Boyfriend's behaviour and his two concerning female friendships

[kayem]

Hi,

I would like some feedback on what I consider inappropriate behaviour from my boyfriend of 2+ years and two of his female friends. I have met all of my boyfriend's friends, many of whom are girls, and get along with them all really well, except for two of the girls, who from day 1 have given me grief and put a strain on my confidence and the relationship I have with my boyfriend. Here are some of the things they have done to me which make me feel uneasy.

 

Girl A (the worst offender) Friend of his from uni, engaged to another guy:

- In the very early days of my relationship with BF, they were out of town on a night out, I was at home. When my BF rang my phone at 2am waking me up, I picked up thinking something was wrong. All I could hear on the other end was a girl giggling, who wouldn't speak to me, then hung up. I tried phoning back and texting but no reply all night and I was so worried all night and barely slept thinking the worst. Heard from him in the morning, turns out it was Girl A, drunk, using my BFs phone. He claims that Girl A is so stupid that she doesn't know how to use a mobile phone but I had a feeling that she did it on purpose.

- Whenever we meet her she ALWAYS goes ON and ON about how long she has known him for, all the parties they went to, in-jokes, 'oh do you remember when....?', 'we've known each other for so long....' blah blah blah basically making me as excluded as possible from all of their conversations.

- I added Girl A on Facebook and a few days later Girl A, my BF and their uni friends went to a wedding (I didn't go, we'd only been together for about 2 months at this point). Once back from the wedding Girl A put up photos from the wedding including one OF MY BOYFRIEND SNOGGING HER FIANCE. Apparently she dared my BF to do it. How nice of her to do that and rub it in my face on facebook afterwards.

- Girl A had a house party so we went. As I was standing outside chatting to some of his friends I glanced through the kitchen window and saw Girl A KISSING MY BOYFRIEND ON THE LIPS - no tongue, but WHAAAAAAAAT?!

- Went to the pub with Girl A and their friends. While in the pub Girl A walked to a seating area on a slightly higher level than the ground floor. She decided that she was bored of being on that level, so instead of walking back down the 2/3 steps to the ground floor, she got my BF's attention and encouraged him to lift her up over the barrier and carry her to the bar as if he were carrying her accross the threshold. It was mortifying.

- After Girl A's 30th birthday party we all went back to her house. Me and my BF were in the lounge sitting together on the sofa, Girl A came in and decided to sit on my BF's lap, run her fingers through his hair, tell him she loved him and how long they'd known each other for blah blah blah. I feel like I couldn't do anything about it since I was drunk and it was her house and on her birthday, I couldn't cause a scene but I left the room. When I talked to my BF about it he said that as soon as I left the room she got off his lap, so she was probably doing it to get a reaction out of me.

- Anytime Girl A is around my BF she HAS to touch him, hug him, hang off him, kiss his face, touch his hair, and she does that thing where she looks back at me to see my reaction each time she does it. (My usual reaction is to pretend nothing extraordinary is happening.)

 

Girl B (bit younger than us, going out with his best friend):

- First time I met her he picked her up and span her around, he went crazy shouting 'SHE IS THE BEST GIRL!' I thought it was weird but he was just happy to be out with his friends.

- Second time I met her our BFs went outside to smoke, leaving us alone. While alone she decided to tell me that the first time I met her she touched my boyfriend's bum right in front of me and I didn't say anything. She was bragging to me about it. When I told my boyfriend about it he said it was because he broke up with his last girlfriend because she claimed he had touched Girl B's bum while dancing, apparently he hadn't and he was really upset about it. I felt like what Girl B did was a test on me and also very disrespectful.

- She is always touching him, hugging him, stroking him, playing with his hair, but doesn't do the same thing Girl A does, she doesn't look back at me to see my reaction.

- At a friend's birthday party we were posing for a photo, she suddenly decided to pick me up and next thing I know I'm on the floor in agony - not sure if she dropped me accidentally or on purpose. While I was on the floor crying she didn't help me up or say sorry or even look at me, instead she just carried on posing for the photo as if I wasn't there (My feet were actually in the photo, I landed on my back and injured it. I've had a bad back ever since and had to see a doctor about it and have spent time off work because of it).

 

My BF's reaction to all this is pathetic. I told him how uncomfortable these situations have made me, and how I am not in any way saying he can't see these girls, but that I need something to change, because it has been going on long enough, I have done nothing but be nice to them the whole time, and now it is affecting me because I don't go out to social situations if I know these girls are going to be attending because they make me feel so bad. BF can see that it is a problem but refuses to deal with it. He thinks that I am being paranoid, especially about Girl B, and that with Girl A she has always been touchy feely with him, so he can't see the problem. It seems to agonise him when I ask him to talk to these girls about their behaviour towards me, he just won't do it. He is out with them tonight, I didn't go. I asked him (again) to talk to them, maybe bring it up that he has noticed that these girls aren't always that nice to me, but he won't do it. I don't understand it because if he had a problem with the way I behaved with any of my close male friends I would a) put a stop to the behaviour immediately if it made him feel uncomfortable and b) have no problem at all speaking to my male friends to make them understand the boundaries, after all they are some of my oldest closest friends and I can talk to them about anything.

 

I do realise here that also my BF is the problem, and I have to say that I can really see he is making an effort not to get too close to these girls, he certainly hasn't kissed anyone since (as far as I know) since those first few months we were dating, and he is willing to talk to me about it and tries to understand where I am coming from, yet even after 2 years of this he is STILL unwilling to deal with these 'friends' of his. The only thing I can do at the moment is avoid seeing these girls, but unfortunately for me that means my BF still will go see them, he just goes without me, then I am left with the mental image of what the girls might be doing with him.

 

 

Sorry if this is a long post, had lots to explain! Hope someone has some advice for me. Thank you so much.

[mhowe]

You are right. While both A and B have the maturity of a banana...it I'd your bf's inability to set and sustain personal boundaries that is the issue at hand. And it has been an ongoing conversation. How much more can you stomach?

[metrogirl]

With all of the shenangins that are going on with girl A, I'm surprised you haven't said anything to her. She does it because she knows it ruffles your feathers and since you haven't called her out on it, she will continue to do it. Sometimes idiot girls need to be put in their respective places.

[faraday]

You are right. While both A and B have the maturity of a banana...it I'd your bf's inability to set and sustain personal boundaries that is the issue at hand. And it has been an ongoing conversation. How much more can you stomach?

 

This is about his boundaries, not the other women...if he thinks this is appropriate...he's not the guy for you....he wouldn't be the one for me either...the way he's acting is completely unacceptable.

[SpottiOtti]

Do you think that, given time, your boyfriend will be able to confront the girl, or will he just keep repeating past behavior?

 

Have you ever done anything to indicate to the girl that her behavior makes you uncomfortable, or just played nice and acted like it didn't bother you?

 

How often does your boyfriend hang around with these girls, and does he have a sexual history with either of them? Do you worry he'll cheat?

[faraday]

With all of the shenangins that are going on with girl A, I'm surprised you haven't said anything to her. She does it because she knows it ruffles your feathers and since you haven't called her out on it, she will continue to do it. Sometimes idiot girls need to be put in their respective places.

 

But it's been 2 years...I don't know if at this point calling her out on it will do much. You have to do the boundary setting earlier...girl a and b both have already been taught how to treat the OP...good luck changing things now.

[Fudgie]

These girls are pretty sl___y but the REAL issue at hand is your boyfriend. He has NO boundaries. Like you said, you talked to him about how things need to change, how you're not asking him to cut them off but to not let these inappropriate things happen. His response is pathetic.

 

I think he's a pathetic boyfriend and he enjoys the attention. I don't even think you can count on him to remain faithful to you in the future. And that's not a jab at you or anything, it's him. He just is not mature enough to handle a committed relationship. I think if a girl pushed enough for him to sleep with her, he would and if you found out, he'd have a lame excuse about why he did it.

 

Please leave him. You deserve better.

[kayem]

WOW, you guys replied quickly! Thank you so much for making me feel like I'm not going crazy! In a way it is my fault for not dealing with this sooner - I should have nipped it in the bud a long time ago, but I just couldn't believe what was happening to me, dealing with 'friends' like this is completely foreign to me, I only associate with nice, decent people. But I stupidly made an effort with these girls and thought if they see how much me and my BF mean to each other they will get bored/back off. But they didn't....and I never said ANYTHING to the girls about the behaviour. The only hint they have is that time I walked out of the room and they must be wondering why i never go out to parties with them anymore when I always used to...

 

The BF is the issue, I'm thinking if he really cared for me and respected me that he would put a stop to all this and show me how serious he is about being a good boyfriend. But like Fudgie says, I think he enjoys the attention from these other girls and, no matter than it destroys me, he is not willing to give up that attention at this point.

 

I will see what he says when he get home from their doting tonight. But if his response remains weak and he STILL hasn't spoken to these girls or dealt with the issue in some way I will have to think about my next step with him.

[kayem]

the maturity of a banana...I like that, might start using that phrase, see if it catches on!

[kayem]

I'm not worried that he'll cheat, I think deep down he is a really good guy, but he just lets himself go a bit doolally with these 2 girls. We see them quite often, for birthdays, parties, weddings etc.

[missmarple]

I'd tell him he has 2 options:

Option A: talk to his friends and be ready to stop being friends with them if they continue disrespecting his girlfriend

Option B: keep his friends as they are and lose me

 

Nothing else to say after all this time.

[dangletsbang]

Wow, I would be more upset with my boyfriend in this situation. There's no way I would put up with that.

 

When my boyfriend and I had been together for about 4 months, one of his female friends starting blatantly flirting with him and making snotty sarcastic comments to me in front of him...the last straw was logging onto instagram one day and seeing her post an awkward picture of her and my boyfriend saying 'my absolute favorite' from the night before when he went with a huge group of friends that included her to a concert. I had to work that's why I didn't go. My boyfriend was inexperienced with relationships and pretty innocent, so I told him that I felt her behavior wasn't appropriate for someone in a relationship...and that I didn't appreciate the way she was acting around me or him. I understand they were friends before me but certain things just aren't 'okay'. He distanced himself from her the next time he saw her when they were in a group situation, she got the hint and now everything is peachy.

 

Your boyfriends behavior wouldn't be acceptable to me. Yes, the girls are out of line....but it's your boyfriends job to show them that.

[kayem]

Thank you everyone for your posts. It is so nice of you all to reply, I really appreciate it! I haven't really told anyone the ins and outs of this problem other than my BF, so it's good to hear some other people's opinions. It seems that it all points to my BF dealing with this situation, but I'm not sure how much longer I can give him to deal with it. I'm really miffed that I could have been out tonight with him and his friends having a good time too if he had already dealt with this issue but instead he is out in town having a laugh, probably being caressed by one or both Girl A and B and he doesn't even seem to care that I'm not there with him. Gutted.

[Fudgie]

Yes, it's really up to your boyfriend to set appropriate boundaries with people and enforce them.

 

like you said, he enjoys the attention and isn't willing to give it up even when you have brought up how it bothers you. I'm not sure how this could be anything other than a dealbreaker. He's basically saying "Me getting my ego stoked is way, way, way more important how you feel in our relationship." Very disrespectful.

[HeartGoesOn]

When it gets to the point where you feel the need to call him out on his bahaviour, the relationship has already gone South. He knows this is disrespectful towards you, and as an adult he knows right from wrong.

 

Send him packing, you deserve better...

[ParisPaulette]

Your BF has a problem, a big one. He needs and actively incites and encourages other women to grab at him, hug on him and in general be all over him in front of his girlfriend--i.e. you. And truthfully from what you're describing I wouldn't be surprised if they aren't all sleeping together and getting a huge laugh out of it. Some people find it exciting to do things under other people's noses and that's what this reeks of with both those girls and your BF.

 

In this case you really only have three options.

 

A) You put up with it, stay miserable and become more and more of a recluse as he makes sure he only goes to events where these two girls are knowing that you'll be home waiting for him and after them stroking his ego and possibly other body parts you'll be tucked away like a good little girl to do the same when he comes home. A is a terrible option.

 

B) You decide you've had enough and you become flirtatious with the Girl A and Girl B's guys telling them things like, "Oh that looks like fun, carry me over there just like my BF did with your Girl A." If possible you might ask each of these guys what their take on all of this is beforehand. Are they cool with it or they just not ever invited at all to these things--i.e. the girls make sure they are tucked away somewhere so they don't pound your BF into a pulp. Treat it all as a big joke and get just as touchy and feely as they are with your BF--i.e. when Girl A sat your BF's lap, you could have said, "Hey, that looks like fun, let me in on it too." Then you plop down in her lap on top of them both. Act hurt and bewildered if they get mad, "Wait, you guys are doing it, so what's the big deal? We're all one happy family, right?" Maintain a wide-eyed, innocent "Look we're adults, you both stop being babies about it, okay" attitude and refuse to let them get to you. Laugh about it every chance you get to your BF afterwards. "Oh my gosh, the look on your faces..." "Girl A is sure lucky to have such a handsome guy, he's strong too." You rub his face in it every chance you get.

 

They might just all stop it when your BF realizes his actions are giving you a license to get your flirt-on with other guys and the girls might just stop it when they realize their actions are getting turned around on them and now their guys are digging you. Warning: you will have to be massively confident and a supreme actress to pull this off. It may well blow up in your face and if so you have to be willing to tell your BF and the two girls that you don't put up with double standards. If they do it you will too and if they want it all to stop then they need to stop it too. You have to be willing to lose your BF over it as well when he realizes he doesn't have the control over you that he thought he did and now he's playing second fiddle. But all kidding aside, if his actions aren't giving you a total license to go out and get flirty with other men then I don't know what is. I'm a huge one for equality and fair play for all--he gets to be flirty and touchy feely with his female friends equals you get to be flirty and touch-feely with your male friends and the girl's significant others too.

 

C) You do neither A or B. You tell him three's a crowd and four is ridiculous. And that you want a boyfriend who understands what personal boundaries and being faithful really mean. And you break up with him on the spot, go through the first few weeks of breakup then go out with your friends and realize how great life really is when you can just relax and not have your so-called BF all but having girls he knows give him lap dances in front of your face. And then find a guy who understands that what your BF is doing is inappropriate and disrespectful, who doesn't get a twisted kick out of controlling you through that kind of behavior, because they are out there. You just have to learn not to tolerate it and to send guys packing at the first sign of this sort of behavior. He wants his female friends all over him? Great let him go to it without you. And when they snub him, because now he's no longer fun without you there to torment and he's lonely you tell him he made his bed and he can lie in it. Alone.

 

Personally I'd go with option C although I did have a friend do Option B once. It worked, her BF flipped out telling her he expected her to not act like the sl*t that his friend was in front of the friend's face and he lost both her and the female friend that night who didn't enjoy being called that in front of all their friends. It also revealed that her BF knew all along what was happening and he just encouraged it. She met a really great guy shortly after that who didn't feel the need to flaunt other women in her face and they got married.

 

Up to you, but this is pretty obvious that there's more than just "friendship" here and your BF is loving and encouraging every minute of it. Do you really need that kind of stress in your life and what's so special about him that you'd be willing to put up with that really sly underhanded form of emotional abuse. One that is causing you to hide away and be afraid to go out and have fun with the person that claims to love you?

[LC8328]

I've been in a similar situation to this, and I have to tell you, from what you have described, I believe this is the scenario: Girl A and B are very attracted to him and know he lets them flirt and touch him, so they do. And when you came into the picture, they get resentful because they feel that they "own" him because they've known him longer and they can both sense that he likes them as well (at least to a certain extent, which is why he says nothing to stop their advances). This isn't to say they want to "be" with him in a relationship. They really enjoy messing around with him, whether it be sitting on his lap or whatever. It's almost like cuddling - not sex but it's still pretty intimate. (And don't believe that right after you walked out, she got off his lap.)

 

I agree that it has nothing to do with you. They'll do this with his next girlfriend, unless that girlfriend is a stronger type who doesn't take any BS. Which leads me to my next question...why have you just been sitting there, taking it? You have to stand up for yourself. If you don't do it, no one will. You HAVE to let people know when they cross a line.

 

That said, of course it boils down to your BF. You simply can't - and shouldn't - have to watch him 24/7. He should be telling them to stop. Question for you: Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't respect you enough to speak up and tell these you-know-whats to get their hands off him?

 

I know you've been thinking about this already thanks to the other people who responded to this thread. I hope it works out.

 

Incidentally, someone wrote a letter to Dear Abby once saying that she would get together with other married couples, but this one woman always put her hands on the letter-writer's husband's leg (sorry if that was confusing), and she would do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Abby's response was to get a nice, cold drink and subtly place it inside the offending hand.

 

That's how a lady would handle it. Mine would be a lot more overt, trust me. Anyway, best of luck to you. Hope you do whatever is best for you.

[kayem]

Thank you all for replying. You speak a lot of sense, which is so helpful because my head is spinning at this situation.

 

When BF came home I was so angry with him for putting me in this situation, I couldn't talk to him and kicked him out of the bedroom for the night and told him that I was so unhappy with the situation that I wanted to break up - with some other reasons too. He had nothing to say at the time and had been drinking so I just went to bed.

