The Chronicles of Bunney's Love Life

[Bunney]

Well not directly after we slept together - that was the week before & he did initiate contact after our intimate encounter. But yes I agree, a week without a word does make me wonder.

 

First day of work again today, the first hours were kinda awkward/strange with both of us not speaking to/looking at eachother much, and damn I REALLY tried to be standoffish/cold but he 'warmed up to me' after a couple of hours, smiling a lot, poking fun at me, and jeeeeze when he is that way I can't help but become bubbly and smiley myself.

 

He purposely took his lunch break at the same time as I did so we could spend some time in the lunch room playing table soccer (dont know if that's the right term?) which is kind of a tradition for us, then went outside and sat on a bench. He asked me about my holiday and I asked him about his, according to him he wasn't really "busy" so much as just spending time being lazy with his family, sleeping a lot etc. Said he only went out twice. He also mentioned something about having had some stress, as in arguments with his family or something. In the conversation I did make it clear that I wasn't exactly happy about the lack of contact, although in a very light-hearted, non-serious, non-pushy way. One of his responses was 'but you didn't write to me either'. Hmmm.

 

On our way back inside to work, as we entered the door he suddenly said 'you look very beautiful today'. Ha.

 

His job interview appearently went well and it seems as if he is serious about setting his move into motion. When that is, who knows. Maybe 1-2 months, maybe more.

 

Somehow, at this point, I almost wish he would just be gone already. Seeing him, no matter what he does; whether he talks to someone or just sits by himself, elicits feelings of affection and adoration in me, like I just wanna hug him and be with him. I dont like it, and if he was gone, it would be much easier to forget about everything. I'm afraid that by the time he does move away, my feelings will have gotten to a point where it would be very painful to say goodbye.

 

(Aaand now he's texting again. First one since Dec 24th. Nothing important or significant though)

[Bunney]

Mmmmhm.

Things were a little weird since my last post.

 

Tuesday and Wednesday he was very attentive and affectionate, writing to me on whatsapp in the evenings etc, however on Thursday we had a tiny conflict - did something that made him angry (and he had every right to be), nothing too bad but things ended up being VERY tense and strange between us for the rest of the day and the following day (Friday).

 

We then started texting on Friday evening, where I said my apologies for the issue we had the day before, and he quickly turned warm and normal again - we ended up writing for about 2 hours, during which he had gotten quite tipsy (not full-on drunk), and somewhere along the line he wrote pretty much out of nowhere: "You really are amazing", then after my reply, "No in general - in everything I have seen of you so far". Really caught me by surprise, but made me very happy to hear. Quite unlike him to make a statement like that, seems too 'emotional' considering its coming from a guy who described himself as emotionally cold/crippled. The convo ended on a very light/positive note, but since then we haven't spoken again so far (well, it was only 2 days ago).

 

Hmm. Dont really know what else to write. I am still thinking about what he said (that he finds everything knows of me so far amazing) and if it could be a hint that he maybe has (deeper) feelings for me.

 

But then I can hear my gut telling me again that it's all pointless anyway.

 

](*,)

[Batya33]

Those are flattering words he typed. Have his actions reflected a sincere interest in you, that he cares about you as a person, that he wants to get to know you and know on any regular basis how you are doing?

[Bunney]

Have his actions reflected a sincere interest in me, that he cares about me as a person, that he wants to get to know me and know on any regular basis how I am doing?

No, probably not. Well, he did when we first met back in November, I could 'feel' that he saw me as relationship material and his actions reflected that, it literally changed the day he got the email from the company back in his hometown. Since then, he has often seemed stressed and conflicted - I mean, his actions and his vibes still tell me he desires me enormously, and likes me a lot as a person (of course - we have a lot of fun together, we 'click'), but yeah, it no longer feels like this is headed in a more serious direction.

 

And it makes sense, right? He knows he's moving, so why would he put any more effort into getting to know me on a personal level aka risk falling in love with me.

 

It all became much more clear yesterday.

 

We happened to get off work at the same time, so we got in his car, drove a while then stopped in a quiet area somewhere, we started making out and it got pretty heated.. with some dirty stuff going on.

 

While the dirty stuff happened (no sex tho), I suddenly felt really uncomfortable. I stopped and told him that this feels weird, but struggled to find the words to explain what & why exactly.

 

We started talking and I told him that I'd like to get to know him better, on a more personal level, to which he said 'Oh, there's not much to know about me', and also 'thats very relationship-like'.

 

Also mentioned how we haven't done much outside of work yet, and he replied what I know already (he's working 10-12 hour shifts almost every day even weekends, then gets home feeling totally drained & goes to sleep early)

 

It wasn't a heavy convo or anything like that, and we soon started kissing again before he dropped me off at my train station...

 

but somehow... I've been feeling incredibly indifferent about it all ever since. Things were a little weird today, we didn't talk much at work at all and he seemed moody.

 

I looked at him today and, strangely, felt nothing. I hope this feeling of indifference will last; because logically, I know the right thing to do is to not get emotionally invested. And logically, I know I'm way out of his league; not just physically (which I dont care about), but especially intellectually and depth-wise. I am and have always been a very deep person, so passionate about life, with a quite 'unique' personality and an interesting life story - I also have a lot to offer and finally feel like I am at a place where I'm the nearly best version of myself and would be an amazing partner to someone. He on the other hand seems much more simple, not as 'passionate' about life.

 

If he doesn't want to get to know me on a deeper level because he's moving 2 hours away, then that's OK.

At least right at this moment, I just really, really dont care anymore.

 

Off to the gym

[Bunney]

Holy crap.

 

Since my last post, I've completely backed off. Barely made any eye contact, didn't 'seek him out' at work, only spoke to him if he asked me something, very short in my answers, didn't smile at him.

 

This went on for an entire week, and I noticed it made him change his behavior a little - it's not that behaving so distant was a game for me (although I'll admit it did give me some 'power' back and make me feel more in control).. I could tell he was puzzled and bothered by my cold demeanor, and that he was trying to build up contact with me again (which I mostly shut down).

 

Fast forward to today-

We have an instant messaging system at our workplace that everyone uses (required for the work), and he messaged me on it today, for the first time EVER asking 'How are you?' followed by 'how are you liking your new job so far?'. It was the first time ever he inquired about how I am, so that was new.

 

 

I replied after a while, saying that I was getting used to the job but have lately been feeling like I want to travel again so will probably save up money for that and then pack my bags.

 

Some meaningless chatter after that.

 

Then the "big convo"

 

When I got home I saw he had messaged me on whatsapp, and what the heck I'm just going to post the dialogue. This all is roughly translated from my language ....

 

him "is it because of me that you feel like you wanna leave?"

 

me: "why would you think that? please explain

 

him "because you're so different lately"

 

me "no it's not because of you, I meant that I want to go on a longer trip that I would do around the end of the year, so not just a quick get-away holiday"

 

him "but why are you so different?"

 

"I almost dont dare to look at you anymore"

 

me "It's just how it is right now I dont know... you're also distant sometimes without any apparent reason"

 

him "you're not angry?"

 

me: "no I'm not angry, honestly"

 

[then some meaningless back-and-forth]

 

me "it has its reasons why I am keeping my distance lately"

 

him "see just wanted to know the truth, so then I know"

 

"if you want we can let this whole thing be, and just treat eachother like anyone else"

 

me: "I think you just dont get it"

 

him: "Then explain it to me"

 

"I just wanted it to be uncomplicated because it's just a matter of time until I move"

 

me "well good for you that you could spend all this time with me in the past 2 months without developing the slightest bit of feelings"

 

him: "did you?"

 

[no reply from me, at this point I'm putting my phone away for a second while tearing up a bit, shtuuupid me. I REALLY dislike/am uncomfortable with opening up about my feelings for someone, especially when I'm in a position where I'm not entirely sure where the other one stands]

 

him: "I'll take that as a yes"

 

"I'm sorry"

 

"I really thought it was clear"

 

me: "and if you weren't moving?"

 

him: "then it would be a different story"

 

"that's why we didn't end up going for dinner and everything, because I dont want feelings to develop"

 

[some blah blah blah back and forth]

 

me "it's okay, really. Since the day you got the email from the other job you've been clear that it won't be anything serious, so I'm the idiot here I'm not angry or anything, but dont be surprised if I continue to be a little distant"

 

him "so that's it, it's over?"

me: "well as soon as I've gotten my female hormones and emotions under control and my bruised ego has recovered, we can surely spend a nice evening together some time"

 

then some playful teasing from his side, and me ending the convo by going off to the gym..

_

 

None of the above is anything that I didn't know, or suspect before as it has been very obvious that it's not going anywhere.

But having an open and honest convo like that, dont know just stings quite a bit.. I'm alright though, no break down or anything, working out felt good.

 

Do men somehow have a built-in mechanism that they can control, that prevents them from developing feelings for a woman when they know it is a dead-end?

Can they just shut that part of their brain off whenever they want?

 

I know me, I know I'll get over this pretty quickly and sure I won't mind having a nice evening together once or twice before he leaves for good (probably beginning of March since that is when his contract at this company runs out.)

 

So it's not that dramatic, it's just like "Awwwww maaaan

 

Oh well, his loss etc etc, and whatever else it is people say to make themselves feel better hehe

[thejigsup]

If I know a relationship has no future I never develop feelings beyond friendship. Why would I or anyone else? That wouldn't be prudent. I am female and I only allow myself to develop feelings for someone when it is mutual and when it looks like it may be viable for the long haul. Yes, you can control when and with whom you fall in love. It is a skill that is very handy, indeed.

[Bunney]

So it's been a while since I posted.

 

Things with the guy from work that my latest posts were about, Marc, ended pretty quickly. It was sometime around the beginning of February that I sent him one last message on whatsapp that I find his behavior disrespectful (his hot & cold, ignoring messages of mine, etc) and that I'm done. After that, I shut down emotionally and never really spoke to him again. I dont talk to him at work, dont look at him, etc. Not out of spite or anything, I'm just indifferent and don't care to talk to him. The only interactions I've had with him since the beginning of Feb was around 4 weeks ago (beginning of March) when I had some bad news about my father's health (he's been battling cancer since June '15). Marc had heard about it at work & sent me a msg on whatsapp saying he's sorry about my father and if there's anything he could do for me. I replied briefly. Few days later he wrote to me saying that his moving date is set, to which I again replied very briefly and neutral (he's moving mid-April, so next week). Since then, nothing. I'm at a point where I ask myself what I ever saw in him, haha.

