F4286 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Hello, Just looking for some advice, I've been with my gf for nearly 7 months, right from the start, it seems to be always me initiate literally everything, texts which she always responds to, she prob texts me first for every 4 I send her, I'll always call her when I'm working away and when it comes to meeting up, it's always me arranging to see her! She admitted that at the start, she was determined not to text me and come accross as keen cause if I liked her, then I would text her, but still it seems to be me doing more of the initiating first! I dunno if she is playing games or what, but she said like 2 weeks ago I seem like the guy who gets his own way and women will chase me so from that, not sure if she is trying to come accross differently! Phone calls, she never asks to call me but if I ask to call when I'm working away, she always responds positively Meeting up, she has never initiated meeting up, it's always me, I work away for 4 days and come back for 4 days off, last week I only see her twice as I was seeing other friends, she told me her mum said to her that I haven't seen her much this week and it's not gone unnoticed, my gf said I could see her as much as I want but like I say, she always waits for me to ask to see her and she never turns me down I've never been with a girl like this and I'm finding it frustrating as hell having to do all the initiating etc, to me it kinda seems like she doesn't really give a crap, or is playing stupid games Any advice? Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Tell her you need this to not be a one sided relationship. You're feeling like she's not that into you, and it's not your responsibility to do everything. If she doesn't take the hint, I'd dump her. Link to comment
F4286 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 It really does seem like she isn't that into me but it was her who come found me and split up with her best mate of 12 years to be with me, she was due to move but stayed to be with me, she's always affectionate when I'm with her and constantly wanting sex but it's just them things I really don't understand Link to comment
DancingFool Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Tell her how you feel, but try not to be confrontational about it. Also, be careful with assumptions. Might be that she doesn't need quite that much contact. Might be she thinks that's what you prefer in terms of relationship dynamics. Might be that she doesn't want to bother you when you are away, afraid to interrupt meetings, etc. Might be a lot of reasons. Basically, if it bothers you, then address it and don't keep it all bottled up until you explode. Certainly don't assume the worst. One ex actually confronted me with something like that. "You never call me, why not?" Well because he was always beating me to it since he always liked to call on his very long commute home. Left to my own choices, I would have called him much later in the evening. Anyway, that quickly cleared up the issue....and he continued to call on his commute everyday....lol.... You just have to speak up sometimes and clear the air. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I agree that you need to talk to her about this in a non-confrontational manner. I have seen plenty of posts on ENA where some women have the notion that the guy always has to initiate because if a woman initiates the guy might be turned off. She may be one of those women who thinks that way. Talk to her and find out why she doesn't initiate. Link to comment
Ayanokōji Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 You've hit the nail on the head regarding an article I've read before which summoned over 10k replies on another website. Many Many girls believe in this line here "cause if I liked her, then I would text her" like the gospel. Basically, long story short, girls think guys like it when they are passive, do nothing and just respond. I call B.S on that and that the ones guilty of this are simply under princess syndrome or didn't meet a guy she really liked so she settled. My advice is to look for a more active girl, or at least a girl who actually acts like she wants to see you/be with you by initiating etc... passive ones like her simply give off the impression that she isn't really that into you which is a huge turn off. Link to comment
F4286 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 It is a massive turn off, any girl I've been with has always initiated contact with me bar her, when I'm working away she hasn't got an excuse she can't text me in case I'm in a board meeting etc cause I'm a firefighter! Plus she doesn't work or go to college so not as if she's busy! It's only them things that irritate me, when I'm with her things are good as I say, she's affectionate, only last week told me she loves being with me and thought something was up because I only see her twice. If she was avoiding seeing me etc or wasn't affectionate around me I'd defo say she wasn't interested! Can't help but think she's playing stupid games like she said she was doing to start with and her comment about me being used to women chasing me. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 So are you going to address it or just work yourself into a lather and wreck all the good you have going on with her otherwise? If you are just looking for a reason to end things, you really don't need one. Just dump her. If that's not your goal, then communicate and don't bottle things for months and then explode. I mean you are one half of the problem because YOU have been keeping this communication style up with her for this long. How is she to figure out that it's a problem for you? Look into her crystal ball? Sheesh.... Link to comment
F4286 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah that's true, I will speak to her about it, guess I just thought down the line when she was comfortable with me, she'd start initiating a bit more Link to comment
tumbles Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah that's true, I will speak to her about it, guess I just thought down the line when she was comfortable with me, she'd start initiating a bit more Do that, but if there is no change ... pull back a little. My GF used to do this kind of stuff. Drove me nutty. However, I would start to distance myself a little and she did turn up the heat. For mine, I think she wanted to always keep the relationship off balance and I would always be pining for her. it was partially a game, partially insecurity on her part. Talk to her, but not like a hurt lamb, but rather a concerned partner who wants to help her with her "closed-off-ish-ness". If she opens up, great! If she doesn't and there is no change in behavior, then ... pull back. tumbles. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 The hallmark of a healthy relationship is communication. If you have never expressed this concern to her it shows me that you don't have it in you to be honest and that YOU are the problem here. It is not her job to read your mind. Stop playing games. Link to comment
Ayanokōji Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Although communication is key in any relationship, it just feels awkward and hurtful to ones pride to Ask/talk about how you want her to initiate more... No matter how you look at it, it's as if you are saying to her, like me more please, want me more please... Lol... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Although communication is key in any relationship, it just feels awkward and hurtful to ones pride to Ask/talk about how you want her to initiate more... No matter how you look at it, it's as if you are saying to her, like me more please, want me more please... Lol... I don't think this is valid at all, sorry. After seven months. After sticking your privates inside her. After supposed intimate talks. After all of that if you can't AT THE VERY LEAST make the request that she initiate contact more as well then you are insecure - hiding behind some false sense of manly pride and being passive/passive aggressive - then you are not ready for a real relationship. Link to comment
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