 

We have spoken at length this morning about this Girl A/B situation. I was so upset with him for allowing me to be so destroyed by his behaviour, and for such a long time. He seemed genuinely sorry about that and very concerned. I asked him about the night out. Both girls A and B were out with him last night. When I asked him if they were touchy feely with him he said yes they were touching on him, he couldn't remember how many times but I am sure it would have been alot. I asked him what he did about it. He says he asked Girl B to 'Stop it. Don't' but he claims that she was very drunk, so I guess that means he gave up and just let her paw him. LAME. He also made a lame attempt at warding off Girl B by making a very vague and passing comment in conversation about 'his girlfriend not liking girls flirting with him too much', but IMO that was too weak a response as she is pretty dense so I think she needs to spelt out to her more plainly than that. I was annoyed because I have given him so many ideas on how to address this with the girls in a number of situations and he didn't use any of the strategies we had talked about before, I knew he wouldn't.

 

We talked at length about how he is going to deal with the situation from here. He can FINALLY see now that it is deeply hurting me and massively affecting our relationship and he is FINALLY willing to (reluctantly) help me. Obviously it is not a nice thing to have to admit to your friends that you are a grown up in a grown up relationship, and he is not very happy about having to speak to them and change things, but he says that he cares about me enough to do it, more than he cares about them. I still feel a bit put out that I have to convince him, he says blackmail him, into dealing with the situation. He doesn't want to break up though so he is willing to act.

 

Now he is just unsure HOW to approach the matter without losing his friends. He is worried that if he speaks to the girls they will twist what he has said and spread it around their friendship group and he will look like a weirdo to all of his friends. Which makes me wonder why he would be friends with girls like that but hey ho, his life. I think anyone who had met these girls, especially Girl A, would see within 1 minute of meeting her that she is a complete tool who behaves like a moron and would see through any of her gossip. If I were him I would have cut my ties with these stupid girls long ago, especially because Girl B also partly caused his break up with his ex girlfriend. How many girlfriends does he want to lose to these dumb cows?! Anyway, I was very upset that he seemed to care more about hurting their feelings/egos or having gossip spread about him than about fixing our relationship and protecting my feelings. He is also worried that if he speaks to the girls and they react badly then it will affect his close friendships with their boyfriends, but I tend to think that boys don't get involved in these matters so much and they would probably be grateful to him for putting a stop to their girlfriends doting on him so much.

 

Eventually we agreed that today would be a good day to start dealing with the situation, because it's a perfect opportunity to say to the girls 'You're probably wondering why Kayem doesn't come out anymore and wasn't out last night, well it's because....' So he has agreed to draft up some emails with a view to sending them out to the girls today to put a stop to it all once and for all.

 

I am so relieved that he is starting to understand and take it seriously because I was so close to breaking up with him over this because it is just completely out of order to me that he is supposed to love me yet he is pushing me away by allowing this flirting and immature behaviour to happen. I know I'm not perfect and our discussion gave him a chance to air his frustrations in the relationship too, so we both have things to work on, but for me I think a lot of our tensions will dissolve once this horrible affair has been laid to rest.

[missmarple]

a very vague and passing comment in conversation about 'his girlfriend not liking girls flirting with him too much'

 

I still feel a bit put out that I have to convince him, he says blackmail him, into dealing with the situation. He doesn't want to break up though so he is willing to act.

 

it's a perfect opportunity to say to the girls 'You're probably wondering why Kayem doesn't come out anymore and wasn't out last night, well it's because....'

 

So, basically, he's going to make YOU look like the bad guy and the one who has a problem whereas he's fine with them doing whatever they want.

Sorry but your boyfriend is a wimp. Good luck with him.

[lerenard]

You BF has some problems if he has friends like that and says nothing to them. He should have some boundaries with girls (or women) if he has a long term girlfriend. If he never says anything to them - he likes the attention. That is wrong, in my opinion.

I had my and my Bfs mutual friends hug me and lift me up in the air and spin me around, dance with me and so on, but it never had any flirting feel to it, it was just us having fun and appreciating each other. These girls are just nasty, sorry. And it should tell you something about your BF if THESE are his friends.

[Iggles]

I think you should go ahead and dump him.

