Trying No Contact but unsure if right move

[oereich]

First time posting here...

 

My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago before I left on a trip. We discussed things and we decided to try things when I got back as she really wanted things to work as well...she realized though as much as she wanted to try the feelings were not there anymore, she had distanced herself for a few reasons outside of my control.

We were friends for a long time before we dated and she really wants to go back to that, doesn't want to lose such a good friend. We both think things can probably work out at some later date as we both have so much in common and want the same things in life, we think timing was the main issue here. So I'm hoping it can. However, I'm not sure how to go about that. At first, I thought staying friends, she would get those feelings back at some point. However, after reading a lot, I think it is best I get over my feelings first with no contact. The breakup did go "well", there was a lot of crying, sadness, pain but no resentment. As such, I told her I need time apart to deal with my feelings and let her know if I haven't written back to her, she could only write to me in 1.5 months.

 

I would like to make a decision that would give us the best chance of working out eventually, as I really believe things could potentially work out at some later date. Should I stick with the NC for the month and a half and then maybe try to be friends if I am ready and see where it goes? Should I wait longer? I am in a dilemma.

 

My ex compared us to Ross and Rachel from Friends (tv show). Saying how even though it didn't work now, she likes to think if we stay friends, it can work at a later date cuz if we don't talk, nothing will ever happen...

 

Thanks for all the replies.

[Man with Dog]

I would not stake your life on the outcome of this. If her feelings other than friendship for you have gone, there is little or no chance that they can return. It may be possible for you to be friends with her but only after you are truly over the romantic part of the relationship.

 

You don't have to go complete NC but I would avoid actually meeting for a long time.

 

Good luck.

[oereich]

So once feelings are gone, they can never come back? Ever?

 

I am doing NC to get over her, not to win her back. I'm just trying to figure out if there is still a chance though, one day things might turn around? It is not what I'm hoping for, I'm wondering. I feel like it would help me let it go.

[SooSad33]

Her 'feelings aren't there anymore'. Sadly, that can happen.

 

You're choice to go NC. But I do suggest you two take a good break away from each other so things can settle.

And yes, in time NC will help YOU on accepting & healing.

 

It is hard to be a 'friend' with an ex.. until those 'feelings' are gone.

 

So, yes, give it a while. Let the dust settle before you 'hang' as friends.. if that's what you really want. When the time comes.

[sharky988]

You're not really ready to be *just friends* with an ex until you can be genuinely happy to hear her gushing about dating and falling in love with other people. When you can accept that YOU will no longer be her best friend -- or that special opposite sex best friend -- because that spot will now go to her new boyfriend.

 

It's really hard to watch someone move on to other people. That's what being friends with an ex means.

 

Ross and Rachel were fictional characters and designed to create romantic tension over however may seasons that series ran. In real life, this doesn't translate -- other than to agree to be each other's Plan B.

 

On tv, romantic feelings exist between Plan Bs..... in real life, feelings of love and attraction diminish when someone agrees to go on being your Plan B person.... you lose respect and attraction someone who's in there hoping and waiting for so many years.

 

To me, it sounds like she'd like to keep you "on hold" while she looks around to see who else is out there. If you agree to wait patiently and keep yourself available -- through contact -- she's going to end up using you for emotional/flirty support for as long as she needs you, and then dumping you when she finds her next boyfriend. (Who, by the way, will see to it that your "special friendship" comes to a permanent end because he won't want you in the picture!)

 

Stop holding her hand through this breakup. You've already given her an emotional safety net for the next 1-1/2 months, promising to be available once again at that time..... which is only going to keep HER from really missing you -- and worse is going to keep YOU in limbo, hoping and waiting instead of healing!

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed