhile. 
 

Let’s sit. 

 

x

[mylolita]

I’ll have a write up goin’ out even the day I die. 
 

I know it to be true. 
 

Dear Diary, Dear Diary… Diary Dearest, Dairy Do… I wonder what I’ll say?

 

x 

[mylolita]

You’re outclassed, out gunned. 
 

A piece of you? 
 

You don’t have it to give. 

 

x

[mylolita]

We are what we put ourselves through. 
 

We are, our consistent thoughts.

 

We become what we tell ourselves we are.

 

You pen the story of your feature.

Make it a damn good one! 

 

x

[mylolita]

The most important thing you can do, the most essential thing you can do; the most rewarding, wise… significant thing, you can ever do - is prioritise love. 
 

Put it before all other things. Wealth, respect, knowledge and power all pale in comparison to what true love brings. 

 

The ballards end laments at those who do not know the riches of love.

 

 

To quote Peterson, 

 

“Y’know, you should get the hell on with it.”

 

x

[DarkCh0c0]

On 7/10/2024 at 10:50 PM, mylolita said:

‘Chivalry’

 

I wish I could go back in time and experience this type of chivalry. So sexy!

[mylolita]

You make a grown man cryyyyy 

 

x