 

Here's why -- after two years of putting you through disrespect and discomfort by allowing Girl A and Girl B to paw all over him in your presence, he's whining about being "blackmailed" to take action? What kind of man does that????

 

He is failing to protect his woman (he knew you didn't like it, but did nothing to address your hurt feelings) and lacks problem solving abilities to remedy the situation -- as he is depending on you to come up with a strategy that will be easy for him to implement!

 

Think back to two years ago. Imagine for a moment, you told him, "I don't like how those girls were touching you" and he immediately put an end to it. Leaning away when Girl A tried to run her hand through his hair and saying, "I've got a girlfriend. You can touch your man's hair". Not allowing either girl to sit on his lap. Removing their hands from him when they tried to caress him. Him standing behind you for most of the night with his arms wrapped around you.. Wouldn't you feel much more comfortable and loved? Wouldn't your respect for this man grow? Wouldn't you feel more attracted to him?

 

Instead, you're dating a wimp with poor conflict resolution skills. He values maintaining his social favor over you. He lost a girlfriend over it already. Now he's making you responsible for the actions any decent man would have taken LONG ago. How can you respect that? How can you feel he respects you? And real talk, if you marry this guy down the road and start a family with him his lack of boundaries will crop up again and others aspects of your relationship. Who knows where, but he won't stand up on certain issues unless you twist his arm. Honestly, why should you have to???

[kayem]

I know, you are right, it's very sad that he has let this go on for so long without resolving the problem. I wish he had done the things you described since day one, I would not be here writing now having spent all night crying. I would have been able to go out to many more social events and actually enjoy myself. It's very sad. I really like some of your ideas for dealing with it and I even did ask him a few weeks ago to tell the girls, as you say things like 'Oh no, personal space invasion!' or 'Are you drunk, I'm not your boyfriend, you're boyfriend is over there!' and make a joke of it but to no avail.

 

Anyway, update. Girl B got in touch to ask why I wasn't out last night so I took the matter into my own hands and replied something along the lines of:

I'm ok I just a bit down cos I've had a bad back, which i think actually you caused when you dropped me on the floor at *****'s birthday party and my back hasn't been the same since that happened Also unfortunately I tend to avoid social events which involve Girl A lately cos I can't be dealing with girls immature flirty, touchy-feely behaviour with BF. I find that behaviour so inappropriate. I'm sure I'd get along fine with her if she just toned it down and behaved like a grown up. Wish girls would touch their own boyfriends or keep their wandering hands to themselves! I think BF needs to man up too and stop girls from touching him. Hope you guys had a good night etc etc

 

My BF will probably freak out but tough cheese. It's going to be on my terms now and if he doesn't like it good luck to him finding a girlfriend who is willing to put up with this type of behaviour.

[sophie274]

Kayem, I totally sympathize with your situation and feel badly that your boyfriend is behaving this way, but I think that message did not help your cause. You were passive-aggressive with girl B and the back situation (IMO, just makes you sound like a victim), and writing to girl B about girl A just makes you sound like a terrible gossip. I agree with all the others that your boyfriend should be the one addressing the situation, without making you out to be the big bad witch that won't let him be himself with his girlfriends, but if you're going to talk to these girls yourself you need to be clear and direct. I think that message may backfire - it's just going to encourage those girls to bug you more and gossip about you the same way you're gossiping to girl B about girl A.

[kayem]

You are probably right that I messed up but I just had to say something! Whatever I said was going to be wrong in some way. What do you think i could have said that might have been better? I'm not very good at being assertive and have basically no experience in dealing with these kind of girls. All I knew was that after all this time and after the way I felt yesterday and knowing that last night she was touching up my boyfriend again I couldn't not say something.

 

Now I'm starting to not even care what these girls think of me and if they think I'm a gossip or passive aggressive for finally standing up for myself against them and their sad behaviour then so be it. Girl B is going to live abroad for a while now anyway so she'll be out of the picture until next time and I will let BF deal with Girl A if he truly wants to and he can be the one to deal with the Girl B fallout if he means what he said to me.

[missmarple]

I think that anything you had said, would have been wrong because it's just not your place to say anything about it..it's like a mum telling her son's friends to stop teasing him. That's fine when it comes from a 5 yo's mum..but when the son is an adult? Not so fine. Even worse when it's a girlfriend.

I don't blame you though..I understand that you're at that point when you just had to say something because he wouldn't.

Let us know what he says when you tell him what you told girl B.