 

Anyways, shortly after, actually around the time I stopped speaking to Marc, I met a new guy, Ilay, who is quite older than me (beginning 40s). He was great, handsome, we had excellent conversations, much in common (age difference wasn't noticable at all), hot sex, lots of chemistry and a really fun time together. Only issue was that he had just recently 'broken up' with a woman he was seeing for a few months (break-up is maybe the wrong word since they never were in an exclusive relationship - she is married), whom he had very strong feelings for. He had ceased contact with her upon meeting me, even blocking her & removing her number in front of me after she bombarded him with calls and messages while I sat next to him in the car. The week after that, she showed up at his house unannounced (I was there), she apologized to him for the phone terror from the week before, handed back some stuff of his that she still had, and left after about 5 mins.

 

At that point I already had a very uneasy feeling about it all, wondering if I should keep dating him if she's gonna pop up in his life all the time.

 

Turns out I didn't have to make a decision at all, since just a few days after her showing up at his place (he had been weird and distant ever since), he ended things with me per whatsapp (ridiculous I know!) saying he had not 'developed any feelings for me' (even though his actions/words before she showed up had always indicated the opposite - I guess when he saw her in person, he realized he wasn't over her at all). And that was it. I only cried that evening, but ever since, I've been feeling emotionless and indifferent, i.e. I moved on pretty quickly.

 

Kind of weird how much bad luck I have when it comes to guys.

 

And also weird how indifferent I always am. Seems like I've gone through so many bad/disappointing experiences that I've built up a wall which allows me to turn off my emotions pretty quickly and let things roll off my back. I guess that's a good thing? Better than to wallow in self-pity/pain for days or weeks on end.

 

The only constant in my life seems to be Filip, the guy I briefly mentioned a few pages back. The guy who lives in Sweden that I've known since 2012, although became really close to eachother since October of 2015, so about half a year ago. Haven't met him irl yet, but since I've known him via our gaming community for so many years, and spoke to him via headset so many times before, I already 'know' what he's like. Such a genuine, honest, loving, caring soul - someone that would NEVER let me down. He's shown me nothing but loyalty and respect ever since I've known him, and we can literally talk about anything (truthfully though, I have not told him about Marc and Ilay - I dont know if it'd hurt him to hear about that). He's the only guy I've met that ALWAYS shows interest in the details of my life - about my boring day to day life, about my work, about my family, how my father's doing, how I'm feeling about certain things etc etc. He's so wonderful in every way, I'm not even sure I deserve him, haha.

 

And actually, in 23 days, I will meet him for the first time! Our gaming community set up a convention, meaning we have rented a house near Stockholm that we will spend a weekend in. Looking forward to that weekend so incredibly much, and I really cannot wait to meet Filip. See if we have any chemistry in real life (and even if not - he'll be a friend to me no matter what, he's the kind of person I want to keep in my life forever!)

 

For now, I am not really including anyone in my future plans, though.

Recently I have decided to move to Lisbon next year (not forever - just 6-12 months). I was there last year and totally fell in love with the city. Then I started a job at a company here in Berlin last November, and as luck has it, my company has a location in Lisbon where German-speaking employees are needed! (I'm from Germany). Now I'm looking around for flights in June to Lisbon for a week, so I can check out my company's location, and hang out with a few people I know there.

 

Have such a good feeling about that, like it's the right decision. I keep day-dreaming of what it will be like to live & work there. It's a genius plan!

[Bunney]

One last funny thing about Marc (the guy from work that I've been posting a lot about in Jan/feb) :

A few weeks ago he messaged me out of the blue on whatsapp, asking me if he could take me on that dinner that we always talked about but never had!

I didn't answer at first - then coincidentally, that SAME day at work, I overheard two co-workers talking about him. And guess what I found out from that convo - he DOES have a girlfriend, and has for a long time!

 

What a douche!!!

 

I chuckled to myself when I heard them say that. Couldn't believe how right my instincts always are - and what a jerk he is (his poor gf!).

At the time when I had feelings for him, I always had a gut instinct telling me something isn't right - I had joked with him several times about how he probably has a gf etc, and he always immediately got defensive and said that he didn't.

 

I wrote him back a few days later, but decided not to tell him that I knew he has a gf. I simply told him that I'm done with him and have been for a long time, but thanked him for the invitation nonetheless and hoped he was doing well. And that was it.

 

Moving on:

In my last post I mentioned Filip, an online friend since many years, that i've become very romantically close with around 8 months ago.

At the end of April, we met in real life for the first time, at a convention that our gaming community had set up.

 

He was as lovely as I already knew he would be.. BUT, meeting him had changed my perception of him. Why? Because on the second day, he kept complaining about not feeling well in the stomach, and he was generally quiet and not socializing with the people around us much. Around afternoon, he told me that his brother would be picking him up, and he'd be going home.

 

I dont believe that he had that much pain in the stomach that he'd had to leave. It was very apparent that although we got on well, he was feeling very awkward and intimated by me (he hinted that this would probably happen even way before we met irl).

 

Of course I was disappointed seeing as he was the only reason I was coming to that convention & he knew that (I got on amazingly with the other people there too, however).

Even other people at the event commented that he seemed to be feeling very shy/intimated and that they think the 'stomach ache' was an excuse.

 

I flew home that Sunday and we've still been in contact since then - he's been writing to me, and also expressing regret about how he left so early. That I am amazing, gorgeous and stuff.

But I've been more distant, not initiating as much, which appearently doesn't sit well with him, as he's asked several times if everything is okay with us and that we dont seem to talk so much anymore.

 

I dunno - I just dont feel the same anymore, I guess (haven't told him this).

I feel like he's more of a boy than a man - a man wouldn't have been so intimated by me, and even if - he would have stayed around, appreciating the time he gets to spend with me in real life, an opportunity that doesn't come along very often.

 

I love him, I do, but it's not the passionate romantic kind. So very doubtful that I'll ever have a serious relationship with him.

Now, a very important update:

I have met someone amazing!

And how we initially met is actually kind of funny. I mentioned in my last post that the company I work for has a location in Lisbon/Portugal. Just like here, they have different departments there, one of them the Sales (I work in Support). Sometimes we have to transfer calls to another department, like Sales, or the Sales department transfers the call to Support. In these cases, the Agents talk to eachother first, handing over all the information and reasons for the transfer, before actually transferring the customer eventually.

 

So, a few months ago, I think it was like March, there were a few times I transferred a call to Sales, and literally EACH time the same Agent picked up- Patrick. From our company in Lisbon.

As time went on, we started to make smalltalk during our transfer calls, and he said he would like to continue the conversation via facebook, so he gave me his name.

 

I added him and we had been talking here and there, nothing too flirty, but it was apparent that we were getting along great.

 

Aaaaand now:

I flew to Lisbon for vacation for 5 days, just got home from there yesterday.

Of course I met Patrick there, actually he was the one to pick me up from the airport. I did NOT think anything of it first, thought we'd just spend like one or two days together as friends, but somehow we just got along so wonderfully so we ended up spending each day of the 5 days I was there together. First 4 nights I stayed in a hostel, 5th night I stayed at his place as my flight on Friday left very early in the morning and his place isn't far from the airport. (no sex and nothing dirty though).

 

Those 5 days with him were aaweeesome. Really! We had the most wonderful time. Laughing, talking endlessly, walking around in that magnificent, amazing city of Lisbon, having breakfasts and dinners together.

I also met some of my other colleagues from our company, we all watched the Germany football game together, and one the recruiters was there as well - I talked to to her about my plans of moving to Lisbon next year and wanting to apply to work at our company there. She said there is a 100% chance of me getting employed, I should just send her the CV, probably wouldn't even have to do an interview or training, I'd get my invitation to start working there right away

 

Anyway, Patrick was a true gentleman in those 5 days, and I liked everything I saw of him. Very confident man (not like Filip who seems a bit insecure), doesn't take crap from anyone, kind of an 'alpha male' but not a jerk.

We could talk about anything, from random stupid crap to meaningful conversations about our lives, our past, our view of the world and so on.

He made it clear that he wasn't looking for just some fun, he's looking for something serious, and would like to pursue something with me as soon as I live there - that he wouldn't mind waiting (my plan is to apply in November/December then start working there beginning of 2017).

 

I feel like this might turn into something. But we both don't want to rush and just want to see how it goes, and how it is when I live & work there. I'm excited though!! although the thought of getting into a relationship with someone again is kind of scary to me - and it's the same for him, he is usually very guarded and doesn't let a lot of people get too close, but with me he said he just feels so comfortable and like he could be open and himself.

 

Gah, I want to move to Lisbon right NOW.

Greatest city ever, well in Europe at least, and I just wanna start a new life there, maybe even stay there permanently (my original plan was to stay for 6-12 months).

 

Maybe everything is falling into place at this point of my life!

 

 

[Bunney]

So the situation sort of developed into a direction that could potentially lead to some drama.

 

I'm still in contact with Patrick, nothing has really changed for us, but we kind of had a 'situation' recently.

A few days after I got back from Lisbon, I spoke to Patrick on the phone at night, just catching up and having an hour long lovely conversation. Same thing again the next night. I liked speaking to him and somehow thought it would become a regular thing for us, I prefer it to writing as it's more personal and builds more closeness.

 

It quickly became apparent though that it was NOT going to be a regular thing, we didn't speak on the phone again for about 2 weeks, during which I asked a few times (not pushed for it though, ofc) and he always had a reason not to (had people over, I was working late and he was already going to bed, etc etc, totally understandable), I never complained but once I made a joke along the lines of "haha i'll never ask again" (in a whatsapp convo) and somehow that transpired into a discussion - he mentioned that he's not the type of person that likes to speak on the phone too much.. and after a bit of talking about it, he finally admitted that was still taken aback and being cautious due to a situation that happened when I was in Lisbon (that situation being us sitting at a food place one evening, eating, after already having had some fabulous & romantic few days, and somewhere in the convo he hinted at maybe wanting to be in a long-distance relationship, and my immediate response was 'please dont even mention the word relationship!').

 

I saw his point but I already told him in our very first phone conversation that the way I reacted to the word 'relationship' had nothing to do with him, I dont know why I reacted like that, that it possibly had to do with my being sort of cautious of relationships (I dont know why, the thought of being official with someone kind of scares me) but that I definitely wasnt keeping my options open and I wanted to see where it goes with us once I live in Lisbon.

 

The discussion was very open/mature/calm and in the end he said he'll wait for me... (meaning he won't be going after other girls but rather wait until I live in Lisbon to be with me)

 

That was around 2 weeks ago, we've texted some every day, and last night was the first time we spoke on the phone again (he initiated.. wanted to 'hear my voice')

I do love being on the phone with him and just talking about anything - lying in bed at night and having him on speakers and the phone next to my pillow...

 

 

Buuuuuuuuuut. buuuuuuuuut....

 

there is something that like I mentioned above could lead to some future drama...and I hope that anyone who reads this won't think badly of me!

 

During my vacation in Lisbon in June, there was one day where Patrick & I watched the Germany football game at the company's bar (the company we both work for), and there were a lot of other people from our company, from different departments.

 

One of them was a guy named Stefan, who I got along well with that evening - I talked with him some as he sat almost next to me, and had a really wonderful time, I thought he was lovely/adorable- we exchanged names (to keep in touch via facebook) and after the game Patrick & I left together. So all in all nothing special, didn't think anything of it at the time.

 

 

However...

After I added Stefan on facebook, we somehow began to talk a lot. Slowly at first but it was more and more each day. Mostly it was about our work at first, he wanted to see pictures of how our work place looks here in Berlin etc. And then it just kept going and while I still thought nothing of it (just friendly chatting) I also began to think of him more and liking his personality/how he wrote to me and such.

 

It was also during that time where I had that discussion with Patrick about him not wanting to keep our contact via phone, and the texts weren't very frequent - whereas Stefan's texts were quite frequent and very thoughtful/attentive... Just last week it became clear there is interest on both of our sides (I worked on and solved a case that was otherwise supposed to have been transferred onto HIS workload - he texted me thanking me for solving the case for him, and asked how he could repay me - I half-jokingly wrote "perhaps with a coffee date once I'm in Lisbon"), and now our coffee date plan is kind of set in stone - he mentioned how he looks forward to it and such...

 

 

Sooo I have these two really wonderful guys who are both interested in me (although I could already say that Stefan is physically a lot more my type), but maybe I shouldn't give all this too much thought yet - move to Lisbon first and see how it goes with both guys.

 

I just really dont want either of them finding out though that I've also been in contact with the other one... they aren't friends but they do see eachother at work and at the company's bar sometimes.

 

I've just recently booked my next vacation to Lisbon - beginning of September for 6 days.

 

 

Patrick already said he would most likely be able to get off work those 6 days so he could spend them all with me. I really do want to meet Stefan too though, at least for coffee.. Obviously that's not something I could tell Patrick? "Hey hun, i'll be out of touch for a while, having coffee with Stefan".... hmmm...I mean there's no real commitment yet but we've both hinted at being interested in exclusivity and that we'll be together once I live there.

 

 

Guess I have to wait and see

[Bunney]

I've started figuring out who I think I like more. Stefan, because his messages are a lot more frequent, more thoughtful, and generally feel more caring about who I am, what I do, how I'm doing, etc.

 

I'm NOT happy with Patrick's communication style.

He texts me every now and then (sometimes just kisses/heart, then "what's up babe" or just a "miss ya") but there are days I hear nothing (and I dont want endless texting convos each & every day - but checking in on eachother, keeping the flame going... is important IMO especially when it's a person you want to start a relationship with in 5 months...)

And another thing that irritates me: I had a lot going on lately, as in I spontaneously moved out of my apartment, and generally have a lot of new exciting things planned.

He wanted to know what those things are and I replied "maybe I'll tell you when we skype some time " (something we had mentioned in our very first phone convo).

then I asked "maybe tonight?" and he replied "no, but on wednesday/thursday I'm off, so let's do it on those days babe ok?" (I didn't reply to that anymore).

 

Well, Thursday is just about to end and ofc he hasn't followed up or asked to skype (he did message me today and yesterday but non-important stuff) and I didn't wanna bring it up either, as I already mentioned in a convo quite a while ago that I'm not one to 'chase' or keep asking for things.

 

I do think he's interested - he's been saying that he misses me, and hasn't had that longing feeling for anyone in a long time - but I also feel like he could be lazy, or thinks he's already 'got me' so doesn't need to put in more effort.

 

(Also note that few weeks back, when we had a text discussion about his lack of wanting to be on the phone, he replied 'I would rather get to know you here in Lisbon and build something serious, and not give in to this illusion of phone conversations [...]") -- to him it's "illusions", to me it's building closeness and intimacy and a foundation for a future relationship...

 

(Btw, we all speak German - actually most of the people who work at our company in Lisbon are Germans who migrated to Portugal. Stefan is from Switzerland with Portuguese roots, and Patrick also has Portuguese roots but grew up in Germany, only moved to Lisbon 3 yrs ago)

 

 

Well, methinks I definitely can't be blamed for having started to like another guy - with the lack of communication from Patrick.. next time I'm in Lisbon I'll absolutely spend time with Stefan and I'll be open about that too.. Patrick has no rights to complain, and if he does, I can always say that I thought he had lost interest and that I didn't feel enough effort from his side...

 

 

 

Things with Stefan are going in a GREAT direction - I love love love looove our conversations, how he writes, how he thinks, he just seems a lot more on my wavelength than Patrick does atm.

Seriously, i ADORE this man. lately I can't stop thinking about him. Just last night we had a really open and long conversation. About dating, about our lives, about what we are looking for. And we both admitted to liking eachother and being curious to see where things go with us once I live in Lisbon.. and how we look forward to when I move there and such.

 

I just remember the day I met him (the only time I met him irl so far) - at the football game sitting outside of a bar, he coincidentally sat next to me or more like a little behind me.. I was there with Patrick (with whom things were already intense/romantic) so I didn't instantly start talking to him - I was talking about work with Patrick and some other people from our company when Patrick suddenly said "look behind you, that's Stefan, a guy from [our complaint's department]" so then I introduced myself and I enjoyed talking to him so much to the point where I hoped Patrick wouldn't get jealous or think anything wrong.

 

After the game, Patrick and I had gotten up and he [Patrick] put his arm around me as we left the place, but I remember thinking in the back of my head 'wow, that guy was really awesome' and like he [stefan] kind of left an impression on me.

 

And now after getting to know him a bit more through our in-depth texting conversations I feel like this is someone I could potentially see myself building a life with - so rational, mature, funny.. not a 'player' or someone who hits up a lot of women.. just a really kind down-to-earth amazing guy. He's been on my mind sooo much and in my heart I just have this extremely positive feeling about it all.

[Bunney]

It's good not to have the stress of talking to two guys at the same time anymore and worrying that Patrick could find out...

 

because as of right now, things with Patrick are officially over!

 

I was the one who initiated the 'end'... we have barely spoken these past 1-2 weeks, and suddenly a few days ago, after 4-5 days of complete silence, he suddenly texted "Miss ya".

 

I replied "I dont believe that.

 

Which resulted in him asking what's up, what's wrong etc, and I finally told him "I think it's best if we just stop all contact until I move to Lisbon in December. This whole 'here and there' texting and then nothing for days on end is not really my thing. Kisses and hope all is well with you."

 

He replied "Okay... that means you're not visiting in September after all? Alright... I told you my point of view and how I see everything and what I hope for... but if this is your decision now, then okay... thanks and maybe see you in December..."

 

[when I read that text, I was thinking like 'ah, you told me YOUR view and what YOU expect, what about MY views'? As in: if he knows that a phonecall per week is important for me, then he should be willing to do that for me, even if generally he doesn't like phoning]

 

I didn't reply until the next day, where I wrote:

"Please don't get me wrong. It's just that I had imagined that our communication would be different. After all, it's still 5 months until I move there. and if I see you in September and the contact becomes like this again after, I'll just be disappointed all over again [actually, this was just an excuse from my part - I needed a reason not to see him when I'm visiting Lisbon in Sept]. Like I said, please dont take it the wrong way."

 

He replied "It's okay. and despite the fact that it's still 5 months, I was serious about what I said [meaning that he'd wait for me and wants to be with me as soon as I live there]... but somehow I already knew that this was coming"

 

to which I replied "well if you 'knew this was coming', then why didn't you put more effort into not letting it happen? Actually feels like you dont really care whether I am in your life or not. You knew I needed more contact and you didn't care." (short version of what I wrote).

 

He never responded to that.

 

And I'm glad he didn't. I really didnt wanna keep discussing this, I was just glad it ended less dramatic than I thought.

 

Now I finally have more time to focus on the true gem... Stefan

 

The texting has been more frequent than ever in the past week, started sending eachother pictures of our every day lives, stuff we're up to etc, and generally being very affectionate toward eachother through words...

 

And theeeeen .... finally, after a month of texting, we took it to the next step and had our very first skype webcam conversation last night!

 

we had been planning our 'skype date' for a while now [note how Patrick immediately said no to skyping when I asked him - and about a week ago when I texted Stefan asking him how he'd like it if we skyped some time, he replied "I think that's a fantastic idea!"]. We are both at our parent's house this weekend - him in a small village in Portugal, me I took a flight to my Dad's place in Vienna yesterday evening. So sometime after midnight it finally happened, and gawd I was nervous (so was he).

 

 

It was nothing but wonderful.

Despite the initial nervousness we both felt comfortable and had a great time right off the bat, laughing and giggling, no awkward silences, just talking LOTS. About work (alot about work actually - since we both work for the same travel agency we sometimes share cases), about what we'd been up to, about life in Portugal, about our parents and families, making plans with eachother for the near future...

 

a few times while looking at him and listening to him I swear I could feel my heart skip a beat. It has been a long time for me since I met a guy that made me feel so at ease, and safe, and cared for. And with him, the thought of being in a serious, committed relationship does not scare me or make me feel anxious in the least.

 

can't wait to get there in September - He already said he'd pick me up from the airport

[Bunney]

Skyped twice now, once on Friday and then yesterday evening (Sunday) for about 6 hours.. Times just flies with him..

 

I've been doing some self-reflection and I realized that even though I'm pretty much at the best point in life that I have ever been (emotionally, mentally, generally everything) I still have some issues that I feel like I may not get rid of.

 

I'm so madly infatuated with this guy and while it excites the hell out of me, I also worry about doing something to mess things up or sabotage it over time... which I have definitely done in the past. I want to build something healthy and lasting, and I know i'm overthinking because at the moment we're doing nothing but enjoying eachother and creating a strong foundation for what's to come when I move to his city.

 

I wish I didn't have these deep seated fears but I do and it annoys me. I want to let go of my old self, the scarred one, the old familiar voice whispering 'It may be going great now, but just wait a couple of months, it'll crash and burn just like all your other relationships and even friendships! You aren't capable of keeping someone in your life!'

 

One thing is for sure and that's I will make a completely fresh start the day I move to Lissabon. Leave everything behind and go for a better life with better people in it. Until then, I will be constantly finding ways to improve myself and working on myself so when I move, I'll be an even better version of myself thant ever before.

 

I almost feel overwhelmed with affection for this man. He could ask me to be his girlfriend right now and I would not even hesitate one second to say yes. But I've learned enough in this life to know it's better to go slow and let this develop over time, skype regularly first, and then see how it goes when I visit him in September for 6 days.

[Bunney]

His grandfather died on Friday So he spent the weekend at his parent's house with all of his family on the countryside of Portugal.

 

We texted throughout the weekend - me mostly just sending encouraging words and told him how he could call or text me at any time, no matter if day or night (His reply was "You are the best! Like I said.. you make me happy ") .... Last night he got back to Lisbon and we skyped for a very long time. He said how his family found out that there is someone in his life - they noticed at the family dinner on Saturday night that his face lit up when a text of mine came in, and how he had a sort of smile on his face while replying to me. So his cousins and aunts got curious and were like 'Hey who is that girl! She's pretty! is she your girlfriend?!' and they were all over him wanting to see my whatsapp photo and were really loud/excited about it so pretty much his whole family sort of knows about me now

 

Unfortunately we didn't talk about if we are boyfriend/girlfriend - but I know there is no hurry in deciding that, and I should get to Lisbon first. Though somehow, I feel like it's already a mutual understanding that we are both not looking for anyone else, and that this thing is very much headed in a serious direction. He comments from time to time how we feels we are a great match, a good 'team', and how well we complement eachother.

 

People, I cannot stress enough how lucky I feel that I found this true gem of a man. He is so completely utterly wonderful.

 

Sometimes I think about it and I literally cannot believe how darn glad I am that he sat next to me on the yard of that Sportsbar on that lovely warm summer evening of June 21st. When did I become blessed with such incredbile luck and fortune?!

 

I know that I've said similar things about guys before, especially on this thread - but the feeling I have here is so different. I have no doubt this time.

 

Actually I talked about this with my mother just a few days ago: I've casually dated many men over the past years and been infatuated with some of them, and sure they were 'exciting' guys - but not a single one of them gave me a sense of security or that they could be a reliable long-term mate - Just think about Marc, the guy from work I posted about earlier this year, whom I was infatuated with, but whom made me feel unsafe and hurt just couple weeks in. Or Ilay, the guy after that, who still had his previous fling all over his life, which instantly gave me a bad/unsafe feeling...

 

 

Stefan may be just exactly the kind of man I need and want in my life. For the first time I feel safe and secure and I know this is crazy to say but I just know that I will fall in love with him, and that I want to be with him in a serious way for a very very long time... My gut feeling is rarely wrong.

[Bunney]

Funny how I stated in my last post that I was unsure if we're together, and exactly the next day while we skyped he referred to me as 'his girlfriend' during the conversation.

 

I said in a playful way "am I?" and he said "yeah, aren't we in a relationship? did I miss something?" in a playful way too, and I jokingly said "well, we can't be, since you haven't officially asked me yet..."

 

He then said "oh, one moment..." and got up from the bed (we were on webcam) and about 2 minutes later he showed back up holding a piece of paper in his hand with the words

"[my name].... Do you want to be my girlfriend? [ ]yes [ ]no" He wrote it in such a nice way (he's talented at drawing and you could really see it in the way his font looked!) and I couldn't help but laugh out loud and I took a printscreen of him holding the paper close to the cam, then opened the screenshot in paint, marked "yes" with a lot of exclamation marks and a heart, and sent the screenshot to him via skype. Haha. Geeeeeky, yes we are.

 

So that was around 10 days ago, and yesterday we made it facebook official (I know I know..). We've skyped nearly every day lately and it's just going wonderfully.

We also started to watch a series together (House of Cards), so cozy to have him on webcam while we both watch the same episode!

 

 

 

Anyways, there was one person who reacted rather harshly to our 'coming out' on facebook.

Jiiip, you guessed it, Patrick..

 

It started that he reacted with 'Haha' to Stefan and I's relationship status on fb (you know where you can click on a reaction to a post), and then he wrote me a message on whatsapp (first time we've written since around mid-July). Went like this (translated):

"I am so incredibly happy that I listened to my gut feeling...!! And regret it so much that I even remotely let you close to me and my past... you are exactly the tpye of woman that you can trust around the corner and then "out of sight out of mind"... typical! Bye"

(with his past he refers to an evening where I sat with him at a food place and had dinner, and at some point we began talking about our lives and he told me about his rather troubled past which he never does with anyone... the things he told me made me tear up, I couldn't help it at all - stuff his mother put him through when he was a teenager - it was a very strange moment, I just felt so sad when he told me what happened in his life as noone should have to go through the things he has)

 

I replied "Really? are you serious? Why do you react like this? I honestly thought this wouldn't bother you even a little bit since you hadn't even replied to my last message. You had put zero effort into our contact, and then I met someone who did put that effort and wanted to actually talk and skype with me. So it just developed from there, and that was AFTER you and I didn't really speak anymore (you didn't want to, after all). I would never tell anyone what you have told me about your past, I appreciate that you have shared those things with me. And I did want to become more with you, but I felt like you just stopped caring after I went back to Germany. Please don't be mad, Patrick.. I would be happy if we could be friends when I move to Lisbon.." (yeah that last bit.. slap in the face, I know..)

 

That was yesterday. He did not reply to that message, and I talked to my mom who kind of felt sorry for him, that of course he's hurt now and such, and that I should not be harsh with him.

 

So I sent another message today (just to get it off my chest, and we'll be working on the same floor when I move to Lisbon - dont want there to be hard feelings):

"I am sorry that things have gone like this and that I have disappointed you. If you had a "gut feeling" from the beginning then why didn't you talk to me about that? And if you think of me as a "typical woman" who can't be trusted then shouldn't you be glad that nothing came of us?... See you in Lisbon."

 

No reply of course.

I'm a bit taken aback by the whole "I knew this would come" thing, he had mentioned something like this in mid-July as well.. I have no idea what he means, there was no indication that I was talking to anyone else or openly flirting with guys on facebook or anything (NOT my style at all!), so I wonder why he would have a "gut feeling" like this. It got me thinking that maybe, that evening where I was at the sports bar with Patrick and I met Stefan for the first time, he saw that I was getting along well with Stefan and talking to him for a rather long time, and perhaps he saw when he & I added eachother on facebook a few days after I flew home to Germany? And that's where he had a "gut feeling"? Who knows.

 

Anyway, I won't give it much further thought and just see how it goes when I arrive in Lisbon for good. And if he continues to be a jerk there then he's free to do so. Stefan is all that matters anyway

[Bunney]

Soo, things are about to get real... 4 days left until my plane to Lisbon takes off.

 

Life is so wonderful these days and I'm finally starting to feel like all has fallen into place, and i've found my missing puzzle piece... It's early days, but when you just know, you know, right?

 

We've skyped every night these past weeks (except when he went to a birthday party one friday night, and I had to sleep early due to work next day) and with time it just becomes more and more clear how well we fit for one another, how suited we are for each other. So many similarities... in terms of life goals, relationship goals, similar talents (both talented at writing, drawing, creative stuff), similar sense of humor (quite goofy, and dorky at times), both kind of geeky in some aspects (he was in absolute AWE when he learned I was a gamer, too), and we are on exactly the same wavelength especially in aspects such as how much communication we both want/need (never once did I have the feeling 'oh, seems like I want to talk more than he does' like I did in other relationships).

 

 

On top of all that, he is truly the kindest, sweetest, loveliest being. One of the rare men who specifically want and desire monogamy and have no interest in sleeping around, flirting with women (he's faaar from the type who would do things like that - if you knew him and saw him, you'd know what I mean. Which doesn't mean he's an ugly dork - he's actually very cute and handsome, although he doesn't consider himself handsome at all!)

 

I heard the saying once that "once you meet the right person, you'll know why it went wrong with everyone else" and it's so true. One of the things is that I often went for emotionally unavailable men or quite simply jerks before, they were 'exciting', and it was like I was a totally different version of myself (an untrue one) just to keep them interested. Such nonsense! And now I'm with someone who is so crazy about me, about the 'real me' (been my true authentic self since day one - never felt like i HAD to be anything else with him), someone who appreciates all my quirks and thinks I'm the best thing ever. Someone who, when I said one evening while skyping that I have some not so good qualities, replied with 'well, I can't wait to get to know the less than good sides of yourself, too'.

 

I dont feel uneasy with him like I did with every single man in the past before. I know that I can trust him and that there is no way he would ever do something deceitful. I did feel slightly jealous for a few minutes when a girl tried to dance with him at a work function last weekend (which he stopped immediately) but only a short while later I was laughing and teasing him about it.

 

 

There's even been one 'emotional' moment so far. We got on skype and I was asking him about his day, what he'd been up to after work, and right away he became quiet and looked down to the floor with this guilty look and started mumbling something about 'I have to tell you something' and oh GOD I instantly had this bad anxious feeling, a million irrational thoughts running through my head (did you run into an old ex after work and fell in love with her all over again?!) but I didn't say much and just let him come out with whatever he was about to say... and he continued with "Well, you and I are honest about everything, so I'll just tell you..."

 

.... And what he told me was that he went to the hospital after work to talk to his doctor. It turns out that he has a 'cavernoma' in his brain, which is a small deformed bloodvessel. If the bloodvessel pops/breaks, it can be fatal. Other symptoms are epilepsy/partial paralysis etc.

 

They found this cavernoma in his brain some years ago, and he went to hospital that day to check with his doctor if he was OK to go on a plane (since he's coming to my place in Berlin in October).

 

I immediately was in tears, first because of the anxiety that I felt leading up to his 'confession', and then because I felt terrible for him, and because I had thoughts like 'what if he's just gonna die one day, out of nowhere'... He teared up a little too (tried to hide it though), and it was horrribleeee not to be there to hug him and kiss him. He was afraid to tell me because he didn't know how I'd react, if I'd think differently about him and such.

 

 

He told me a little more about it and he says that the doctors tell him not to worry much, that the chance of the blood vessel breaking is very slim, since his cavernoma is very small, that he just has to get it checked once a year to keep an eye on it.

 

So that was our little emotional moment, and I felt so much closer to him for it.

 

 

On a brighter note, we recently booked our first trip together... 4 days in Rome! Starting on the 9th of November, one day after I get back from my 2-week-journey through Iran (a trip that I had booked way before I met him). We found a really really nice hotel and booked the flights shortly after.

 

 

 

I sincerely cannot wait to walk toward him at the airport in 4 days, and hold him, and hug him, and kiss his face. I'm definitely falling in love... slowly but surely and damn him... he says he has a surprise for me (he's told me weeks ago) when I get there, and he's given me two hints as to what it could be, but those hints do not make sense to me at all! I have NO clue what he's got in mind. Should be interesting!

[Bunney]

The day is finally here!! Still packing my last stuff and then off to the airport in about 2 hours! I'M SO EXCITED!!!

 

Another good news: I received some phonecalls from the company in Lisbon where I wanna work (where Stefan works, too) because they received my CV recently - did some online tests yesterday with excellent results, and now my interview is set for today! I'll arrive at the airport 5pm, then immediately (of course after a long long LONG bear hug to Stefan!) head to the company.

 

The training there would begin at November 14th - but today we'll find out whether I can skip the 7 weeks training (since I already know everything - been working for the same company for a year, but here in Berlin) . But that means I have the OPTION of making my move to Lisbon in as soon as two months, and even if I skip it, I'll be there right after christmas which isn't far away either! OMG! Life is grrrrreeaat!

 

Have I mentioned that I'm SO nervous and ridiculously excited?! Finally get to see him again, the man I adore, for the first time in real life since June 21st

 

I'll post here when I'm back from my trip (6 days)!

[itsallgrand]

Have an amazing time!! So nice to see such happy updates!

[Bunney]

Awh, thank you, itsallgrand. I didn't even know anyone was following this!

 

Anyways - I came back from Portugal on Tuesday and let me just say this: Yes. Hell yes.

 

Ok, from the start. I came out of the arrival hall at the airport, spotted him in the crowd and we just walked toward eachother, and hugged, and kissed. I guess just an overall feeling of disbelief on both sides, and some weirdness (not awkwardness, though!) because we had to get used to actually being able to touch eachother, look at eachother - on the way to the metro station we stopped every 2 min to hug each other, seriously. It was instantly clear that the real life connection/chemistry was just the same as the one we had during those months of skyping, phone, texting (remember I had only seen him once in real life, in June, for 1-2 hours)... even better, actually.

 

We immediately headed to our company because I had my interview - it went great! - exactly the next day I received the confirmation that they're hiring me and I'll begin working there on November 14th. Holy moly! Things could not have gone better in the slightest!

 

The rest of the evening was spent quietly at his place, snuggling, kissing, cuddling, watching a movie. Stupidly, my period had just begun one day before I got there, so no dirty stuff went on (if I hadn't, I'm sure we would have went at it right away! the attraction between us is explosive )

 

The day after my arrival, we spent about 1-2 hours after waking up just lying in bed, cuddling, laughing, talking. Then headed to one of Lisbon's beautiful beaches, enjoyed the great weather, walked along the beach, took photos, had some Sangria and some coffee.

In the evening we went to have dinner with some of his coworkers, they knew I was visiting and invited us both to join. It was a lovely evening spent eating and having wine and talking lots - he has lovely coworkers (actually, I knew some of them before just by their names - since we all work for the same company, i've seen some of their names in case histories/emails before), and I got along well with them. When we left, around midnight, I was a bit tipsy from all that wine and we just had the most fun time going home, dancing in the empty metro station, teasing eachother and being silly...

 

On Friday, we spent pretty much the whole day just lying bed again - we are such cuddle monsters it's ridiculous. In the evening he took me out to a lovely, lovely restaurant (I didn't know he had planned this and made this reservation weeks ago!) and had the most delicious dinner (4 course menu!) with some traditional Portuguese live music, and after that spent some time walking around the streets of Lisbon at night.

 

Then Saturday, we went to hire a car and drove along the coast a little, switching the drivers seat from time to time, and stopped at some really beautiful spots, took pictures etc. Later, we started heading toward a place on the coast about 60km outside of Lisbon, where Stefan made a reservation for us at a hotel weeks ago, and hooooly moly - lovely little town, hotel right at the beach, nice room with balcony and sea view - i'll never forget this evening! We had dinner at a traditional fish restaurant (loooove fish) and even after we already finished our food, we just sat there for a long, long time - drinking our wine, goofing around, laughing endlessly - there were other couples around us just sat there eating their dinner quietly, talking very little, so we drew some attention to ourselves with all of that laughing & silly conversation & being loveydovey going on. But we were just focused on eachother and pretty much forgetting everything around us.

 

Both tipsy we then walked along the beach a little, which was totally empty because of how late at night it was, and then around the town a bit where we had a drink at a bar before we headed back to the hotel - for some reason, my period finished really really early, so by then it was completely gone and yup, you could guess how the rest of the night in the hotel went... hehe.

 

Next morning we enjoyed the amazing breakfast buffet & drove along another coast again before we headed back to the city center where we had to drop the car off.

Actually, as amazing as the weekend was, there were some 'tense' moments and as weird as this sounds- I'm glad they happened. It made me see how we work with eachother in 'problem situations' and how we're able to keep our cool even when things aren't going smooth.

 

Those 'tense' moments included: when I was driving, and stopped at a huge crossroads, I somehow couldn't get the motor to start (I've only been driving since January of this year, and never with such a new modern car like the one we hired), the motor just kept stalling. The driver behind us was honking and getting impatient and I somehow just froze, and panicked inside, and Stefan got slightly peeved (no swearing or anything, just 'ok, that's it, from now on I'll drive') and took over the steering wheel all while standing in the middle of the road. I said sorry but the next 30 mins were spent very quietly, then once we took a break at the side of the road, he kissed my face and apologized that he got stressed out and that he didn't want me to feel bad. We then got 'over it' and went back to normal.

 

The other situation was not caused by me, but rather by the very complicated traffic and roads of Lisbon - despite the GPS system, which failed us a few times, we had a ton of trouble finding our way to the car rental. Atm there are soo many construction sites in the city, and we went off track by faaar at one point, we were running out of time to bring the car back etc.. It was extremely stressful and it took us a LONG time to find our way through the maze. but despite how annoyed we both were at the situation, we both kept our cool and worked together as a 'team' - in the past, I've been known to lose my calm in situations like these, and I'd get completely stressed out and lash out at the other person - and I was kind of impressed with myself to see the progress I've made within myself in that regard, but I know it's also the effect he has on me - I find his presence very calming, and when a situation is tense and he is on the edge, my natural reaction is to keep cool & collected and help him out as much as possible instead of making things worse by panicking etc. I feel like a new person with him! and I always want to be like this - handling stressful incidents together, in a productive way, calming eachother instead of losing our cool.... Not that he is the type to start completely losing it & start yelling or swearing anyway, he is far too balanced and rational for that - and I'll do my very best to be as balanced, too.

 

He does make me want to be the best person I can possibly be.

 

The remaining 2-3 days were spent not doing much, just spending time at his place, his roommate (one of his closest friends) came back from holiday so I met him, as well as the roommate's girlfriend. All lovely people- and definitely felt like they 'approved' of me and especially the roommate saw how great of a match we are - mainly because of how Stefan & I interact, how we are the exact same type of weird and crazy (the good types!), and the fact that I like gaming, so Stefan showed me the game Metal Gear Solid (his favorite game) on the playstation which I learned very quickly and was quite good at - he hinted at how perfect we are for each other and lovingly called us 'freaks'. ;P

 

Sooo...

 

All in all, my time there could not have gone better - after all of the stress during my life, the chaos, the disappointments, I finally feel like I found the happiness that I deserve... I never felt this way about a guy, you know this feeling of finding your 'home'... your safe place...it is a very soothing feeling. Not even in the honeymooney, giddy, overly excited teenager rose-tinted glasses kind of way, but more a very calm, rational certainty that I've found my life partner, the man I want to wake up to for the next 50 years, the man I want to share my good & bad moments with, have silly arguments with, spend days being lazy watching TV with.... in the past, the prospect of being with the same person for the rest of my life always made me feel uneasy, even though I craved intimacy and a close bond; there was never a man that I was 110% sure I wanted to have that life time commitment with - if I even came to a point with them where that was in discussion..

 

With Stefan? So different. There is not a doubt, there is not a 'I'll enjoy what we have for now, but it's too early to be thinking about the future' or 'lets just see how this goes', there is not a nagging feeling in the back of my head that this guy could end up being wrong for me like I had with others in the past. I feel secure and we are building a healthy solid foundation for our life together.. the life that begins on the 14th of November!

 

A few nights ago on Skype, he called me his 'better geek-half'... and I realized that that is exactly what he is- my better half.. Sounds so cheesy, but I've experienced enough in my life, met enough people and men, to know that this guy is truly, truly good, and kind, and trustworthy, and reliable, and the perfect match for me.

 

Hell yes!

 

and let me post a picture of us - with his approval of course, he knows I'm keeping an online journal (though I'd never give him the link and let him read all this hehe)

 

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]11177[/ATTACH][ATTACH=CONFIG]11178[/ATTACH]

 

 

Well - that's it for now! Except should mention we've already booked his flights to Berlin, he's coming here in less than 4 weeks (:

[Bunney]

Oh and we might look young in the photos, but I promise I'm almost 25 and he's 30!

 

Anyway one thing I wanted to add that I've had a weird thing going on for the past 10 yrs, dont know if I ever mentioned it or posted about it on enotalone, but basically ever since my first serious relationship (the one I posted about when I first joined this forum in 2006) I've had a serious skin problem in regard to intimacy- around the time I started to become unhappy with my first bf (a year before the breakup), my facial skin got horrible EVERY time I visited him (it was long distance). Eyes becoming really dry and itching, face itching with the skin becoming horribly dry, then red, then to a point where I could peel it off because it was desquamating badly - must have been some sort of severe neurodermitis, it eventually got to a point where I didn't wanna go outside because my whole face looked absolutely terrible, couldn't even fix it with makeup or anything.

