Ex broke NC and now wants to meet....

[Rysen]

Hi everyone,

How was everybody's holidays? Mine have been interesting, to say the least, but generally enjoyable.

 

As the title says, my ex broke NC recently. It was before Christmas so I was a bit surprised. It's kind of a long story how it came to happen, but around the beginning of December I logged into an old MSN account that I forgot she was on, and was not blocked. So, she basically messaged me right away saying that she wasn't sure if she should try and talk to me but that if I was up for it that she wanted to. I really didn't know what to do, but I figured since she started the conversation, it's been 4 months since we've had contact of any kind, I'm feeling better, it's the holidays...why not? So I replied.

 

It was actually a really nice conversation. Nothing heavy, just casual catching up and talking about school, how finals were going, etc. I ended the conversation as I had to go, and was generally pleased that I didn't get upset and rather thought of it as just a conversation with an old friend I hadn't had in a long time. At the end though, she expressed that she had missed me a lot and that "there hasn't been a day that's gone by that [she] hasn't thought about [me]." Which was kind of nice to hear...I didn't really know how to respond so I just said it was nice talking to her again, and promptly went offline.

 

Another week or so we end up in another conversation on MSN. She's home from school now for the holiday's and asked if she could see me before she went back to school. I wasn't too sure about the idea, but in all honesty I have a lot going on in my life so I politely replied that I wasn't sure if I was going to have any time as I am really busy these days. She then asked if the opportunity came to be, if I would be up to meeting with her. A part of me really would like to see her again...and since she goes to school in a different city now, the odds of us running into each other are slim to none, so I said that if we could find time that maybe we could go for a coffee one day. She seemed content with that answer and the conversation ended. That afternoon she appearntly called me for the first time in 4 months. I was out, but I saw her number on my call display. I later spoke with her best-friend (who is one of my closest friends) who asked if my ex had gotton a hold of me. I asked why she called, and appearntly it was because she wanted to plan getting together. It was Christmas Eve, I had a lot going on family wise, so I decided not to return her call and just enjoy my holidays.

 

She e-mailed me Christmas night to wish me a Merry Christmas but also to say that she was going away with her family for a couple of days, but would return on the 28th. "Would you want to get together for awhile? Go for coffee or something? I would love to see you....but don't feel pressured."

 

And that was it. In each instance she seems to make the request as though it were a new one and not one we had all ready discussed which has me kind of wondering, but I try not to think too much into it. She seems eager to see me, but also really nervous about even asking. As far as I know she is still seeing someone at her school, I'm about 90% sure, so I doubt that she is wanting to get back together or anything. I'm just wondering what people's thoughts are on this. Since she went away for school, I have been making quite a name for myself locally as a musician and have really been improving myself as an individual. I know she's been keeping "tabs" on me, via my livejournal, as she brought up a few things in our conversations which I had discussed in my journal and not to anyone in particular.

 

Our relationship didn't end horribly, but I didn't want to break up. I understood that we are both young and that this was her first serious relationship so, despite the pain I could understand that she may be wondering what else is out there, so I really hold nothing against her. It's kind of funny, but to prepare for the chance that we do meet I decided to look at some old photo's of her. (First time since I asked for NC 4 months ago.) I ended up looking at the photos from a school trip she took a few days after we broke up...she looked so sad in each one...

 

Anyway! Generally, I guess I'm wondering if a). I should go for coffee with her since I probably won't have a chance to see her again until the summer when she comes home and b). why do you suppose she's trying so hard to meet up with me after all this time? I would have assumed she'd be angry with me for asking for NC, but she seems incredibly eager to see me now that she has a chance. It's kind of confusing.

 

Thanks to all who read and I apologise for the length. I really should start writing this stuff out as it happens instead of in one lump sum. ^_^

Happy Holiday's all,

-Rysen

[Mentor]

Rysen,

 

I think that she probably misses you, and would like to see you again. I doubt that this means she wants to get back together. You are her ex-bf, you obviously mean a great deal to her, and she wants to catch up, and see how you are doing.

 

Of course she is nervous contacting you. First, you asked for NC, so she is not sure if it is welcome. Second, even though you are exes, and 4 months have passed, I am sure that talking to you brings butterflies to her stomach, just as it does to yours. Imagine what seeing each other face-to-face will feel like.

 

She obviously understood your need for NC, and does not begrudge you that.

 

Only you can answer if you should see her or not. How do you feel?

[Rysen]

Ah, I knew there was a reason I posted on here.

 

Thanks for your reply. You've definitely put things into perspective...there was that faint shimmer of hope (despite me not really wanting to be in a relationship right now) that it meant more than just wanting to see me, so I ended up making a bigger deal out of it than it really was. But now that I read your post, I agree with everything that you wrote. She probably just misses me.

 

I think I will meet up with her, as I know that I won't have that chance again for a very long time, and really...it doesn't hurt to think about her anymore. Even looking at the old photos seemed to bring back more fond memories than ones of sadness.

 

Just to clarfiy though, we've been apart for about 9 months now, but I only did NC for the last 4. That was my fault for not mentioning that.

 

Anyway, thanks for your reply and making things clearer for me. I shall go in with 0 expectations and only to catch up with an old friend.

Cheers,

-Rysen

[Switch187]

I guess I'll throw in my 1 cent since it's almost the same as above. First for the questions you have/had

 

a) Going out with her is totally up to you. Just because you say yes doesn't mean you want to get back together, and she probably knows this. Obviously she ment a great deal to you, and vice versa, so she may still want you to be a part of her life. As the other person said, only you can answer if you should or shouldn't, it's just depends on how you feel about everything (not with just seeing her, but with the possiblity of a "us" conversation coming up).

 

b) Well she may have been angry at first when you asked for NC, but in time she realized it was what both of you needed to "find yourselves" and figure out what you wanted. I think during that time she started to really miss you (you were her first serious b/f, and that means a lot to her) and now wants to at least talk to you, instead of just read about you. She probably wanted the breakup to find herself, get some space, see what she wanted in life, or anything else like that, and during those past 9 months she may have found that you are what she wants. Although this may be way off, it just really sounds like she wants something more from you now that she has had time to think. A lot of the things she has said/did to you are the same things that my g/f did when she was my ex (we broke up so she could see if her feeling were really right, or if she was just in love with being in love, not me), and when I did go meet up with her she did tell me that she wanted to get back together.

 

So I also just wanted to say that if she did want to get back together with you, and she tells you this when you meet, this leaves everything in your court. The power of the relationship is pretty much all yours, and if you do want to try things out again, then you have the power to set up some rules/boundries to make sure that she is on the level with you. One of the things I did/said to my g/f was that I couldn't trust her completely with my heart again until I knew for sure that she was serious. I told her I didn't know what I was looking for to prove this, or what she had to do, but once I did find/see it then I would let her know that my heart was hers again. She did many things (like showing more attention, being more honest and upfront with me, and making an effort to make this relationship work). Well I hope the best to you, I'm glad that you are "over" her and have a clear head, and I just wish you the best of luck with whatever you do.

 

(Sorry if I don't make sense right now, I took a Soma for my knee injury and it's making me a bit spacy right now).

[bdub]

Rysen,

 

It sounds like you are in the right place to meet up with her. One thing that you said in particular is important. And that was you are going in with 0 expectations. Stick to that, cause its important.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[Rysen]

Thanks for the replies switch and bdub, I appreciate them greatly.

 

I replied to her e-mail telling her that I would like to get together this week (as she goes back to school this weekend), and asked her to give me a call when she gets home to finalise plans.

 

So I will let you all know how it goes.

 

Cheers,

Rysen