Girlfriend of one year kissed another guy and lied! PLEASE HELP! ADVICE!

[phawkins85]

Okay, sorry for the length of this, but I am stuck im a situation and I need help to make a decision! and I have to tell the whole story. So I am 22, and my girlfriend of a little over a year now is 21. We saw each other from time to time in high school and ended up getting together and started a relationship. I had a thing going on with Another girl, only for a couple of months right before me and my current gf got together, but the girl was moving to Miami and I had NO FEELINGS towards her at all what so ever. Me and my current gf got together and I must admit before I say what happened, the first week in my new relationship I kissed the other girl before she went to Miami, and we almost had sex, but it didn't get to that point.

 

I felt bad and guilty, and I lied to my current gf about where I was that night, and the Miami girl moved and ever since that day I was ALWAYS FAITHFUL! No other girl had been involved in our relationship since then on my part. Fast forward, months with my current gf go by, and I must say I truly fell in love with this girl. I have never felt this way about any woman in my life. We had many, many ups and downs but we have had soo many good times. The main problem that has happened in our relationship is constant arguing. Over little and sometimes big things, mostly dumb things when I really think about it. It got so bad that we both thought about breaking up because it happened so frequently, but we always stuck it out. One night months into our relationship, maybe 8-9, I asked her if our arguing led her to ever think about being with someone else, and she said yes! I was hurt! And she even told me it was someone specifially, a guy in his late 20's that she has school with! She kept it honest with me and said that she looked at his characteristics, and thought maybe he wouldn't argue so much and he was focused on school alot and knows what he wants in life. I was crushed! Granted she was always still with me and she explained that to me. She said even though she looked at that she was still here with me and she never left me for him at any point and I asked her the question so she gave me the honest answer.

 

A month or so went by, and it still bothers me to this day, but I let it go. One night a few months later, we got into a huge argument and she went out with some friends bowling. I had a bad idea because she said she was going with friends from school. I had a gut feeling that the guy she told me she thought about or looked at being with was gonna be there. She went out, we didn't talk much that night, we nade up from the argument, and months went on. That was in about April 2014 and we have been together since June 2013. Now maybe in about May or maybe even June of this year, I finally asked her who was all there that night and she said she would tell me if I don't get mad, sure enough that guy was there. I already knew. Now as a whole, these last few months leading up to our first year together have been amazing! We both agree that these times have been absolutely incredible and we have had so much fun together. I am in love with her and she says she is in love with me. I have done soo much for her and honestly she has for me. She holds me down in tight situations and is always there when I am at my lowest. She is a very smart and beautiful girl and I really think about moving out with her and a future together.

 

So rewind to a few days ago, she asks me if I ever cheated on her specifically asking if I ever had sex with anyone else in our relationship, I tell her no, which was the truth. I never told her about kissing the other girl the first week. I had ALOT of chances to do so though, but I never once cheated on her after that first week because I fell in with her! I knew I would feel so guilty if I did and that it would come back on me. Even through our arguing, it never once led me to think about doing or being with anyone else. Then I asked her if she did, and she said no. I asked again, then she said please don't be mad at me. I asked again, she specifically said "it's not what I did, its what someone did to me..". I got mad and asked what happened. She told me that night she went bowling which was in April, that guy from school kissed her, just a peck and she backed up as if she didn't kiss him back. And then she left. Thats the first story.

 

I kept pushing her to tell me the truth because I knew she said she thought about being with him. Then she told me, she let him kiss her. Now I am angry! Why did she lie? I was so hurt. Why did you lie and why did you let him do it. She says it was a mistake but we had argued so much to that point she wanted to see if any feelings were there for him at that point. She let him kiss her, just a peck she claims (which I don't believe) and then she left that night. Me and her are together alot, and she doesn't text or call anyone really at all but me. And she would never really have time to, because we work in the same place and are always together. She said her and him stopped talking after that, and i did see a change in that for a while because they did talk from time to time about school, but I had no idea why until now. She has apologized so many times, told me she made a stupid mistake, she wants me and only me, give her another chance and that she doesn't want to see me with anyone else. She says nothing else happened that night, but idk what to believe because she lied at first! I feel like i can't even trust her. All I did for you leading up to that and you cheat on me.

 

We were together 9-10 months when that happened. When I kissed the other girl there were NO feelings really at all towards my current gf because it was only the first week. I know that doesn't make it right, but its still the truth. Idk if I should leave her or not, we just made it past a year and i'm just now finding out about this. And it hurts so bad. She keeps texting me saying she doesn't want to be without me and that she loves mr so much and honestly I have never had anyone like her or done the things we have done. Alot if the thing we have done have been a first fir both of us. I really don't want to let her go at all, but idk how to get past that. Too much has added up with that guy from her schol and I

idk what to do! PLEASE HELP AND ADVISE ASAP!

[HeartGoesOn]

phawkins85,

 

Please break this down into paragraphs, where it can be readable.

[phawkins85]

Sorry! I did!

[phawkins85]

To add also to my post.... She said she regrets it and if she could take it back she could because it was a stupid mistake. She says that it wasn't worth it and she knows it's not worth losing me and that she didn't tell me because she was scared and didn't want me to leave her. Please advise guys, I really don't know if I should leave ir stay!

[catfeeder]

Nobody here knows you, while you know yourself well enough to know whether this is something you can let go of.

 

If you can't, then it would be foolish to stay in a relationship where you'll only make yourself and her miserable enough to NEED to get out.

 

Why not tell GF that you adore her and can picture the two of you together in the future someday provided you're able to let go this issue--and you need to walk away to determine whether that's possible for you. If she's still available once you've worked this out, you'll either meet to catch up and you will never raise it again, or the time will teach you both that love isn't enough and you're not right for one another.

 

If she won't go along with that, then you'll need to decide whether to risk her never changing her mind while you move on, or whether you can drop the incident for good and never raise it again.

 

These are the kinds of choices that nobody else can make for us, because nobody else is living our life for us.

 

Head high.