Holly28 Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Me and my boyfriend of 9 years broke up 2 months ago. He met someone else and even though it wasn't physical it made him want to be on his own and sort himself out without hurting me. It broke my heart. I moved out but we still talked. For some reason I can't be angry at him or hate him. I am just looking into buying a house about 1 hour away and when I told him he couldn't of been happier for me. I'm not sure what I was expecting but I'm really happy for you wasn't top of my list. I know we won't get back together but if he had told me he was moving I would be sad. Am I expecting too much? Did I mean that little to him that he just doesn't care about me anymore? We lived together and were looking at buying our own house 6 months ago! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 He gave you a socially customary response, so don't read too much into it. What else could he have possibly said other than to congratulate you on going on with your life and pursuing what you want? Whatever else he may be thinking or feeling, he is not going to share with you and has no reason to at this point. You were together for 9 years, so you can rest assured that not only did you mean a whole lot to him, but that you were and will always be a very large and influential part of his life. That's a lot of history together and no, that never gets wiped out. Just because you are drifting apart, doesn't negate the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 >>Am I expecting too much? Yes, you are, because he broke up with you. When you break up, you come to a fork in the road, and his life is going to go in one direction, and yours another. It doesn't mean you meant nothing to him, but it does mean that he has made a choice to live his life without you as a partner. He may consider you a friend and care for you and have a soft spot for you because you were once his GF (for a long time), but now, he is on a different path. He is congratulating you because buying a house is a happy event, just like wishing you happy birthday, or congratulating you on a new job etc. And if he's broken up with you and feels guilty about it, it will make him happy to know that you are getting on with your life. I think the problem is you are still conceptualizing him as your partner and he is no longer seeing you the same way. You can't be angry at him or hate him because you want him back and are stuck in the denial phase where you hope that if you just sit quietly and act like he didn't dump you, maybe he'll come back. Being angry at him is really admitting to yourself that he tossed you over for someone else, and that is hard to accept. So you need to work on accepting that he broke up with you and isn't your special person anymore. He is like a long time friend and no longer a romantic partner. If you really want to heal, you need to stop contact with him for a while to allow yourself to adjust to the fact that he is moving on, and you need to do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 He feels guilty about the breakup, so he's happy (relieved) to hear happy news from you. It helps HIM feel better about the breakup. Here's a guide that will help you: link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Before someone breaks up with their partner...they think about it for a long time. I was with my daughters father for 5 1/2 years....and I thought about asking him to move out for 2 1/2 of them. By the time I finally mustered the courage to finally end it, I was ecstatic. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders...and I couldn't wait to move on. To date. To have a different life. It didn't mean I didn't love him. I did. I still do. He just isn't my path. What I'm trying to say is...your bf had a long time before he broke up with you where he thought about it. There's a reason he never proposed. He had a long time to adapt to the idea of not being together....and I'm sure he does wish you all the best. But it's time to let him go. This is over. You have a new life in front of you...so many possibilities...so many outcomes...chose wisely. Chose to focus on becoming the best you. Chose to love yourself and honor yourself. It's kind of exciting. It doesn't feel like it now...but when the fear of the unknown is past...it will feel like an adventure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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