 

And ever since, it has happened with every single guy I was with! It was always after an extended period of time spent cuddling/intimacy/closeness. Literally every guy I was intimate with, every boyfriend.... my skin always got crazy bad. I did go to the doctors but noone ever had a clue how this could happen, they suggested an allergy, but thats unlikely because then every guy would have had to use the same type of product/perfume/aftershave..and is it really possible to have an allergy to human skin? Maybe human hair? Hmm...

 

My mom has always thought that the cause was psychological. Something in my subconscious reacting to the intimacy, giving me a sign that I'm not truly happy with that person or that the person is wrong for me.. I did some research online and I've seen other women post about this exact issue, but they had no clue either what it could be, and no doctor has any explanation..these women also thought it could be something subconscious/psychological.

 

 

So I was kind of afraid the same thing would happen again with Stefan, with all of that intimacy going on..during my time there, we've spent HOURS ON END cuddling, being close..every day for 6 days.. I somtimes checked the mirror just to see if I could see the first signs of my skin becoming dry. But guess what? Not even in the slightest. I take it as a very positive sign, and that my subsconscious 'approves' of this guy.

 

First man I've been with that this hasn't happened. That has to mean something! Feels so good to be able to be close to someone without my skin becoming all horrible.. it's hard to imagine for someone who hasn't had this problem, but for me it's a mile stone!

[Bunney]

.... and my time here in Germany, in this city where i've lived for most of my life, is slowly coming to an end.

I can't say that I have any doubts about my decision or that I'm sad about it in any way - maybe sad because I'm leaving my Mom behind, but I'll be skyping with her regularly and I'll gladly be paying flight tickets for her to come visit me every now and then.

 

Berlin is a wonderful city, unique and vibrant and incredible in a lot of ways, and I remember a time where I thought I'd grow old here and that I wouldn't ever want to live anywhere else. That was back when I was 19. Then, I went on a backpacking trip around the world on my own for 6 months, and my feelings for this city changed after I got back. I discovered the world, saw countless different places and towns, saw 'what else was out there'. Ever since getting back from my world trip (March 2012), I slowly began having a nagging feeling that Berlin, and generally Germany, might not be 'my place' after all, and at first I thought about moving to Sweden - tried to get into university programs there - but that didn't work out. I finished a degree focusing on psychology here but all the while thinking about how to leave this country and where I could go instead.

 

Then, last year, in August and September of 2015, after finishing the above mentioned degree, I went on a backpacking trip through Europe with my then bestfriend, and our last stop was Lisbon.

 

I fell in love with Lisbon right away, and immediately thought to myself that this is a place I could see myself living permanently in.

 

After finishing the trip and going back to Berlin, I started a job working for the world's biggest online travel agency. An exhausting job, but quite rewarding and a wonderful team - met tons of great people.

 

I knew from the beginning that the company also has a German speaking location in Lisbon, but it wasn't until a few months later that I started thinking about applying there - I think it was when I came across a job advertisement from our location in Lisbon on the internet, I saw what they offered: if you're an international employee, the company will give you an apartment and pay the rent for you, they'll pay your insurance, they'll basically take care of everything for you and the only thing you'll have to pay out of your own pocket is food - which is incredibly cheap in Portugal.

 

I thought to myself - hey, what a great opportunity. Dont have to worry about accommodation (which was one of the main points why Sweden didn't work out - no money to pay my rent there), I work in a German speaking team there, I can save up tons of money because I'll only have to pay for food, and on top of all that, a great lovely city right by the ocean with amazing weather and amazing food and amazing people....

 

So in June I spontaneously decided to take a trip to Lisbon just to check out the company, and who do I meet? The single loveliest human being on this earth.

 

Sooo funny how life turns out sometimes. So incredible.

 

I look back on guys I've dated, guys i've posted about on here... I mean, yes, maybe it's a good thing I've had so many bad experiences with men, so that I appreciate a good guy even more now.

 

And this guy is SO good. It's not only about how he makes me feel, how he makes me laugh, how I love the person I am with him, how well we mesh, how we're exactly the same type of dorky and weird and the good kind of crazy; how he treats me with nothing but the utmost respect and kindness and never fails to make me feel loved and cared for.

 

It's about who he is as a person, how incredibly lovely his personality is. So kind-hearted; so warm; so positive; so down-to-earth and intelligent (his master's degree in languages is proof enough of that!). Whereas I used to be a person riddled with anxieties and issues, who found it impossible to to trust, who had a hell of a chaotic life - I finally found someone stable and rational, someone who doesn't come from a broken home like I do, someone who is so patient and understanding with me and my occasional irrationalities; although I do try my best to not let insecurities creep up, and honestly, I've found that my mind is not in constant turmoil like it was in past relationships. I feel relaxed, like I can 'let go' (in the past I've always felt the need to be 'in control' - not being in control used to trigger my anxiety). I can trust him and that's it. There were some things I felt quite insecure about (totally irrational on my part because he's not the type to flirt, to text other girls, or to reciprocate any kind of advances from other girls) and he was so kind about it, so lovely, and always made me feel completely at ease again.

 

He never even had casual relationships or casual sex - he's only ever slept with girls within relationships (which he only had a few before he met me, the last one of 2 years having ended many many years ago). It's not that he didn't have the opportunity - he is handsome and when I was out in public with him, I saw how girls looked at him and interacted with him when I wasn't near (which makes me proud rather than anything else ) - he simply isn't "like that" (hard to describe, I guess the simplest way to explain it is that he's not one of your cocky alpha-macho-overly confident jocks, but a more reserved guy with tendencies of a lovely dork who doesn't really know HOW to flirt ) and has always wanted to find that one special woman to spend his life with. That was his desire more than sleeping around or having 'variety' like sadly a majority of men want.

 

Damn, I really could write books about this guy.

 

Anyway, in only 9 short days he'll be here - we've booked a hotel room for the first 2 nights *wink wink* (since I moved back to my mom's a few months ago after living on my own for 6 yrs) and the rest of the nights we'll be here at my moms place - he'll be meeting my mother, my sister, my niece & nephew, even my brothers from out of town are coming to visit and he'll meet them all! I can't waaaait, I already know he fits PERFECTLY into my rather unique family and that all of them are gonna adore him.

 

After he leaves (23oct), the long-distance is pretty much OVER! Finally! (We skype every evening before going to bed, but hell, that program drives me crazy. Connection problems allllll the time, especially in the last few days, some server issue with skype), difficult to have a normal conversation due to all the lags/freezes) - because I cancelled my Iran trip (not just because of him but because money is a lot tighter than I thought, and turns out I wouldnt have enough for a 2 week trip) and booked flights to go to Lisbon during my 3 weeks off instead.

 

So he comes here 17oct and leaves 23oct - I fly to Lisbon 27oct - get back to Berlin 04nov - will be here for a couple days to pack my stuff and prepare my move - then Stefan & I fly out to Rome on 09nov until 12nov - and on 13nov goes my one-way flight to Lisbon.

 

9 more days and there will never be an extended period of time apart again. I could cry of joy!!!

 

 

[Bunney]

.... in Berlin from October 17th - 23rd.

First time that I was the one waiting at the arrival gate of the airport and damn how nerve-wrecking it is. Not knowing when he'll come out, the anticipation, looking at every person who steps out of the door to see if it's him.

 

Even though it was only 4 weeks since we had last seen eachother in person, I had already almost forgotten what it was like to touch him and feel him. The feeling of walking toward him and embracing eachother and kissing his face and having him pick me up and spin me around was incredible. like it's been waay way too long.

 

It was already evening when he arrived so we only headed straight to the hotel that we booked for the first 2 nights (I moved back to my mother's a few months ago after having lived on my own for the past 6 years - mainly to save money on rent before I move to Portugal) and it wasn't long before things got hot'n'heavy... I gotta say, our phyiscal chemistry is amazing and he's an incredible lover - not selfish like most men in my past (only caring about their own pleasure; not putting much effort into making me climax) - and he's soooo good at what he does. He has not slept with many girls before but it doesn't show at all. I dont think I've ever had a guy make me cum so consistently, so often and so fast!

 

Okay, enough with the dirty stuff.

 

Like I said, we had the hotel for 2 nights, so the 2nd day we actually just spent it in our hotel room allllllll day. Well, we left the building once to eat breakfast at a nearby Café and to buy some chips and wine for the evening. Other than that, we only had sex, cuddled and watched 'our' TV show (house of cards) all day long into the night.

 

3rd day, we packed our stuff in the morning and headed to my mother's place where we stayed for the remaining nights.

After dropping off our things there, and after he had a meet n greet with my mom & my little brother (who also lives here), we went to a holiday/fun resort called Tropical Island which is a bit outside of Berlin... I had booked tickets for us as a surprise a couple weeks ago, and he absolutely loved it. Just had a lovely day swimming, going on slides, goofing around in the whirlpools/hot pools, walking along the "beach"....

 

We came home kinda late at night so we just had a small dinner with my mom and talked some before we headed off into my room.

 

There something kinda strange happened that I still can't really explain. I noticed that my eyes were really itchy... and if you remember one of my lasts posts you'll know that I wrote about having unexplainable skin problems as a result of physical intimacy, and it always used to start with eyes itching. The itching wasn't too bad and my skin didn't show any other signs, but somehow...and I couldn't even help it.... but somehow my mind was suddenly flooded with negative thoughts that I coudn't even control. I was suddenly irritated by him (didn't let it show though) and it was almost like I wasn't even in control of my mind because I just kept having thoughts such as "what if he's not the one after all", "are you really sure you want to be with him", "is he even good enough for you?", "gosh, the joke he just made wasn't really funny at all" (haha... yes really), just crazy irrational doubts like that all of a sudden.

 

I dont know why I had thoughts like that... I imagine it was a subconscious thing, due to the fact that my skin was slightly reacting to the intimacy...

 

It didn't help that during the past 2 weeks I've had insane headaches every day all day (I've always been a person with headaches, but they never persisted for such a long period of time before) and they were there during the days he was here too - and this kind of headache makes me unable to function/think/even see clearly.. I become quite different and irritable and down.. he knows about all that and is kind about it and wants me to get it checked.

 

So I wasn't all happygolucky/ in a good mood some days that he was here, mainly because of the headaches and my eyes slightly reacting like they have in previous relationships.

 

The flood of doubts and negative thoughts ebbed away the next day (I still can't really explain why things like that were running through my mind that one evening) & my eyes did not really get any worse at all (except for a red spot next to my left eye that was slightly painful/ is still visible even now - the same type of red spot I had in the past after physical intimacy) so the symptoms didn't progress - which is good - normally my skin would have started to get dry/itchy by that point, but seems like my skin really doesn't react badly to Stefan like it has to others in the past.

 

 

Friday was my last day of work and he got up early in the morning with me and came to work with me - he wasn't allowed to enter the actual floor but there were rooms in the building he had access to so he was just there with his laptop and in each of my break I went to see him. The night before, he was so kind as to bake his 'special dessert' which is a really really reaaaally tasty, delicious, overall perfect dessert (a sort of panna cotta, but his own receipt/ invented version of it... he made it when I was in Lisbon last time, and loved it, so we had the idea he could make it again here for my last day of work - its a tradition that everyone who has their last day brings some kind of treat to the kitchen for everyone to enjoy) - I helped him some but really all the credit goes to him. My coworkers loooved it as well. And he got to meet some of my coworkers / some people he actually already knew through shared cases - remember he works for the same company so he knew a lot of names already, but finally saw the faces to the names as well

 

Saturday evening, it was kind of a family gather, two of my brothers from out of town were here, as well as their girlfriends, and my sister with her two kids - so Stefan met most of my family now, hehe. It was a mostly lovely evening (little chaotic due to so many people), later that night most of us headed to a nearby bar to play table-soccer (is that the word?) because both my oldest brother and Stefan are VERY good at it; so they wanted to duel eachother ;P they played in the same team first then Stefan & I teamed up and played against my oldest brother and another guy. Won some rounds, lost some rounds. But hey, we found out I was actually quite good at the game despite lack of experience! So it was a lovely evening with some beers and laughs and table soccer and lot of shared high-fives between Stefan and me. hehe

 

Sunday afternoon his return flight to Lisbon took off. We didn't have some long good bye or anything because we knew it was only gonna be for 4 days (my flight to Lisbon goes tomorrow!)

 

I loved having him here. I do not have any doubts about him or about us. But for some reason there definitely were some moments where I found myself irriated and critical (always when I had the headaches - so I'm sure they played a big factor in that), like when he made the same joke for the 50th time since i've known him, or when he tried to be funny but failed miserably (which in hindsight.. is adorable i guess), or when he was quite reserved around my family (which I guess I can't blame him for - new environment, many strangers etc) or was a bit awkward around them at times.

 

When he left, and I made my way home, I noticed some kind of relief... I somehow really needed some peace and quiet, and didn't even want to talk to my family the rest of the day. I almost feared that history was repeating itself - there were a few times in my life where I adored a guy and soon after, just became annoyed at EVERYTHING the guy did/said, resulting in my feelings fading away quickly. I'm sure there was some psychological factor to that - I always considered myself not fit to be in a relationship until recent years. Too many issues, too much fear of closeness etc.. I finally got myself together these past years and really improved myself, so this feeling was like "oh no.. not again.. this relationship is too beautiful for it to crumble because of my stupidity"

 

They were never any REAL doubts about Stefan though. Just negative thoughts.

 

I talked to him on the phone that Sunday night, and at one point I was so close to tears.. for no real reason. Just hearing his voice, being so kind to me, saying silly dorky stuff... bam, I suddenly missed him, and wanted to just be in his arms. Yep, after just having spent 6 days in a row with him, 24/7. Simply couldn't shake the uneasy feeling of not being around him. Said my apologies for being in a down/bad mood some days due to the headaches, which wasn't even a big deal in his eyes.

 

When I reflect on the thoughts I had... I almost think that maybe, just maybe, my subconscious WANTS to sabotage relationships. WANTS me to have doubts and eventually back off. Definitely would explain a lot of situations in my past.

 

Not this time though. Not letting negativity take over, or giving value to the thoughts I had. This guy is too wonderful, I'm not letting him go. And damn, how he adores me... that man is crazy for me, I'm not even sure why but he thinks I'm the absolute best & he never fails to let it show. I'm safe with him, so if I dont screw this up somehow at any point in the future, this man will without a doubt be at my side until the rest of our lives; be with me through thick and thin, build a life with me, doing his best to make me happy every day no matter how long we've been together and how 'routine' our relationship will have become.

 

And if that means having to endure his sometimes painfully bad jokes or his occasional awkwardness around new people, then soooo be it.

 

 

 

 

Off to Lisbon tomorrow. Will report again!

[Bunney]

Just a quick check-in.

Got here (to Lisbon) last Thursday, my guy picked me up from the airport & we headed straight to his place... brought a 28 KG heavy suitcase full of clothes and lotions/cosmetics so most of my stuff is already here and I dont have as much to pack when my final flight goes on the 13th November.

 

Definitely feels like I already live here - he works during the week so I've been visiting him during his 1h lunch break every day, pick him up from work, buy groceries with him, cuddle up on the couch with him at home and watch our favorite TV shows, cook with him...

 

we are getting settled in as a couple, getting more and more used to eachother and building trust/comfort/familiarity.

 

though we haven't been together for that long yet (3 months and 2 days) it doesn't really feel like we're in the honeymoonphase anymore. We are totally cheesy together and crazy about eachother, but that's because that's just how we are and relate to eachother. The butterfly/excitement period is long gone and I kind of like it - I like the 'realness' of the relationship that is slowly but surely settling in.

 

I feel different here in Lisbon.

Much more relaxed, and happy.. not just with him, but in general. This city is good for me. The vibe, the atmosphere, even the air... all of it is so much better here.

 

I haven't really had headaches since I got here (and remember I'd had them every day for the past 2 weeks before I got here), and my skin isn't reacting to the intimacy with Stefan at all. Remember that my eyes were itching during his time in Berlin. And here in Lisbon? Nothing. It's strange and I dont know why this is, but all of the symptoms and issues I have in Berlin, do not happen here.

 

In my last post I wrote how I got a little irrirated by his little quirks from time to time, but it's not like that at all anymore.

In fact, ever since I got here I've noticed how much feelings just deepen more and more. I love this guy, there is no doubt about that for me. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have him... he's a gem.

 

It's been a good time so far.

Friday night we had some people over, Saturday we went jogging by the shore together, last night we went out for a little bit after I had painted his face and mine for halloween (looked really great, I didn't know I would be talented at face painting!) - it gives kind of a glimpse of how it's gonna be when I finally live here in 12 days. Staying fit & jogging together, going to work together in the mornings, cooking, playing our video games, going out every other weekend...

 

It's gonna be fantastic. I can't wait to really start our lives together.

 

My flight back to Berlin goes on Friday, 4th November. Staying there & preparing my move & packing my stuff for 4 days, then I'm going to Rome with Stefan for a couple of days before my final one-way flight to Lisbon on the 13th of November.

 

Uush, it's finally sinking in that all of this is real, and happening, and I'm starting a completely new life in a new country.

[Bunney]

... finally officially living in LISBON!! no more skyping, no more long distance

 

 

Soooo spent some utterly lovely days with Stefan in Rome from 09th november till 12th november - very nice hotel, spent the days walking around the city, having nice dinners, etc - I left late in the evening on 12th november to catch my flight from Rome back to Berlin (while Stefan stayed there & caught his flight back to Lisbon very early the next morning)

 

So Sunday afternoon the 13th November I grabbed my two huge suitcases and boarded my final flight to lisbon, saying goodbye to my Mom and my younger brother at the airport. mom really tried her best to hold back her tears.. =(

 

Stefan picked me up at the airport as well as a guy from employee support from the company.. he drove us to the hotel where I'll be staying for the next couple weeks/ maybe months (costs of staying there of course paid by the company). Quite nice hotel, 4 stars and with breakfast included... but I've only been there once since I arrived on Sunday been staying here at Stefan's apartment the whole time (which he shares with one of his best friends who also works at our company).

 

Monday was my first day at work...it's been so exciting! Pretty cool to be able to see my guy all the time, he's on the same floor, but not too close, it's not like we're sitting next to eachother or anything (thank god!) . Been getting along well with my new coworkers, they love having me there since I already know all the programs and tools/ systems (since I worked for the same company just at the Berlin location) and have been able to help out/ give assistance to some colleagues who have less experience and are pretty new to the whole thing.

 

So a new chapter has begun!

New city, new job, lovely boyfriend that I'm getting along so wonderfully with even though we've spent pretty much 24/7 with eachother for the past few weeks... actually, the more I get to know him and spend day in,day out with him I just notice more and more how much I appreciate, value, adore and just totally love this man!

 

Will write more next time, off to spend a lazy nice Friday night with the boyfriend.

[Bunney]

Lovin' the relationship life.

I used to think I wasn't cut out for relationships because mostly, they just caused me crippling anxiety. Now I know it's because I never met the right guy before. The bliss, the serenity, the harmony between Stefan & I, it's something I never experienced before. I feel at peace.

 

I'm not 100% perfect yet in terms of insecurity; there's a girl that works on the same floor as us that he was briefly interested in at one point (1-2 months before he & I met). He had asked her out for coffee somewhere around May and she said no; that she wanted to remain friends instead. They kept hanging out (always as a group- him, her, his roommate and other friends) during the summer, and around the time we started to be official, I asked him about her because I kept seeing her in the photos he got tagged in on fb. He was honest about everything; that he was briefly interested, she said no, and that was it (no more interest toward her after that, beyond friendship). Even though I really had nooo reason to be jealous at all - they never even used to text much, they always hung out as a group only, he stopped being interested in her after she said no, he doesn't hang out with her anymore at ALL (the only contact they have since around August is them saying hi to eachother at work), he never talks about her/mentions her ....still, it made me so uncomfortable and anxious (that they've spent so much time together) and it was the cause of the only arguments we ever really had.

 

I see her sometimes on the floor (luckily she doesn't even sit near us, but on the other side of the floor - and the floor is huge), but never talk to her.. I dont tihnk she knows that I 'know'. I still get some feelings of discomfort sometimes after I've seen her (not because of how she looks or anything - she doesn't come close to me in terms of looks, sounds vain I know), knowing that they've spent pretty much every weekend together in the summer (even if it was as a group). I cant even explain it really, maybe its just plain ol' jealousy. Totally irrational - she even 'liked' our relationship status on fb, keeps liking the pics of him & I together, etc. So she's no threat (and even if she did suddenly decide to like him - he's so crazy about me that she wouldnt even stand the slightest of chances) and he has never done anything remotely inappropriate or shady in regards to her or any other female for that matter.

 

Since I moved to Lisbon, I've been better though - I think a lot of the insecurity came from being so far apart, feeling 'not as close' due to the long distance (despite skyping EVERY night), giving it a lot more room for negative imagination, paranoia etc.

 

They dont really have much to do with eachother anymore and I think that's the only reason why I'm at peace with the situation - if she was seeking contact with him, texting him (though he doesn't even have her number anymore) etc, that'd awake the jeaous/territorial side in me; no matter how trustworthy, loving, and absolutely loyal he is. I know that's an issue within me that I should get rid of, not really sure I ever will though.

 

So that was pretty much the only "issue" we've had. And he wasn't mean or non-understanding about any of it; kind and patient, but when the insecurity about her persisted, he started getting irriated because he just couldn't really understand what I was so anxious/uncomfortable about - that she matters zero to him and hasn't for a long time and the only woman he's thought about and cared about since we met is me.

 

Luckily, there is literally no other female I've been insecure about (and there are loads of them at work, that he gets along well with), so he knows I'm not a complete jealous trainwreck that will go crazy as soon as another woman is near him

 

 

ANYWAY -

 

Last weekend we drove up to his parents town (3h away from Lisbon, on the countryside/ the mountains) and I met them for the first time! They are absolutely lovely - so sweet, friendly, just like the son they raised so well. They forgot a lot of the German that they learned from the time they lived in Switzerland (where Stefan was born then) so he had to do quite a lot of translating we took the car and drove up the mountains on Saturday, seeing the most amazing landscapes, hell there was even tons of snow when we went further up, and we're talking about Portugal!!! It was fantastic and we took the most beautiful photos.

 

I felt so much closer to him since that weekend - maybe because now I know him better, I saw him interact with his mom (he treats her like GOLD, gives her alot of hugs etc), I saw tons of pictures of him from his chlidhood and teenage years and awww. Just adorable. They raised SUCH a good man, wonderful manners, great ethics/morals, heart of gold, helps so much around the house/ doesn't mind cleaning like most men.. I love him so, so, so much and I dont care that we've only been official for 4 months.

 

Since I moved here, we've pretty much lived together - and it's something I've been worried about because we're still so early on - but it's mostly because the company first put me in a hotel, and then the apartment I was assigned to is one that is pretty far off, with no metro stations near.. compared to Stefan's apartment where everything is near, even work is 10 mins bike ride away (we ride our bikes to work every morning - most mornings you get the most beautiful view of the sunset shining on the sea - its magnificent).

 

Even though we've spent most of our time together since i moved here, it doesn't really feel like it's been a problem, or GOING to be a problem - we have so much fun together day in day out, get along wonderfully, no bickering or arguments or stuff like that. We love to cuddle and be close just as much as before. Of course things could change the longer we keep doing this (being under the same roof) - but i somehow doubt it.

 

Still, I'll try to get another apartment closer to work, so at least SOME days out of the week I could spend there alone.

 

Right now, we're sitting on the couch in the living room - he's playing one of his games that looks like from 1985 (I keep making fun of him for it) - the weather is extremely bad, it's been raining like crazy for hooours now. So cozy to be inside with the person I love most, doing absolutely nothing and still enjoying it all the same.

 

Some photos from last weekend! even caught the rainbow on picutre

 

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[Bunney]

More than 3 months have passed now since I moved to Lisbon and inofficially 'moved in' with Stefan.

 

I actually do have another room in another apartment that our company gave me, but it's in a different part of town, with 4 other people that I don't know that well, much farther away from work so it has just naturally come to be this way that I dont have any of my stuff there & I basically live here at Stefan's place with him in his room. His very good friend Fabio (a 34 yr old male) and his girlfriend Alex (23 yr old) live here, too (Alex inofficially though - the apartment is just in Stefan & Fabios name). It works out well most of the time, we all get along, despite some things that have annoyed me a little lately - mostly household related stuff, but also Fabio's temper & how he treats Alex/ their relationship alltogether. He tends to have quite a temper sometimes (which one time he lashed out at me for a really stupid reason) and just from observing their relationship he just doesn't seem like the best person to be with and she could do better - which is none of my business per se - but it does affect us when you hear them argue at least 2-3 times a week and she tells me about the things he does/say.

 

Anyway...

 

What has happened since I last posted?

 

- 10th december: it was the company's christmas party, a huge huge HUGE event in a massive hall. Everyone looked their best, and Stefan & I had a great time socializing with others, dancing with eachother; and he was called up to the stage at the part where they gave out prizes/awards to a few selected people (people who'd been doing an exceptional job at the company & had been a loyal employee for quite a while). At one point later in the night, the girl I'd written about in another post (Ill refer to her as C, the one he "liked" in the past before we met) had come up to him (she used the one opportunity where I wasn't standing beside him but talking to another mutual friend) and said something about "being happy for us [him & I] but finding it sad that they dont talk anymore", but Stefan brushed her off quite quickly (he wasn't exactly keen on talking to her - knowing that I'm not super comfortable with her). It just seemed so weird, the mutual friend was having issues and had to leave, C was already standing with her comforting her and I came to them because I wanted to cheer her up too... and C looked at me, then figured "oh she's not next to Stefan", looked around to see where he was, then promptly left the circle and went up to talk to him. Almost intentional to get a reaction out of me, which I know she has liked to do with others in the past (Alex is friends with her so she has told me some stuff). Gah, just noooot a fan of her at all. Stef was really lovely about it though, was polite to her but didn't care one bit to talk to her, later on we got a cab and brought me to bed safe and sound (had been drinking a little toooo much and was barely able to walk anymore in my high heels, haha)

 

- 23rd to 25th dec: spent the christmas days up at his family's house, with much of his family... cousins, uncles etc. Got on great with all of them, they are LOVELY people! Ate amazing food and they even gave me some presents which I didnt expect at all. Stefan loved my gift to him; it was a 100% self-made personalized calendar with photos of us which I took more than a week to make. Looks pretty decent on our wall

 

- 31st dec: spent NYE with some of his friends and their girlfriends at a spot with a nice view over the city as the fireworks came out. After that we headed to downtown to a popular district where there are a lot of narrow streets with plenty of bars, went into a few bars, had drinks (me a little too much again, I swear I have such LOW resistance to alcohol these days... 2 beers and I'm tipsy!), and ran into a lot of people from work who had gone downtown in groups, so all in all a super fun night.

 

- 07th jan: went to birthday dinner for 2 of Stefans friends, had been a bit "uneasy" about that night previously because C was invited and going to come... she didn't end up being there, and we had a lovely night with the people there, dining/talking/laughing.

 

- 21st jan: Stefans 31st birthday! Had a lovely relaxed day with our roomies + another friend just BBQ'ing on our huge terrace, then eating the cake and muffins I had baked with Alex the day before, and just goofing around. The best moment was probably when I handed him my gift; it was like a self-made coupon booklet with "vouchers" for massages (from me), cinema, dinners, etc... but at the end, on the last page, there was an envelope - with Aerosmith concert tickets inside he LOVES that band, and they are coming to Lisbon this June... so I didn't have to think about it much, I just booked them. He was overcome with joy, speechless, said that is the best present anyone has ever gotten him, damn he even had a hint of tears in his eyes it was so cute, I loved that it made him so happy. 26th of June is the date!

 

- 28th jan: goodbye-party of 2 of our beloved colleagues who are going traveling and then returning to Switzerland. Quite decent night but I was pretty tipsy and tired later on and we left early (at 10pm after having been there for 4h). I think we had a small tiff when we were on our bicycles on our way home, but I dont remember why..

 

- 30th jan: our 6 month anniversary (yeah BORING! ) which we didn't celebrate in any way except open a bottle of red wine and cuddled up on the couch.

 

- 3rd to 5th feb: took the train up north to visit his parents, lovely time again, I can tell they really do like me (: drove the car around some but mostly were just cuddled up inside because the weather was horribly stormy/ rainy.

 

- 10th feb: me, Stefan, Alex, Fabio were invited to dinner at Stefans ex-colleagues place; a female in her 30s that I had previously noticed because of the way she wrote to my boyfriend (always kissy faces; on his bday wrote to him she "missed his company" etc, just generally very... 'affectionate'); had never said much to him about it though because I know how he is: he doesn't respond in the same way, is nothing but friendly with her, and it probably helps a little that she's not the most attractive woman. Had met her briefly once before at the companys xmas party, where didn't make much effort to speak to me but preferred being around Stefan. Anyway, the dinner was pretty nice and I got along well with her so all is good and I figured she's just that way with everyone

 

- 17th feb: had a few drinks at a bar near our company, some of Stefans mates were there, one of whom is quite arrogant and shallow and almost the entire evening he was speaking about girls, how hot that or that girl was, how Stefan should go to that one hotel in Las Vegas because there are half-naked girls dancing around there (even though he knows 100% my bf is not that way at all, the opposite of shallow, and wouldnt care in the least about half naked girls), how younger ones are much better and women over 30 are a turn off etc etc etc. Sooooo annoying. Had met him before but he never spoke that way in my presence before. On our way home, Stefan and I had a little tiff about it.. I was tipsy (surprise) and said I was uncomfortable with how his mate spoke, and if he ever let him influence him before etc and I guess it came across as me questioning him [stefan] and his integrity. It was silly because I know he's NOT like that at all, the opposite really, and he was annoyed that I let what his mate said get to me. I did apologize a little later when we got home and all was good.

 

 

We went shopping to Ikea this weekend to re-decorate our room, we actually have a king size bed now, more furniture will be delivered to our home tomorrow. Despite the couple small arguments we've had, it is extremely clear to us and everyone around us that our love is so strong, solid, and that we're just a great match all in all. We've soon been together for 7 months, the honeymoon phase is long gone and I cannot say that I love him any less, actually I can feel my love for him grow into something deeper, more meaningful as the time passes.

 

He's just the best, most loving person. All of our arguments were started by something I did or said, and that's because I tend to be an irrational dork sometimes. We resolve conflicts easily and amazingly and I cannot ask for a better life partner.

 

Hell, we even went to the gynocologist together some days ago (for a routine check and the doctor doesn't speak English so he was in there translating) and people thought we were married, and the first thing the doctor asked if I was pregnant or trying to get pregnant, lol. Just felt nice to get a glimpse of what it will be like when we're finally at that point... and we both know we are heading in that direction (in a few years time).

 

I'm one happy Bunney!